by Hannah Pearl
I tried to mark a few essays whilst I was waiting but the set assignment for this year was drier than I remembered, and I found myself struggling for motivation. It was definitely the essays, and not the distraction of Jake. I told myself that a few times and tried to get myself to believe it. I set myself the goal of getting through six before I went out. The more I could get through today, the easier tomorrow would be. Besides, it was only a few weeks until the summer holidays. How much more marking could I get stuck with before then?
Chapter Four
I knocked on Jake’s door bang on seven, carrying a bottle of wine for Bea’s birthday that I hoped would pair well with the replacement cake, and was greeted with a much calmer welcome this time. A tired-looking woman, perhaps only an inch or two taller than my five foot three, opened the door. She had the same blonde curly hair I’d seen on the little girl earlier and I presumed that she was Alice’s mum.
‘I’m Evie,’ I said. ‘Jake asked me to come back at seven tonight.’
She showed me back into the kitchen, and I was relieved to find that it no longer smelt of smoke. ‘Hi,’ said Jake, getting up and kissing my cheek. I flushed, and bent down to say hello to Alice in the hopes it would fade before the adults noticed.
‘Uncle Jake burnt the cake,’ she told me solemnly.
‘He did, sweetie,’ I agreed. ‘But then he made a new one. Was it tasty?’
‘It was,’ Bea said. ‘And I believe we have you to thank.’
‘It was no problem,’ I assured her.
Alice started to yawn and rub her eyes.
‘I think it’s someone’s bedtime,’ Bea said, reaching down and scooping up her little girl. She carried Alice over for a goodnight kiss from her uncle, and Alice reached out to me so I gave her a goodnight kiss too, and Bea carried her up to bed.
‘Bea will be down in half an hour,’ Jake assured me. ‘Why don’t we have a glass of wine and a slice of your delicious cake whilst we wait? I’m sure that Bea will want a drink when she comes down. She’s had a long day but she thinks that the worst of the clean up in her office is done now.’
‘So you live locally?’ Jake asked as we sat down with our drinks. ‘You mentioned something earlier about knowing Alice from the library?’
‘I have a flat just round the corner,’ I said. ‘I’m an English teacher at the local secondary school. I was only helping out in the library for a few sessions during the holidays. It was good for me to keep busy.’ I regretted the last sentence as soon as I’d said it, and hoped that Jake didn’t ask what I was trying to distract myself from. I hurried to change the subject. ‘What do you do when you’re not here being super-uncle?’
He laughed. ‘I’m not sure how super I was today. I’m here helping out while I job hunt. Trying to be useful, mostly succeeding, today aside.’
‘Alice looked pretty happy,’ I pointed out.
‘She’s a remarkably calm kid. Which is lucky really, I don’t know how Bea would have managed otherwise.’
‘This must have been pretty tough on her.’
He nodded. ‘They were childhood sweethearts and I don’t think she saw the split coming. I think he just couldn’t handle being a full-time dad, so he left. But to answer your question, I’ve just finished my master’s degree and I’m taking a little time out to think about what comes next. My first degree was from art college, and I spent a couple of years travelling around the country painting and helping in workshops and at galleries, but it’s a tough field to make a living in. I think I’m going to try and make an income as a graphic designer, keep the art as a hobby for a while. I’ve spent a few weeks sending out CVs and registering with employment agencies but it seems to be a tricky market at the moment and I fear it’s going to take longer than I expected. It seemed to make sense to do that here and try and be useful while I apply. The nanny Bea had hired decided to move to Spain to follow her boyfriend at short notice, so I said I’d help out until she got something else sorted. On the off chance that I do score a job at least it’ll give her a few weeks to find something else, as most companies are used to people working out notice so they’d not expect me to start the next day. Plus, it’s lovely to have some extra time with Alice.’
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ I said, before realising what I’d said and trying to backtrack. ‘I mean, I’m glad for your sister that she has you here.’ I picked up my glass and took a long drink. I thought I heard Jake chuckle, but when I looked at him he was composed. He picked up the bottle and filled my glass again.
Jake was clearly a doting uncle, and was busy recounting how much fun he and Alice had been having when Bea came back in. Her eyes were red, and I wondered whether she was tired or whether she had been crying.
Jake got up and fetched a clean glass for her. ‘Happy birthday,’ I said, raising my glass to touch hers.
‘Thank you, and thanks for your help earlier. I gather you helped clean the kitchen too.’
‘I’m sure Jake had it all in hand,’ I said, and she raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. ‘Well, almost under control,’ I said. They both smiled, but Jake’s easy laugh seemed to have left him temporarily.
‘Evie came looking for the couple who used to live here before you bought the place,’ Jake told her.
Bea got up and started hunting through the junk drawer next to the sink. ‘I had their forwarding address somewhere. Lovely elderly couple they were, they left us a bottle of champagne as a moving in present.’
‘Elderly?’ I repeated, trying to work out how old Bill’s parents would have been. ‘Oh dear, maybe they weren’t the people I was looking for after all.’
‘Who were you trying to find?’ asked Jake.
I blushed again, and wondered how to explain what I was up to. ‘I used to go to school with the children who lived here. I’m looking up a few old faces and wondered if I could get in touch with them.’ If Jake and Bea wondered why finding old friends might make my face turn the colour of beetroot they were too polite to ask. I didn’t like to think about how defeated I felt. I’d only managed to look up one guy from my book so far and didn’t want to give up yet. But perhaps this task wasn’t meant to be.
‘The Smiths next door might know,’ Bea said, thinking it over. ‘As far as I can tell they’ve lived here forever. I’ll pop round in the morning and ask them. Let’s swap mobile numbers just in case I find anything.’
‘Thank you,’ I said, breathing a quiet sigh of relief. Maybe I’d find answers yet as to why my love life was so unsuccessful.
‘Why don’t you come back for dinner tomorrow evening? It would be nice to thank you properly for your help today. We can let you know what they say. Alice would enjoy it, she seems very fond of you,’ Jake said.
‘She just remembers me from story time and knows that I’ll read stories again and again if asked,’ I told them.
‘Speaking of which, I said I’d go back up again in a few minutes to give her another kiss and a story. So tomorrow then, and don’t worry, I’ll be doing the cooking,’ Bea said, and I grinned.
It was so hard to concentrate the next day at school. Mondays felt long even at the best of times, but this one seemed to last forever, and my mind kept drifting to my plans for the evening. Eventually though I finished work and dragged myself out for a jog round the park. If I didn’t burn off some of this nervous energy I would hardly be able to sit still for the meal.
I showered and dug out a light summer dress from the back of my wardrobe. Usually I was a jeans and baggy shirt kind of a girl, but suddenly I felt like trying to make an attempt at looking more feminine.
Knocking on the door for the third time in two days, I wondered why I was going to so much effort to track down a boy I’d kissed once a decade earlier. At least, I told myself that was the reason I was here. I tried not to think about why I’d taken an extra minute to swipe on some mascara and lip gloss before walking over. Then I remembered George’s wedding, and my failed love affairs, and resolved to continue on
my mission.
Bea answered the door and I handed her a bunch of flowers.
‘Thank you,’ she said as I followed her down the hall and back into her kitchen. It felt warm and cosy inside, and smelt of roast chicken. I could hear Jake and Alice playing football and giggling in the back garden.
I swallowed and realised my mistake but wasn’t sure how to rectify it. As she started to place dishes on the side I plucked up my courage and blurted it out. ‘I think I forgot to say yesterday that I’m a vegetarian.’
Bea set the knife down with a clunk next to the chicken and stared at me for a moment without speaking. ‘No problem,’ she said eventually, as though struck by inspiration. She crossed to the fridge and got out a box of eggs. ‘I’ll whip up a quick omelette.’ Bea called Jake and Alice in and told them to wash their hands.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, getting up to help. I’d been vegetarian since I was thirteen and had got used to letting people know. I must have been more flustered than I had realised the day before to have forgotten. Thank goodness Bea seemed to take the change of plans in her stride. She guided me back to my seat.
‘Alice will share some with you anyway, I’m sure.’
I apologised again. ‘I usually tell people beforehand, I was just distracted yesterday.’ I saw a slight smile cross Jake’s face and I wondered what he thought had made it slip my mind. ‘I was busy thinking about my mission,’ I continued.
‘Your mission?’ Jake said, his green eyes twinkling in the spotlights set into the kitchen ceiling.
Bea lit the hob and poured a jug of beaten eggs into a pan. A few moments later she flipped a perfectly cooked omelette onto a plate and set it on the table.
‘Thank you,’ I said, and she smiled.
‘Don’t worry, I usually end up cooking a second tea for Alice anyway when she changes her mind about what she’ll eat.’
On hearing her name Alice put down her teddy and began to bang her spoon on the table. Jake took it from her and she looked like she was about to cry so he gave it back. She banged it again. ‘I hungry,’ she announced. Bea offered her a piece of chicken, but she continued to play with the spoon. Bea removed the chicken and gave her some omelette. Alice tucked in straight away.
I tucked in, helping myself to the roast potatoes and wilted spinach on the side. ‘This is delicious,’ I said, and Bea looked pleased.
‘I had a quick chat with Mrs Smith next door,’ Jake said, reminding me of why I was there. ‘She remembered the Banks family who used to live here, I assume that’s who you were after, but I’m afraid she didn’t have a forwarding address for them.’
My face must have showed how deflated I felt, but Jake smiled as he produced his final piece of news. ‘She did, however, know where their youngest son works. Apparently Bill has a shop on the high street.’
‘That’s great news. I’ll pop in and see him there,’ I said.
‘You might need to think about that,’ Jake said, and I stared at him.
‘He runs the butcher shop.’
Chapter Five
My fifth year students were on study leave leading up to their exams, and so on Tuesday I had a longer lunch break than usual. I rarely left the school during the day, but I couldn’t bring myself to wait until Saturday to go to Bill’s shop. Charmaine had been convinced that I would find the answers I needed, and though once I had sobered up I had been less certain, I decided to trust her and do my best to continue the search.
I thought back to what I’d written about Bill in my little black book. ‘Saw Bill at college today. I was heading up the hill to my first English Lit class. He was heading down to where the training kitchens were. I wasn’t sure whether to say anything, he hasn’t texted me since we snogged at the party. Charmaine says I can text him if I want, but I’m pretty sure that if he wanted to talk to me he’d have got in touch. He had so many mates around him, maybe he didn’t see me when I waved. I hope they were just laughing at something someone said and not at me. Why did I wave? It was so dorky. I just want to find someone who really likes ME!!’
Outside in the warm sun the smell of raw meat coming from inside the shop was overpowering. I tried to gather my confidence before I walked in. I set one foot onto the sawdust-covered floor and instantly recognised the man stood at the back behind the counter. Bill was wielding a sharp knife and cutting a huge hunk of ribs set on a wooden block. A row of chickens hung from hooks behind him, and a pig’s head stared at me from inside the fridge cabinet.
I was already having second thoughts; the setting was all too macabre for a vegetarian, even without the red-faced six foot hulk of an ex wielding a blade. Still, I’d made it this far so I breathed through my mouth in the hope of being able to escape the smell, and tried to work out how to introduce myself. Just then a young lad in a white coat walked behind Bill. He picked up a long tube of salami from the cooked meat fridge and turned to lay it on the slicer. He accidentally bumped Bill, who spat swear words at him as he ducked quietly away.
‘Can I help you,’ Bill called out as he finally spotted me at the door.
‘I’ve changed my mind,’ I said, thinking for a second time that week that I’d had a lucky escape. It seemed that he hadn’t changed his self-centred ways since I’d last seen him.
I met Charmaine in the pub that night to update her on my progress and to discuss stage three of my plan. I moaned about how it had taken me so many days to locate Bill, only to find out that he too was best left in the past.
‘Jake sounds like a nice bloke,’ she said as she sipped her pint. I’d tried to skim over my reaction to him but obviously hadn’t done a very good job.
‘He is, and he’s great with Alice,’ I replied.
‘Did you get his number then?’
‘I’ve sworn off men until I work out where I’ve been going wrong,’ I reminded her. ‘I don’t want to get hurt again.’
She reached across and squeezed my hand. ‘So who is next?’
I hadn’t brought my little black book out with me. The danger of losing it and having a complete stranger read my tales of teenage angst was more than I could bear. I didn’t need to check though, I could remember all too clearly.
‘It was the Christmas party at college. I was sixteen, and smitten. He was in a band and I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread.’ I’d written about how it had felt to flirt with him. ‘He’s so cute. And he keeps smiling when he catches me eye.’
Charmaine sat forward watching me. ‘Long-haired Nick?’ she asked.
I nodded.
‘There was about ten pages in my notebook talking about how much I fancied him, and then another twenty trying to work out why he dumped me and trying to work out what I’d done wrong.’
‘Did you ever stop to think that it might not have been you?’ my cousin pointed out. ‘Teenage boys are hardly the best models of rational thought.’
I shrugged at her. I knew she was right, but if there was a chance that I could find out for sure, I was going to take it.
‘How are you going to find him?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know. I didn’t have an address for him in my book. He hadn’t gone out with me for long enough for me to find it out. There was a photo of him performing at college, and I had noted down which classes he was in, but that won’t help me find him now.’
‘Have you googled him?’ Charmaine asked. I was astounded that the simple idea had eluded me all day.
‘I didn’t think of that,’ I admitted. I pulled out my mobile and brought up a search engine screen. ‘There are pages of Nick Fosters,’ I said dejectedly, scrolling down. And down, and down.
‘Add the word guitar, and then try under the images,’ she suggested.
I tapped a few buttons on the screen and there was Nick, staring back at me. ‘He’s still got the long hair,’ I said, turning my phone so that Charmaine could see. ‘It looks like he’s still in a band.’ I clicked a few of the links and found myself on their home page.
&
nbsp; Charmaine reached for the phone. ‘It says here that they’ve got some gigs coming up.’
I looked where she was pointing, and clicked again. ‘These are all over the country. Is that a good thing?’ I asked. ‘Does that mean that they’re sought after, or that they’re so desperate for gigs that they’ll play anywhere?’
‘This one is pretty local,’ she said, pointing at one of the lines of vivid blue text on the otherwise black background. ‘It’s only about half an hour away. We could go and see them.’
Sneaking in to a gig where it would be dark and Nick would be busy concentrating on his music meant that he would be far less likely to see me, unless I wanted him to. ‘That’s a great idea. It would be nice to find out that one of my former crushes isn’t either greasy or just plain nasty now.’
‘You could become his groupie,’ she said, laughing at me.
Ten years earlier and I probably would have. Now though I was older, if not wiser. There was a box with contact details for the band in case you wanted to order their CD, and over the next few days I toyed with the idea of emailing Nick before the performance but I wasn’t sure how to explain why I was getting in touch. I didn’t want him to think that I’d been desperately missing him for years.
The pub where Nick’s band was playing was just around the corner from where my brother Matt lived, so Charmaine and I decided to invite ourselves over for dinner. It gave us the chance to pretend that should Nick turn out to be relatively normal and we got chatting, we could legitimately use the excuse that we had happened to be in the area.
Matt was pleased to see us and greeted us both with a hug at the door. He showed us into his house, and I was immediately glad that we had brought a takeaway with us. Living with three other single men, the air inside was fragranced with hints of dirty football gear, and washing up that was still awaiting attention. It was usually safer to bring food that could be eaten straight from the container.
