by Hannah Pearl
Tina’s tears had slowed but not stopped. I reached into my handbag, juggling junk until I finally found a little pocket pack of tissues. Handing them to Tina and waiting until she’d wiped her eyes and blown her nose, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and tried to reassure her too.
‘You hear that, you’re not on your own. You’ve got all these experts backing you up, and you’ve got me too. I’m going to be right by your side from now on.’ I didn’t point out that the longer Steph had talked for, the more I’d realised that it could have been me lying in Tina’s place so easily.
Chapter Thirty-One
Piles of books which needed reading and lessons that needed planning waited for me at my flat so when I left the hospital I went straight to Jake’s house. He greeted me with a hug, and didn’t seem to mind when I didn’t let go of him. He guided me inside and sat me down on the sofa. Alice bounded in to greet me, and I tried to perk up and chat with her, but I found it really hard to concentrate on what she was saying. I think Jake could see me fading in and out. He set Alice up in the other room with her colouring book and pens, came back into the kitchen and offered me tea.
‘You look like what you really need is a stiff drink, but given that it’s not even lunchtime maybe you’d rather wait?’ I nodded, and he continued. ‘I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with the tea or the stronger drink, so let’s start with tea and see if that does the trick.’
‘Thank you,’ I said as he set the steaming mug down next to me.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked, his voice soft and gentle. He stepped back, leaning against the long wooden counter that ran the length of the room. Maybe he thought that I needed the space. I didn’t. I wanted the safety of his arms but it was hard to find the words to tell him. My mind was a fog of memories, fears and confusion. Sipping my tea, I tried to think how to express the emotions and memories that the last few days had stirred up. I tried to speak, but my voice cracked and all that came out was more tears. He was there instantly, crushing me to his chest.
I felt his heartbeat, slow and steady against my cheek. Eventually I slowed my breathing and my tears. ‘It could have been me,’ I told him, looking up at his beautiful blue eyes. ‘It could have been me lying in that hospital bed.’
‘But it isn’t,’ he pointed out, as if that made it all better. As if it took away the fact that my friend was recovering from a beating.
‘If he hadn’t dumped me for my friend, who is to say I’d have left him in time?’ I explained to Jake about the warning signs I’d missed, the controlling behaviours that I’d put up with.
He listened without speaking, and I wondered whether I was losing him as I spoke, whether he’d still want to be with me once he realised how weak I had been. I couldn’t stop though. I told him about the fish and chip argument, and how, before I met him, I’d hadn’t worn a dress in a year because of how much damage Ryan had done to my self-esteem.
By the time I finished I knew my skin would be as red as my hair, I wasn’t a pretty crier. My nose was running and I was taking big, heaving gulps of air every few seconds to power the tears. Jake walked to the cupboard, opened it and handed me a huge bar of Dairy Milk. ‘I’m sure Bea won’t mind you raiding her stash,’ he said. ‘This seems like an emergency.’
I broke off a line of chocolate and started chewing. Jake motioned to his T-shirt. He had huge soggy patches where I’d been pressing against him. ‘I might just go and grab a clean top,’ he said. Alice walked in as he left the room.
‘I bumped my knee,’ she said, pointing at her leg. I leaned in closer but couldn’t see any mark.
‘I think you’re okay,’ I told her, wiping my eyes so that she wouldn’t see the tears, but that was the wrong thing to say and she held her breath. ‘Do you want a plaster?’
‘Only Mummy kisses can make it better,’ she said, thrusting her bottom lip out.
‘Luckily I have a spare one of those in my pocket,’ I told her. She looked sceptical, but I mimed looking in my pocket, finding an invisible kiss, holding it with my fingertips and applying it to her knee. She wasn’t sure, but thankfully she was distracted when she noticed the chocolate. I handed her a couple of squares and she wandered off quite happily. If only adult upsets were solved so easily.
‘Can I make you better with a kiss too?’ Jake asked, standing in the doorway.
‘I’d like you to try,’ I told him. He leaned over and started with a gentle kiss, the merest brush of his lips against mine. I stood up and pressed myself against him and kissed him deeper and longer.
‘Is it working?’ he asked.
‘You’re healing me in places I hadn’t realised were broken,’ I told him. ‘I’m so glad that you lived here instead of Billy Banks.’
Jake laughed. ‘I take it you really are done with looking back into your past now?’
I nodded. ‘I’m all about the future,’ I told him. ‘If you still want me?’
‘Evie,’ he said, stepping back. ‘Why on earth wouldn’t I?’
I shrugged. ‘I’m damaged goods.’
‘So am I,’ he said, gesturing to his sling.
‘For one more week,’ I scoffed.
‘You can’t write yourself off just because you went out with a loser. Hell, I probably know more about the guys you dated than I wanted to, and I hate every one who put any doubt into your mind about how amazing you are.’ He kissed me again. ‘I love that you gave up your holidays to look after Alice and me just because we needed you. I love that you find kisses in your pocket to calm her down when she feels sad. I love that when you were hurting, instead of curling up into a ball and giving up, you came up with this crazy scheme to heal yourself and make it better. And it’s working. Look at you, even in just the time I’ve known you you’re so much more confident than you were.’
I stroked his face, running my fingers across his stubbly cheeks. ‘How could I not be healed when I’m with you?’ I asked. ‘You’re the super uncle, ready to burn cakes, tackle cars and rescue damsels in distress.’
‘It isn’t just because we’re together,’ he assured me. ‘It’s within you too. You say you wore baggy clothes? How about the girl I saw dancing in just a handkerchief in the club? We weren’t together then but every guy in the place was staring at you, including me. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.’
‘You looked pretty hot yourself,’ I pointed out.
‘You say you stopped believing in yourself, but you had the confidence to come in here and talk to random strangers when you wanted to track down all your exes. That takes courage. Meeting with people you were intimate with after all these years, that takes guts too.’
‘So you don’t want to break up with me?’ I asked, though having heard his speech I was pretty sure I was safe on that score after all.
‘Break up with you? I don’t ever want to be away from you,’ he said.
I resolved then that even if his job took him to another city during the week, I’d find a way to make it work. We could take it in turns to travel at weekends. Jake was everything none of my previous boyfriends had been. He was the full package of kindness, humour, and gentle strength that I wanted. He was right for me, and I wasn’t going to lose him just because of distance.
‘So now what?’ I asked him.
Chapter Thirty-Two
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Charmaine asked as I stood outside the door with a key. ‘He did dump you so that he could go out with her.’
‘I know,’ I reminded her. ‘I was there, but I’ve been thinking about what Steph told us at the hospital. I think Ryan knew that he wouldn’t be able to control me forever. I had you and Matt and my parents, despite how much he tried to come between us. Tina had no one, not even me. He made sure of that and then he knew he could treat her however badly he wanted.’ My hands were shaking, but I was determined to go through with it. ‘They’re going to release Ryan on bail tonight. Tina is being allowed out later too. If I don’t get her stuff now,
she’ll have to risk seeing him again. No, I’m going to do this, I promised her I would. I’m not leaving her to cope on her own,’ I said. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
‘It was her decision to go out with him,’ Charmaine pointed out as we walked in.
‘You have no idea how manipulative he was,’ I countered. ‘Tina was so lonely back then. All it would have taken was a bit of flattery and some attention. I don’t think she ever meant to hurt me.’
‘If you say so,’ my cousin muttered, looking around her.
Inside, the flat was pristine, much as it had been when I’d left it a year earlier. Ryan had always insisted that people took their shoes off when they walked in, so now I left mine on as I walked into the sitting room. The black leather sofa that Ryan had demanded be wiped clean once a week was still immaculate. The magazines were stacked neatly at right angles to the coffee table. Charmaine noticed this too and picked them up, turned half the wrong way round and left them fanned out all over the surface. It gave me a wonderful, terrible idea.
I grinned and walked over to the cupboard. Grabbing out a bag of Ryan’s favourite Hobnobs, I stamped on the packet until it was no more than crumbs, then I opened it and poured it all over the sofa, taking the time to rub crumbs between the sofa cushions and under the armrests.
I walked into the bedroom and started to pack Tina’s bags. I heard crashing from the kitchen. I figured Charmaine was having fun with Ryan’s beer glass collection. I grinned and left her to it. I was too busy anyway. He’d always been upset that he couldn’t grow a decent covering of facial hair so I helped by drawing moustaches all over photos of him. I’d always thought it was weird that a person kept framed photographs of themselves all over their bedroom.
It took barely half an hour to pack all of Tina’s clothes and shoes. There were so few personal effects of hers in the flat. I guess this was another element of Ryan’s controlling behaviour. We walked out and put the bags in the boot of my Mini. Looking at my watch, I realised that it still wasn’t even lunchtime. I rang the police station and pretended to be Ryan’s sister, asking what time I could pick him up. The officer explained that it would be about another two hours, and I found myself smiling.
‘Do you think we could plan Ryan a special homecoming in the next two hours?’ I asked Charmaine. She grinned, and we let ourselves back into the flat and got busy. Afterwards we collected Tina from the hospital and took her back to my flat to get settled in.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind me staying here for a bit?’ she asked. ‘I’ll try and get myself sorted out soon. I’ve got another session with Steph tomorrow and she’s going to help me.’
‘There’s no rush,’ I assured her. ‘Now, do you think Ryan knows where I live?’
Tina shook her head. ‘I found out once. I drove past when you were letting yourself in, but I never told him.’
‘That’s good, but we can always see about getting a panic alarm fitted if you’d feel happier.’
‘I’ve got my mobile. And your landline, if needs be. I think I feel okay here,’ Tina assured me. ‘Why, do you think he’ll come looking for us?’ she asked. ‘I don’t think he’ll expect me to be with you. He thought he’d done a pretty good job of destroying our friendship.’ I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
‘I’m glad he didn’t,’ I told her. ‘But I don’t think I want to see him anytime soon.’
‘We need to go,’ Charmaine reminded me. ‘I promised Bea I’d teach her my sea bass recipe. She said that her ex used to do most of the cooking and she wants to learn a few new skills for herself. I’ve also got a chocolate torte that was left over from an event I catered yesterday for pudding.’
‘You don’t have to ask me twice,’ I said. ‘My mouth is watering at the thought of the cake. And I’m sure you have a veggie version of the sea bass all planned too?’
She ruffled my hair. ‘Have I ever let you down, cousin?’
‘Hey,’ I said, shoving her hand away. ‘But no, you never have,’ I conceded.
‘Bea has a pack of quorn fillets in her freezer. I’m sure I can jazz a few of those up for you somehow.’
‘You’re the best,’ I told her.
‘I know,’ she said, with a grin.
Tina watched our banter without joining in, but as I grabbed my cardigan she gave a little cough. ‘Do you think you might have enough for one more?’ she asked.
Charmaine looked at me, waiting for me to agree before she said yes. I think she bore more of grudge than I did about Tina getting together with Ryan. I just felt guilty that I hadn’t warned her and was happy to have my friend back.
Jake greeted me with a kiss that promised of more to come when we were alone. I held his hand while we walked through to the kitchen. Alice showed Tina her room, whilst Bea and Charmaine made quick work of cooking the tea.
Tina sat herself carefully at the table, wincing as she accidentally bumped her cheek when she took her sweater off. ‘Do you need some painkillers?’ Jake offered.
She shook her head. ‘I want to feel this,’ she told him. ‘And remember that this is the last time I ever want to hurt this way.’
I wasn’t sure I’d ever choose to be in pain if I didn’t need to, but I could understand why she felt like that. Knowing that you would never go back was freeing.
‘This is amazing,’ Tina said as she tasted the fish. ‘Ryan used to love sea bass.’
‘I know,’ Charmaine said. ‘I found some that was a couple of days out of date when we went to the flat.’
‘I’d been planning to cook it when we got back from the bar. He must have been in jail so long it went off,’ Tina said, looking down at her lap. The fear of wasting food was one that had taken me a long time to recover from too.
‘I wondered what was going round in the tumble dryer,’ I said. Tina’s mouth dropped open and I saw Jake smile as he looked at me. ‘Was that you?’ I asked. Charmaine nodded and took a sip of her wine. ‘Don’t worry,’ I told Tina. ‘I’m sure it’ll be well cooked by the time Ryan gets home. I set it off on a three hour hot cycle for good measure.’ Bea laughed and Tina continued to look at me.
‘I might have accidentally tipped his aftershave out,’ Charmaine added quietly. Bea reached over and gave her a high five. Tina looked like she was trying to overcome her fear for long enough to smile but was finding it tough. ‘I thought he might like scented pillows. They might still be too soaked to use by tonight sadly. I guess he won’t be tumble drying them though.’
‘What else did you get up to?’ Jake asked, his eyes sparkling with laughter.
‘We only had two hours,’ Charmaine pointed out.
‘So we didn’t do as much damage as we’d have liked,’ I added.
‘But if he tries to watch TV he’ll have to retune every channel,’ Charmaine said.
‘When he finds where we hid all the cables, chargers and batteries’ I added. ‘I unplugged his freezer too,’ I continued. ‘I’m hoping he won’t spot that for a few days. He shouldn’t go hungry tonight though, the twenty-four pizzas I ordered should be arriving at his flat any minute. Followed by a couple of taxis. All pre-paid on his credit card, the emergency one he still kept in his bedside drawer, to make sure that none of the businesses are left out of pocket, naturally.’
‘I thought that was you on the phone,’ Charmaine said. ‘I picked it up and heard voices. It’s okay though, once you finished I found an 0898 number at the back of the paper and dialled it. If he found that and hung up straight away when he got home it might only cost him about £120.’
Bea was grinning, and we weren’t even halfway through our list yet.
‘I noticed that the dishwasher hadn’t been put on,’ I said. ‘I thought I’d do something useful after all my mischief and so I set it off for him. I might have accidentally used the wrong detergent though. What do you think happens if you put a whole bottle of fairy liquid in and switch it on?’
‘He’ll be mopping up for a week,’ Jake said, leaning
over and kissing me.
‘I know it was juvenile, but I felt like I owed him,’ I said.
‘I have no problems with that at all,’ Tina said, smiling. ‘I half wish I was there to see his face when the floor floods. He once made me clean it with my toothbrush when I spilt my drink by accident.’
I found myself going quiet at the reminder that Ryan had been vicious, and that the punishments he had meted out had not been merely pranks.
‘That makes me feel better about cutting holes in all his pants,’ Charmaine said, and Tina giggled. Hiding it behind her hand, she laughed until her eyes watered.
‘I might also have hidden his precious watches,’ I added. Jake sat back and crossed his hands against his chest. ‘Are you waiting for the punchline?’ I asked. He nodded. ‘I might have hidden them down the toilet.’
‘We were running out of time by then, so we made a hit on the credit card Evie found and donated a thousand pounds to a women’s refuge charity, then we came away.’
Tina got up and walked round the table. She hugged me, then threw her arms around Charmaine.
I wanted to stay with Jake that night, but I didn’t think that Tina should be on her own. We still hadn’t discussed his job interview, but I had no emotional energy spare to talk about it yet. He walked Tina and me back to my flat, kissed me and left. I was pretty sure that Ryan wouldn’t be able to find her, but when her mobile rang at two a.m. and she shook as she answered it, I was glad to be there. I wasn’t sure whether he would be full of apology for what he’d done and angling for Tina to drop the charges or if he’d be angry about his flat.
