by Regina Green
Kissing him was addictive. And yes, I told him I loved him as well. What would my parents have thought, knowing that I was buggering my coachman in their house? My father was turning over in his grave, I’m quite sure. All the sex in his day had been brutal, one-sided, designed to humiliate whichever unfortunate maid he was with. Perhaps his times with my mother were like that as well. I’d never thought about it. She was always so cold, so still; she rarely touched him. I never saw them kiss. I didn’t understand how those two had created me, but as time had gone on in my life I realized that I had never been able to be in love with one person for very long, and have them near me. That was why Edward’s rejection of my innocent desire to marry Jane had been so shattering. I’d really wanted Jane near me. There was nothing wrong with it. Sometimes I sat and thought about the boy I had been back then. I felt sorry for him.
The man I was now was turning away from women to some extent. I had to understand that, to accept that about myself. There was still Flo... and she would always be there. I was sure of it. And besides, where would she go? I didn’t view Tootle as a desirable option over me. If anything had been meant to happen there, it would have. Besides, like me, she loathed the idea of marriage.
* * *
The next day I was coming down the stairs when I heard low voices from the drawing room. Oh yes, Flo would have put Phoebe in her housemaid’s uniform. I smiled at the thought of it. And stopped to listen.
I realized that they must have been standing in front of the portrait of my parents.
“You don’t have to dust that,” Flo said. “Jake actually likes to keep it dirty-looking.”
“That’s odd.”
“Well, it would be, but he really didn’t love his parents. But there’s more to it than that. See this?”
She must have pressed the spring on the side of the frame. It duly slid aside.
Phoebe whistled.
“Yes, that’s where Master Jake keeps his money. I’m just showing you because there might be a time when you need to get access to it. I’m always paying the tradesmen out of that, so I know what’s in it. Don’t dip into it, my girl.”
I heard a few chinks. Phoebe said something in a puzzled voice.
“Yes, I know it’s not very much. That’s actually all Master Jake has left, though.”
She murmured something else.
“I know he gave your father a cheque,” Flo said patiently. “He does have a bank account, of course, but he only taps into it for emergencies. I see the statements. And believe me, you’d think there would be a lot put away there, but there isn’t. Hasn’t been since Master Jake’s father died.”
Silence. I heard the painting sliding back.
Phoebe suddenly said something in an agitated voice. I listened carefully.
“Oh, you really shouldn’t have been reading his letters! I saw that letter go out yesterday. I wondered about it.”
Another agitated sentence. Phoebe’s tone was low and hurt.
“No, that can’t be true. Master Jake likes you. We all like you, Phoebe. You must have got the wrong end of the stick. I’m sure he intends for you to stay here. I’ll speak to him later. There, now.”
In the silence that followed, I clumped heavily down the stairs. By the time I got to the drawing room, Phoebe had her back to me—dressed neatly in black, mind you. Flo was following her movements as she dusted a bookshelf with a feather duster.
“Good, good,” Flo said quietly. Phoebe didn’t turn around.
I saw the angry spark in Flo’s eyes and she pulled me aside into the kitchen.
“You can’t be serious. You’re thinking of sending Phoebe to the Websters?”
“I’m very sorry she saw that letter,” I said. “But yes, I want her to meet them.”
“Oh Jake, it’s not worth it, they’re trouble! And it’s not fair to her. She likes it here. She likes us.”
“I know you like her, Flo,” I said teasingly, “but she’ll soon be bored here. Don’t you see it?”
She shook her head stubbornly.
“Don’t say anything to Ben,” I told her. “It might not come off.”
“She’ll say something to him!” Flo retorted.
“You must tell her not to, then. She respects you.”
“Yes, because I’ve treated her well,” Flo shot back.
* * *
Edward was nothing if not predictable, though. I got a reply that very same day, which I read up in my study.
Dear Jake,
Yes, it has been a long time, hasn’t it? We always think of you in the summertime.
I do actually remember seeing Phoebe a few times. She has really come into her own this year. We glimpsed her one day last month walking around the village looking very fancy. In a green dress. We’re closer to the village than you are, so we get to see all the excitement. No doubt you’ll detect some irony here.
Ah, well. You were quite right to remind me of monies owed. I’m enclosing a cheque for that sum that you did indeed lend me back in ’74. I know you were flusher than I was at the time. I’m glad to set things to rights, insofar as practical matters.
Perhaps after we’ve met Phoebe we can decide if we’d like to take things further in the sense of reimbursing you, et cetera. But this enclosure should be helpful till then. Would you like to bring her over to the Hall this Saturday for a few hours? I think it would be easier for her if you came too.
Yours truly,
Edward
I remember chuckling at this. Getting the cheque for five hundred pounds was, of course, an amazing boost. I stared at it almost in disbelief before tucking it with the letter into my desk drawer. I would take it to the bank soon. We needed it desperately. But it wasn’t really about the money. Being back in Edward’s “good books” gave me an interesting flutter. One thing I was sure of, I would keep Ben away from them. And if Phoebe didn’t get on with them, or vice versa, I was sure it would be all very civil. No harm done. His tone was maddeningly civil, almost absurdly so. But still. I touched my little scar and smiled knowingly.
TEN
(Ben)
Supper was odd that day. Cook had laid everything out on the table as usual. I came in, and Cook nodded to the doorway, where Phoebe had appeared, standing awkwardly in her black dress with white apron. We were all a bit stiff around each other at first. Cook moved here and there, setting things up for the next day. Phoebe and I ate across from each other at the table. There was something sad about her face, which worried me. She looked slimmer and a little older—certainly more beautiful—but something had happened to unsettle her, I could tell. She ate daintily, toying with her food.
“If you young’uns want to go outside for a bit,” Flo said casually, “there’s no harm in that. Phoebe might like a walk. She’s hardly seen the grounds.”
I smiled at Phoebe. She nodded, eyes brightening.
We were off out the door just a few minutes later. It was mild enough that neither of us needed a coat, and dry. A lovely night. Twilight, still. I breathed in the air happily and, as we moved farther away from the Abbey, I took her arm.
She squeezed mine.
I hadn’t thought it would be like this, but I tried to just be with it the way it was. At least Phoebe and I were together again. Whatever that meant.
We stopped against a big old oak, and I lit a cigarette that I happened to have in my pocket. “Thought we could share it,” I said.
“I’ve never smoked.”
“Well, there’s always a first time.”
She laughed faintly. “And a last, too, did you ever think of that, Ben?”
Interesting question. I didn’t tell her I thought about those things all the time. I puffed, handing her the cig. “Just go easy with it,” I said.
She drew the smoke in, handed it back to me. It could have been my imagination, but she looked more peaceful.
I looked up into the branches. The moon was rising far above us, big and golden.
“Well, Phoebe,
how’s it been?” I asked. Odd thing was, I knew we’d done it together only a few days ago, but it seemed like years had passed, and it also felt to me that it would never happen again. Just from the way we were with each other. Like old friends. But no more. And it came to me that she needed someone like that, so I had become that person to her. Maybe that was all right. I watched her, considering it.
“Oh, Ben, it was going so well,” she said, after a time. “I was happy. Flo and Jake were being good to me...”
She paused. I puffed on the cigarette, waiting, stifling any sarcastic comment I might have made.
“You know,” she said, breathing out. “It was wonderful. But then, I was up in Jake’s study for the first time and he left me alone there for a bit while he went downstairs. And I woke up. And I went over to his desk and read this horrible letter. I mean, it was a very polite letter, but he basically wants to hand me off, to sell me, to his neighbor, who I’ve never heard anything about, this Edward Webster fellow!”
I could hear the outrage in her voice.
“I wanted to warn you, at the pub,” I said quietly. She didn’t respond. “Service is like this. You know, Jake bought me away from my master. I had no say in it.”
“Well, it turned out quite nicely for you,” she muttered.
That stung. I shrugged. “It did. But it might not have.”
We were speaking in low voices. I eyed the Abbey, which loomed up out of the dark, just a few lights in the windows. One up top, where Jake had his study. So Phoebe had been there. I never had.
“Oh Ben,” Phoebe wailed. She laid her head against the tree trunk. “I didn’t expect this. I wanted to stay here! I thought everything was going so well. They kept saying how much they liked me.”
“How could anyone not like you, Phoebe?” I asked. “It’s probably just a visit, you know.” I tried to think of some kind way to put it. “A temporary thing. Could be more fun than you might think; I mean, he knows these people, he must do. They’ve never been over here since I’ve come, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
“They live in Crawford Hall,” she said earnestly. “I saw the letter after he addressed it.”
Crawford Hall. That made sense. It was a brother and sister living there.
“Haven’t you ever seen them in the village?” I asked. “Edward and Jane Webster, isn’t it? I’ve seen them. Just didn’t put two and two together.”
She nodded slowly. “Yes, I remember.”
“They’re nice-looking.”
She looked at me directly. “Do you really think he’s expecting me to sleep with them?”
Since this was Jake, yes. I coughed. “Well...”
“I couldn’t tell from the letter,” Phoebe murmured.
“Flo would know them. Know more about them.” Our voices were very low now, our heads close together. I was pleased that she had come to me first.
She lifted her head and just as an owl hooted above us, our lips met.
It was a chaste kiss, though, warm, sweet. Hardly like the last time we’d kissed... What was more worrying to me was that my body didn’t respond to her. I told myself that it was maybe because of her mood, the thick uniform... but all of that was rubbish, of course. Jake had changed us, turning us away from each other, our bodies anyway.
I held her for a moment. There was comfort in it.
“I’ll never let anything happen to you,” I said. “If it ever got too bad, I’d come for you in the carriage, bring you back here, or take you to the village.”
She shook her head sadly. “I couldn’t ever face my father again, knowing what I’ve done these last few days. He doesn’t care about me, Ben.”
She nestled her head on my shoulder. I liked her there.
It was Jake not caring that really bothered her. I could tell that. So this is what he was grooming her for, I thought, cursing inwardly. A slut to please his fancy friends. Money exchanged. It seemed a mean trick, not like Jake. We’d have to talk about it somehow. And that wouldn’t be easy.
ELEVEN
(Jake)
Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for me; I just wanted it to be over with now. Phoebe looked white and strained as I rode with her in the carriage. I’d tried to make it seem like we were just paying a nice call to some old friends of mine, but she didn’t seem reassured. (Of course not, she’d seen the letter.) I hadn’t asked her to pack her few possessions or anything. That would come later, if anything transpired of this.
And I hadn’t made love to Phoebe for a few days. Nor had Ben, as far as I could tell from Flo, who kept an eye on those things. I wondered if Flo had even stopped pleasuring her. It was possible. The girl certainly looked as if she was in need of a good rogering.
She was in her uniform. I thought that Edward and Jane would like that: the naughtiness of it. And then if they didn’t take to her, it would be easy to pretend it had all been a misunderstanding. “Oh no, we don’t actually need another housemaid for the Hall. But it was lovely to see you, Jake. You must come again.”
I actually hoped that this was the last time I’d ever be at the Hall. As the coach carried us down the graveled drive to the handsome modern building (only about sixty years old, I believe, which passed for quite new in these parts), I squeezed Phoebe’s knee and smiled at her.
“Phoebe, you must understand, you’re not required to do anything you don’t want to do today.”
I actually didn’t know if I was lying to her or not; it just seemed the thing to say. And it did make her look a little more cheerful.
“Really?” she asked dubiously, fiddling with her hair.
“Of course. Edward and Jane are very nice. They’re not ravening beasts.”
I tried to quell the memories that flashed in my mind of certain wild nights at the Hall that certainly had been bestial. I rarely thought about them now, but for a while those memories had been all I’d had. Treasured memories. It was strange. I wondered for a moment if this idea had been completely mad. Unlike Phoebe, I was going back into territory that I had once loved and cherished. She couldn’t know that; and I wasn’t going to tell her. To return to where you had once been happy and realize that it no longer had any meaning or significance was one of the most brutal experiences of life. So perhaps I was punishing myself more than I was exploiting Phoebe. Stop it, Jake. She was looking at me curiously.
“Are you all right?” she asked rather coolly.
I nodded. Our eyes met and I suddenly thought, “She’s strong.” Well, thank God for that. I was sorry she had seen the letter, but at least she understood that it was a fairly serious matter. Her own future was at stake. You could see that she knew this.
I hadn’t expected to cool toward her so quickly. I really hadn’t. But there it was, and she deserved to be with people who would appreciate her. No point in her mooning about the Abbey, feeling unloved. That was what it would be like, I was sure, if I did nothing and just let things play out. Flo had seemed displeased by the turn of events and even Ben had not been particularly warm to me, but I was sure that things would soon return to their pre-Phoebe state of harmony.
* * *
We were in front of the Hall. Ben opened the door and Phoebe climbed out. I emerged. Ben was in his tight coachman’s livery, rather serious and stern. That was fine. We all looked very proper: Lord Jacob Burlington with his two young servants. I smiled to myself.
Edward strode over. “Jake, how nice to see you.” Wonderfully casual. “This is Phoebe?” He ignored Ben, as was expected.
Phoebe smiled. She stood there, not ducking her head in a submissive way. To my astonishment, Edward clasped her hand. At least he hadn’t kissed it, I thought.
She shot a questioning glance my way. I shrugged.
“You just don’t look right in that ugly black uniform, Phoebe,” Edward said. “I know we’ve never met, but the last time I saw you, you were in a green dress, walking in the village.”
She blushed, taken aback. “Oh...” she faltered.
> “Yes, my sister and I saw you go into Tootle’s shop.”
If anything, her face got redder. Who knew what that was about? I stared at Edward coldly, willing him to shut up. He did. “Would you all like to come in?” he asked.
I glanced at Ben, gesturing to him. He followed us inside; Edward made no comment.
The servants, as always, had made themselves scarce. Edward wandered into a large drawing room that I remembered only vaguely. Jane was sitting there in the middle of a comfortable brown sofa. She got up, smiling, looking just a year or two older than when I last saw her. She had lost some of the plumpness of youth in her face, but her manner was warm and gracious.
“Jake. Hello. This must be Phoebe.”
She and Phoebe acknowledged each other. “And this is my coachman, Ben,” I said.
“How do you do?” Jane enquired in her pretty voice, glancing at Ben. “We’ve set out some food and drink in the conservatory. It’s such a lovely day.”
It all seemed so bright and happy. I could see Ben and Phoebe taking it in with a slight air of astonishment. I remembered Jane at the garden party years ago, how vivacious and charming she was. People didn’t really change, I thought. Except... I felt nothing when I looked at her now. Or nothing much. A vague unease, a slight hurt. I doubt she felt even that.
We made our way to the conservatory through a long passage. I had always come over at night so hadn’t been in it previously. It was admittedly a lovely space, looking out over a green lawn. The conservatory had a vaguely Eastern look, with teak and wicker furniture, comfortable cushions. A table was set with an ice bucket of Champagne in the center. Delicious hors d’oeuvres. All so sophisticated. It made the Abbey look particularly gothic and old-fashioned.
I wondered cynically what would happen: whether Edward or Jane would take Phoebe away to “show her something” or... but first, of course, it was necessary to make her tipsy. I kept a close eye on Ben. He had never had Champagne, I was sure. Since Phoebe’s dad owned a pub, she might have.
