She cried because she knew she loved him, too. That was dangerous to her well-protected heart. How had she let him break down those barriers? When had she crossed the line between friendship and flirting?
Annoying rhetorical questions.
She knew she had found him attractive from the first time they had met, and the attraction had steadily grown. Now she wanted to be a part of his family. His life. To heal the hurt left by Stacy. What had it cost him to say those words to her? She knew he would never say them lightly. What would it cost her to say them back?
Renata returned from the chiropractor, and sought her bed to rest and alternate heat and ice on her lower back and her neck. She succumbed to the temptation of the pain medication. Maybe she would wake up from a nap and be well enough to go tonight. She wanted to see Tony.
* * *
Tony checked his phone throughout the afternoon. Nothing. He had thrown himself out there by confessing his love, and she hadn’t said anything in return. He hadn’t expected her to, but he had hoped. Given her past, those would be hard words for her to say. But still...she had said she would text him, and he hadn’t heard anything. Six-thirty came and he went to the office, closed the door, and called Gabby.
“Hey, Gabby, how was Renata when you saw her?”
“Not good, Tony. She could hardly get in and out of my car. It was a challenge for me to manage her and Jacob, but I put him in a stroller and we did okay.”
“Did the chiro help?”
“I’m sure he did, but he warned her she needed to rest. I could tell she was hurting terribly when I dropped her off at her apartment. Jacob was getting fussy, or I would have stayed with her longer. Why?”
“No reason.”
“Okay, have a good night at group.”
Tony wasn’t sure that was possible.
Tony went, but didn’t skate. He sat and nursed a soda and engaged in a few conversations, but his friends gave him space. He wasn’t with Renata, someone who had been his constant companion for the past few months. Between his mood and her absence, a few jumped to wrong conclusions. Tony left early and went home, frustrated and depressed.
Pity parties were best done alone.
He rolled over in bed when his cell phone rang at nine o’clock. It was Renata. He debated whether to pick it up or not, but hurt and anger lost in the battle against his worry that maybe something was seriously wrong. He answered.
“Hi, Ren.”
“Tony, I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier. I took pain medication and only now woke up.”
“It’s okay,” he lied.
“No, Tony, it isn’t. You probably thought I’d blown you off and, after what you told me this morning, that had to hurt even worse.”
“What did I tell you?” He sounded whiny even to his own ears.
“You told me you loved me, and I know that couldn’t have been easy to say.” Her voice was soft and hesitant, but he’d been burned before.
“Yeah, I guess I did say something like that.” What an idiot I was, too. He rolled his eyes.
When would he learn?
“I’m glad you said it. I wanted to be with you tonight. I wanted to look in your eyes and tell you how much I loved you too. And I slept through it.”
“I appreciate the call.”
“Don’t you get all angry on me and pretend everything is fine. It’s not all right until you tell me you will forgive me for not texting you earlier, and for not being able to tell you I returned your feelings when you told me.”
Silence.
“Tony?”
“What?” He couldn’t do this now. He flashbacked to Stacy’s betrayal all over again. He knew it wasn’t fair to Renata, but it’s what he felt.
“I’m waiting.”
“I’m tired.”
“Okay, Tony. I’ll let you sleep. I’m sorry I hurt you. It was unintentional, but I know that doesn’t make the pain any less.”
Silence.
“Good night, Tony.”
Click. He rolled over and hung up the phone. He tossed and turned all night.
* * *
Renata curled up on her bed and cried. She would never have wanted to hurt Tony, to alienate him in any way. His rebuff hurt more than she wanted to admit. She longed to be lost in sleep, but her drug-induced nap during the afternoon robbed her of it now. She turned on the radio, listened to music, and prayed.
She was a robot going through the motions the next two days at work. She was stiff with pain, but at least she could safely drive and it was only about a mile to the bank from their apartment.
* * *
Tony suffered for days. Renata had apologized, and yet he held on to his anger.
She could have at least texted him, right? Or set an alarm.
But she barely knows how to text, much less use any of the other features of her smartphone.
He had been humiliated in front of his friends.
And I suspected she might not go—so why did I attend? To torture himself?
He really had acted like a first-class idiot. Right now, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be seen at church on Sunday. He could barely look at his reflection in the mirror.
* * *
Renata rose early Sunday to make it to the early morning sound check and run through the songs in the worship set. She was still stiff, but if she stretched between services and didn’t stand all the time, she’d probably make it through. She had asked Stephanie to save a spot for her at the end of their row during first service, so she could sit with her and Tony during the message.
Worship started on time, and Amy was masterful in getting the congregation to focus on God and follow the flow of the songs. Renata looked to where Stephanie sat and smiled at her. She couldn’t see Tony, and her heart sank. It mattered to her that he supported this leap of faith. Since he didn’t show, she instead watched from backstage while stretching to minimize the back spasms, which were increasing in severity. Anxiety made the pain worse, and she was worried about Tony.
* * *
Tony came to church, but chose to sit in the shadows in the back of the sanctuary and off to the side. His heart ached when he saw Renata up there. No girl had a right to look that good. She was dressed modestly, as usual, and wearing one of her below-the-knee denim skirts and boots. Her face glowed as she sang.
I am such a fool.
After the service, Tony managed to find Renata surrounded at the base of the stage by some of the other guys from group. They were complimenting her and trying to win her favor. She was diplomatic in minimizing any intentions. Tony was jealous. The men parted as Tony came up and glared at each one of them as they made their exit. Jealousy wasn’t welcoming.
“That wasn’t nice, Tony. They were being sweet. Nothing inappropriate.”
“Looked like they wanted to get there though, if you would only give them the nod.”
She stepped back as if he had slapped her. “What leads you to believe I would do that? You’ve known me for months, and I’ve never even given you that kind of ‘nod.’”
“True.” Tony looked down at his hands and back up to her face. “Listen, about Thursday night. I was a jerk, and I’m sorry. I forgive you. I know you didn’t intend to hurt me. Will you perhaps return the favor and forgive me?”
Renata looked at him. “I still love you, Tony. Yes, I forgive you.”
Before Tony could reply, Amy came up to whisk Renata back to the prayer room to prepare for the next service.
Tony was lost without her by his side. He wandered out to the atrium where Gabby and Paul found him leaning against a wall alone, sipping his coffee and looking nowhere in particular.
“Wasn’t Renata wonderful up there this morning?”
Tony nodded.
Gabby continued, undeterred by her brother’s silence. “I had invited her over today for lunch after church, but she declined. Her back is still bothering her.”
“She looked fine to me.”
“Of course she l
ooked fine, Tony. She’s doing something she loves and is gifted at. In spite of her pain, she radiates joy.”
“How do you know she’s in pain?”
“I spoke with her before first service. She’s been trying to make it through with only over the counter anti-inflammatories for now.”
“Oh.”
“Coming to Mom and Dad’s today?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Tony, what’s up? You seem moody.”
“I’m tired and grumpy. Can’t a guy have a bad day now and then?”
“Okay, fine, I get it. Come on Paul, let’s get Jacob home.” Gabby turned to leave. Paul gave Tony a sympathetic shrug as he followed her.
Stephanie walked over to Tony. “Hey, Tony.”
“Hey, yourself.”
“Whoa. What kind greeting is that?”
“No kind, back off.”
“I wanted to let you know I’m hanging out at the apartment with Renata today.”
“So?”
“She won’t let a man in the apartment when she’s alone. Doesn’t want the ‘appearance of evil,’ but if I’m there—”
“She might let me visit?”
Stephanie nodded and turned to walk away. “I suspect I’ll see you later.”
Tony finished his coffee and headed out the door. The next service had begun.
* * *
Renata didn’t get home from church until twelve-thirty and was starving. She hoped there was something to eat, or that Stephanie had gone to the store. She couldn’t remember. She never ate much when she was in pain, but it had been a long morning and now she was ravenous. She longed for a hot meal and a nap. She entered her apartment building, relieved that Edith wasn’t there to accost her.
She was sure ninjas were due to arrive any day for her to banish, but she lacked the patience right now to deal with them. She longed for stronger pain relief, but hoped to wait until evening to take any medication, and only if necessary. She wanted to be at her best tomorrow as she had corporate meetings she needed to attend. She needed to be able to think clearly.
Stephanie greeted her at the door and helped her with her coat as her movements were still limited.
“You were great this morning. Did you enjoy yourself?”
“It was fun, but exhausting.”
“Will you be on a team in the future?”
“Pastor Dan said they would put me in a rotation and email me to let me know when I was up and who I’d be on a team with. I liked Amy’s team. She’s a good leader, but I’m flexible. It could be fun to be with someone else, too.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear it.”
“Is there anything to eat? I’m starved.”
“Why don’t you sit down and relax. I’ll get you a cup of tea and see what I can scrounge up.”
“I’m too tired to protest.”
Renata sat down on the couch, looked longingly at the pillow, and decided to stretch out. Ahh, that feels good. She tried to adjust herself and experienced sharp pain shooting down her left leg. As long as she lay still, she’d be okay. At least it was some relief. By the time Stephanie came with her tea, Renata was asleep.
* * *
Stephanie opened the door before Tony could get to it. “Shhh! She’s asleep on the couch.”
Tony nodded, set down his packages, and removed his coat. “Has she eaten yet?”
“No, she fell asleep before I could get her even a cup of tea.”
“She still has her boots on.”
“She’s only been out for a short time. I didn’t want to disturb her.”
Tony handed Stephanie some flowers to put in a vase and a crock-pot in a box to plug in.
Stephanie sniffed. “Hmmm...some kind of turkey dish? Did you get to take home leftovers from Thanksgiving?”
“Yeah, I had it frozen, but whipped something up. It’s nothing special, but it’s hot food.”
“Tony, anything you cook is special.”
Tony took a pie box and went to find a place for it in the refrigerator, which wasn’t a problem as it was empty. “Been a while since either of you have been shopping?”
“Yeah, might have to go later for both of us as I doubt she’ll be up for it.”
Stephanie pointed to the crock-pot. “Are you hungry? Do you want a plate?”
“No, I had a taste at home, help yourself.”
“I will, and you go take care of our girl.”
Tony nodded and walked over to the couch. He unzipped and removed her boots and covered her up with the fleece blanket draped across the back of the sofa. Renata didn’t stir. Tony saw her favorite Papasan chair across from the couch and went to sink down into it to watch her. Stephanie brought him a cup of tea and explained the full extent of Renata’s injuries after Mick’s beating. The petite woman across the room was lucky she was able to walk. She had never mentioned the physical therapy she had undergone, along with several surgeries. How could he have been insensitive to her pain? Just as he hadn’t believed her family was as bad as she had said. They were worse. He had underestimated the amount of suffering she still experienced from her lousy husband.
* * *
Renata wiggled her toes. When had she removed her boots? Where was her tea? Her stomach growled. She was warm and cozy here. She had selected great furniture. It was the least Mick could do for her after the pain he’d put her through. She smiled, thinking it fitting vengeance to have this luxury now. She could hear Stephanie’s voice and then a deeper one, and became aware of the smell of something wonderful. Her stomach growled again. She opened her eyes and saw Tony watching her.
She tried to rise but grimaced in pain and collapsed back into the couch. In a flash, Tony was by her side.
“Can I help you?”
“That’d be nice.”
This time it went much easier. It still hurt, but having his muscles lift her rather than hers pushing made a huge difference.
“Thank you.”
“Are you hungry? I can bring some food in to you.”
“I would appreciate that.” She watched him move to the kitchen and could hear the plates and murmuring of voices as he talked to her roommate. Stephanie must have told him to come over, knowing she would be too weak to refuse to see him. She didn’t want to refuse him at all. Tony came back into the room and handed her a plate, which she set in her lap.
“This smells delicious. Is this one of your creations?”
“Yeah.”
Renata took a bite. She swallowed and smiled up at him as he waited for her verdict. “Great comfort food. Just what I needed.”
“Would you like me to heat up your tea, or get you water?”
“Water would be great.”
Tony returned and pulled the small table closer to her and placed the glass within her reach.
“Is there anything else I can get you?”
“No, Tony, there isn’t. Please sit down, so I don’t strain my neck.”
Tony sat back down in her Papasan chair.
“No football game today?”
“Yeah, there’s a game, but not the Packers.”
“Your family isn’t getting together?”
“They are, but I wanted to be here. With you.”
“That’s sweet, Tony. Thanks.”
“Save me room for dessert.”
“You brought dessert?”
“I didn’t have time to make any, but I got you pecan pie. Thought that might make you smile.”
“You remembered.”
“Of course I did.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Tuesday afternoon, Tony was prepping food for the dinner rush but, for some inexplicable reason, he needed to pause, stretch and go touch base with his father who had come to the office an hour earlier to work on the books. Tony knocked on the office door and didn’t hear an answer.
“Dad? It’s Tony. Do you mind if I come in for a minute?” It was odd to say that since he was part owner of the restaurant, but Tony knew his father didn�
��t like it when his concentration was disturbed if he was in the middle of figuring out something complex with the numbers. Tony didn’t know how he managed it, as that part of the business was boring to him. Hearing no answer or noise from within, Tony slowly opened the door and peered around towards the desk. His father was slumped over a pile of papers, his pencil half in his hands, positioned at an odd angle.
“Dad?” Tony rushed over to his father. The older man’s face was tinged gray. Tony gently shook him. Maybe he got tired and fell asleep? His father was getting up there in years. But there was no response from the older gentleman. Tony put his fingers by his father’s neck and there was a faint pulse. “Dad! Dad! Wake up!” No reaction. Tony’s own heart pounded. He reached for the phone and dialed 911.
Tony found one of the waitresses and let her know she needed to wait outside for the ambulance. Tony returned to his father’s side. Alternating between praying and calling for his father to awaken, time slowed to a crawl. “Come on, Dad,” he whispered urgently, “you cannot die on me. Please, hang in there. Help is coming. Dad? Dad? I love you.” While it felt to Tony like an eternity, the ambulance arrived and his father was strapped to a gurney and wheeled out. Tony’s soul weighed down with lead.
After the ambulance left, Tony put one of the young men he had in training in charge of the kitchen. He scrapped his apron and grabbed his coat. He called his mom from the car and stopped at his parents’ home to pick her up, and drove her to Community Memorial Hospital in Menomonee Falls. He called Gabby and asked her to call everyone else. They refused to allow cell phones in the ER. By the time the rest of the family had gathered, they knew what had happened. Alberto De Luca, age sixty, had had a heart attack. The doctors had found many blockages and were pushing for emergency surgery. The siblings gathered around their mother in the waiting room and prayed.
He struggled to watch his mom, who had aged ten years as she sat with her hands folded and spoke only in monosyllables to her children. Alexandr was withdrawn and continually walked towards the doors to surgery, as if he could rush things along.
His sisters alternated between silence and talking trivialities to try to distract their mother. He couldn’t stand it. It reminded him of when they had brought in his brother when he was dying. The waiting, the wondering, and the deep loss. He begged and pleaded with God to spare his father, all the while realizing God might choose to take him instead.
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