by Kevin, Lucy
So then, why had she always believed she needed to run from them all?
Morgan looked back down at the map. “There are so many things to see in this neighborhood, and the restaurants are just great.” She smiled at Natalie. “You must be so excited about all this. You have such a bright future ahead of you.”
Morgan could see the girl's future laid out as clearly as the map was. College, summer internships, postgraduate work, all leading up to a job doing anything she wanted. Whatever Natalie put her mind to, Morgan was sure that she would succeed even beyond their already tall expectations.
Natalie smiled at the compliment, but as she looked back down at the map, Morgan noticed that her smile had slipped a little.
“What is it, Natalie? What’s wrong?”
The girl was silent for a few moments before she finally said, “It’s kind of complicated, and you’ve already helped me so much with everything else.”
“I know all about complicated,” Morgan assured her. She'd left Brian's house a little while ago feeling warm and soft and dreamy, but looking at the New York City map and thinking about being back there soon had quickly brought back up every single one of her conflicting thoughts about Brian and the island. “Trust me, Natalie. Whatever it is, you can tell me, and I’ll do my best to help you.”
“It’s just that I’ve been having these…these feelings. For Tad. I never thought that a guy like him would ever look twice at a girl like me, and I know this might sound bad, but I also kind of thought that he was just some dumb jock. The thing is, he’s not. He’s so sweet, and good-looking, and he listens so well. He's smart, too.” She looked really distraught over it all. “I don't know what to do. Not like I used to. Not like I always have.”
The answer should have been obvious. Morgan should have been telling Natalie that Tad was sweet, but with the future she had lined up ahead of her, she couldn't afford to let it all fall by the wayside for a boy. Morgan should have been telling her that leaving him behind was the hard thing to do, but that sometimes the hard thing was the right thing.
The problem was...Morgan could still feel not only the brush of Brian's hands and mouth over her skin, and the pure, sweet joy of being with him, but also how badly she wanted to be with him again, safe and warm in his arms.
If Natalie had asked her this question when Morgan had first come to the island, the answer would have been simple. She would have told Natalie to go forward in the direction of her big dreams and not look back, because she would find everything she wanted, including someone to love, out there in the world. Yet did it ever actually work like that? Because if she were being completely honest with herself, Morgan had never actually found anyone, or anything, to replace the only person she’d ever really loved. A truly incredible man who had come to mean more to her with every moment she'd spent with him these past few weeks.
“What’s more important?” Natalie asked as Morgan's brain spun in circles. “Is it my career? Is it everything I’ve got lined up and all of my dreams? Or is it Tad? Because I think I love him, Morgan.”
Morgan felt utterly out of her depth, but then suddenly she heard her grandmother's voice in her head. “It isn’t the place that matters. It isn’t even what you do. So long as you're happy, that's the only thing that matters. But some things, I think, we've just got to figure out for ourselves.”
“I wish I could tell you what to do, Natalie, but the truth is that I've been asking myself the same questions. All I know is that whatever decisions we make, both of us need to be happy. Because that's the most important thing of all.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A short while later, Morgan made sure her game face was on as the reporters approached. “Xander, Stephanie, I’m so glad you could make it. How was the trip over on the ferry?”
“Wavy,” the female reporter replied, one hand over her stomach, clearly not someone with sea legs. “This is what has taken you away from the red carpet for the last few weeks?” The woman looked around the land as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. “Gardening?”
Morgan smiled at the group of reporters who had gathered around her. “As I'm sure my publicist told you, I will be launching my new makeover show soon. In conjunction with that, I will also be bringing out my own makeup line. Only, what I'm doing is about more than just wanting to see my name on lipstick cases.” Morgan explained about the island, about her family’s history, and about resurrecting the old Walker plot with the help of local students.
“Are you saying that you’ve come back here in search of special ingredients you can’t find elsewhere?” a reporter from the Los Angeles Journal asked.
“It’s certainly true that the island’s unique microclimate means it’s good for growing a wide range of potential ingredients. But the magic ingredient is less about the varietals of berries that I'm growing and more about the love and attention that come from working with my family and friends and the entire community to get this garden growing again, the way it used to when the island was first founded. I've been thrilled to have had a great deal of success working as a makeup artist off of the island, but now I'd like to see if I can bring the island back in via Walker Cosmetics.”
As if on cue, Brian’s car pulled up next to the reporters’ rental cars. “In fact, here is my team of helpers right now. This is Brian Russell, the school's science teacher and football coach, along with Tad Burrows and Natalie Fields, who have done great jobs as my interns. Perhaps I could give everyone a tour of the garden first, and then we can divide up so that you can all get the interviews you need?”
None of which was what Morgan wanted to do right then. Not when every cell in her body was urging her to rush over to Brian and kiss him.
No, she reminded herself, you need to focus on the reporters and on your career that you've worked so hard to build. But even as she worked to focus, she couldn't help but wonder, What about love? When does that get to come first?
Fortunately, Brian was the one who stepped in to help shift her focus back to the job at hand by beginning the tour of the garden. A few minutes later he deftly passed it off to her so that she could explain how the four of them had mixed in new, sustainable plants with the legacy plants that had already been in the plot. She showed them the “before” pictures of the plot to show just how much work had gone into transforming the garden. And when a few of them questioned whether she'd actually gotten her fingernails dirty working in the garden or if she'd simply overseen her crew while they got dirty, she rolled up her sleeves and showed them where the brambles had cut into her skin. She didn't take offense at their disbelief. It wasn't their world, so they naturally assumed it wasn't hers, either.
Because they think I’m one of them. A part of their same world of celebrities and fashion advice, red carpets and premieres.
Only, she'd grown up in this garden and on the water all around the island, and the truth was that it was as much a part of her as the glitz and glamour of working on movies.
As the reporters drank the fresh raspberry lemonade that she'd made for them and the sun shone down over the island, making everything around them positively glow, Morgan knew the scene couldn't have been more PR perfect. She should have been rejoicing that everything had come together even better than she'd hoped it would. And yet...it was so hard to keep playing this game in which she was acting like she had it all together and knew exactly what she was doing, when she felt pulled into two completely different directions on the inside.
Morgan had done enough interviews to be able to confidently make it through the rest of the afternoon with the reporters, but every few questions, she couldn’t help but look across the garden at Brian, if only to reassure herself that he was still there. Each time he smiled back at her, her heart beat just a little harder, just a little faster.
Finally, the reporters got everything they needed and left to catch the ferry back to the mainland. Natalie and Tad left shortly after that.
“What’s wrong?” Brian
asked when they were finally alone again.
She wanted so badly to step into his arms and just let him hold her, but she knew she first had to share with him what she was feeling. “Natalie asked me a question earlier today that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. She wanted me to tell her what was more important—her career or what she feels for Tad?”
Brian's gaze was steady on hers as he asked, “What did you tell her?”
“I should have told her to follow her dreams. I should have told her to be brave and go out into the big wide world after what she wants so that she can become everything that she’s meant to be. It’s the right advice.”
“Is it?”
“It’s what I did. If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have any of what I have now. I wouldn’t have my successful career or my upcoming makeup line. I wouldn’t have a makeover show with a major network.” So why hadn't she been able to say that to Natalie?
“I agree,” he surprised her by saying. “You wouldn't have any of those things if you hadn't left the island. But you didn't say any of that to her?”
“I told her that I didn’t know what the answer was. Why would I do something like that? I hate that I was so wishy-washy when she was looking to me for advice. I hate…”
“What do you hate, Morgan?”
“I hate how confused I feel about everything. I hate that things aren’t crystal clear the way I used to think they were. I have everything I thought I ever wanted. A thriving career. A big bank account. Fame. You know how you hear about these celebrities who have the nerve to be unhappy with their lives?” She made a face. “I should be happy. I should be ecstatic. And for seven years, I’ve thought that I was. But ever since I came back to the island, it feels like everything has shifted around under me. I shouldn’t feel like I’m falling apart because”—because of you—“just because I’ve come back. But this is what the island always does to me!” And what he did to her. Because when she was around Brian, nothing else seemed to matter.
Brian stepped closer to her and cupped her cheek as he stared deeply into her eyes. “I love you, too.”
He knew she loved him? But, of course, he knew. He’d always known exactly what was inside her heart, way back to when they were just a little girl and boy out on the playground.
As he wiped away her tears, she knew this was the moment of reckoning, the one where she'd have no choice but to throw away everything she'd worked so long and hard to build because she couldn't imagine leaving him.
But even though he'd just declared his love for her, he didn't look the least bit happy as he gazed down at her. On the contrary, the man she loved looked like his heart was breaking into a million pieces.
“I love you so much that I can't actually do it,” he told her in a raw, hollow voice. “Even though I thought I could. Even though I've been telling myself for weeks that I would do it. That I would do whatever I needed to do to make you stay, no matter what, this time. That I would convince you that you'd done enough in the city and had enough success to be happy staying here on the island with me now.”
Her heart had all but stopped beating in her chest by the time she whispered, “What are you saying, Brian?”
“I told you I wouldn't let you go again, but I know how important your dreams, and your career, are to you. Because they're just as important to me. All I want is for you to be happy. It's all I've ever wanted.”
“I am happy with you,” she told him, the deepest truth she knew.
And yet, even after she'd said the words, Brian closed his eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again and searing her with the intensity of his gaze. “If you stayed today, if you didn't get on that plane back to New York, do you think you could continue to be happy? Or would you eventually end up resenting me, and your family, and the entire island for holding you back from achieving the rest of your dreams?”
Back in high school, she'd known for sure that she needed to leave or she'd regret it all her life. But now? Now things weren't nearly as cut-and-dried. She loved Brian, loved her family, loved always being so close to nature on the island. But her career was almost entirely based in New York. Maybe if she'd had another week or two to try to figure things out, she'd have a clear solution all mapped out.
“This was why I tried to keep my distance from you,” she said. “I didn't want this to happen again, for us to have to say good-bye. But I couldn't stay away.” She couldn't stop her tears from falling. “I'm sorry I couldn't stay away.”
“Even if you can't stay, every moment I got to spend with you,” he said as he pulled her into his arms and held her close one more time, “was worth it.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“How is your packing going, dear?” Grams asked from the doorway to Morgan’s room.
“Everything fit in the case when I came here,” she said, frowning as she looked at the huge pile of clothes and shoes and makeup that wouldn't even come close to zipping into her suitcase.
“I find that’s the way with things,” Ava said as she came into the room to help. “They never fit as neatly as we might like.”
“Can you make sure that the others get the bag of makeup?” Morgan asked, nodding to one of the many things she was going to have to leave behind. “I’m sure it will suit them.” Morgan finally got her suitcase closed, then moved to hug her grandmother. “I really loved being back here, Grams.”
“You know you’re welcome back anytime. Perhaps you won’t leave it so long next time?”
But Morgan wasn’t sure how realistic it was to start thinking about coming back home again. After all, she’d barely managed to get back to the island in the past seven years, and with her own TV show and makeup line, things were hardly likely to get any less busy.
Morgan checked her watch and knew she needed to get going to make her flight. And yet, she wasn't quite ready to go. Not when she still felt so churned up inside. “Grams?”
“Mmm?”
“I—” A thousand thoughts jumbled into her brain, but the only one that came out was, “I'm nervous.”
“About what?”
“About making the wrong choice.”
Morgan expected her grandmother to tell her everything would be okay and that she would support her no matter what choice she made. Instead, Ava patted the bed and gestured for them to sit down side by side.
“Back when I was a professional dancer, I knew all about putting on a face for a show. But one of the things I loved most about transforming into someone else while on stage was getting to take it off afterward and become me again.” She reached for Morgan's hand. “The worst nights were when it felt like I needed to leave it on. Not just the makeup, but the mask.” Grams brushed a lock of hair away from Morgan's face, and for a moment she felt more like a fifteen-year-old girl than a full grown woman. “Sometimes when I look at you, I see a beautiful young woman who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. How beautiful she has always been.”
“Are you sure you don’t have me mixed up with Paige, Grams?” Morgan tried to tease to lighten the moment. One that felt truly overwhelming. “She’s the one who never lets me make her over.”
“Whereas you’ve made over your whole life. Even though you have always been perfect just as you are.”
The kitchen clock chimed downstairs. “Grams”—Morgan was horribly choked up—“I have to go or I’ll miss my flight.”
Downstairs, she hugged Emily, Rachel, Paige and Charlotte good-bye—her heart in her throat the entire time—then drove down to the docks and returned her rental car before boarding the ferry. Brian hadn’t come to say good-bye, and she knew why. If he'd been there, she never would have gotten on the ferry...and he loved her too much to do anything that could destroy her career. But, God, she missed him so badly that even as she stood at the rail of the ferry in the fresh air, she could barely get any oxygen into her constricted lungs.
In the airport lounge, she had just enough time to scroll through the links Juliet had emailed her for
the stories the reporters had written about her garden. It seemed that the idea of her all-natural makeup line and its ties to home had struck a chord with them. Even better, the readers’ initial responses to her having her own makeover show indicated that it could be a big hit. Digesting the details, Morgan could already feel herself starting to slip back into the world of ratings and opinions, executives and urgent meetings. A world away from the island, her family, and the garden.
And, most of all, a world away from Brian.
“Excuse me?”
Morgan looked up at a girl in her late teens. “Are you Morgan Walker? I’ve seen your segments on the morning news, and I was wondering...can anyone apply to have a makeover on your show or are there special rules?”
Morgan considered the girl for a moment or two. She was already very pretty, although perhaps she could do with a couple of tips on how to apply eye shadow so that it didn’t dominate everything else.
“How about if we try a mini-makeover right here?” She didn't have much makeup with her, but the girl had a fairly full bag of products. A short while later, Morgan asked, “How's that?”
The girl, who’d said her name was Vicky, looked in a mirror and frowned. “I don't look any different.”
“That's because you are already beautiful, Vicky,” Morgan said to the clearly disappointed girl. “Trust me, this is a very good look for you.”
“But I still look like me. Well, me with less makeup than usual, anyway.”
“Yes, you do,” Morgan said with a smile. “And I, for one, am really proud to have helped make you over into the wonderful, beautiful person you already are.”
Finally, the girl smiled back. “Thanks, Morgan. I didn't know you could do that, but now that you've put it that way, I guess this is a really good makeover.”
