“Hey, Knox!” Katie cried, her mood instantly changed as she ran through the door for a hug.
“Hey, kiddo! So glad to see you feeling better. Last time I saw you, you weren’t the most talkative,” he said. “These are for you,” he said, handing her the gifts.
“Thank you, so much!” Katie said, giving him another hug.
“Of course. You headed out?” Knox said, looking to Bria.
“Oh, uh, yeah, headed back to D.C. for the weekend,” she said, lifting her bag up slightly. He nodded slowly.
“She remembered she’s engaged and thought she should probably head back to see her fiancé every now and then,” Katie giggled.
“Katie!” Bria said, in a shut-your-mouth kind of way.
“Yeah, don’t wanna keep him waiting,” Knox said, looking right at Bria. “Well, I gotta get going. . .”
“Are you sure? I was getting ready to watch Impractical Jokers, if you want to join.” Katie said. He paused, one foot on the porch step.
“Well, I always have time for one episode of Impractical Jokers,” he said, smiling as he stepped inside.
“You staying, B?” Katie asked. She wanted nothing more than to say yes. Just a half-hour. Just thirty minutes on the couch with her sister and Knox. Laughing and watching. She wanted to say yes so badly.
“No, I can’t, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ll see you Sunday. Bye, Knox.”
“Bye, Bria.”
Hearing him call her by her full name was still weird for her. It used to be “B,” or “baby cakes.” It had been a long time since she’d been called that.
She stepped off the porch and got in her car, and drove off to the city.
When she arrived back at the apartment, she quickly dumped her shitty attitude at the door. Drew deserved more than a dull, pouty version of her. She stumbled through the door, her bag dropping to the floor.
“Hey, babe!” he said, floating across the floor to her. He grabbed her bag and pulled her in for a long kiss. She felt how much he missed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Reservations are in an hour. But we don’t need to leave for another twenty minutes,” he said with a sly grin. She smiled back at him. She really wasn’t in the mood, but it had been over a week since she had seen him. Over a week since she slept with him. She pushed him away lightly, slipping her shirt off over her head, and letting her jeans fall to the ground. She let out a devilish laugh, and ran to the bedroom. He followed after her.
Sex with Drew had gotten pretty monotonous over the years, but it was still pleasurable. It wasn’t every time that she lie there, staring up at the ceiling. Sure, she knew just what to expect: on her back, her on top, back to her back, and boom. Done. But, for the most part, it was good. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
As they finished, he kissed her shoulder, her collar bone, the nape of her neck, and her other shoulder.
“I hate not seeing you every night,” he whispered.
“Oh, honey, I hate it, too. Thank you so much for being so understanding,” she whispered back, pulling him in for a long, naked hug. He laid on top of her for what felt like hours. As he lay, her mind wandered to Impractical Jokers. And she thought about how comfortable she was being naked around Drew now. And she wondered if she would be that comfortable being naked around Knox. Holy shit. She was thinking about Knox while she was lying naked underneath her fiancé. She felt her cheeks blush as she shooed the thought from her mind.
“You okay, babe?” Drew asked, clearly sensing something was on her mind.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry.”
“You worried about Katie?” he asked.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I’m sure. I’m sorry, babe. She will be okay. I still can’t believe you carried her out of the woods.”
“Huh? I didn’t carry her. Knox—”
“Knox?”
“Y-yeah, he happened to be running by, and thank God he was. He heard me screaming and found us. He carried her.” Bria felt Drew’s whole body tighten on top of her, then he quickly rolled off.
“I’m sorry, I thought I mentioned that,” she said.
“No, you, uh, conveniently left that out.”
“Drew. . .”
“Just forget it. We have to get ready.”
That night at dinner, everything was fine. At least, the show they put on for Tara and Cody was fine. Drew held his arm around Bria her most of the night, and she fed him spicy cauliflower off of her fork. They laughed as Cody and Tara recounted stories of the worst apartments they had seen on their quest to buy property in the city—their standards were high, as they were already planning around the big law firm salary Tara would get once she finished law school the next year. Cody and Drew went way back. They had been friends since childhood, and went to all the same schools, even Georgetown for undergrad, where Cody met Tara.
“So, have you guys been house hunting lately? There’s some really great stuff coming up on the market right now,” Tara said, sipping her chardonnay.
“No, we’re a bit. . .stalled, right now,” Drew said, looking down at his plate.
“What do you mean?” Cody asked, his strawberry blonde hair shimmering in the dim restaurant light. Bria cleared her throat.
“My sister is sick,” she said, taking a sip of her water. “She’s been sick for years, but she recently got worse. She has to get IV treatment, so I’m actually living at home with my folks during the week, so I can help out during the evenings.”
She didn’t want to add in that she was footing half the bills in her parents’ house. And she shot Drew a look that told him he better not mention it, either.
“Oh, wow,” Tara said, eyes wide. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, that sucks. I can’t believe you had to move back in with them,” Cody said. She looked up at him.
“Yeah, I mean, it’s not that bad, really. Aside from being away from Drew,” Bria said.
“Yeah, but, like, you had to move back out of the city, into your shitty old farmtown, right? Come on, that sucks.” Cody laughed as he sipped his beer.
“It’s really not that bad.” She was getting a little irritated now.
“Yeah, Bria’s not minding it at all, are you, B?” Drew said. She shot him another look.
“You know that’s not true,” she said. “I just also don’t mind being around my family. My sisters are my best friends. And it’s good to see my parents more than a few times a month.”
“Yeah, and Knox, right?” Drew asked. She was seething now. She could feel Tara and Cody’s eyes scanning back and forth between her and Drew.
“Who’s Knox?” Tara asked.
TEN
Then, Knox’s Graduation
The months after the accident were a struggle for Knox. He was in physical therapy three times a week. The staples were out of his leg, but he was still in pain. He had to hobble around school, but on the bright side, Bria got to leave each class five minutes early to help him carry his books.
But it was more than just frustration with his injury, as Bria soon noticed. He couldn’t drive, so he wasn’t able to be as social as he was used to. And his doctors and physical therapists had rendered his football career over. After a few weeks, she noticed his mood changing. Then one day, when he still hadn’t shown up at the front of school when the warning bell rang, she started to worry.
You coming to school?
Nah, not today.
Oh, okay. You alright?
No answer. The day seemed to drag on longer than normal, and she couldn’t wait for practice to finish up. And then three more days passed. She had texted him a few more times, calling him in between classes and after school. While she waited outside for her dad to drive up on the fourth day, she picked up her phone and dialed Knox again.
Still no answer.
“Hey, kiddo,” her dad said, pulling up to the curb and putting the car in park. “How was practice?”
“It was good,”
she said, unfocused. Normally, she’d give him more of a thoughtful answer, but she was distracted. “Hey, dad, can you drop me of at Knox’s? I was going to do homework there for a bit tonight.”
“Sure.”
When she got there, the driveway was empty, per usual. His parents worked a lot, and after all the time they had taken off right after the accident, she knew that they’d probably had to get back to their jobs by now. Bria walked around to the back of the house and let herself in the back door.
“Knox?” she asked. No answer. She expected the bedroom door to be locked, but to her surprise, the knob opened. She pushed the door open and saw him lying in his bed, facing the wall. He had on a hooded sweatshirt, and the covers pulled up around him. “Knox?” He stirred gently, and turned slightly to see her, his eyes squinted. “Are you okay?”
“What are you doing here?”
“You wouldn’t answer me. I got worried.”
“I’m fine. I just don’t feel well.” He rolled back over. She sat down next to him.
“Are you sick?” He shrugged. “Well, what’s bothering you?” Shrugged again. “Knox?” He turned back over slowly to face her. “Please, tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”
He closed his eyes, rubbing them with his fingers. After a few minutes of deafening silence, he finally sat up, and scooted next to her on the bed.
“I just. . .I don’t feel. . .”
“Like yourself?” she asked, not wanting him to have to finish the sentence. He nodded slowly.
“I’m sick of being here. I’m sick of sitting around doing nothing. I’m sick of depending on my parents to bring me anywhere. And I’m also sick of . . .”
“Of what?”
“Of. . . of being alone.” Her eyes widened. Why didn’t she come earlier? She squeezed his hand in hers, fighting back tears.
“Knox, I’m so sorry. I had no idea—“
“I’m fine. This happens sometimes. And then I get over it. Just like my parents always say.”
“Knox, it’s okay for you to feel like this. You don’t have to ‘get over it.’ But you also don’t have to deal with it alone. I’m here.” He looked up at her.
“You don’t need to be stuck here, too.”
“Yeah, well, I want to be. I’ll come here after practice. And we can just sit here and do nothing, or, I don’t know, do a puzzle or something, until you feel like doing something else.”
He chuckled, and she felt a weight lift of her shoulders. It was possible for him to smile still. It was possible for her to make him smile.
“Thank you, B.”
She stayed with him for a few hours, watching movies, eating a frozen pizza, and sharing a milkshake they had whipped up in the kitchen. When it was time for her to go, she didn’t want to leave him.
“My dad’s here,” she whispered in his ear, his head on her shoulder, almost asleep.
“Okay,” he whispered back.
“Knox?”
“Hmm?”
“Promise you’ll call me if you need anything? Even if you just want to talk? I don’t care what time it is.”
“Promise. Night, baby cakes.”
After a few months passed and Knox had done his time in all his casts and bandages, his attitude started to change. He seemed to be more like his old self, but Bria was still cautious, and spent a great deal of time observing him, making sure that Knox was still, well, Knox. She found herself dying to hang out with him as much as possible. Maybe it was because of the fact that he almost died in front of her eyes. Or maybe it was some other reason that she would absolutely never, under any circumstances, say out loud, or even let herself think.
Since the accident, things between Bria and Christa had been weird too. Mari had warned Bria to “let the air clear a bit.” Christa was not all too happy about the fact that Bria was the “chosen one” during Knox’s recovery. So Bria did as Mari suggested. She didn’t want to hurt Christa. Bria wasn't a girl of faith, but she did follow the commandment “chicks before dicks” pretty religiously.
By the spring, Knox was back to driving, and Bria was back in the passenger seat.
“So, my parents are gone this weekend. I’m having a little grad party at mi casa,” Knox said, one hand on the steering wheel, the other tilting a bag of chips into his mouth. Whoa. Graduation. Knox would be graduating in less than a week. She knew it was coming. He was two years older than she was. She also knew he wouldn’t be going far; he had planned on sticking around town and going to community college for a year or two. No one was surprised by this decision; it wasn’t a secret that Knox didn’t take school as seriously as he took sports or his acquisition of female companions. Bria still remembered when he got the rejection letter from Frostburg, the one state school he had applied to. He had opened it, read it for half a second, then quickly stuffed it back in the envelope.
“Yep, two-year-degree for me!” he had said with a smile.
But it still felt weird. He wouldn’t be in the halls, he wouldn’t be at all her meets. She felt like a chapter of their friendship was ending.
“Yeah, awesome. I’ll be there,” she said. He gave her a look.
“I didn’t say you were invited,” he said, “I was just telling you about it.”
She shot him an evil eye, and playfully punched his arm.
“You ass.”
Bria went over to Knox’s house early the night of the party. He had asked her to help him get set up. She couldn’t help but feel a little bit like co-host; people were asking her where to put their coats, and where to get drinks. She liked it.
Mari, who would also be done with high school in a matter of days, showed up shortly after most of the other guests arrived, greeting Bria with a big hug. In behind her walked Christa. Bria paused awkwardly, unsure of how to act. But Christa greeted her with a big, overdramatic hug.
“I’m so happy to see you, Chris,” Bria said, holding her hands. “I thought things might be weird between us. I’m so sorry if I upset you.” She looked right into Christa’s eyes as she spoke. Christa smiled warmly and waved her off.
“Look, B, it’s no big thing,” she said. Bria sunk back on her hip. Hmm. It sure seemed like a big thing the night off the accident, when Christa was throwing herself onto the pavement in a dramatic fit, and the few times afterward when all she had to offer Bria was the stink eye.
“Well, I’m still sorry that things didn’t work out with you and Knox, and I hope you know it wasn’t my intention to cause any—
“Ha!” Christa exclaimed, actually breaking into a visible smile.
“What?” Bria asked.
“Look, Bria, no hard feelings, honestly. But let’s call a spade a spade. You’re not sorry things didn’t work out between us. And it may not have been your intention to come between us, but you definitely didn’t mind that he let you,” Christa said in such a casual tone that it made Bria uncomfortable.
“What. . . what do you mean? I―”
“Bria, I know you and Knox are just ‘best buds,’” Christa said, using air quotes, “but I can also see right through that. And I can see that you’ve never liked when he’s been with any other girl. But what I don’t get is what you really want. I mean, you went out with Brett for so long, and I know you’ve been interested in other guys. So I don’t really get what you want with Knox.”
She looked up at Bria, and Bria could feel her nerves spinning. Luckily, Christa kept talking.
“But honestly, it was exhausting to figure out whatever you guys have. And after everything else between you two. . . I’m really fine. But there is something I wanted to tell you.”
Before Bria could digest all that Christa was laying out, or ask what the “everything else” was that she was referring to, in walked Brett, reaching for Christa’s hand.
“After we both saw you and Knox in his hospital bed together, we sort of bonded over our. . .betrayal, I guess,” she said with a sheepish smile. Shit, Christa had been there, too. “Look, is this wei
rd for you?” Christa whispered in Bria’s ear, nodding toward her’s and Brett’s clasped hands. Brett stood there clueless and laughing, distracted by another football player shotgunning a beer out on the patio. Bria almost smiled at the irony. It seemed like such a desperate, childish move, but hey, if Christa was happy, Bria was cool with it.
“Not at all. You two make a great couple,” Bria said, smiling at Brett, who had just turned his attention back to the interaction between his girlfriend and his ex. He responded with a blank expression, nodded, and walked toward the bar.
“I have to say,” Christa said, taking a swig of her wine cooler, “I’m not surprised it was Knox, but I am surprised you did it so quickly after holding Brett off like that. . .”
Bria looked at her, puzzled. “Not surprised that what was Knox?”
“That he was your first,” Christa said casually. “I mean, like I said, I always knew you two had, I don’t know, this weird thing going, but I just never thought you would join the club and sleep with him.” Bria’s head spun.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Wait, is it not true?” Mari asked.
“No, I didn’t sleep with him. Why would you think that?” Bria asked. She could feel her heart pounding.
“Well, some of the guys on the football team had heard you were hooking up with someone. Well, actually, I heard it was a few people,” Christa said. “But then Knox told them all it was him.”
Bria froze, in complete shock. Her eyes searched the room for him. He stood in the corner of the room by the pub table, beer in hand, arm around a cheerleader. He could sleep with any girl in the Goddamn school. Why would he use her?
“Oh my,” Mari said in a hushed tone. “It’s not true, is it?” Bria shook her head.
“No. Excuse me,” she said. She made her way across the room, making a b-line directly toward him.
“Hey, baby cakes,” he said, as she got closer, an unsuspecting smile on his face. Without stopping, she shoved him with pretty impressive force. “What the hell?” he asked, his beer spilling on himself and his posse, the girls shrieking as if it were a snake.
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