“Didn’t you say he was poisoned?”
“He was poisoned, but not with enough arsenic to kill him.”
“So you think he took his own life?”
“Yes, I now think your father committed suicide.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
“At least he died peacefully,” Decker said. “Which is a lot more than I can say for the others.”
The room became silent. Then she said, “If I hadn’t freed him, the Order might never have existed.”
“So you think this whole thing is your fault?”
She made a face. “No, of course not!”
Decker said, “Your father, though mentally ill, must have been a very powerful man. He was the undisputed leader of the Order of the Rings of God, and, as such, he controlled not only his regular cult members—who were no doubt not the most stable tops in the toy box—but also his gurus, who were out-and-out flaming psychopaths. For years, the Order, under Jupiter’s leadership, lived in peace with its neighbors. If Bob hadn’t self-destructed, the Order would be standing today with Pluto at the helm. It was your father’s death that started this whole ugly chain of events.”
“But his release from Harrison played some part in it.”
“You go back far enough, Dr. Ganz, and everything was related. Don’t the scientists say that eons ago, the four major physical forces that rule the universe were once one big megaforce right before the Big Bang?”
“Yes, that’s the theory.” She set her elbows on her desk and propped her chin up with her hands. “You know, it’s strange how things are connected. You really never know the long-term consequences of anything, do you?”
“No, you don’t, Doctor,” Decker said. “And that’s why I believe in God and not science.”
38
Two weeks of respite, and Decker was going stir-crazy from boredom. Dying to get back to work. Until he did go back. Then he wished he hadn’t been so anxious to return to the grind.
Actually, the first day wasn’t all that bad. But he was glad when it was over. It was good to get home. Work had provided a wonderful refuge, had kept Decker’s mind occupied on details so he didn’t actively think about dead babies, adults in an inferno and scores of body parts. Yet every time he had passed Marge’s empty desk, he had felt his stomach turn over. She was doing great, due back within a month’s time. But her very absence had reminded him of things he hadn’t wanted to think about. And he knew he wasn’t alone in that regard. The entire Homicide detail would have benefited from a healthy dose of Prozac. Instead, they had opted for ye olde cop bar, inviting Decker to the festivities. He declined, saying that at least his family deserved a father figure if not an actual father.
Opening the front door, he was surprised to see Marge sitting on his couch. He grinned and hugged her fiercely. “Staying for dinner?”
She hugged him back. “No, Loo, not tonight.”
“No?” Decker let her go. “What are you running off to? Who’s the hot date?”
“Four lost adolescent girls still assigned to DPSS.”
“Ah!” Kids from the Order. Decker sat down, patted the empty cushion next to him. “It’s wonderful of you to give of yourself…remain in such close contact with them.”
“I have no choice. As long as those children are without homes, I have to go to them.”
“Does Lauren Bolt go with you?”
“She did for a while. But…she couldn’t take it…the press and everything. Hey, even heroes need a break.”
A well-deserved break to say the least. Decker pictured Lauren’s face as she’d emerged—a shell of a human being. But weren’t they all.
“Anyway,” Marge continued, “she’s off with Lyra to Australia. Now that Lyra’s mother is dead…blown up with the rest…anyway, they’re going try it down under for a while.”
“Sounds good.”
“Doesn’t it though.”
“You should think about it—for a vacation, I mean.”
“Australia?”
“Australia, Fiji, Hawaii.” He smiled. “Darlin’, you’ve got the time. Take advantage.”
“Not right now.” She smiled back. “At the moment, I’d like to stay close to home. And then there’re the kids.”
Decker looked at her—his partner for over ten years, his friend for over fifteen. “Margie, the kids are in the hands of professionals who are very able people—”
“I don’t want to hear this—”
“You should relax while you have the chance.”
She took his hand. “Peter, I know you mean well. Everyone means well. But I need to do this.” She shook her head. “You just can’t understand where I’ve been.”
He was quiet.
“None of the pros think it’s bad that I’m there with the girls. Matter of fact, one said it’s probably good therapy for me. I think he’s right.”
“Margie, it’s wonderful that you’re there to be a solid rock for them. But I’m just wondering what happens after the kids are placed? Where does that leave you?”
She managed a kind smile with wet eyes. “I’ll be fine.”
This time, Decker took her hand. “You get attached to the buggers. Like leeches, they get under your skin.”
“It’s true.” She pulled her hand away and stared over his shoulder. “In fact, I have Vega staying with me—”
“What!” Decker said. “What do you mean, ‘staying with’ you?”
Her eyes bore into his. “I don’t know how I can say it any more clearly. Vega is staying with me.”
“For how long?”
“Maybe five, six years—”
“Are you nuts!”
“Well, thanks for the support!” Marge stiffened. “I’m glad I spoke to your wife before I talked to you.”
Decker started to speak, but backed off. “Okay…” He tapped his foot. “That’s really great…I mean, you’re great to do this.” Under his breath, he muttered, “I hope you know what you’re doing—”
“No, I don’t know what I’m doing!” she cried out. “I just know I have to do this! Pete, you don’t see Vega’s little face every day. You don’t see that pathetic look in her eyes, that ‘God, help me please, I’m drowning’ look! She’s so damn lost! They’re all so damn lost!”
She wiped her eyes.
“Pete, I was given something, a very, very special gift.” She swallowed hard. “The gift of a second chance at life. I was literally brought back from the dead, no small thanks to you—”
“I didn’t do anything—”
“From what I heard, you did everything.”
He didn’t answer.
“Peter, what kind of human being would I be if I didn’t reach out to them…to her? How could I not…” She turned her head away and held back tears. “I know I can’t save the world. I’m a cop, for God’s sake, and I know the injustices that exist. I’m powerless to change the world. But maybe…just maybe, I can make a little difference to a very vulnerable lost girl.”
“I…” Decker bit his lip. “I think that’s very wonderful of you. I’m just…concerned about where it leaves you. Your life changes with kids. Margie, it’s irrevocable…irreversible. You can’t go back when it starts to get rough. And it’s going to get rough.”
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
Decker looked into her eyes, though it was her heart that was talking. “Okay.”
She asked, “Would you give yours up for anything?”
“Of course not. But I have a little help.” He took in a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Honest to God truth? I couldn’t do it without Rina. I’d muck everything up. Lord knows, I muck up enough even with her.”
“If you had to, you’d rise to the occasion of single parenthood.”
“Please, God, don’t ever test me!” He prayed with sincerity. “What about you, Margie? What about your love life? How do you think your dates are going to take to your new responsibility?”
“If they don’t take to her, I don’t want them in my life,” Marge answered. “Christ, Decker, I’m thirty-six with no candidate on the horizon. My clock is ticking like a time bomb. I like children. I was a juvey cop for ten years. I may not look the part of an earth mother, but I’m not devoid of maternal feelings.”
“There’s always the Girl Scouts.”
“Now you’re being glib.”
“I am,” Decker admitted. “I’m sorry.”
She felt tears well up in her throat. “Peter, I didn’t ask for this. It was…given to me—this challenge. I have to live with myself. I can’t turn my back on her. Not now…not ever.” She stood up. “I’ve got to go.”
He got up from the couch, held her by the shoulders. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you actually look happy.”
She rolled her eyes.
He said, “You could have brought her with you. Here, I mean.”
“She’s with the others—her spiritual brothers and sisters. Everyone agrees. It would be tragic to immediately split them all up.”
“They’re all orphans?”
“Orphans yes, but not without family. Some have aunts and uncles. Some have grandparents. But the legalities take time. Not to mention the adjustments. And then there’s the paperwork for guardianship or adoption.”
A pause.
“And then there are others, like Vega, who are totally without family.” She shook her head. “Completely alone.”
“Don’t mention them to Rina. She’d adopt the world if you’d let her.” Decker was only half-kidding.
“She’s calm, isn’t she? Especially considering all she’s gone through.”
“Very calm.” Decker was in awe. “Child rearing. Some people just have more tolerance for life’s ambiguities.”
Margie kissed his cheek. “If you call tomorrow, and I’m not home, don’t worry. If all goes well, I’m taking the four stunned girls to their first outing at the mall.”
“Good luck to you.”
“Originally, I wanted Disneyland. The head shrink thought that might be a bit too much sensory overload.”
“A man with a brain.”
Marge smiled—a sweet, sweet smile. “See you later.” She craned her neck and shouted out, “Bye, Rina!”
“Wait!” Rina came running out of the kitchen, holding a Lucite salad bowl. “So we’re on for tomorrow?”
“I’ll meet you at ten sharp.”
“You’re part of this?” Decker asked.
“Cindy, too. Like it or not, we’re partners in crime.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed Decker’s cheek. “How was your first day back?”
“Yeah, how was that?” Marge asked.
“Good, actually.”
“Hope to be with you in a month.”
“Nothing would make me happier.”
Marge paused. “Anything new?”
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, Judy Little found—” He glanced at Rina. “I think I smell something burning.”
She smiled knowingly at Marge. “He thinks he’s protecting me.” She patted his cheek. “I’ll let him labor under that delusion. See you tomorrow.”
She left the room. Decker waited a moment longer, then whispered, “A partial jawbone—a mandible with two back molars. It was burned but the amalgams held. Annie Hennon has matched them to one of Venus’s X rays.”
“Ah…” Marge nodded. “So she was there?”
“Appears that way.”
“And Bob Russo?”
“Still nothing definitive,” Decker said. “But that doesn’t mean anything. The place is one big boneyard. Ironically, the only bones not there are Ganz’s bones. His are still in cold storage, waiting to be tested for arsenic poisoning—if we can ever locate his vitamin bottles—”
“What do you mean?”
“It seems the bottles have been temporarily mislaid—”
“What?” Marge was shocked. “The lab lost the bottles?!”
“Supposedly, they checked the suckers back into the evidence room. But Evidence doesn’t have them. So now I’ve got to play Sherlock fucking Holmes, trying to figure out where the lost evidence bags are. This all came down today, by the way. Hit my desk as soon as I walked into the squad room. I spent half my first day back trying to track down the lab’s fucking paperwork—”
He stopped talking, waved his hand in the air.
“You can tell I’m getting better psychologically. Petty things are getting to me.” He smiled. “Next time you come, bring Vega for dinner. Maybe her manners will rub off on my kids.”
“More likely, theirs will rub off on her.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Decker heard Sammy’s car engine chunking along. “Hold on.” He opened the front door and shouted, “Don’t block her car, Sammy! She’s about to leave.”
Ignoring his stepfather, Sammy turned off the motor. He stuck his head out the window. “Just tell me when and I’ll move the car.” Then he, Jacob and Hannah got out of the Volvo. The boys walked under the load of overstuffed backpacks, but Hannah was as free as the wind.
“Daddeeee,” she shouted.
“Hannah Roseeee,” Decker answered, picking her up and swinging her over his head.
Marge stepped out, into the misty dusk air. “I’m leaving now, Sam.”
Sammy tossed his stepfather the keys. “Nice catch, Dad. One-handed. Can you move the car for me? I’ve got lots of homework.”
Marge stared at the teen, who was completely oblivious to what he had just done. She started laughing.
Decker laughed with her. He jingled the keys while carrying Hannah on his shoulders. “And you’re doing this voluntarily?”
“I’m crazy,” Marge said.
Aren’t we all, Decker thought. But he took Hannah, strapped her into the backseat, and moved Sammy’s car anyway. He actually took it as a compliment that Sammy had stopped treating him with kid gloves. Things were starting to get back to normal.
He went back into his house, put Hannah down, her little feet refusing to plant onto the floor. Finally, he got her to stand up. “Why don’t you go watch cartoons, sweetie.”
“Will you watch with me?”
“Can I rest for a minute?”
“Daddy, you can have two minutes.”
“So magnanimous!” He kissed her soft, silken cheek. “I think it’s Scooby-Doo. I’ll see you soon.”
She scooted off. He plopped onto the living room sofa, threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. Moments later, Jacob took up the cushion next to him, laying his head on Decker’s shoulder.
“Tired?” Jacob asked.
“A little.” Decker kissed his son’s forehead. “How about yourself?”
“A little.”
“It’s after six,” Decker said. “Where did you guys go?”
“Sammy and Hannah picked me up from the Teen Hot Line Crisis Center.”
“Oh!” Decker sat up and so did Jacob. “How’d that go?”
“Well…” Jacob cracked his knuckles. “Grandpa never raped me, so I guess I’m one hell of a lucky guy.”
Decker winced.
“And I discovered that divorce…it’s a very lousy thing. Maybe…maybe even worse than losing a parent.”
“Depends on the divorce.”
“Well, the ones the hot line got were pretty nasty. Then again, no one calls when everyone’s getting along. Or at least faking it.” Jacob thought a moment. “We got a couple of abuse cases—physical abuse. Parents whacking their kids close-fisted. That’s one of the center’s main criteria for reportable abuse. Slugging with a fist.”
“Did you actually talk to any of the callers?”
“No. I just listened in on the tape recorder. Wow! I marvel at the counselors. They’re my age, and they handle the callers like seasoned pros. I wouldn’t know what to say. I’d just like…freeze. Or worse, I’d say the wrong thing and send someone into the Pacific Ocean without a life jacket. It’s really amazing…what they do.”
> “They learned, Jacob. And you’ll learn, too.”
“I hope so.”
“They were nice to you?”
“Real nice. It was…okay. It felt good actually.” He threw his head back onto the couch pillow. “Some people have it very rough.” He turned to his stepfather. “I wasn’t being facetious, you know. I think I am lucky.”
“I’m glad.”
“I have a mother who loves me very much. I had a father who loved me very much. And I have a stepfather who’s cool.”
Decker grinned. “I’m cool?”
“Very cool.” He kissed Decker’s cheek. “Play you some chess after Hannah goes to bed?”
“It’s a deal.”
He stood. “Well, I’ve put it off long enough. Gotta go tackle gemara. Is Eema almost done with dinner?”
“I think so.”
“Tell her I may just eat in my room. My grades in gemara really suck. I’ve got to study.”
“Are you thinking about that Johns Hopkins program?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. See ya.” He turned and went into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him, which caused Decker’s head to ring.
It rang for ten seconds, then twenty seconds, then thirty seconds.
Then suddenly the switch turned off.
And there was nothing.
Nothing except for the ambient noise of Hannah’s cartoons on the TV, Sammy’s CDs being played a little too loud and something frying in the kitchen.
Home noises that were comforting.
Blessed solitude. Breathing deeply…
A minute passed, then two.
Sitting in his house, settling into his sofa with nobody calling his name, nobody beckoning him to the phone, no demands and his head wasn’t ringing.
Nothing but peace.
Doesn’t get much better than this!
He rested another moment. Then he got up from the couch, heading for the bedroom.
Scooby-Doo awaited.
Acknowledgments
Special thanks to
Special Agent Gayle Jacobs
Faye Kellerman_Decker & Lazarus 11 Page 40
