The houses were huge, with big windows and three-car garages. They all had massive, perfectly mowed lawns, and as Bria noticed the ultra-straight lines, she realized no one who lived in this neighborhood mowed the lawn themselves.
“Where are we?” she asked, just as he pulled up to one of the houses. It had two huge stone pillars in front, with a wide porch and a maroon door. As Drew parked the car and took off his seatbelt, she saw the FOR SALE sign in front of it. She swallowed. “Drew, where are we? What is this?”
He didn’t answer her. He just got out of the car, walked around, and opened her door. He reached for her hand, and she took his, knowing that hers was clammy and gross.
He held his hand out, as if he were presenting the house to her.
“I’ve been an ass about this whole thing with Katie, and your family,” he said, his voice shaky, “and Knox.”
Bria was uncomfortable. She still wasn’t used to shaky Drew. She was used to overconfident Drew. Drew who always knew he was getting exactly what he wanted. Drew that was a little easier to argue with, or disappoint.
“And I know that all you’ve been trying to do is take care of them. And instead of supporting you, I acted like a child. I wanted you to myself. I wanted to stick to the plan. But I see now,” he said, pulling her toward the driveway, “that sometimes plans have to change. And I want you to know that I’m okay with it. And I support it, and I want to do whatever you need to make our life exactly what you want. And I thought we could start here,” he said, holding out his hand toward the house again.
“What. . . what do you mean?” she asked, desperately not wanting to know the answer.
“Well, this house is only twenty minutes from your parents,” he said, “and I spoke to a mortgage lender, and my parents offered to cosign. Bria, if you want this house, we can buy it. Right now. You’ll be closer to your family, and we can start the life you’ve always wanted. Or if you don’t like it, we can look somewhere else. We can live in Dalesville. I’ll make the drive every day. I don’t care. I just want you to be happy, whatever that means.”
She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and the nerves churning in her stomach. A shiver went down her spine, and it wasn’t the chilly December air. Dammit, Drew.
“This house is beautiful,” she managed to choke out, her eyes overflowing like damn waterfalls. Drew smiled, mistaking the tears of confusion for ones of overwhelming joy. He wrapped her in a long hug.
“Oh, B, I’m so glad you like it,” he said, kissing her. “I’ll call my dad and the lender tomorrow.”
She forced a smile, but couldn’t manage another word.
Bria was quiet on the way back to Dalesville, as she tried to hide the panic inside that was rising to the surface. Poor freaking Bria, she thought. Her McDreamy fiancé wanted to buy her a massive house a few minutes from every other person she loved. Life was so tough.
But if things were so perfect, why did she want to hurl all down the side of his car?
“I know it’s a little overwhelming,” he said as he pulled back into her parents’ driveway, “but once we put in the offer, we will need to think about a few possible closing dates. And then obviously we can officially move in once things are all settled with Katie.”
She swallowed hard as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, walking her up the porch steps. In the midst of their endless argument, she hadn’t mentioned that her sickly sister was no longer sick.
“Drew!” Katie said, running up to him, ending their kiss abruptly.
“Hi, Katie,” he said, giving her a one-armed side hug.
“Guess you’re a happy guy, huh?” Katie said, putting her dishes in the sink. “We don’t have to keep her hostage anymore!” Bria’s eyes grew wide, frantically searching for some rational excuse as to why she would be avoiding moving back in with her fiancé.
“Katie. . .” Sam whispered, picking up on the hint that her sister had so clearly missed.
“Oh?” Drew said, looking from Katie to Bria. “Why is that?”
“I’m all clear,” Katie said, a bit less enthusiastically now, as she was finally becoming aware of the shitstorm she was about to cause.
“Oh, when did you find that out?” Drew asked, his eyes still on Bria.
“Uh. . . a few days ago.”
“When were you going to tell me?” Drew asked Bria, just above a whisper. Bria wanted to clap back with some legitimate reason, but she had nothing. He looked down at the ground for a moment, then back up. “So, you can come home?” She looked at him, then back at her sisters, then at the ground.
Then, as if the gods of love hadn’t tested Bria’s sanity enough, Knox’s car rolled up into her parents’ driveway. One part of her was so excited to see him. And the other just thought, oh, Jesus, not right now. Drew followed her gaze to Knox, his whole body stiffening immediately. Knox hopped out of his car with a smile on his face, carrying a bouquet of roses. He almost tripped up the porch step when he saw Drew.
“H-hey, guys,” he said, looking back and forth from Bria to Drew. He held up the bouquet. “Katie called the other day and told me the news. I just wanted to drop these off for her,” he said, sweetly making clear that the roses were most definitely not for Bria.
Drew turned back to Bria slowly, looking down at her with so much hurt, so much disappointment in his eyes, that she actually had to look away. He hung his head, shook it, and walked down the steps to his car.
“Drew, hold on,” Bria called. But it was like he didn’t even hear her. She looked at Knox. “I have to go.”
He nodded and followed Katie inside. As Bria made her way down the steps after Drew, she felt a tug on her hand.
“Sam, let go, I need to talk to him,” Bria said, shaking her off.
“Bria, you know I don’t believe in fate, or God, or any of that stuff. But please open your eyes for a minute, and realize there is a reason that Knox just showed up at the exact time Drew did. Please open your eyes and realize that these things don’t just happen.”
Bria’s head was spinning. And in the background, she heard Drew starting up his car.
“Please, B. I just want you to be happy,” Sam said. Her eyes were pleading. Bria felt a storm surging inside of her, and she wanted to scream.
“Sam, Drew wants to make me happy. He wants to buy me a fucking house, okay? He wants to get me out of here so my life isn’t consumed by an endless pit of money issues and sick sisters. He wants me to have my own fucking life, away from the madness that is this family.”
Sam’s eyes grew wide as she stepped back on the porch, and Bria hated herself the second the words came out. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just. . . I’m so confused.”
“Then you should probably go talk to your fiancé. And you might want to tell him you’re in love with someone else.” Sam said, matter-of-factly. She turned on her heel and slammed the front door shut.
Bria felt like she might throw up as Sam’s words reverberated in her head. She sighed and ran down the steps to Drew’s car.
“Can we go somewhere and talk, please?” she asked. He didn’t say anything, just waited for her to get in.
Shit. She had no idea what to actually say to him. She just knew she needed to be alone with him. She would figure it out. Or, at least, she hoped she would. She directed him past town, to the old farm that had been vacant for decades. In high school, this is where the kids would come to smoke weed and make out. Bria never did—she just came here once with Knox when he was running away from some girl he had made out with under the bleachers, who wouldn’t leave him alone. But that warm nostalgia was quickly melting away as Drew put the car in park. They sat in silence for a moment. Her heart pounded. The next move she made, the next thing either of them said. . . so much rode on it.
Her future was planned. And it was going to be a good one. It was the one she wanted. But lately, she felt like she was talking about someone else’s life when she was discussing the wedding, or h
er life with Drew. She felt like she was misplaced; like she had stumbled upon such an amazing guy, such an amazing future, by mistake. Like she was about to live out some other girl’s dream life.
For most of her life, Bria had done everything by the book. She got the diploma. She got the acceptance letter, she got the degree. She got the job. She played by the rules. She got the guy, she got the ring. She could have the marriage, she could have the kids she had always dreamed of having. She had a golden ticket to the life she thought she always wanted, the life that would be just far enough from Dalesville, far enough from all the pain and struggles of her own family.
But, as the lump rose in her throat, she knew that she didn’t want to leave Dalesville. It was her home. Her family was her home. Knox. . . he was her home. Well, Knox was a truly different story. She had no idea what they were, or what they might be. But she couldn’t think about him in this moment. She took one more breath, and turned to speak, but Drew beat her to it.
“Are you in love with him?” he asked quietly, staring down at the steering wheel. She was in shock. She wasn’t expecting that to be the opening. Luckily, he kept talking. “Please don’t deny anything, here, Bria. Here I am, thinking we had a meaningless, stupid little fight. But now, it feels like my gut was right. And I’m terrified that I’m about to lose the love of my life.”
She felt her heart breaking in two. She couldn’t see her future self with him anymore. She used to so clearly see herself in the backyard of some big house, much like the one he had just taken her to, with a few little Drews running around. But now it was all fuzzy. Now, the house was in Dalesville, and the man had a question mark for a face. All she knew was that he wasn’t Drew. But she did love Drew. And she didn’t want to see him hurt.
Bria didn’t think about the down payment her parents had made to the venue, she didn’t think about the guests that would need to be notified, she didn’t think about what her future in-laws would think of her, and what her parents’ friends would say. She just took his hand.
“Drew,” she said, trying to steady her quivering voice, “I will always love you.” Her voice was a whisper now. “I will always love what you did for me. And how you showed me my worth, and how hard you work. But I’m a different person, and I belong here. I want to be here.”
She thought she was going to die when she saw the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Is it him?” he asked.
“It’s not about him,” she told him. “I’m just not ready for this, anymore. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
“You know something,” he finally said, “I think I knew, that night that we saw him at the bar. That look in your eyes. . .I think I knew then.”
“Drew,” she started to say.
“No, listen to me. I’m not sure what the deal is with you guys, but if he’s it, please do something about it. Please don’t let it pass you by, until you’re engaged to some other guy someday, and it’s too late. . . again.”
He was looking her right in the eyes, and she knew he wasn’t saying it to be malicious. He was saying it because he wanted her to be happy. Because she was still his everything. And she felt like nothing more than the soulless wench who was ruining his life. She nodded.
“Well, I can’t believe this is the end,” he said. And Bria didn’t protest. Drew put the car in drive, and drove her back to her parents’ house. For a moment, she felt like it should be more dragged out, like their six-year relationship should have caused much more pain and turmoil. More yelling and screaming and cursing. But it didn’t. And she knew it was because she had learned over the last few months that she actually could live without Drew.
“Can you do me a favor? When you come to get your things, do you mind doing it during the day? I don’t want to watch you move out,” he said.
She nodded quietly. She reached for the car door, and as she unclipped her seatbelt, her diamond flashed in her eyes. They both paused to look down at it. She slowly wiggled it off and placed it in his hand.
“I’m so sorry, Drew,” she whispered one more time. “I hope you have the happiest life. I really do.”
He squeezed her hand and kissed it, with a faint, pained smile. Then, he was gone.
Bria wiped the tears from her cheeks and made her way up the porch steps. She stared down at her bare hand as if it were going to speak to her, tell her to run after him, that she needed her ring back. Her hand said nothing.
“Bria?” Sam asked, “that you?”
“Yeah,” she said, her voice broken and shaky. Katie and Sam appeared around the corner of the kitchen. She took one look at them, and the tears came. She thought about the first moment she met Drew, and about the first time they made love, and about the moment she knew she wanted to marry him, and have kids with him. The night he proposed, the first time she called him her fiancé. The moment she had realized that Drew could be her escape; Drew would make sure that their kids got to go to college, and that if one ever fell ill, he could take care of them. But that warm feeling of security had faded over the last few months, as she realized she didn’t need that kind of security anymore. Instead, she felt relief that she no longer had to pretend to want the life she had so eagerly pursued—a city life of private schools, and taking the Metro, and eating at fancy restaurants in Dupont. She loved Drew, for what it was worth. But she was almost ashamed at the relief she felt, for escaping the future she had signed up for.
Her sisters stared at her for a minute, then rushed to her with the perfect amount of unspoken sisterly support. Bria had almost forgotten about the horrible things she’d said to Sam just a few minutes before, and from the way that Sam was holding her, it seemed she did, too. That’s the thing about sisters. They can tell the difference between you and your demons. No apology, no explanation necessary. They just take it in stride, and move on.
“Well, looks like I’m moving back in,” Bria finally managed to say.
“Oh, no,” Katie cried. “It’s all my fault! I’m so sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“No, Kates, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just life. We just. . . we weren’t right.” Sam handed her a tissue.
They spent a few hours watching movies, curled up on the couch with one big blanket over them. Only this time, Bria’s head was in Katie’s lap, with her legs draped over Sam. Her sisters were everything. And at a moment like this, she couldn’t believe that she ever wanted to be far away from them. After a few hours, her phone rang.
“Mom?” Katie must have called her.
“Oh, honey, you okay? What in the world happened?” Louise asked, frantically. But Bria couldn’t bring herself to answer right away.
“I’m okay, mom. Really. It just . . .happened. But I promise to pay you back every dime you already put down. I’m sorry.”
“Bria Kreery. After all you’ve done for us? Don’t even think it. I just want to make sure you’re happy.” Bria smiled, feeling a little lighter. Her parents had been so focused on getting Katie well, that she forgot they could take care of Bria too. They made her crazy sometimes, but man, she loved her family.
“I will be, Mom,” she said.
She waited a few more hours, expecting the regret to seep in. She waited to feel the heaviness of the huge mistake she had just made. But it never came. If this were any other guy, she would have called Knox.
Knox.
“Hey, where did Knox go?” she asked.
“He took off after you left,” Sam said.
“Are you going to tell him you’re madly in love with him, now?” Katie said. Bria scoffed at how quickly she had gotten over the Drew situation.
“What?” she asked. “Jesus, Kates. Drew and I have been broken up for ten minutes.”
“Yeah,” Sam said, “but you’ve been in love with Knox for ten years.” Bria rolled her eyes, but the truth behind Sam’s words hit her like a ton of bricks.
All these year
s, their timing was so off. It never worked out. And she was so afraid of falling victim to his charm, that she refused to let it even be an option. But as she thought about everything, every moment she had spent with Knox, she knew her sisters were right. It was time to put on her big girl panties and come clean. She stood up and grabbed her keys back off of the counter.
“I’ll be back later,” she said with a sly smile.
The whole way to Knox’s, Bria was pretty sure she didn’t take a single breath. She felt like she had just run five miles by the time she pulled up. She double-parked her car behind his and stared up at his door. Ten years later, and it was all coming down to this. She knocked on the door, a breeze in the air sending chills down her spine.
She heard some stumbling behind the door, and then it finally jolted open, Knox in a ratty old t-shirt, with his shaggy, jet-black hair falling perfectly in place on his head.
“Where’s your fiancé?” he asked. And as he wobbled a little bit closer to her, she could tell that he had been drinking.
“He’s gone. And, uh, he’s not my fiancé anymore.” He said nothing, he just stared at her. “Can I come in?”
He stood still for a few more moments before opening the door.
Bria followed him up the stairs of his split-level to the living room, where he held his hand out, offering her a seat on his burnt orange couch. He plopped down next to her, emptying another can of beer into his mouth before slamming it back down on the table.
“I wasn’t expecting company,” he said, shrugging. “So what happened?”
“It just wasn’t. . .he just wasn’t what I wanted, anymore,” she said, tugging at the hair tie on her wrist. She slowly looked up at him.
It Goes Without Saying Page 19
