by Mia Flores
Then, once again, we started seeing Junior and Peter’s faces all over the news channels, and our lives became a big three-ring circus.
Olivia
“What are you going to do? He’s out there!” cried Mia.
“We’ll be fine,” I said. “We’ve been living this life for so long. We’ve been keeping ourselves safe for years and years.”
I always like to sugarcoat everything, and I didn’t want Mia to worry about us, but the truth was, we both were terrified. Chapo had all the discovery of what exactly our husbands had said throughout their cooperation. In the drug world, betrayal is the ultimate death sentence, and we were literally driving ourselves crazy just thinking about it. It’s like we became prisoners in our own minds.
Mia
We didn’t stop feeling that way until the Mexican Navy’s special forces captured him in northwest Sinaloa on January 8, 2016, just over six months later.
Soon after that, Peter and Junior signed his extradition papers, which was so nerve-wracking. I kept thinking When Chapo’s lawyers receive them and see Junior’s and Peter’s signatures, he’s going to lose it. The damage was done, and we all waited nervously.
Olivia
Just over a year later, on January 19, 2017, El Chapo was extradited to the United States. The next day, he pleaded not guilty to seventeen indictments, and he’s now in solitary confinement at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan.
If Chapo stands trial, Junior and Peter will serve as the star witnesses against him, and their conversations on tape will serve as the damning evidence needed to convict him to the full extent of the law.
Mia
Because of that, Liv and I thought long and hard about going into the Witness Protection Program. Now we have no choice but to enter that next chapter in our lives. We thought we could wait until our husbands are released from prison, but as mothers, we have to protect ourselves and our young children from the harsh realities we face.
Chapo living on US soil is very different than him hiding out in Mexico. Some of his kids live in the United States, and our husbands are going to be the star witnesses against him.
Olivia
With Peter and Junior being the only people who’ve gotten Chapo on tape, the case officials were pulling together in Chicago was the strongest one. But I guess the US Attorneys in New York City fought a little harder to get him there. Mike worked like crazy on this case since 2008, and more than anyone, we thought he deserved it. His time and attention were incredible; he and his team put their blood, sweat, and tears into getting Chapo, and if anyone knows the ins and outs of the case, it’s the Chicago office.
The reality of the situation is that we’re terrified about Chapo being anywhere in the United States. When they extradited Vicente, we were scared out of our minds. The thought of Chapo here produces a much, much deeper feeling of fear.
Mia
Our husbands are the ones who put Chapo away, and his people want revenge because of it. Mexican cartels contain the most ruthlessly violent individuals in the world. All the people at the top believe in is making money and having power, and they’ll do whatever it takes to hold it.
Olivia
Our husbands felt differently. They didn’t think that world was worth losing their lives for. They wanted to walk their daughters down the aisle and watch their sons grow into extraordinary men. They just didn’t believe in the cartel life any longer, and neither did we. But El Chapo did, and that’s why he—and not our husbands—will spend the rest of his life in prison.
Afterword
Olivia
For the last eight years, I’ve been hanging in the balance between my past and the future. In 2008, my life in Mexico was lavish. Now, I live a simple life. In the Witness Protection Program, Junior and I aren’t sure what the future will hold, but we’ll have each other and our kids, and that’s all we really need.
Mia
In the past, life was about living and loving every moment. Now, I spend a lot of time looking ahead and waiting. The last eight years have been me waiting for my husband to call, to sign his plea agreement, or to be sentenced. Now, we’re waiting for Peter and Junior to be released, which will happen no later than 2021.
Olivia
In 2021, Benjamin and Bella will be finishing up middle school, and Blake will be about to start. Brandon will be thinking about getting his driver’s license and starting to consider colleges. Even though he’s just a little boy right now, he says he wants to go to Harvard. This doesn’t surprise me or Junior; we tell him every day that we believe in him, and that he can be whatever he wants to be.
What’s come out of the last decade, though, is that he’ll never know the drug trade, because we’ve shielded him from that life.
Mia
Through sports, great schools that teach morals and ethics, and normal activities like going to the jump park on their birthdays, Olivia and I try to give our kids as much stability as possible. More than that, we want to show them they have options and choices their dads never had; when Peter and Junior were in elementary school, they were fishing marijuana out of gas tanks, and when they were in high school, they were setting up an illegal, multimillion-dollar business. Drugs were all they’d ever known. We want our children to be normal kids and understand there’s a whole other world out there.
Olivia
While we try to make their lives feel as stable and routine as the next kid’s, we don’t want them to think that prison is a “normal” place. Sure, it’s where Daddy lives now, but it won’t be forever.
But because Brandon is almost ten and remembers a time when Junior lived with him, that’s been hard. He understands that there was a “before” and “after,” and sometimes he struggles to reconcile the two.
For example, two years ago, we visited Junior, like we do every week. We walked in and headed to the prison playroom, and while Brandon started playing with Legos, Junior, Benjamin, and I caught up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brandon building something that looked like an enclosed pen, and as he put a few plastic animals inside, he spoke up, looking a little embarrassed.
“Daddy, look at what I made.”
“Is that a zoo?”
“No,” he whispered. “I can’t tell you what it is. It’s a swear word.”
Junior was so reassuring. “It’s okay, baby. You can tell me.”
Brandon approached his dad and whispered in his ear. “It’s jail.”
When I pulled myself together and digested what he’d just said, I asked, “Where did you learn that word?”
“From SpongeBob.”
“I don’t ever want you watching SpongeBob again!” I said, half in shock. But I should have known better. As much as I try to protect him and keep him in a bubble, he’s not a naïve little boy anymore. He’s learning to accept reality and understand what makes his life different.
This year, Junior talked to him about what prison is. “I’m here because I made bad choices,” Junior said. “And I have to pay for my mistakes. But you, son, are going to learn from them and make better choices. You’re a good boy with a big heart. You’re super smart, and I know you’ll make me proud and be someone great.”
Loving his dad unconditionally, Brandon won’t disappoint him. I’m sure of it.
Mia
We can’t lie to our children about the reality of their lives. When Bella and Blake are ready to ask why their dad is in prison, and I think they’re old enough to understand it, I’ll explain it to them as gently as possible. In fact, I’ve already had to.
Last year, Bella told her friend that her dad lives “in a cage.” When her friend expressed concern, Bella came home and told me what she’d said. I thought about the situation and tried to explain what secrets were.
“Bella,” I said. “In our family we don’t keep secrets from each other. We try to tell each other everything. But family is family, and what goes on in our house and what goes on in our family has to be kept between
us.”
Explaining this to my little girl was heartbreaking, but it was for her own safety. Now, when her friends ask what her dad does, she says, “Oh, he lives in another town.” She doesn’t feel like she’s lying because, outside of our family, you don’t have to tell everyone everything.
Olivia
We can’t dance around some issues with them, though. Mia and I have each moved more than five times in eight years, and we have to be honest with our kids that we’re getting a new house because Daddy is, too. It hurts me that we have to keep putting our children through this, but luckily, they’re used to change, so when we find them new schools, doctors, and sports teams, they view it as an adventure. They’re good at making friends, and seeing their dads every weekend makes them happy. In fact, they often think their dads are the nice ones, since we’re home every day, forcing them to clean their rooms and go to bed on time.
Mia
Bella and Blake are great kids. It’s amazing how polite, happy, and well mannered they are. The only complaint I have about them is that they fight with me because I don’t let them use their iPads Monday through Thursday. Other than that, I can’t say they’ve been really affected by all of this, except that they miss their dad.
Olivia
Living in fear is a curse. You can’t sleep, and you jump out of bed at even the smallest noise. You constantly look out the window. You won’t answer your doorbell if it rings, and you’re so paranoid you’re often sick to your stomach. You don’t trust anyone, and you keep your conversations with your neighbors to a minimum. You avoid small talk because the last thing you want is for anyone to figure out who you are. Sometimes, you even keep your children from playing outside because you’re afraid something could happen to them. Because I live in fear so much, I’ve suffered panic attacks that have made me feel like I’m about to die.
Mia
Luckily, though, writing this book has helped with that terror. Since we first started it, I’ve had many ups and downs and sometimes felt like I was reliving my nightmares. This book brought me to places I thought I’d left in the past, and that I’d never have to think about again. Even though I’ve cried, and felt anger, my choice to write this book was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It brought back sweet memories with my husband that overshadowed the bad ones, and it allowed me to let go of negative emotions that I’d buried.
With the help of this book, I’ve learned to live for today. I was guilty of wishing and hoping the years would fly by, until one day I saw both my children growing up right before my eyes. Now, I’ve learned to savor moments despite my circumstances. I now realize I have more than I ever thought I’d have: a husband that I adore and love, and amazing children that give meaning to my life. I have everything a woman could ask for; I just had to get through a few dark times to make it to the light.
Olivia
Through writing this book, I’ve learned that at times you have to look backward to move forward. I, like most people, don’t want to live in the past. I want to put it far behind me, learn from it, and progress.
Writing this book was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because it forced me to confront the fears and the shame I had about my past decisions. Reliving embarrassing moments was very hard on me, and at times, I felt like I didn’t recognize who I once was. But I had to stay true to myself. In order to do so, I had to be completely transparent and brutally honest. I now believe that facing and dealing with my fears has prepared me to better face my future.
Through my journey, I’ve learned about myself. I don’t regret my life, and my past does not define me. Through my painful struggle, I’ve gained wisdom from many life lessons, and they’ve molded me into the person I am today. I’m now more resilient, a stronger woman, a better mother, and a more loving wife. In this journey of self, I realized what’s important in life: my family.
I grew up in a family who gave me unconditional love and showed me that family is everything. Despite coming from a good home, I made bad decisions and lost myself along the way. When Junior came into my life, he softened my heart and showed me how to love the right way. I showed him the true meaning of love and family. Not wanting to lose his family, he chose to change his life. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us, and because of it, our children will have a better future. When Junior comes home my life will come full circle, and we’ll give our children the simplicity of love and family.
In the end, I’m optimistic that one day, when our children read this book, it will help them understand and appreciate Junior and me. I hope that the decisions and sacrifices that we made will one day be reflected in our children, and that we’ll be able to give them a life far different than the one we initially chose to live. Hopefully they’ll understand that, through bad choices and good, we had the courage and the love to change our lives and make things right. Junior and I want more than anything for them to grow up to be better people than we’ve been. We want to see them go to college, get their degrees, and make the world a better place. And if all goes right, one day, they’ll understand that everything we went through was for them.
—January 2017
Acknowledgments
From Mia:
I owe so much to my beautiful children, Bella and Blake, who are the center of my universe, and who represent the very best of me and then some. As your mother, I brought you into this world, but you both gave me life. You are my true happiness, and I am so proud to be your mommy. I love you both.
Sophia, I love you so much, and it has been a privilege to be in your life and to watch you flourish into a beautiful young lady.
To my wonderful mom and dad, who have loved me through everything, and they gave me the template of what it is to go above and beyond for your children. I love you both tremendously.
To my sweet sister and brother: I will always be here for you. Thank you for all of your understanding. You both are amazing, and I am so proud to be your sister.
To the rest of my family, thank you for your love, companionship, and words of wisdom and support. You are ALL truly the best.
Endless thanks to my in-laws, who accepted me into the family, got past the hard times, and remained close through it all. I will never forget the great times we had. Thank you to my mother- and father-in-law for bringing the love of my life into this world. Only because of you, my children and I are blessed with the greatest man. I promise to take care of him and love him for the rest of my life.
The deepest of thanks to my brother-in-law for all his many sacrifices. Junior, I love and admire you, and I will never forget everything you have done for us.
Olivia, thank you for this incredible journey. You always made the unbearable bearable, the regular days special, and the best days a little sweeter. Thank you for your friendship and dedication to me. I love you.
From Olivia:
Brandon and Benjamin, you are the sons I always dreamed of having. Because of you, I strive to be a better mother every day. When your dad and I decided to change our lives, we never realized how much you would have to sacrifice. We’re sorry for all your pain. We hope you understand we did this for you, so our family could have a normal life and because you deserve a better future. You are truly amazing boys who will grow into extraordinary men one day, and knowing that makes this all worthwhile. I will forever be by your side to guide you and keep you safe. I hope you will forgive us and understand that your dad and I love you and are willing to do anything for you.
Xavier, there are no words to describe the love I have for you. I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through. Because of my choices, you lived a hard life. It amazes me to see the man you’ve grown to be. You’re everything a parent hopes their child will become. You’re smart and compassionate, and have a beautiful soul. I can walk with my head up high because of you. You’ve made me proud and blessed me in so many ways. To your brothers and sisters you are the true definition of a role model.
Samantha and Sasha, I love you. Thank
you for sharing your dad with me. You are the daughters I’ve always wished for, and you’ve brought so much happiness into my life. I’ll always be here to love and support you. You’ve been amazing daughters and sisters, and without you our family wouldn’t be complete.
To my loving parents: I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. If you do, I know it’s going to be hard. I am sorry that I let you down. This is my story, my life, and I apologize for all the heartache I’ve caused. Through it all, you have given me unconditional love and support. I am a better daughter, mother, and wife because of the imprint you’ve left on me and the morals and values you’ve instilled in me.
To my beautiful sister: You’ve been protective of me, taken care of me, and have always been by my side. You have never judged me, have always given me the best guidance, and have blessed me with your wisdom. I have always looked up to you, and I am forever grateful for your love and friendship.
Peter, thank you for putting our family first. I admire your strength and courage, and all that you have to endure will never be forgotten. Thank you for being a great friend; you mean so much to me, and I love you dearly.
Mia, you are my best friend. Thank you for always being there for me when I need strength, encouragement, or just a shoulder to cry on. Who else understands me but you? There aren’t many people who can comprehend what we go through, and I’m so glad we have each other. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you.
