“You don't want to be in Florence on your own,” Sabrina tried to reason with her. This truly was an idea that would work, if Annie would only agree to do it. And Charlie was history. She just didn't know it, and Sabrina didn't want to be the one to tell her. Annie had been trying all morning to reach him on his cell phone. She mentioned it to Sabrina, and her oldest sister couldn't help wondering if he had turned off his cell gether?” She looked confused, and Sabrina laughed. Finding the perfect house for them on the first shot had been a major victory.
“Nope. Not now anyway. This is a house for you, me, and Candy. For a year, while you get organized, and … well … used to things.” She tried to be delicate about it. “And a year from now, you can figure out what you want to do. You can get rid of us if you want. Or we can rent another place. This one's only available for a year anyway. It's really cute. On East Eighty-fourth Street.”
“What am I going to do there?” She looked mournful and hopeless as she said it.
“Go to school, maybe. Whatever you need to do this year to get independent.” Sabrina was trying to be upbeat about the changes she'd have to make. They weren't even fully aware of what they were yet. They were waiting for her treatment plan for when she'd be released.
“I was independent, up to a week ago. Now I'm going to be like a two-year-old, if that.”
“No, you're not. We want to be your roommates, Annie, not your jailers. You can come and go as you please.”
“And how do you think I'm going to do that? With a white stick?” she said, as tears filled her eyes. “I don't know how to use one.” As she said it, all three of them thought of the people they had seen trying to cross the street in heavy traffic, and needing assistance. “I'd rather be dead. Maybe I'll just stay at Dad's.” It sounded like the kiss of death to them. Even their dad would be at her. “I can figure it out for myself.” She was crying again, and Sabrina was near tears herself, in frustration.
“Don't make it so hard for yourself. Come on, Annie. This is going to be hard enough. Let us help.”
“No!” Annie said, and rolled over in bed with her back to them. Sabrina and Candy exchanged a long look and said nothing. “And don't look at each other like that!” she shouted. Sabrina jumped when she said it.
“So now you've got eyes in the back of your head? You have your back to us. And pardon me for mentioning it, but you're blind, so how do you know what we're doing?”
“I know you!” she said angrily, and Sabrina chuckled.
“You know, you're as big a brat as you were when you were seven. You used to spy on me, you little shit, and tell Mom.”
“So did Tammy.”
“I know, but you were worse. And she always believed you, even when you lied.”
She still had her back to them, but Sabrina could hear her laughing in her bed.
“So are you still going to be a brat, or are you going to be reasonable? Candy and I found a great house, and I think you'd love it. We all would. And it would be fun to live together.”
“Nothing I do is ever going to be fun again.”
“I doubt that,” Sabrina said sternly. She couldn't wait to hear from the shrink. Annie needed one badly. They all did. And maybe she could tell them how to deal with Annie. “I'm signing the lease tomorrow night. And if we lose this house because you're having a tantrum, I'll be really pissed.” She had a right to more than a tantrum, but Sabrina figured that maybe being firm with her would work best. All she wanted to do was put her arms around her and hold her, but maybe Annie needed something stronger than that. Hard as it was to do, they couldn't let her wallow in feeling sorry for herself.
“I'll think about it,” was all Annie would say, and she wouldn't turn around to face them. “Go away. Leave me alone.”
“Do you mean that?” Sabrina looked shocked, and Candy hadn't said a word. She had always hated Annie's temper. For her, Annie was the big sister who had given her a hard time when she was growing up. They were five years apart.
“Yes,” Annie said sadly. She hated the world.
Sabrina and Candy stayed for another half-hour and tried to jolly her out of her black mood, without success. And finally they took her at her word and left, promising to be back later, if she called them and wanted them to come back, or tomorrow.
Both sisters talked about it on the way home. Sabrina thought that maybe it was a good sign that she was angry. And she had no one else to take it out on but them. In truth, she was railing at the fates that had taken her mother from her in one fell swoop, and left her blind. They had been cruel fates indeed.
“What'll we do about the house?” Candy asked, sounding worried. “What if she won't move in with us?”
“She will,” Sabrina said calmly. “She doesn't really have a lot of choice.”
“That's sad.” Candy was feeling sorry for her again.
“Yes, it is. The whole thing is sad. For her, for Dad, for us. But we have to make the best of it.” She was still excited about the house they had found. It was perfect for them. “She'll come around,” Sabrina said, hoping it was true.
When they got home, she found a message from the shrink. Sabrina called her back, told her what had happened, and she agreed to come out from the city to see Annie. She said her practice was in New York, but in special circumstances, she made exceptions and visited patients where they were. Annie's circumstances sounded special enough to her. She promised to come out on Wednesday, and was encouraged to hear that they were moving to the city in the next few weeks. She had time to take Annie on as a patient and sounded interested in her case. Sabrina was relieved, and thought she sounded nice on the phone. She had been highly recommended by Annie's surgeon.
Sabrina left a message on Tammy's cell phone then to tell her they got the house. And she spent the rest of the afternoon returning calls and making notes. She called her office and checked in, then called her landlord about how to go about releasing her apartment. It sounded like a fairly simple procedure to her. She explained the circumstances to them, and they were sympathetic and helpful.
They didn't visit Annie again till the next day. When they got there, a nurse was walking her down the hall, and Annie didn't look happy. She sensed them before they greeted her. She took Sabrina's arm then, and they walked back to her room. She looked skittish, and was anxious about bumping into things. More than ever, seeing her out of her room made her sisters realize how vulnerable she was. She was like a turtle without a shell. She was very quiet once back in her room, and then finally she told them. She had spoken to Charlie. She looked sad the moment she said it, and they both knew why.
“He was in Greece, and he said his phone wasn't getting reception till now.” She hesitated and then went on. “He said he met someone else. That's cute, isn't it? I left Florence less than two weeks ago, and he was madly in love with me. And within days, he meets someone else. He was a shit on the phone. He didn't want to talk. I guess he went to Greece with her.” Two tears crept down her cheeks as she said it, and Sabrina gently brushed them away.
“Guys are shits sometimes. I guess women are too. People can be. That was a lousy thing to do to you.” Even lousier than she knew.
“Yeah, it was. I didn't tell him that I'm blind, so it wasn't that. I told him about the accident though, and that Mom had died. But I said I was okay. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. If everything had been okay with us, I would have told him. So he could decide if he was okay with it. But I never got that far. He told me almost as soon as he answered.” Listening to her, Sabrina decided it was better that way. And she was glad she'd called and warned him. If Annie had told him, and he'd rejected her, it would have been much worse. This way she thought she'd gotten dumped like anyone else. Rotten luck. And bad behavior on his part. But not the mortal blow of a man who no longer wanted her because she was blind. Losing him was for the best. He clearly wasn't a good guy.
“I'm sorry, Annie,” Sabrina said, and Candy told her there would be other guys, and he wa
s obviously a jerk.
“There won't be other guys for me now. No one wants a woman who's blind,” she said, feeling sorry for herself. Sabrina decided not to tell her yet about the shrink, but she was glad that she was coming to see Annie.
“Yes, there will,” Sabrina said gently. “You're just as beautiful and smart and nice as you were before. None of that has changed.”
“You know, I get dumped all the time,” Candy added, and both of her sisters laughed. It was hard to believe that with looks like hers. “A lot of the guys I go out with are assholes. Some guys our age just are. They don't know what they want. They love you today, and want someone else tomorrow. Or they just want to get laid, or get into a party. There are a lot of users out there.” Sabrina realized it was probably one of the standard features of Candy's life. A lot of people wanted to use her. And she was young to handle all that. And Tammy wasn't having an easy time either with men her age and older. Men could be tough at any age.
“You two make me glad I'm not that young. I'd forgotten what jerks guys in their twenties are. I went out with some lulus before I met Chris.”
After that Candy and Annie talked for a while about the horrors of dating, but underneath the joking around, Sabrina could see that Annie was profoundly sad. Charlie dumping her summarily, supposedly for someone else, had been a blow, especially now. She had been so sure that he was the right one. She had almost been ready to move back to New York for him. Sabrina didn't remind her of that.
“It won't kill you to live with us for a while. Besides, it might be fun.”
“It won't be fun,” Annie said stubbornly. “Nothing is ever going to be fun again.”
“Tell me that in six months when you're dating some other guy.”
“There won't ever be another guy,” Annie said sadly, and they could both see that she believed it.
“Okay,” Sabrina said, “I accept that challenge. Today is July fourteenth, Bastille Day. I hereby bet you a hundred dollars that six months from now, which will be January fourteenth, you will either have been dating someone for a while, or will be starting to date someone. A hundred bucks says you'll be dating again. And Candy is our witness. You're gonna owe me a hundred bucks, Annie, so you'd better start saving your money.”
“You're on,” her sister said. “I will bet you that in six months, or six years, I won't have had a date yet.”
“The bet is for six months,” Sabrina said firmly. “If you want a six-year bet, I'm going to charge you a hell of a lot more money. You can't afford it. Take the bet for six months. And remember, you're going to owe me a hundred bucks. Dead-ass certain.”
Annie was lying in bed, smiling. She was depressed about Charlie, but she enjoyed being with her sisters. Even now they made her feel better. Tammy had called her when she got back to L.A. the night before, and had even made her laugh with stories about Juanita, and some crazy guy she sat next to on the plane.
They left her a little while later and went back to the house. Before they left the hospital, Sabrina told her that she was going into the city to sign their lease.
“I haven't said I'd do it,” she said petulantly, still looking depressed, although better than when they'd arrived. She was understandably upset about Charlie. But at least now she wasn't trying to rush back to Florence. Being there alone and blind would have been impossible for her, and she knew it. But she insisted that she didn't want to give up her apartment in Florence. Sabrina told her to discuss that with their father. It was up to him, and she knew Annie's apartment there was dirt cheap so maybe he'd let her.
“Well, if you don't move in with us,” Sabrina told her, “then Candy and I will live together and you'll miss out.” Annie smiled slowly as she said it.
“Okay, okay … we'll see. I'll think about it.”
“I can promise you one thing, Annie Adams,” Sabrina said as they stood up to leave. “If you don't come to live with us, you'll miss out on the time of your life. We're great to live with.”
“No, you're not.” Annie laughed at her and looked straight at her as though she could see her. “I lived with you until I was ten years old, and I can tell you, you are a giant pain in the ass. And Candy is not a lot better. She is the messiest human on the planet.” They all knew that she had been for years, but she seemed to have improved lately.
“I am not anymore!” Candy said, sounding insulted. “Besides, we need a maid if we're going to live together. I am not going to clean house.”
“Gee, maid service too … now that is something to think about,” Annie said, grinning. “I'll let you know,” she said grandly, sounding more like herself for the first time.
“You do that,” Sabrina said, kissed her, and walked out of the room with Candy right behind her. Sabrina turned to wink at Candy, who gave her a thumbs-up. Annie was going to do it. She had no other choice.
Chapter 12
The psychiatrist saw Annie at the hospital as promised on Wednesday afternoon, and she called Sabrina after she'd seen her. She couldn't disclose any of what Annie had said to her, due to the confidentiality laws, but she told Sabrina that she was satisfied with their meeting, and was planning to see her again, once more in the hospital before her discharge, and hopefully on a regular basis once she moved to New York. Annie still hadn't told Sabrina that she was moving into the house, but it sounded as though she would. And Sabrina had signed the lease the night before.
The psychiatrist reassured Sabrina that her sister was not suicidal, or even unusually depressed. She was going through all the emotions that were to be expected after that kind of trauma, and losing both her mother and her sight as a result. It was a major double blow. She suggested, as the surgeon had, that Annie needed to join a rehab program that worked with people who had lost their sight, but she said the doctor would make those referrals before Annie came home. In the meantime, she was satisfied with what she saw. For Sabrina, that was good enough.
The meeting had been particularly interesting for Annie, who had been furious when the psychiatrist walked into the room and told her who she was. She told her that Sabrina had called her, and at first Annie had refused to talk. She said she didn't want any help, and she was doing fine on her own.
“I'm sure you are,” the psychiatrist, Ellen Steinberg, assured her. “But it never hurts to talk.” Annie eventually exploded and said that the doctor had no idea what she was going through, and she didn't know what it was like to be blind. “Actually, I do,” Dr. Steinberg said calmly. “I happen to be blind myself. I have been since I was in a car accident much like yours, right after I finished medical school. That was twenty-four years ago. I had some very tough years afterward. I decided to give up medicine. I had trained as a surgeon, and so as far as I was concerned, my career was pretty well shot. There aren't a lot of calls for blind surgeons.” Annie was fascinated as she listened. “And I was absolutely sure that there was no other specialty I was interested in. I thought psychiatry was for the birds. What did I want to do with a bunch of lunatics and neurotics? I wanted to be a heart surgeon, which was pretty prestigious stuff. So, I sat home and pouted for a couple of years, and drove my family insane. I started to drink a lot, which complicated everything. My brother finally told me what a horse's ass I was, how everyone was sick of my feeling sorry for myself, and why didn't I get a job and stop punishing everyone for how miserable I was.
“I couldn't do anything. I had no training for any job except medicine. I got a job in an ambulance company, answering the phones. And as some kind of crazy fluke, I got another job on a suicide hotline, and I actually liked it, which led me to psychiatry. I went back to school, and studied psychiatry. And the rest is history, as they say. I met my husband when I went back to school, he was a young professor at the medical school. We got married and have four kids. I don't usually talk about myself this way. I'm here to talk about you, Annie, not about myself. But I thought it might help you to hear about what happened to me. I was hit by a drunk driver in the accident. He went to ja
il for two years. And I was blind for the rest of my life. But actually, if you want to look at it that way, maybe it was a blessing. I wound up in a specialty I love, married to a wonderful man, and have four pretty terrific kids.”
“How can you do all that, being blind?” Annie was fascinated by her. But she couldn't imagine any of that happening to her. Not the good stuff anyway. She felt cursed.
“You learn. You develop other skills. You fall on your face just like everyone else does, blind or not. You make mistakes. You try harder than everyone else at times. You have disappointments and heartbreaks just like people who have their sight. It's not so different in the end. You do what you have to do. Why don't we talk about you for a while? How are you feeling right now?”
“Scared,” Annie said in a little girl's voice, as tears started to flow. “I miss my mom. I keep thinking I should have tried to save her. It's my fault that she died. I couldn't grab the steering wheel. I didn't have time.” She looked anguished as she spoke.
“It doesn't sound like you could have. I read the accident report before I came here.”
“How did you read it?” Annie asked her.
“I had it translated into braille. That's pretty easy to do. I type all my reports in braille, and my secretary retypes them for sighted people.”
They talked for over an hour, and then Dr. Steinberg left her. She said that if Annie wanted her to, she would come back again.
“I'd like that,” Annie said softly. She felt like a child again, at everyone's mercy. She had told her too about Sabrina and Candy wanting her to move into a house with them.
“What do you want to do?” Dr. Steinberg had asked her, and Annie had said she didn't want to be a burden to them.
“Then don't be. Go to school. Learn what you need to know so that you can be independent.”
“I guess that's what you did.”
Sisters Page 17
