by JL Madore
“Ye’ve got my undivided attention.”
It struck me that he was teasing, flirting. How easy it would be to join him on the floor and ease my suffering. I wanted to erase the images of Abaddon in my mind, to replace them with pleasure filled experiences and wanted memories.
To be Queen, a true and strong leader, I needed to stand on my own before I joined with another. “Going forward,” I said with more resolve than I felt, “I shall make my own choices. No males shall ease my way or keep things from me. I want full say in my trial, in my future and in my personal affairs.”
I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.
If Samuel was surprised I kissed him, he showed no sign. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed but his attention remained locked. “And what do ye want regarding yer personal affairs, Luv?”
Everything you mentioned. “In truth,” I cannot believe I am saying this, “I ask that you return to your chamber and leave me to find my way. Give me a few days to figure out my own mind. In the meantime, make arrangements for me to claim the throne. Castian said you know what to do?”
He nodded. “Aye, I do. Three days, Luv, and then we revisit this and see where we stand.”
I nodded. “Three days.”
Scattered moments of sleep filled the hours until dawn. For the first time in almost ten months, nightmares had nothing to do with my restlessness. Excitement kept my mind awhirl while my determination solidified. I was stronger than people gave me credit for. I was stronger than I gave me credit for. The understanding of that, coming so late, left me racing to catch up with my life.
I had three days to build the foundation of who I was and what I wanted. Abaddon might have mated an innocent girl to use in his plans but he would learn the truth of his error soon enough. I may be his mate but I would never be his pawn.
I strode down the halls of the Dens to first repast. The moment I reached the dining room, the clink of cutlery to plate and male bravado silenced. The table was full. A dozen Weres plus the cubs, Mika, Grandfather, Aust, Tham and Gemma. Samuel was absent. No doubt giving me the space I asked for.
The males stood when I joined them.
“Sit, please.” Awkward gazes danced across the golden stone walls as they retook their seats. It became apparent that each of them had heard about my pond escapade. “Yes, well, let us air things out, shall we? Last evening, I learned I am indeed mated to a monster and had a lapse. I now have three days to pull my life into focus. Pity is of no use to me but I would appreciate your understanding and your aid.”
“Anything, anytime,” Bruin said. He stalked over and pulled me into his embrace. The strength of his hug squeezed the breath from my lungs. “Everyone in this room has been kicked in the nuts by the Scourge. We get it. Whatever you need, sista, you just ask.”
“Gratitude,” I reached up and kissed Bruin’s cheek and then addressed the table. “After we eat, I would like to speak with you, Grandfather Hawk, if you have the time?”
Mika’s grandfather bowed his head, his silver braid falling forward. “My time is yours, young one. For however long you need me.”
With that, I made my plate and smiled as the table burst back to life.
My morning with Grandfather Hawk proved to be far more grounding than I hoped. The wisdom of the male and his serene outlook on life and the world helped me sort out many conflicting emotions.
We walked the ledge, sat in the meditation garden, gave thanks for the rebirth of spring and the coming strength of summer. We talked about my life, old and new, the males who loved and protected me, the gods of his world and the lessons they brought him, and who I needed to become to survive a future with Abaddon.
I was his mate but I would never succumb to living in one of his compounds of evil. As Gemma said, soon I would be the freakin’ Queen of the Realm.
I would decide where and how I lived.
When Grandfather tired, I walked him to the entrance and then wound back along the path to the gazebo on the far side of the mountain. Sitting alone in the afternoon’s serenity, I soaked in the warmth of the sun’s rays and thought about Galan and my sire, about my Highborne and Haven families, about my emotional and sexual awakenings and about who I was and who I wanted to be.
“Hey there,” Bree said, her smile tentative as she rounded the bend carrying a small tray. “Mind if I interrupt?”
“No. Please.” I gestured to the bench beside me and accepted the tray. It held a plate of salmon with grilled vegetables and two bottles. With the scent of grilled fish fresh in the air, my stomach growled. “Is it evening repast already?”
“Long over, actually. I thought you might be hungry.”
I picked up the cutlery, pleased with my day’s accomplishments. “Gratitude. The day slipped away without me realizing it.”
“Contemplating life can do that.” Her gaze flashed gold as she spoke, a sign that her Coyote-self rose close to the surface. “Know that what Bruin said is true. Every one of us at Haven have lived through the violence of the Scourge. Rape. Murder. Torture. I’m not comparing our injuries to yours, because everyone has the right to mourn what was done to them, but know that the darkest hours will pass.”
We sat in companionable silence for a long while. I ate my meal and she drank from one of the two bottles. She watched the sky redden to a brilliant champagne but I wondered what she actually saw.
When I finished eating, I sipped my alcohol and decided there had been enough contemplation of sorrows. “Bree, I know what I want to do next but need you and Mika to come to my chamber to aid me.”
Bree brightened and upended her bottle. “Sure. What’s up? What do you want us to do?”
“My life shall take a serious turn in a few days, but before that happens, I wish to have some fun and make some cards.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
As it turned out, my chamber was not big enough to hold our evening. Once I explained my curiosities and showed Bree and Mika the book Elora had given me, they squealed and called in the other women in my life.
“Ladies night has officially begun,” Mika said, raising the blender from behind the bar in the living room. She set it atop the counter and Bree handed over several bottles from the lit wall of alcohol. “Let margarita madness ensue.”
Jade opened the heavy wooden doors and rushed in waving video cases in the air. “The research material is here.”
Nyssa and Elora followed carrying trays of food.
Gemma sat perched on the back of one of the sofas, smiling from ear to ear. What’s the research material?
I relayed her question and Jade held the covers toward the seating area. Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL.
A round of whistles and laughter sounded as ladies accepted their drinks and milled around the room. Bruin and Cowboy poked their heads in to investigate and were shunned and sent away.
Bree held her glass up. “Here’s to Lia. May the doors opened to her tonight never close. And may her cards bring her everything she deserves.”
Mika raised her virgin margarita and smiled. “Long live the sex cards.” Another round of laughter erupted. “But before we get ahead of ourselves, Lia, why don’t you tell us what you want from tonight.”
I drank my glass down and waited for the icy lime chill to cool my insides. “Tonight,” I said, addressing my friends, “is about discovery and rediscovery. From my hair and clothes to my thoughts and taking control of my path. Tonight, we plan how I emerge a more confident and happier me.”
“Did somebody say extreme makeover?” Lexi skipped through the doors and behind her, Rowan and Cowboy carried bins, bags and what looked like large kits. “And lookie-lookie, I came prepared.”
When everything was set down, the men were once again shooed out of the room and the doors closed tight.
“Right,” Lexi said, “let’s unleash your vixen, shall we?”
The evening progressed with both hilarity and abandon. Bree trimmed and styled my hair. Lexi showed me a braid
that the women of the Modern Realm used. And Jade demonstrated how to apply makeup and yet appear I wore none. Then they glued tiny purple gemstones in a flower and vine pattern across my breast and down my side. Lexi swore the adornment was a necessary part of my transformation.
Jade’s movies captured both my fascination and imagination. Gemma whooped the loudest though no one heard her but me. Even the mated females found Channing Tatum and his band of dancing brothers titillating.
“Lia, repeat after me.” Bree’s words slurred with drink. “Dude, nice ass.”
I laughed and waved my pen. “I could never say that.”
“Why?” Mika asked. “Samuel has a great ass.”
Hells yeah, Gemma said. The way his slacks cling to those curves makes me want to lick him like an ice-cream cone.
I threw a cushion but it passed straight threw her.
“The line works every time, I swear,” Bree said. “Maybe you’re not an ass girl.”
The others laughed and Elora passed me another drink. “What do you notice about a male’s physique, child? What warms your core and makes your mouth water? Broad shoulders? Banded arms? Piercing eyes?”
My ears flushed hot, right to the tips.
“Don’t be shy,” Jade said, holding up navy lace lingerie. “No one will repeat a word spoken in the confidence of the margarita confessional.”
“Here, here!” Lexi said.
What fueled my inner fire? Samuel possessed the attributes Elora mentioned, yet what truly held my sexual fascination was not listed.
I wet my lips. “Samuel wears lounge pants in the evenings. What whets my appetite is the way they hang on his bare hips. They show off the fine hair of his navel and how his hip muscles angle down beneath the waistband of his pants.”
“Yesss,” Bree hissed. “The mighty V. Gotta loves a man with tone.”
“Okay,” Mika said. “Where are we with the cards? Do we have anything about following the treasure trail down the V?”
I shifted to the beginning and cleared my throat. “Pleasure yourself. Shop for sex toys. Touch a naked male. Wear underwear that feels sexy. Grind on a dancefloor. Give a full-body massage. Fondle a partner in a summer rain. Give a blowjob. Get naked within risk of getting caught. Tie him up and have your way. Skinny dip. Sex-play in the moonlight. Whisper something dirty in his ear. Ride ‘em cowboy.”
“But not necessarily our Cowboy,” Mika added.
Bree whistled. “Though don’t rule it out. You can choose anyone as a consort, right? Well, that man is ripped like nobody’s business. Have you seen him naked?”
There was a digression while the room discussed Cowboy’s attributes. As a Were, we had all seen him naked. Everyone agreed I should consider him as consort material.
Lexi pointed to a page in the book. “Sex with food.”
My pen remained poised above the next card. “What?”
She nodded. “Write it down. Sex with food.”
My mouth hung open as the others just laughed. “I shall consider food part of the ambiance of a sexual moment but not as part of sex. I draw the line.”
Nyssa laughed. “The line is yours to draw. As you wish.”
I wrote that down and waited for the next idea.
“Go dominatrix on his ass,” Lexi added.
“Have him perform a striptease,” Jade said.
In the end, I had twenty-three sex cards, ten self-empowerment cards and absolutely no idea how many drinks I consumed.
The next morning, I leaned my head against the cool tile wall of our shared ensuite bathing room. “Gods Samuel, no matter how I hold my head it never hurts any less. This is worse than when I was being possessed.”
I struggled with the cap of the toothpaste and squeezed a dollop onto my brush. “My mouth feels as if Mika’s bearcat, Orville, has climbed in and curled itself around my tongue. Is that normal?”
He cocked a brow. “Aye, that’s the morning after for ye.”
I finished brushing my teeth and scooped some of the running water with my hand. It was cold and after I rinsed, I drank down a couple swallows.
Samuel filled the glass at the edge of the sink and offered me two white tablets. “Take these and drink every drop.”
When I had done as he asked, he passed me a cool hand towel and I pressed it over my face. It smelled like the almond soap Mika stocked in the laundry and I found that remarkably soothing. When I looked up, his gaze danced with amusement.
“Stop laughing at me.” I flopped the towel over the side of the sink. “I feel like an imbecile.”
His laugh was deep and sexy. “Why, because ye got shit-faced with the women?” He shook his ebony hair, guiding me to my small primping station outside the bathroom. Angling my shoulders, he sat me into the dainty make-up chair and moved to stand behind me. I tugged the hem of my night shirt down to cover my legs. “Everyone needs to let off steam. It’s perfectly understandable that ye let loose. Ye did it in the safety of this fortress surrounded by yer kin and yer friends. There’s nae a thing wrong with that.”
I reached to the vanity counter and retrieved my hairbrush.
Samuel leaned over my shoulder, hand out. The scent of his cologne, faded from the passing day, filled my sinuses. I handed the brush to him, closed my eyes and then popped them open again and waited for the world to stop spinning.
“As ye say all the time to me, dinnae fash. At least ye dinnae throw up on me again this morning.”
I covered my face with my hands. “Oh Gods, did I vomit on you last night?”
He laughed against my back. “Seriously. Yer fine. A little water to re-hydrate, a few more hours of rest and other than a touch of quease, you’ll be a new woman by noon.”
“If only,” I whispered and headed back to bed.
Samuel’s council was, as usual, accurate. At 11:20 am, I woke, showered and dressed. If not completely well, I felt quite near to it. I nibbled a bit at the cinnamon bagel he left for me and by the time the knock came at my door, I was ready to receive.
“Julian, come in.” I held the door open wider and he joined me in my suite. Though dapper in his dress, Julian’s wardrobe was not as formal or crisp as Samuel’s. Still, a well-dressed male always held a certain attractiveness. “I appreciate you coming. Did Jade explain to you what I want? About helping me with my cards?”
His teeth, straight and white, shone as he smiled. “She did and I got you covered.”
“Wonderful, where should we start?”
It was well past evening repast when Julian and I finished. Escorting him to the hall, I stretched up and hugged him, my confidence boosted immeasurably. Tall and athletic, he had a similar build to Samuel though the two smelled nothing alike.
“You are a wonder, Julian. You have taught me more than I thought possible in one session. Gratitude.”
He shrugged and stepped to the side as Samuel strode in to join us. “Those cards are fun. Anytime I can help, I’m game.”
He winked and gave me a wave as he stepped out into the hall. “Catch you later, Merlin.”
I closed the door, my heart lighter than it had been in months. “What a day. Julian is a marvel. A true marvel.”
“I’m sure he is,” Samuel said, facing the far wall, his hands on his hips. The line of his shoulders was rigid, the drape of his white, pressed shirt rumpled after a long day. “So, ye had yer fun, did ye? Sowed some wild oats?”
I had no idea what that meant but his scent and voice told me it was bad. “What have I done now? Why are you angry?”
He turned and the pain in his glare took me aback. “When ye said ye needed a few days, I dinnae think it was to take up with other men. I heard about yer cards, ye see. Bruin was chuckling about them with Mika, tryin’ to get her to tell him what was on them.”
Part of me thought to let him suffer a little for not simply asking me what had gone on. Only a very small part of me.
“But Julian?” he said. “Why in the three realms would ye turn me away and g
o to him? Ye barely know the man. Is this because I turned ye down the other day? I explained that to ye. I thought ye understoo—”
I stepped before Samuel and handed him the two white cards Julian and I had chosen for our afternoon. “Please read them aloud and stop panicking.”
He frowned at me but eventually took the cards from my hand. “Embrace communication and information technologies and Learn how the Talon works to protect the Realm.”
I nodded.
“That’s why Julian was here?” He shuffled the order of the cards and read them both again. “But Bruin said the cards were about sexual conquest and such.”
I went to the hutch by the wall and opened an ornate keepsake box. From inside, I took out the remaining cards. “The ones in green ink are personal goals. The ones in red ink are sexual goals.”
I handed him the small pile. He did not look at them, his attention still focused on me. Unable to discern if he was still angry or not, I started at the beginning, Elora’s book and how I thought if I could take small steps to claim things I wanted, both sexually and in my everyday life, they would be steps toward being the person I wanted to be.
I managed to get through the explanation, pausing only long enough to breathe. I made no attempt to hide my embarrassment. “When I say it aloud, it sounds like objectifying males to my own end but it was fun to talk life and love with the others. I never had a mother and I needed female perspective.”
Samuel stared at the top card.
I pulled my new silver phone out of my pocket. “Julian aided me with two of the green goals. Self-empowerment. I need to embrace this realm if I am to understand what the citizens need. Does that make sense? Please say something. I cannot tell if you are still angry.”
Samuel swallowed. “Aye, I’m angry but only at myself.”
“Nonsense. What did you do?”
“Exactly. With all the changes and everything ye’ve been through it’s obvious ye’d need to build yer confidence and want to learn things. I should have helped ye. I’m sorry, lass.”
