Louis, Molly & the Woodchuck
By Michael Arnold
Copyrighted 2013 Michael Arnold
All rights reserved.
License Notes
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Epilogue
Chapter 1
It was clear as it always been clear, every day in the wee hours of the morning, as it has been for the last year, the sounds of squeak clack squeak clack, clack squeak clack, squeak from what was a ways off. But it could be heard as if it was inches away, coming from that empty upstairs bedroom that sat in front of Louis’s hut at the bottom of a muddy hill. This day, this hazy raining day of a morning, when Louis could see the shadow of the room’s light and the rain that dropped so furiously off the tin roof of his hut, his shack seem to be different, oddly different to him.
He knew it like he knew the smell of pine in the chopped wood used to burn in the fireplace up there in that house that sat awkwardly on the hill in front of his tin shack. He knew that just like he knew the number of shivers in his head that he counted at the start of winter and he was just beginning the counts. He wanted to sleep but sleeping wasn’t an option, not with the squeak clack, squeak clack, clack squeak clack squeak of man’s shoes stepping on hardwood floor, like they were trying to stomp a hole in it. It had to go, that noise that Louis heard in his head of the squeak clack of man’s shoes, or it would ruin Louis’s life in his shack. It smelled of bird crap that stained the brown mud and dying grass where Louis would sometimes come out to smell the stink of his own vomit that came up from his skeleton of a body from the beer and wine that Edna would deliberately put in his food then walk off, laughing.
Louis was a mostly thick, white coat Wire Fox Terrier with some brown and black color around his back legs and around his stomach. But with the weeks of brown mud and dirt that derived from the consistent winter rain that Louis had to live in, he looked all brown. As the steps grew closer, he backed out of sight and around the corner inside his dog house.
“Urk, urk, urk!” the dog barked out of its long, narrow, hairy mouth. He waited, he listened for the footsteps but there weren’t any. Of course, there wouldn’t be the squeak clack, clack squeak of man’s shoes on hardwood floor, of the squeaking back and forth pacing of tennis shoes, but there should be some indication of a person coming through thick, brown, muddy water.
Louis heard: “You dumb mutt, you good for nothing dog, if I would have known better I would have never taken you off my cousin’s hands. God could not have made a dumber dog.”
It was hard for Louis not to believe this. He was told those words almost every day but no one told him the laws of nature or simple instinct, water mixed with dirt forms mud and if you add a person over two hundred pounds’ foot-steps to the equation, you get a slopping sound.
Louis waited and waited to hear that slopping sound, but there wasn’t any sound – only the rain that fell from the sky and from the tin roof of his house. Finally, after a couple of minutes, Louis backed out of his corner and peeked around it to see if everything was clear. What he had anticipated wasn’t going to happen. At least not that morning.
Then Louis heard: “Ah-ah, I got you, didn’t I, you overgrown mutt!”
Urk, urk, urk, urk!” Louis said, retreating back into his corner. He looked up at a tall, wide and busty woman. She wore a green camouflage jacket and pink pajama pants. Her brown, streaked of white hair looked like strands of needle thread now that it was soaked with the early morning rain. As she got closer, Louis drew back. He peered down at her big, bare feet.
“I am sure you waited to hear my footsteps, didn’t you, Louis? Get out here. If I can stand the cold rain, so can you, you dumb dog!”
Louis jerked as he pulled against her pull. “I said get out here, you dumb dog!” The woman pulled on his thin, rusty chain. But, this time, when the woman pulled, Louis didn’t pull back, and they both went forward. She landed in the mud and Louis on top of her. The woman scrambled to get up while muddy water and dog poop splashed up over her.
“Why, you little mutt, you done it now. I’m going to get you.” The woman positioned herself in a football stance as if she was going to tackle the dog. He stood there as she grabbed Louis’s leash before he was able to run back into his dog house.
“Ah-ah, I got you now. You wasn’t so smart after all, were you, Louis? Now I got you!”
The woman took a step that was seconds from turning into some sort of run when Louis pulled on his leash and the woman fell right back down in the mud, poop and urine.
“God, darn it, Edna, are you out there messing around with that God blame dog again?”
“Go back to bed, Charles. It’s not time for you to get up yet,” Edna yelled as she tried to pick herself up out of the mud and poop and now urine with Louis emptying his bladder.
“Why don’t you leave that dog be?”
“Oh hush, Charles!”
“If you out there bothering it how do you expect for it to protect the house, Edna?”
“The dog is in the back of the house and this isn’t a watch dog. He is a mutt,” Edna said, gawking at the dog.
“I’m not done with you, Louis. You’re not going to put me in this…, in your feces, and think you’ve won. I am going to have my revenge! Here is your breakfast; bones from yesterday’s pork chop dinner dipped in your favorite batter beer juice, enjoy, mutt,” Edna said, and then slid the bowl of food inside Louis’s dog house.
“I said where are my house shoes? You always wearing my stuff. If you going to wear my stuff, after you finish wearing them, put it back where I can find them the next God Blame day, would you, Edna?”
“Hold on a minute. I’m on my way back up the hill, you numb skull; I never wore your house shoes. I haven’t seen them. You not looking hard enough.”
“Oh whatever!”
Louis slowly walked out of his dog house, the rain reduced to a mist, when he watched the stout woman, Edna, walked up the hill soaked with mud and his bodily despoils. When Louis had enough of watching the unpleasant sight of Edna, he turned to walk back into his dog house, and then saw something come out of the ground. He backed up all the way into it and watched from the entrance. A hole within the muddy hole began to form. Out of the hole, mud and Louis’s waste emerged a creature, standing on hind legs. Not even twelve inches off the ground, the creature spoke.
“Don’t be alarmed. I’m a groundhog, woodchuck, land beaver, and I have been called overgrown squirrel, but what I won’t answer to is a whistle-pig. They are extremely dirty, disgusting, and horrible. And did I mention they love their own slop. What a disgrace to the family of rodents they are. I have disowned them and no more will I be labeled as one of their family members. No indeed, Dog. Hum, this smells like it could be mighty tasty, Dog, what is it?” the woodchuck asked.
“Really?”
“Yes, really, Dog, you must learn good eating versus bad eating. This, I guarantee you wouldn’t be just good eating, it would be fabulous eating if you not a vegetarian like me!”
“I don’t think I would call something that came out the end of my butt good eating, pig!” Louis said then dropped the piece of dr
ied poop to the ground.
“By the way, in case I didn’t introduce myself, I am Woodchuck and I would answer to and only to Woodchuck although adding Mr. to the front of Woodchuck would get you brownie points and benefits. And you are…?.”
“Louis!”
“Yea, that’s right, Louis, I remember. Nice upgrade from Dog!”
Louis ran out of the dog house snapping at the woodchuck. He backed up until his leash pulled him back. Louis glared at the dark orange, muddy coat of the woodchuck that looked more dark brown. He was snarling.
“You not a very nice dog,” the woodchuck said.
“And you not a very smart pig, coming around a dog, are you, Woodchuck?”
“I am not a pig; I gave you the three names you may use; groundhog, woodchuck, land beaver and Mr. Woodchuck. Get it right, Dog!” the woodchuck said, walking closer to Louis and his shack.
“Look, Woodchuck, my morning has not gone so good and you are not making it any better, so if you don’t mind, I am going to try and get some sleep. Is that alright with you?” Louis said, and then walked back into his house, completely out of sight.
The woodchuck walked a little closer but kept his distance from Louis, or so he thought, when suddenly Louis charged out of his house, knocked the woodchuck over on his back and pressed down on his very tiny body.
“Please, Dog, I mean, Louis, you don’t want to do this.”
“And give me one reason why I shouldn’t, pig?”
“I have a family!”
Louis put more pressure on the woodchuck’s chest. “I could crush you right now, pig, and I won’t have second thoughts about it,” Louis whispered.
“You are ole so right. I’m not in a position to dispute that and even if I was… Please, just reconsider, Louis. Besides, I don’t want to die!”
“I’m waiting for the reason why I should reconsider, pig?”
The woodchuck, gasping for breath, said, “This is a bad place for you. That woman, up there in the house, is crazy. I seen the things that she has done to you over the last couple of months when I moved here. You need a new home. You need to get out of here, Louis, and I can help you.”
Louis released the pressure off the groundhog’s chest, but didn’t take his front paw off his body.
“And how do you suppose to do that, Woodchuck?”
“If you would relax a little I can explain my blueprint, which, in return, Louis, will be how you will be a free man, I mean a free dog.”
“I am relaxed now. How do you plan to get me out of here?”
“With the tone of your voice and with that big foot on my chest, I would say you’re not relax at all, Louis.”
Louis took his foot completely off the groundhog’s chest, then pulled him up where he fell back into the mud once Louis let go of him.
“If you wanted to throw mud and your feces on me, Louis, you should have just said so. I would have given it to you to throw on me, geez’s!”
“The plan, Woodchuck?” Louis said, snarling at the woodchuck.
“Yes, the plan. I already know, Louis. I am getting to the plan, but first let’s get something clear just so you understand, Louis. If I wanted to just go and run away, I can just do that right this minute. Now, Mr. Louis, if you want this to work, and when I say work, I mean us – me and you, woodchuck and dog, Louis and Woodchuck, Woodchuck and Louis….” Louis gave him a snarl and a stare to hurry up. “What I am trying to say is you going to have to work with a woodchuck, okay?”
“So for the umpteen times what is the plan, Woodchuck?” Louis screamed.
“Umpteen, is that even a word?” he said musingly. “Never mind, here’s how it’s going to work, Louis. If my eyes serve me right, which they do and they haven’t failed me yet, that rusty chain that is attached to that ugly collar around your neck, must be taken off in order for you to be free,” the groundhog said, inspecting the chain and the collar with his front legs while standing on his hind legs.
“Are you saying that I am dumb, Woodchuck?”
“Umm, what do you mean by that?”
“I think I already know that the leash has to be taken off the collar in order for me to be free.”
“Leash, what is that, Louis?”
“Never mind. How are you going to go about taking the chain off the collar and freeing me, Woodchuck?”
The groundhog didn’t respond right away. He glared at the chain, touched it with his front paws, climbed all the way up the chain, jumped off, and then looked up at Louis. “Well, what do you have, Woodchuck?”
“Besides hunger pains and a bill for you the size of North Carolina… I have an idea!”
“A bill? What do you mean a bill, Woodchuck?”
The woodchuck didn’t answer; instead he pulled gently on the chain at the bottom, where it was hooked on to an eroded pole that was embedded in the ground. Then he bit lightly where the bottom part of the chain connected with the pole. “This job I can do with precise perfection, Louis. But let’s get another thing straight. Can we, Louis, without you flying off the handle? Cause, I really want to help you. I really want to see you free from the chains of this woman.”
“I am not going to fly off the handle. Go ahead and say what you need to say, Woodchuck.”
“Edna, where in the world are you taking me? This doesn’t look like the Buffet Canteen.”
“I see you got that answer right, Charles, but the one that cause you to remember where to use the bathroom as you seem to always forget and ole yea the other one, where I have to help you back into bed, because you always believe that the kitchen floor is where you suppose to sleep instead of the bed. You remember that, Charles? Sure you don’t, but this place is going to help you. They are going to be good to you, they have the skills that’s going to get you better,” Edna said.
“Why can’t you just leave well enough alone, Edna?”
“And I have, Charles,” she said with great energy and self-assurance. “That’s why we are here in the parking area of your new home, Piedmont Nursing Center.”
“I beg to differ, Edna. I want to go back home. I don’t want to go inside there. Why can’t you just let things be?” Charles yelled out of his loud, raspy voice.
“You need immediate care. Do I have to explain that to you?” she yelled. “Residential care, mental care, Charles. I’m not going to say it again. You are sick and you need to be fixed. You need to heal. Maybe, in a few months, things will be better with that healing process, and you can come back home,” Edna said, getting out the car and walking to his side, reaching for his hand to get him out.
“Edna, can I ask you something and you promise you will tell me the truth?”
“Yes, I promise. I will tell you the truth. Go ahead and ask.”
“It’s that God blame dog, isn’t it?” Charles asked. His long, wrinkled face that held slopping yellow eyes didn’t blink a muscle. Lips, which once kissed so lustfully in his youth now quivered from age, prevented him from having the desire or even the thought of that ever happening again.
“What in the world do you mean, Charles? Are you saying that I might be…? No, that can’t be what you are saying, Charles. Come on, I have to get you in here, register and comfortable. I don’t have time for your nonsense or your foolishness,” Edna replied. Then, after she got Charles out of her car, she slammed the passenger side of the door.
“Yea, it’s the darn dog. Let my arm go I can walk in myself!”
“So what are you saying, Woodchuck? If I agree to this…”
“It’s a verbal contract why can’t you get that, Louis? Verbal contract, that’s what this is. Why can’t you get that?”
“Umm, let me see, Woodchuck, the same reason why you can’t get or comprehend that this thing that you call a chain, that is attached to my collar is a leash, that’s why!”
“Comprehend? I like that word. I am going to have to inject that back into my vocabulary. Haven’t used that word in a while.”
“Since we can’t write like humans, can we just agree verbally not to screw each other over? We are going to assist each other how do you like that, Louis?”
“I don’t like it at all. I think it’s a dumb and stupid idea. How could I be so stupid to listen to a woodchuck? My kind would kill you and think nothing about it!”
The woodchuck moved in a little closer. “It’s a great idea by the looks of that bowl. And to be honest, I know you’re going to kill me after I say this, Louis, by the looks of your frail body, you could use a good meal, well two, three, four…”
“That’s enough, Woodchuck,” Louis said, rising and standing on all four of his legs.
“The season is ripe and the harvest is plentiful. You go in there, get as many bags of those seedless grapes as you can. I’m not asking for every bag in her refrigerator but I am asking for more than one bag, if you get my drift. Anyway, you drop it down out of the kitchen window, and I will do the rest.”
“Wait a second!”
“Yes, what is it, Louis, did I leave something out?” the woodchuck asked Louis, hovering over him.
“Yes, the part as to why you have not considered going in the house and getting your own seedless grapes!”
“For your information, Mister, I keep prolonging the task at hand without of this world question. I have considered it but consideration and performance are two different things.
“I am 26 inches long and approximately two feet tall I am not at the bottom of the food chain; I am the food chain, Louis. How dare you ask me such a demeaning and demoralizing question? Such a heartless dog you are!”
“Wait a minute, earlier, when you were making out this wonderful and glorious plan to free me, you said I was a kind dog and such a great and understanding pooch, and now I am a heartless dog?”
“Yes, a heartless dog that doesn’t understand what I am going through. I think I want to cry,” the woodchuck said, placing his paws like hands over his face.
“Oh, no please don’t, woodchuck.”
“I think I am, Louis.” The woodchuck’s eyes peeped through the crevices of his paw looking at Louis.
“Oh no please don’t cry, Woodchuck!”
“I am going to cry, Louis!”
“Don’t you dare cry!”
“I think I am. Here it comes – the tears!”
“No!” Louis yelled.
“I changed my mind. I think I will save my tears instead of wasting them on you, Louis!”
Louis looked up from beneath his paws, which were covering his head. He gazed upon the woodchuck as if he was crazy.
“This is real simple, Louis. Once I gnaw through that nasty chain, I get on your back, crawl up to your head and I use this very small stick to pop the lock, once the lock is popped you go in, find the refrigerator and get me all the grapes you can get. It’s open season. Anything in that fridge you find to eat is all yours, but only after you get my grapes!”
Louis turned around to his left. The woodchuck, while on Louis’s back, leaned in when their eyes met. “Thanks for freeing me. I feel good. I have been hooked to that leash for the last year.”
“No problem, my little canine friend. I hope it is worth it or I will have to find a way to get him back in chains,” Woodchuck told himself.
“What did you say, Woodchuck?”
“Oh nothing just thinking out loud that’s all.”
“And where are you going to be to make this pick up?”
“I am going to my prize pick-up at the back. There is a window that’s open. She left it partially open last night, when she was smoking. I guess too many pieces of chicken, and helping of mash potatoes made her lazy, too lazy to close the window back after she smoked.”
Louis looked at his little companion strangely. “If I didn’t know any better you were…”
“Casing out the Joint? Yes, I was, and I think I am owed a big congratulation from you, Louis.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I just freed you and now I am getting ready to feed you. At the end of the year, remind me to file you on my tax returns, Louis!”
Remorse, sadness, or mistake were a few words in the English vocabulary that didn’t cross Edna’s mind when she walked out of the Piedmont Nursing Center and down the steps to her car. What crossed her mind was “goodbye, I hope I don’t see you again. They can put up with you, and you would be better off dead, Charles Johnson,” and other things pertaining to her secret life and what she so desperately wanted. She couldn’t wait to get back to her house, and do what ever she wanted to do. Now, with her husband of thirty years out of the way, her wish would be granted.
I have to get more seedless grapes. Now that Charles is away, maybe I can keep more grapes in the refrigerator, she thought.
Fifteen minutes from Piedmont Nursing Center was Edna Johnson’s favorite store, Jenkins’s Nic-nakes. She smiled and not one muscle moved in a way of a frown when she thought about what her husband Charles use to say to her when they drove into Jenkins’s Nic-nakes when Charles was free of wrinkles and Edna was wearing a size five and strutting in heels around the house.
Jenkins’s Nic-nakes, hum, that sounds more like a corner store than a place you can go to and buy grocery. You sure we’ve come to the right place, Edna? I am absolutely positive, baby, Not only is this a place where we can buy all our groceries, they even have a place where we can sit down, catch our breath. That’s sounds great. Let’s go then, baby. Not only did Edna quickly clear her thoughts of memories from yesterday, she also cleared the path in front of her.
“Hi, would you like to buy a dozen donuts or make a small donation to help the Girls Camping Club of Charlotte? Any donation is very much appreciated,” said a young girl of no more than twelve year’s old, standing in front of Jenkins’s Nic-nakes.
“Be honest with me, little girl, about something and I may just give you a donation and by a box of those donuts.”
“Okay!” the little girl said with excitement.
“Did someone put you up to say that? Your mother or your father?”
“Umm…,” the little girl said, surprised and nervous at the same time with this strange woman’s words and appearance.
“Never mind, you don’t have to answer. I already have my answer. I don’t want to buy any of your donuts, they look stale and outdated. I don’t know who has you out here like some sort of homeless person, but you and all of you band of donut sellers need to pack it all up and go home. I wouldn’t dare give a donation to the Girls Camping Club of Charlotte. Have a good day now!”
The little girl looked straight ahead with her mouth and eyes open as if she had just been hypnotized, then she dropped the box of donuts and started screaming and crying, “Mommy, mommy, that lady is so mean!”
Edna found the part of the store that sold fruit. She pushed her buggy to where the grapes were. Green, purple and bright red grapes. “Ah, I’m in heaven. Grapes. Which one shall I get?” she said to herself. She picked up five of the red grapes then she threw all five of them in her mouth at one time!
“Umm, I never tasted grapes this good. I think I am going to get these. No wait…, oh yes, come to big momma Edna. I see you hiding over there!” Edna grabbed a hand full of the purple grapes and popped them in her mouth.
A store attendant, who was on the next aisle over, gave a brief glance but when Edna started popping grapes in her mouth, like assorted candy, he walked to the fruit aisle. “Miss, can I help you with something.”
Edna, for a moment, acted liked she didn’t hear the store associate. This time she was eating a combination of the red, purple and green grapes.
“Miss, you cannot stand there like some sort of…”
“Yes, you can help me,” Edna said, interrupting the associate.
“And how may I do that? Looks like you already been helping yourself to our grapes. Are you planning on
paying for all those grapes you just ate, lady?”
“No, absolutely not, but what I am going to do since I read that sign when you enter into the store that says customer is always right. You see that sign too, right?”
“Yes, what about it?” the associate said with an upturned frown on his face.
“I can easily go and tell them since I do work for the Charlotte Mecklenburg police department,” she said, pulling out a silver badge, “That you were harassing me. And if they don’t do something about it, I will have you arrested!”
“Oh, miss, please I…, I didn’t mean to. I will do anything. I didn’t know you were a police officer. Please, just don’t do that. I didn’t mean to harass you!” the associate said.
“I will be willing to remain quiet, if you get on your knees and bark like a dog!”
“What, I…”
“Do it now! I’m the owner and you are the dog, an ugly pit-bull. Now do it, if you want to keep your job and not risk being arrested, you moron!” Edna whispered.
The associate got on his knees and began barking like a dog in the middle of the aisle while she bagged up her grapes.
“Louder, dog, I can’t hear you!”
“Ruff, ruff. Ruff!” the man barked.
“Now I am going to checkout and I will have my eyes on you and if you even stop to breathe, I won’t hesitate to spill the beans and tell your supervisor how badly you harassed me. Is that understood? Bark, if you understand me!”
His agreement was confirmed with a bark. Customers looked at the associate as if he was insane. Kids thought it was funny and even one in particular, tried to pet the associate as if he was a real dog, until he was pulled away by his mother.
“What a dog, if I say so myself!” Edna said as she passed customers on her way to the checkout counter.
Louis, Molly & the Woodchuck Page 1
