by Sarah Monte
She was honestly at a loss. What was Mike doing? One moment he seemed to be vulnerable and real, and the next he was just another asshole pretending like he didn’t care about anything at all. She hated the fact that he had such a hold over her, she wanted to be over him. But at the same time, she knew that she was going to have to talk to him and hear him out. He was going through something after all, maybe that was what was making him act out so much.
When he called again, she picked up.
“Look, I’m sorry,” said Mike. He sounded genuinely remorseful. “I was being such an asshole just now, and you don’t deserve that at all. You deserve to be treated like an actual person. You have been there for me even though you barely know me. I have never been there for you in the same capacity. It’s just that… I am not emotionally available right now. It’s not just that I am your boss, I honestly don’t care about that. It’s the fact that I am going through a lot of stuff and I don’t want to drag you into all of that.”
“Okay, first of all,” said Jennifer, “if you felt this way, you shouldn’t have made me your emotional crutch in the first place. You should have known that it would not go anywhere and you should have stopped yourself. I had no idea that you would end up doing this. Had I known I would never have allowed myself to become this involved with you, I would have stopped it from happening well before it happened. And secondly, if you are going through something it doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole. You completely invalidated all of my experiences with you. You made me feel like I was crazy, like I was seeing things that weren’t really there. Do you realize what a dick move that was?”
“I do,” said Mike, “I do and I’m so sorry. I should never have… pretended like that. I was just scared because this is not the sort of thing I usually do. I don’t get involved with people, I don’t allow people to see this side of me. I showed it to you and I should have known that it was a bad idea because of course you were going to wonder where it was going. It’s only natural.”
“Okay,” said Jennifer. “Thank you for the apology. Now can you tell me what you want from me? What is this, where is it going?”
“I… I can’t be anything more than what I am right now,” said Mike.
“Mike,” said Jennifer, “you pretty much already are my boyfriend, we just don’t have a label for it yet. And if you give me some bullshit about not caring about labels I swear to go I am going to drive up to your place and shove that bike of yours up your ass. You can’t treat me like a girlfriend and then refuse to give me that label. You can’t do that.”
“Why can’t we just keep doing things the way he have been over the past month?” asked Mike.
“Because that’s not normal,” said Jennifer. “I am not going to be your emotional sponge. I want a relationship with somebody, I want to have a life. If I let you treat me like your psychiatrist I am never going to be able to have a relationship with anyone because… because I would be stuck in the false hope that you might one day start to care. And I would end up feeling like shit because it would never happen. You made me feel something for you and now you want me to sit here and pretend like it doesn’t exist.”
Mike was silent for a long while, but when he spoke he did so with such intensity that Jennifer’s heart began to race.
“I am coming over,” said Mike, “I will be there in twenty minutes, just text me your address.”
He cut the call and after a few moments of contemplation, a dumbstruck Jennifer texted him her address.
Chapter Eight
Jennifer jumped nearly a foot into the air when her bell rang. It was nine pm and the man she was considering getting emotionally involved with was at her door. For a long moment she considered not answering at all, but she knew that sooner or later she was going to have to let him in.
She opened the door and when she saw Mike standing there she felt like her heart was going to drop right out of her chest. He looked just as sexy as he had always looked, dressed all in black, his tattoos matching perfectly with the color of his shirt.
She stepped aside and wordlessly let him in, and when Mike stepped through her door what he did shocked her. He said nothing at all, but instead pulled her into a tight embrace.
For a moment Jennifer had no idea how to respond to this, but after a few seconds she eased into his hug and let her muscles relax. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face into his muscular chest, letting herself sink into the beautiful smell of his body. She realized that she never felt this safe with anybody else at all. Mike had this way of making nothing else in the world matter. She felt insulated from everything else that was happening in her life, and in that moment she was glad that he was there with her.
They went to her bedroom and sat down on her bed. Mike held her and Jennifer let herself relax even more. Her heart was pounding and Mike noticed.
“Are you okay?” he said.
Jennifer nodded and nuzzled even deeper into his chest. “Just hold me,” she said. “Please.”
Mike held her tighter and Jennifer let herself disappear into the warmth of his embrace. For the longest time they just sat there, not saying a word to one another, instead letting all unspoken things remain unsaid for the time being. There would be time to talk about them later, right now all she wanted to do was exist with this man in this bubble of time they had taken out for themselves.
Soon, they began to talk about random things, and it was wonderful.
“You know,” said Mike, “I always feel like I have to keep appearances for people. I have this feeling that if I don’t show my best side at all times people just won’t take me seriously. I feel like I have to be stoic and detached otherwise I will end up losing the faith of the people that have entrusted me with their money, and that is something that I just don’t think I would be able to handle.”
Jennifer laughed and said, “I feel the same way. As a woman I have to be the best of the best otherwise no one would ever take me seriously. One slip up and I’m just another dumb bitch that made the mistake of thinking she could make it in a man’s world. It’s pretty sad but I guess it could be worse.”
Mike tightened his hold on her and Jennifer did the same. “You smell so nice,” said Jennifer. “I always love how you smell. Even when you’re not wearing perfume or anything, you just smell so… comfortable. You smell like home.”
She hadn’t even realized what she had been saying before she said it. Now that the words had escaped her lips she regretted them. This was a pretty intense thing to say to somebody, particularly someone that she was in such a precarious situation with. If she was not careful, this might end up going to dangerous places and she did not know if she would be able to handle it if this happened.
“I feel the same way,” said Mike. Jennifer was silent. She did not know what to make of the fact that Mike was saying these things to her, but she loved that he was. Him saying these things to her meant more than she would ever be able to tell him, so she just allowed him to speak.
“I feel like… I feel like I am never truly home,” said Mike. “Even when I’m at my apartment I feel like I have to always be on my toes. After all, people can call me at any time of the day and ask me what they need me to do. I have to respond to them and make sure that everything works out otherwise everything could end up falling apart and it would all be my fault. But with you… with you it’s like I can be whoever I want to be. And that’s what home is, right? It’s that place where you can be yourself. It’s the place where you can be who you want to be rather than what everyone wants you to be. I think home can be a person too, it doesn’t have to be a place. And if that’s the case, then you are my home Jennifer. I know that… I know that this is a lot to take in. This is pretty heavy coming from someone who you’ve known for a little over five weeks. But I can’t help but feel this way, I can’t help but feel like this is the right way to feel about you. One doesn’t come across people like you every day, you know. From the moment I met you, I felt lik
e I was getting into something I didn’t fully understand. I knew you were going to play an important role in my life but I had no idea that this role would be this intense. And now… now I don’t want it to stop.”
Jennifer extricated herself from Mike’s arms and looked up at him. His mask was off, he was being honest right now. “What are you saying?” she asked.
“I’m saying that I want to be selfish,” said Mike. “I know that having anything with you would be a selfish thing to do, that I would be involving you in things that you deserve to stay away from, but I don’t care. I want to… I want to be with you. I want to at least entertain that thought in my head for a moment, enjoy the feeling of it coursing through my veins. I…”
Mike was unable to finish his sentence as Jennifer kissed him hard on the lips. She was done beating around the bush. She wanted something and she was going to get it no matter what. The only thing that would have stopped her would have been Mike not wanting it, but now that she knew he did she had no qualms kissing him at all.
She tasted the inside of his mouth and it tasted just as delicious as she had always imagined. Before she knew what was happening, she was on her back and Mike was on top of her. His hand was on her breast, unencumbered by a bra at this time of the night. He moaned as he felt the smooth curve of her tit, stroking his finger over her rapidly hardening nipple. Jennifer felt hardness within his pants as well, and she reached down to touch it and make it her own.
She stroked up his cock, already rock hard, and started to unbutton his pants and Mike’s tongue penetrated her mouth. She gently bit down on his tongue as she started to frantically jerk him off. Mike went wild when he felt her jerking him off and pushed her short off with one movement. With another quick movement he had pulled her pajamas off, and since she was not wearing any panties Jennifer was now completely nude in front of him. She wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Mike took his own shirt off as well and quickly took his pants off so that he could quickly get back on top of her. When they were both naked, their bodies curling and coiling together, they looked into one another’s eyes. Jennifer saw Mike as she had never seen him before, as she was sure no one had ever seen him before. His cock was pressed against her pussy, and he was looking at her with a vulnerability that broke her heart. She wrapped her arms around him, kissed him and said, “I’m right here baby.”
She reached down, grabbed his cock and slipped the head into her soaking wet pussy. She closed her eyes and moaned as she felt his manhood start to pierce her pussy, and when she pushed his cock in all the way she gasped.
“Oh Mike,” she moaned, “that’s… that’s… oh my god please don’t stop…”
Mike buried his face in her neck and started to kiss it, slowly plunging his cock deep into her and pulling out as he did so. As he fucked her pussy, his cock seemed to get even harder.
“I don’t want you to go,” said Jennifer. She did not care about what she was saying anymore, she no longer cared about the fact that she should tread with caution with this man. He was inside her now, they belonged to each other in this moment, and when two people were coiled in an act of such pure, intimate passion, the only thing that mattered was being honest.
“I won’t,” said Mike. “I won’t go, I promise. I want to be inside you, I want to feel your pussy wrapped around my cock.”
“Oh fuck,” said Jennifer, tossing her head back as Mike started to fuck her harder. His hips were thrusting with more force now, and every thrust seemed to brush his cock against her g spot. “Oh fuck just like that,” she said, gyrating her hips in time with his thrusts so that she could feel him deeper inside her. She was desperate for his cock deep within her, and she would do anything it took to keep him there.
Mike started to pound her g spot. “Like that?” he moaned in her ear. Jennifer nodded, struck dumb by the depth of ecstasy she was feeling in this moment. “Oh fuck I’m close,” she said, “fuck!”
“Me too,” Mike managed to gasp. “I… I should pull out…”
“No!” said Jennifer. “No please, no… I can’t… I can’t have you outside of me… just come inside me, it’s okay. I want you to. I want to feel your come filling me up, it’s the only thing that I need right now.”
“Are you sure?” Mike breathed into her ear.
“Yes,” said Jennifer, “yes, oh fuck please come inside me.”
Mike looked her right in the eye as he started to fuck with a great deal more force. “Yeah?” he moaned, his eyes fixed on Jennifer’s. “You want my come baby?”
“I want your come!” Jennifer screamed. “Oh fuck, fuck I’m going to come oh my fucking GOD!”
Mike bit her neck as he thrust and Jennifer shook with the pleasure of her orgasm as she was rendered speechless by the pleasure her man was giving her in this moment. As she shook, she said in a shuddering breath, “Now you. Come… come inside me…”
Mike kissed her ever so gently, his kiss increasing intensity as he started to fuck her harder and harder until he finally tossed his head back and moaned, “I’m coming… coming inside… you…”
He seemed to lose all control of his body, spasms running across his muscles. Jennifer held him tight as she felt him fill her up. “That’s it, baby,” she said. “That’s it… fill me up, that’s what I’m here for. Come as much as you want my baby.”
Mike stayed inside her for a while after he came and Jennifer held him as he did. After a little while, he pulled out and laid beside her, and Jennifer turned to snuggle into his chest. She kissed him there and he wrapped his arms around her.
In this moment, everything was perfect.
Chapter Nine
Not long after they made love, Jennifer and Mike fell asleep in each other’s arms. They woke up on Wednesday morning and the gravity of what they had done struck them.
Jennifer awoke first and slowly nudged Mike awake. “Mike,” she said, “wake up, it’s morning.”
Mike’s eyes sprung open and he looked at Jennifer as if he were seeing her for the first time. “Hey,” he said, as if unsure of what else he could possibly say in this moment.
Jennifer smiled and said, “Hey. I guess that’s the best thing to say right now. Not too heavy, not too light. Just hey.”
“I just…” said Mike, “I just didn’t know what else to say.”
“It’s okay,” said Jennifer, “it’s just how things are the morning after. Did you feel good last night?”
“I felt completely and utterly out of this world,” said Mike. “I felt like I had been born again. I… I never thought that I could feel that good but it happened.”
“I’m glad,” said Jennifer.
“Did you feel good?” asked Mike.
“Well I came my fucking brains out,” said Jennifer with a snicker, “so there’s that.”
“I’m glad you felt good,” said Mike. “I don’t know what to say. I feel like… I feel like I should know what to say right now.”
“Baby steps, big guy,” said Jennifer. “You barely know how to emote and last night you had emotional, passionate sex. I had a feeling you would be at a loss for words in the morning.”
“You don’t regret what we did, do you?” asked Mike.
“Not at all,” said Jennifer. “I’m glad we did it. Do you regret it?”
“I feel relieved that we did,” said Mike. “I had wanted to do it for a while but I didn’t want you to think that this was all that I wanted from you.”
“That’s really sweet,” said Jennifer. “I feel like it was inevitable, you know? With two people that are this emotionally compatible, I feel like fucking is the only possible outcome.”
“I guess,” said Mike. “I still don’t know where we can go from here, though.”
“Oh fuck that,’ said Jennifer. “Who cares? We had great sex, we were vulnerable to one another, we had a great time. Right now that’s the only thing that matters to me and I just want to enjoy it as much as possible.”
“Fair enough,�
�� said Mike. “Are you sure you’re okay with not talking about it?”
“I am going to want to talk about it eventually,” said Jennifer. “I mean, it was pretty incredible sex, the sort of sex you don’t come back from, so we’ll have to figure out what it is that we are otherwise I would want to end it. But that’s for a later day, right now I just want to be with you and experience this joy that I’m feeling right now to its fullest extent.”
“Okay,” said Mike. “I’m glad you feel that way. How about we get up and have some breakfast? We have to get to work soon too.”
“Sure,” said Jennifer. “I am going to go shower.”
“Alright,” said Mike, “I’ll make your breakfast while you shower.”
“Awww,” said Jennifer, kissing Mike ever so softly on his lips. ‘That is so sweet! Who knew that the stoic Mike Sinclair could actually be a gentleman?”
Mike laughed, a sound so rare that Jennifer flushed with pleasure at the thought that she had induced it.
As she got up and went to take a shower, Mike got up and went to her kitchen. He started mixing the batter for pancakes and panic started to set in. What had he done? What was she going to expect from him now? Was she going to expect a relationship?
It was not that he didn’t want something like that with here. Quite on the contrary, he could think of nothing that would make him happier. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be with Jennifer and tell her how he truly felt, the only problem was that he did not know how to handle the David situation. If his cousin was truly involved in something that was dangerous he would be involving Jennifer by going out with her, and the thought of putting her in danger was one that he absolutely could not bear to even think about.
He wondered what he could do to handle this situation. After thinking about it for a while he realized that there was actually a pretty simple way to fix things. All he had to do was go and talk to David one last time and tell him that he would keep giving him money but that would be the extent of his involvement in his cousin’s life from that point on. After all, he had not heard from David at all for thirteen years after they had left college. He had talked to him a little in the middle here and there, but for the most part David had become completely and utterly absent from Mike’s life, and when he came back he had just asked for his help and nothing else.
