“Nothing! And now stay away from me and my life!”
“Please … can we talk?”
She didn’t care that his voice sounded pitiful, or that his siblings were listening. All she cared about was yelling. “If you’re looking for someone to screw, you’ve got the wrong address! Back off and never speak to me again!”
Kayleigh, normally the toughest of the lot, looked as if she might burst into tears at any moment. “Please, Hayden,” she pleaded. “Just talk to him.”
“You talk to him,” Hayden spat angrily, hating herself for trembling again. “The only thing he’ll get from me is a check. For half the amount we make selling the house and the car, and that’s it.”
“I don’t want the money,” Heath called from outside. “I want you!”
For a moment she was scared that her legs might buckle under her. She took a deep breath and proclaimed as strongly as she could, “But I don’t want you anymore.”
Chapter 14
When he entered the house, he found his sister in the kitchen. “Mom’s in the garden waiting for you,” she told him bleakly. She looked about as cheerful as he felt: absolutely disconsolate.
It had been four days since Hayden had shut the door in his face and banned him from her life for good. Maybe it was really for the best, he told himself once again. He was still trying to convince himself that Hayden would lead a happier and less fearful life without him in it. He’d hurt her to her core, which was ironic considering that’s what he’d been attempting to avoid all along, and now he had to pay the price for that. It was okay, though. Because he deserved it.
“How was your appointment?” Kayleigh asked.
Feeling sheepish, he ran a hand through his hair. “It was okay.”
“Well?” Kayleigh looked at him impatiently. “Did you get the necessary documentation?”
Heath nodded, smiling weakly and pulling an envelope from his back pocket. “Here it is.”
“Does that mean you can go back to work now?”
“Yes.” He cleared his throat, not feeling all that thrilled, even though the psychologist had just attested that he was fit to do his duty, without reservations. “I’ve already spoken to Chief. He said I can come in immediately, or whenever I’m ready.” Even though the psychologist had cleared him for duty, he’d also suggested Heath come talk to him a few more times in the coming weeks. Heath was actually thinking of taking the man up on the offer, now that his whole life had come apart.
His sister was silent for a moment. “You don’t sound as if you want to go back to work,” she observed quietly.
“To be honest,” he sighed, “at the moment, there’s nothing I really want.”
“Heath.”
His shoulders were drooping as he opened the fridge and grabbed a can of Sprite. As soon as he closed the fridge door again, he felt his sister wrap her arms around him and hug him tightly from behind. He had to admit that that was damn comforting, but he didn’t feel like he deserved her comfort. His life was a mess, all because he’d scared off the only woman he’d ever loved. He probably should have been glad that Hayden was carrying on without him. At least she no longer ran the high risk of having to bury her own husband, as her own mom and his mom had done. Still, he didn’t want to lose her. He was that selfish.
He knew it was far too late, though, and that she felt nothing but disdain for him now. He had acted like an insensitive asshole for three months, and now she believed that’s what he had become.
“Thank you.” Heath inhaled deeply and patted his sister’s hand. “I’ll go outside and see what Mom is up to.”
His mother was sitting in the sunshine with her eyes closed, a book face down in her lap. He was glad to see her smiling and obviously enjoying the day. He pressed a light kiss onto her forehead and sat down in the chair next to her, before taking a sip from his can.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello,” she murmured and opened her eyes slowly, blinking at the brightness. “Honey, how was the appointment?”
“It was okay.” He sighed heavily.
Once he’d told Shane the whole truth about his suspension and needing to see a psychologist, it had been easy to also tell his mom. He’d gone even further and admitted his initial feelings of guilt regarding his father’s death, and he had explained why he’d so far refused to speak to a psychologist about them. As was to be expected, she had reacted with sympathy, comforting him and reassuring him he was not responsible for his father’s death. Shane, the damn idiot, had been right, of course. Her sympathy felt good, but it wouldn’t have stopped him from agonizing further about the catastrophe and his part in it.
“What did the psychologist say, then? Can you go back to work?”
“Yes, from his point of view, everything’s fine.” Heath tightly clutched the can in his hand. “I can go back as soon as I want to.”
“That’s great,” she replied. “I was really worried about you. It’s wonderful to hear you can go back to work.”
“You sound relieved that I’ll be working again.”
She smiled weakly. “I am.”
“Mom?” He shifted nervously in his chair and nibbled his lower lip.
“What?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” She looked at him curiously. “You know you can ask me anything, Heath.”
He had no idea how to brace the subject in a considerate way, but he simply had to know. He decided to begin with an innocuous question. “Doesn’t it bother you that I’m a fireman? Just like Dad.”
“Does it bother me?” she repeated. “No. Your dad was very proud when you decided to follow in his footsteps. And I felt the same way.”
“But …” He leaned forward and put his can on the table before placing a hand on hers. Then he whispered tensely, “But Dad died on duty.”
“Yes,” his mother answered in a rough voice. “But your grandfather and your uncle came home without a scratch every single day for decades. Are you asking whether I worry about you?”
“Yeah, sort of,” he murmured.
She sat up with a little groan. “Of course. Your job, or Shane’s or Ryan’s, for that matter, is more dangerous than a regular office job, but it doesn’t pay to think about all the bad things that might happen. That would only turn a person into a nervous wreck. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy dose of fear and worry, but you can’t let it govern your life.”
Heath didn’t know what to say to that.
“Losing your father was an awful experience, and I will admit that I wanted to lock you and your siblings into a bunker afterwards so nothing bad could happen to you. But that’s simply not possible. There is no way to remove the possibility of disaster from your life. You have to learn to live with that possibility.”
“That sounds so easy in theory.”
She shook her head. “It’s never easy. But what would be the alternative, honey? Do you want to live in a fortress of safety? You can’t prevent bad things from happening, Heath.”
He sighed, her words resonating within him. After all, he’d told himself he was protecting Hayden by separating from her. And so far, the only results were a lot of sorrow and a lot of pain. To top it all off, she’d been attacked by some disgusting asshole in her own house, which maybe wouldn’t have happened if he’d been with her.
“Mom, would you … would you have married Dad, even if you’d known in advance that he … that he wouldn’t come home one day?”
“Of course I would have married him.”
“Even if you’d known how badly it would hurt to lose him?”
Her face became doleful. “I loved your father, Heath, and when you love someone, time doesn’t figure into the equation. Even if we’d had only one year together, it would have been a wonderful year, a year that nobody could ever take from me.”
His heart grew heavier with every word she said.
She smiled again, weakly. “Am I right in thinking maybe you’re reconsider
ing your decision to break up with Hayden?”
He’d never doubted that his mom was a smart woman, but he didn’t think he was so easy to read. “I just wanted to save her from going through that for the third time in her life,” he said hoarsely. “I just wanted to prevent her from being so unhappy.”
“That’s very honorable of you, but you’re forgetting one vital aspect.”
“Which would be what exactly?”
She leaned forward and patted his hand, looking mildly amused. “Did your breakup make her any happier? I don’t think so. She doesn’t seem very happy with the situation, either. You really ought to talk to her, Heath.”
He raised his hands helplessly. “She doesn’t want to talk to me. What am I supposed to do?”
“You should try over and over and over again.”
He swallowed. “Maybe she needs some time.”
“I don’t think so.” His mom’s tone became more serious, more insistent. “I happen to know that Hayden is thinking of moving to Illinois, to be near her mom.”
“What?” His stomach clenched painfully, and he sat rigidly upright in his chair. “How do you know that?”
“I talked to her mom on the phone. As soon as summer vacation starts, Hayden’s driving down to Illinois to look around, see how she likes it. Today’s her last day of school.”
Without stopping to think, he jumped up from his chair. A thousand thoughts ran amuck in his head, while his throat constricted and he gasped for air. He felt as if he might faint or have a full-blown panic attack. Leaving his mom alone in her chair, he ran back into the house, where he almost collided with Kayleigh.
She yelped in fright. “God, what is wrong with you?”
“Is your car here?” He barely registered that he was screaming, but his sister looked at him as if he’d finally gone over the edge.
“No, but—”
“Shit!” Heath left her standing there, ran through the hall, and bolted for the front door. Then it struck him that he could take his mother’s car.
As he turned around to grab her keys from the sideboard, Ryan sauntered in, wearing his uniform. He yawned. “Hey, Heath. Kyle told me he wants to go bowling tonight. You want to come?”
Before he knew what he was doing, he had grabbed his little brother by the collar and was dragging him outside. Ryan protested angrily and tried to wrestle himself free, but Heath didn’t let go.
“Are you crazy? What the hell?”
“You need to drive me to—”
“Like hell I will!” Ryan snorted.
“You have to.” They had reached Ryan’s patrol car, which was parked in his mom’s driveway. “Unlock the door.”
“Dream on, you bully. I’m not going to chauffeur you around in my patrol car!”
“Ryan, I need to see Hayden. It’s urgent! Now unlock that damn door, before I … before I—”
“Before you what?” His little brother shoved his hand away, smoothed his uniform shirt, and gave him a triumphant smile.
Heath threw his hands in the air. “Before I tell Mom about the porn mags in your closet!”
Ryan hiccupped with laughter. “Am I sixteen? You can tell her whatever you want, I don’t care.”
“Then I’ll tell her how often you smoked pot in high school!”
“Uncle Stuart went to Woodstock, Heath, and even Mom seems proud of that fact,” Ryan replied, still unfazed. “I don’t think a little pot will be enough to shock her.”
Heath felt increasingly desperate, and an idea came to him. “Okay, then what will she say when I tell her you had sex with Mindy O’Connor while Mom and Dad were on that cruise? And in their bed, to boot!”
“God, Heath! She’d probably hit you with her wooden spoons! Remember? You were the one who was supposed to be watching us while they were gone!”
Shit. He was right. But then the best idea of all came to heath. “Then what about Mom’s tablecloth?” he said evenly.
“What tablecloth?” Ryan asked suspiciously.
“Granny’s damask tablecloth, the one Mom treated like a newborn baby … Until, suddenly, it was full of burn holes,” Heath explained calmly and menacingly. He crossed his arms. “Even after ten years, Mom still wants to know who set her precious antique on fire.”
His little brother scowled at him. “Get in the damn car!”
He didn’t have to say it twice. Heath opened the door and slid into the passenger seat. “Hayden should be still at school …”
“You’re a real bastard!” Ryan got in behind the wheel, buckled up, and started the engine, wearing a deep frown. “This car is not meant for joyrides. The taxpayers will be very angry with you.”
“Stop the bullshit already and go!”
His little brother turned into the street far too slowly for his taste, and then he proceeded to creep along like an old man.
“Hit the gas, man! It’s the last day of school, and I don’t know if they get out early!”
Ryan shook his head. “Are you crazy? I don’t even—”
“Mom really loved that tablecloth dearly. What do you think she’ll do to the little boy who set it on fire?”
His brother’s profile revealed clenched teeth, but the speedometer needle moved up a little.
“Come on, Ryan, go faster. I can’t miss her.”
“Hayden would be insane to take you back. You’re blackmailing your own brother!”
Heath didn’t answer that but stared at the road ahead, his heart beating wildly, his palms beginning to sweat. The news of Hayden’s possible move to Illinois had emptied his brain, leaving only panic. The thought of her vanishing from his life for good had hit him like a kick to the crotch.
“If anyone gets wind of this, I’ll be in trouble. You know that, don’t you?”
“Stop the bullshit.” Right in front of them, someone was holding up traffic as they tried to maneuver their car into a small curbside parking spot. Heath reached over and banged on the horn.
Ryan shoved his hand away in irritation. “Hey! That’s Mr. Gordon’s car! He’s my old math teacher.”
“He was also Dad’s old math teacher and shouldn’t be driving at his age!” He moved to hit the horn again, but Ryan swatted his hand away in time.
Suddenly, Heath wished he were sitting in his fire truck, because then he’d just turn on the siren, and the road ahead would clear. They were only three blocks from Hayden’s school now, but Ryan was showing about as much enthusiasm as a neutered tomcat. Heath felt his little brother had left him no choice.
He reached over and turned on the flashing lights on the roof of the patrol car, which caused the vehicles ahead to move to the curb immediately—to Heath’s great satisfaction.
“Are you insane?” Ryan turned pale and then red with anger. “I’m going to lose my badge if you go on like this!”
“I know the chief of police. We’ll be alright.” Heath gestured toward the road ahead, and exhaled in relief when Ryan stepped on the gas again, even though he kept ranting without pause.
“You’re practically abducting an officer! That’s a criminal offense.”
“You’re not on duty,” Heath answered nonchalantly, shifting nervously in his seat when the school building came into view. The many waiting parents outside the grounds told him that school wasn’t out yet. Thank God. He was flooded with relief.
“Then you’re abducting a patrol car. That’s no better!”
Ignoring him, Heath said, “Turn into the schoolyard.”
“As you wish, my lord,” Ryan spat angrily. “Luckily there are only about forty witnesses to my gross misdemeanor!”
In reality, there were about twenty parents standing around the schoolyard. Most of them turned around in surprise to see Ryan steer his patrol car into their midst, lights flashing as if it were an emergency.
Kids’ faces appeared at the windows of the school, staring out to see what was going on in their schoolyard. Without thinking, he grabbed the loudspeaker mouthpiece.
“Hayden! Hayden! I need to talk to you!”
Ryan cringed next to him. “You really are completely insane! Do you know that?”
He ignored his brother. “Hayden, please come out so we can talk! I don’t want you to move to Illinois.” His words blared from the speakers on top of the police car.
“Don’t start bawling now,” Ryan said in a disgusted tone. “That won’t entice her back.”
Heath craned his neck to see whether she was behind one of the windows, but he couldn’t see her anywhere. “I’m sorry, Hayden. I was an asshole—”
“God, Heath!” his brother cut in. “There are kids everywhere!”
“I was a real jerk,” Heath pushed on, “but … I love you! If you’re willing to listen to me, I can explain it all, darling.”
Still, there was no reaction. Except from his brother, who kept commenting on how embarrassing this was. Heath began to register the amusement on the parents’ faces in the schoolyard, too. But he knew he had to go on. “Hayden, I did not sleep with other women. I didn’t even look at anyone else! And when I slept with you and told you I just needed a fuck, I was lying! Do you hear me? I lied to you, because I wanted you to be angry with me!”
“She’s going to kill you,” Ryan observed with a gleeful expression on his face. “And suddenly I’m glad to be here. I’ll be witness to a justified murder.”
Only a few seconds later, the door of the building banged open, and Hayden came running toward the car. Her face was red with anger and as grim as he’d ever seen it before. Ryan was probably right, because she looked as if she intended to kill him. Yet Heath felt nothing but relief at seeing her.
“You’re lucky the doors can only be opened from inside.” Ryan crossed his arms. “Now for the interesting part.”
Hayden reached the car and pulled at the handle of the passenger door. “Heath, open this door! I swear I’m going to kill you!”
Even though she was standing very close, and her words penetrated the door easily, he spoke into the mic again. “If you forgive me, you can do anything you want. I promise.”
The Heat Is On (Boston Five Book 1) Page 17
