“And you're the buzz saw?” Tammy asked her.
“That's my job,” she confirmed. It was how she saw it. “I chew right through everything you've got, your heart, your head, your wallet, your kids. Saw the little suckers in half and give half to each parent, fair and square. Christ, who'd ever want to go through that?”
“Lots of people do.” Tammy wasn't as worried about it as Sabrina, but it concerned her too. “That reminds me. I didn't want to say anything to him, but I hope to hell Dad gets a pre-nup.”
“He can't be that stupid,” Sabrina said, sitting up finally. She had been lying there for hours, thinking about Chris. “I'll send him an e-mail and remind him. It's none of my business, but someone has to tell him, or should.”
“See what I mean? You take care of all of us, Sabrina. Why not do it for your own kids, instead of a bunch of adults? It might be more fun with kids.”
“Maybe so.” She smiled, but didn't look convinced.
She went downstairs to get something to eat, and offered to get Tammy something too. Candy called in a little while later, to let them know she was okay. After the terrifying incident with Marcello, she checked in constantly now, and always told them where she was. She never went to anyone's apartment, and even in Rhode Island, visiting Paul, she was staying at a hotel, and Sabrina didn't think they had slept with each other yet. She was being extremely cautious, and Paul didn't seem to mind, which said good things about him. And he was young and wholesome. He wasn't some sleazy player looking to hit on young girls. The one who was considerably older, for Annie, was Brad. But somehow the age difference between them didn't seem to matter. Annie was mature for her age, especially now. And Brad was so protective of her, which was a comfort to both of her older sisters, and even to Candy. They all approved of Brad and Annie's romance.
Sabrina and Tammy spent a quiet night together, watching movies, doing the Times crossword puzzle together, and relaxing after their hectic weeks. John called Tammy on Sunday, and just chatted with her for a while. And Tammy bathed all the dogs on Sunday night. Annie was out with Brad again. They were having dinner with friends.
“We lead an exotic life, don't we?” Tammy commented, as she dried one of the dogs, and Sabrina came by with a load of clean towels. They smiled at each other, and were happy to see Candy when she got home.
“How was it?” Tammy asked her, as she set down her bag.
“Great. We spent time with all his friends.” She was full of the excitement of the weekend, and seemed to be enjoying being with people her own age.
All four girls were home that night eventually. Their bedroom doors were open, and they called out their goodnights to each other. And each one lay in bed, smiling, thinking how lucky they were to have each other, no matter what happened with the men in their lives.
Chapter 25
Valentine's Day was a mixed blessing at their house. They all woke up knowing that their father was getting married in Las Vegas that day, and it weighed heavy on their hearts. It made them miss their mother even more. They were solemn and uncommunicative at breakfast. They had sent their father and Leslie flowers to their hotel room, and champagne. And Sabrina had sent him the e-mail about the pre-nup two weeks before. He had answered, saying that he had thought of it himself and taken care of it, which reassured her. At least, if it didn't work out, Leslie wouldn't walk off with everything he owned.
As for Valentine celebrations, Brad was taking Annie to dinner that night. Tammy was amazed that John had asked her out for the evening. He had suggested they go to dinner and a movie, which sounded perfect to her, without seeming awkward or overly romantic to either of them, since they had just started dating. And Paul was planning to come down from Brown for the night to see Candy. Everyone had something to do except Sabrina, who was planning to stay home, and do some work. The others felt terrible when they left her. She was making herself a bowl of soup when Tammy went out, and felt guilty leaving her there alone.
“Don't be silly,” Sabrina reassured her. “I'll be fine.” She smiled encouragingly, and told Tammy how pretty she looked. And she had already told her how much she liked John. He was nice looking, but more than that, he seemed like an intelligent, kind man, with a lively mind. And he was as full of energy and bright ideas as Tammy, and worked in the same field. And she liked Paul Smith too. He was a breath of fresh air compared to the men she usually saw circling Candy, waiting to take advantage of her in some way. And she loved Brad. She told Annie how lovely she looked when she went out. Tammy had helped her dress, and Candy did her hair, and trimmed it a little again. She seemed absolutely elfin when Brad appeared. And he was bowled over by how beautiful she looked. He was obviously crazy about her, and Annie was visibly in love with him. Things seemed to be taking a serious turn.
By nine o'clock, Sabrina was alone, and she sat at the kitchen table, staring at her soup, thinking of Chris, and wondering how it had come to this. She had lost the man she had loved for nearly four years. She finally gave up and poured the soup down the sink. She couldn't eat, or work. All she could do was think of him, and all she missed about him. She hadn't heard a word from him since New Year's Eve. He had never called her again from the moment he left the house, with the engagement ring in his pocket that she had refused to accept.
She wandered around the living room for a while, tried sitting in the den and watching TV. She couldn't concentrate, and finally walked back up to her room and stared out the window as it began to snow, and then finally she couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to see him, if only just once more. She went back downstairs, put on her boots, grabbed a coat out of the closet, and walked toward his apartment in the snow. She buzzed the intercom downstairs and heard his voice for the first time in almost two months. Just hearing him was like the oxygen she had lacked for six weeks.
“Who is it?”
“It's me. Can I come up?”
There was a long pause, and then the buzzer sounded, which released the door. She pushed it and walked up the stairs to his apartment. He was standing in the doorway, frowning, in a sweater, jeans, and bare feet. Their eyes met for a long time as she looked at him and walked slowly toward him, and he stepped aside as she came through the door. As she walked in and looked around, nothing had changed, and neither had he. He was still the man she loved, but couldn't bring herself to marry.
“Is something wrong?” he asked her with a look of concern. She looked a mess, and didn't look well. “Are you okay?”
She turned to look at him sadly. “No, I'm not. Are you?” He shrugged in answer. It had been a miserable six weeks.
“Do you want something to drink?” he offered, and she shook her head. She was still cold, and sat down on the couch, wearing her coat. “Why are you here?” She didn't remind him that it was Valentine's Day. It was beside the point, for them at least, though not for her sisters, who were out with the men in their lives, even if newly arrived.
“I don't know why I'm here,” she said honestly. “I had to come. Everything's been so awful without you. I don't know what's wrong with me, Chris. I'm scared to death of marriage. It's not you, it's me. And here's my father marrying some bimbo, five minutes after my mother died. Why isn't he scared? He should be. Instead I am. I hate what marriage does to people after it goes wrong.”
“It doesn't always go wrong,” he said gently, as he sat down across from her, in a big leather chair he loved. He used to sit there for hours with the dog. “Sometimes it works.”
“Not often. And I guess those are the ones I never see. Do we have to get married? Isn't there something else we can do?”
“We've already done that. I don't want to run in place forever, Sabrina. I want more out of life than that. So should you. I've been meaning to call you.” He hesitated. “I've been thinking about all this too. I hate to give up what I really want, and you shouldn't either. What if we live together for a while? Not forever, but maybe six months, till you get used to the idea. Maybe when you and your sisters g
ive up the house. We could try it out for a while. If you want, you could live here. Or we could get a place of our own. I don't know. Maybe the paperwork isn't as important as I think it is. Maybe we should just live together, and see what happens. And maybe then you wouldn't be so scared of the next step.” His voice trailed off as she shook her head no.
“Don't do that, if it isn't what you want. Don't settle, Chris,” she said miserably, trying to defend his interests, because she loved him, but they were in conflict with her own.
“I want you,” he said clearly. “That's all I want, Sabrina. It's all I ever wanted since the day I met you. You and your crazy life, your sisters, your father, our silly dog … and one day, kids of our own. You take care of your sisters as though they were your kids. Let them grow up. They will anyway. We could have our kids.”
“What if they hate us? Or they're drug addicts or juvenile delinquents? Doesn't that scare you?” Her eyes were two dark pools of fear. He felt sorry for her, and wanted to put his arms around her. But he didn't. He kept looking at her, wishing it was easier for her.
“It doesn't scare me with you,” he said clearly. “Nothing does. And if they're juvenile delinquents, we'll get rid of them and get new ones.” He smiled at her. “I just want you, sweetheart. However it works for you. If you'd rather live together, we'll do it. Just promise me, if we have kids, we'll get married. I'd like them to be legitimate. It might make a difference to them one day.” She nodded, and smiled slowly at him.
“Maybe after six months of living together, I'd be okay.”
“I hope so,” he said, as he stood up and came to sit down next to her. He put his arms around her and held her, as she leaned her head against him. This was the part of her that had been missing since New Year's Eve. Losing Chris had been worse than losing a limb.
“I'm sorry I was such a jerk on New Year's Eve,” she said softly. “I was scared.”
“I know. It's okay, Sabrina. It's going to be okay … you'll see….”
“Why are you so sure, and I'm such a freak?” But a lot had happened in the past year that had scared her more than ever. With her mother gone, she was even more frightened than before. It had knocked the pins out from under her somehow. And he was right. She took care of everyone else in the world, why not him? And maybe even their kids. “I love you, Chris,” she said, looking up at him.
“I love you too. I was miserable without you. I was thinking about coming over tonight. I was afraid you'd slam the door in my face.” She shook her head, and he kissed her. They hadn't solved all their problems, but it was a beginning.
“I'll move in when we give up the house,” she promised. “I'm going to miss it though. It's been so wonderful.”
“How's Annie doing?” he asked her. He had missed all of them so much. They were like his family now, and had been for so long. They were a lot to lose, and Sabrina even more. She felt the same way about Chris, which was why she had walked over to see him.
“She's doing fine. She's falling in love with Brad. I think it's serious. He's got her taking all kinds of classes, doing sculpture, giving lectures on art in Florence. He wants her to teach there next year. And he's trying to talk her into getting a dog.”
“He's a good man. I like him.” He didn't ask Sabrina if she thought they'd get married. It was still too soon. They had only been dating for two months. And the only person who seemed to be getting married in their family was the one who shouldn't, their father. The whole world was upside down.
He took her to bed then, and she spent the night with him. She remembered to call her sisters, and said she was okay, but didn't say where she was. Tammy was convinced she was with Chris, and they didn't want to call.
She and Chris both went back to the house in the morning, looking a little sheepish, but happy to be together again. Her sisters threw their arms around him and hugged him, like their long-lost brother. It was a happy reunion for them all.
“Welcome home,” Sabrina said softly as she kissed him, and Beulah barked frantically and wagged her tail like a metronome.
Chapter 26
March was an exciting month for them all. Tammy was having a great time with John Sperry, and on St. Patrick's Day, she got a call she would never have expected in a thousand years. The network had an idea for a new show, and they wanted her to develop it, for prime-time TV, out of New York. It was about three young women living together—they were a doctor, a lawyer, and an actress—and the crises that arise in their lives. They were going to shoot it and base it in New York. They wanted big-name actresses in it, and important visiting actors on the show. They already had sponsors for it, and they wanted Tammy to produce it. It was just like what she had done in Los Angeles, only bigger and better. It was exactly what she would have wanted, if she had dreamed it up herself. She couldn't believe her good luck. It was a fabulous opportunity. She accepted it immediately. They wanted it on the air by the following spring, which meant she would be staying in the city, even after they gave up the house. And she realized it probably meant she would sell her house in L.A. now, and buy something here. A brownstone of her own. Maybe her sisters could even live with her, since their current arrangement had worked so well.
The network already had an office for her, an assistant, and a secretary. She could pick her own associate producers. They were giving her carte blanche and a budget that blew her mind. All they wanted was an Emmy down the road, and they felt certain she could win one for them.
She couldn't wait to tell John as soon as she left the office. They wanted her to start by June, and her schedule was her own. It allowed her to give the show she was working on a decent three months' notice to find someone else to produce Can This Relationship Be Saved? It's Up to You! It was probably the worst show she had ever worked on, but she had actually enjoyed it a lot more than she expected to. And in a way, she'd miss some of the people she'd worked with. The show had served her well, kept her busy, made her some decent money, and it had only taken six months for something better to come along. The new show was the biggest opportunity of her career. And when she told John, he was ecstatic for her. He said he had known nothing about it, and Tammy believed him.
“It's going to be the hottest show on the air,” he confirmed to her. They talked about it animatedly over lunch, and she told her sisters as soon as she got home that night.
“Cool!” Candy said excitedly. She was leaving the next day for a two-week shoot in Japan. It was big money for her, and she had already made plans to visit Paul at Brown when she got back. Annie was happy with Brad. Chris was back. All was well in their world.
Her sisters congratulated Tammy on the new job. And she gave notice on Relationship the next day. Irving Solomon was sorry to lose her, but he told her that she had done a great job with his show, and pulled the ratings way up. It was what Tammy did best.
Annie was supposed to graduate that month, but Brad had convinced her to extend it and train with a seeing-eye dog. She wasn't enthusiastic about it, but she said she'd try it. She had picked out her own chocolate lab, and would graduate in May with the dog. Baxter left school at the end of March, but they promised to stay in touch. He had become a very special friend, and had made school better for her right from the first. Now he was passing the baton to Brad, who wanted her to teach several art classes in the spring. Both history and painting. She didn't see how she could paint without seeing, but Brad suggested she do abstract work, and see how it went. She had discovered that sculpture wasn't her thing, but she liked working with pottery and a kiln, and had made some beautiful pieces she gave to Brad.
The best thing they did when Candy got back from Japan in early April was plan a trip together. Tammy and John organized a ski trip in Vermont for all of them. They spent a weekend at a house he rented. Everyone skied except Annie, but she had a good time going for long walks. She had brought her new dog up just for company. They hadn't done their training yet. She had named her Jessica, and she was very sweet. She got along wit
h all the other dogs in the house.
The ski weekend was utter perfection. Annie rode the ski lift up and down. And Brad took Annie skating at night, which she had always loved, and found she could still do, as long as she held his arm. They had a fantastic time, and Paul had even driven over from Brown to be with Candy. Sabrina and Chris had never been happier. They were comfortable with their new agreement. Nothing would change until the sisters gave up the house in four months. And then she and Chris would move in together. And all of them had spoken to their father when he got back from his honeymoon in Las Vegas. He said everything was fine. They were planning to see him soon, but were giving it some time before they did, for everything to settle down.
And on the last day of the ski trip, they agreed to take a trip together the next summer. They wracked their minds about where, until Annie suggested a boat. She had always loved boats and was an avid sailor. They agreed to a price they could all put in it, and planned it for July. Brad, Paul, and Annie would be out of school, and Chris and Sabrina could take time off. John said he could steal some time. Candy would be back from the couture shows and Tammy could make her own schedule while developing the new show. The only big decision they faced was what kind of boat, motor or sail. They could hardly wait.
Two weeks after their ski trip, the girls called their father and invited him to lunch. They met him at the ‘21’ Club, and he looked uncomfortable the entire time, even more than he had before. The last time, when he told them about Leslie after Christmas, he had looked panicked. This time, as Sabrina agreed later, he looked embarrassed.
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