Tears welled as Alexandra met those haunting dark-blue eyes. She put her fingers to his lips to stem the flow of words, unable to bear the sad expression on his face. ‘Oh, Salvador …’
He smiled ruefully. ‘I had a lot of time to think things through, about the way I’d behaved, and how it must have been for you. I had to wait and pray that I would soon be well enough to come to England and beg your forgiveness, hoping you still loved me enough, and would still have me.’
Alexandra paled. ‘What kind of accident could have left you so sick?’
Salvador stiffened. ‘It was a bad one,’ he said slowly.
His words sent a quiver of alarm through Alexandra. ‘Yes, but what happened exactly?’
A long silence followed. His eyes looked glazed, as though remembering was deeply painful. ‘Can I tell you about it later?’
Alexandra nodded, though deeply curious. It had never occurred to her that he could have come to any harm or might be in danger. Her heart turned over sickly, her emotions a mixture of dread and shame as reality dawned. She had badly misjudged him: he had been fighting for his life while she was busy nursing her pride and feeling sorry for herself, instead of being at his side, nursing him back to recovery. She could have lost him and never known the truth until it was too late, all because of an unlucky combination of coincidence and crossed wires. Tears began to roll down her cheeks.
‘Oh, Salvador, I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, her lips trembling. ‘I should never have gone off on my own with Don Felipe. I was angry and wanted to hurt you but I was foolish, arrogant and naïve. How can you ever forgive me?’
‘Hush, niña,’ he said, taking a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping her tears. ‘Doesn’t the fact that I’ve made this journey tell you anything? There’s nothing to forgive, mi paloma blanca.’ He stroked her face tenderly. ‘You’re not the only one to blame. I loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you but, because I had many unresolved problems and no immediate answers, I did not dare begin something with you without knowing how it would end.’
He lit a cigarette and drew on it for a while in silence, arms resting on his bent knees. Then, leaning back against the tree trunk, he gazed ahead. ‘When the baby died, my ties to Marujita were broken. I grieved for the child but, after a while, I realized there was a glimmer of hope for us, for you and me. For the first time, I could see some light at the end of the dark tunnel.’
He turned his head to look at her. ‘Truly, all the while, I was protecting you, though I can see how it probably seemed. I didn’t want you to become entangled in my troubles with the gitanos. I know I was weak and irresponsible at times. Usted es una joven muy bella y deseable, you are a very beautiful and desirable young woman. But afterwards, I always felt ashamed that I’d taken advantage of your vulnerability. My automatic reaction then was to go about setting lines we couldn’t cross, even if that meant misleading you about how I truly felt and driving you away.’ He smiled awkwardly. ‘It is unfortunately my way, querida … putting up barriers when what I feel is too intense for me to deal with.’ There was agitation in his voice.
‘Then came the corrida at Ronda, and the introduction of Don Felipe into the frame.’ He took a deep breath before sighing. ‘From then on, the most fierce, corroding feeling took over my life. Subsequently, all my attitudes, arguments and reactions were skewed by it. Jealousy, niña, is a very destructive fault.’
‘But Salvador, you had no cause to be jealous,’ Alexandra pleaded in frustration. ‘I was just trying to attract your attention. You kept blowing hot and cold, and I couldn’t understand what you expected from me. I guess I wanted to make you jealous, the way I was jealous of Marujita and Doña Isabel. Believe me, I know exactly how destructive jealousy is. There appeared to be two women in your life to whom you gave attention, rather than me. I was completely confused all the time — you kept pushing me away. My pride was hurt, and I needed to get even,’ she added, trying to keep the defensive tone from her voice. ‘I admit that I was attracted to Don Felipe at first. I found him good-looking, smooth and gallant. He made me feel special while you were busy rebuffing me but, I swear to you, nothing ever happened between us.’
Salvador raised his eyebrows. She heard the breath catch in his throat as she spoke. He stiffened, his mouth tightening to a thin line. Steel-grey eyes fastened on her face and ice fleetingly replaced the warmth that had filled them since his arrival. Beneath his gaze she couldn’t help but quail; the old jealousy had not yet turned to cinders and was still smouldering inside him.
‘That evening in Jerez, I saw you both. You were kissing.’ She winced at his tone. The nightmare was starting up again.
‘No, no, Salvador, you’re wrong,’ she cried out, tears stinging her eyes. ‘Felipe forced his kiss on me. I struggled and was pushing him away when you arrived. I did try to explain but you wouldn’t listen. I swear it’s the truth. After that incident, I never once let him touch me again.’ She was thankful that Doña Inés had agreed to keep the terrifying ordeal she’d suffered at the hands of Felipe to herself — the consequences of Salvador ever finding out were unthinkable. ‘You must believe me, I’ve never wanted another man but you. I could never belong to another man but you.’ Her eyes blurred with unshed tears.
Salvador sighed before his mouth curved softly into a smile. ‘I know, I know, niña, of course I believe you,’ he reassured her quietly. ‘It’s just that I still can’t bear to hold that image in my head, even though now I know it wasn’t what it seemed. During the long months I spent in that hospital room convalescing, I had plenty of time to mull over every detail. I realized neither of us had behaved normally. There were too many adverse winds clouding reality.’
Reaching out for her hand, he turned it over and gently kissed her palm before placing it against his cheek. ‘But you see, querida, I’m weak,’ his grey eyes skimmed her face wretchedly, ‘every now and then the old pain bubbles to the surface. Jealousy, that angry beast, claws mercilessly at my insides and my misery is unbearable.’ Salvador broke off. The frost in his eyes had melted. Alexandra gazed into them and saw the appeal for forgiveness, the mixture of strength and vulnerability, the passion, the desire and the genuine love that had replaced it.
How she loved him in this moment. She felt her fears and her heart dissolve into waves of tenderness. Raising herself on to her knees and leaning towards him, she kissed him again and again, slowly, so slowly … On the eyelids, the cheeks, the throat, her fingertips stroking his shock of black hair adoringly, sensuously exploring every inch of his face, willing her touch to erase the pain, aching to convey to him her own passion, and her deep love.
With a groan, Salvador gripped her shoulders, drawing her into his powerful embrace and they entwined themselves beneath the tree. His mouth sought hers with a searing, devastating possessiveness that was a new thing, and it shook her to the core. ‘I will never let you go again,’ he breathed, his face buried in her neck. ‘Usted es el mio, mio, mio, you’re mine, mine, mine.’ He crushed her against him, his hands roaming over her body, sending shockwaves and surges of pleasure through her secret places.
The sound of barking startled them. Caesar, Hannibal and Scipio hurtled down the hill, harbingers of Miles’ arrival with a picnic lunch. The dogs launched themselves at the couple, in their excitement, ecstatic yapping, leaping and tail wagging decisively interrupting their moment of intimacy. Salvador and Alexandra sprang to their feet, laughing.
‘Saved by the dogs,’ said Alexandra as she brushed the grass off her skirt and tried to instill some order to her hair. What would Miles have thought if he’d caught them in that fiery embrace? She smiled mischievously to herself.
The butler soon appeared, moving gingerly down the hill, carrying a tray laden with china and silverware, a jug of lemonade and a bottle of champagne, closely followed by Rose with the picnic baskets. A copious lunch of cold chicken, veal-and-ham pie, pickles, potato salad, cheese, butter and a large loaf of freshly baked bread was sp
read before them on an Irish linen tablecloth.
‘The glory of English picnics!’ Alexandra whispered to Salvador, smiling. ‘Thank you, that will be all,’ she told Miles and Rose once they had finished laying out the contents of the first basket.
‘Will you not need us to unpack the other basket, Miss? It contains stewed plums from the garden, frozen after the autumn, a bowl of creamy rice pudding and the first cherries of the season, early this year and freshly picked this morning,’ said Miles. ‘Mrs Hull has also included a thermos of tea, sugar, milk, a pound cake and a tin of biscuits, for later in the day.’
Alexandra laughed. ‘No, thank you, Miles. I think we’ll have enough trouble getting through the first one. Will you please thank Cook on our behalf for this wonderful spread? Would you also tell her that as my aunt is out to dinner tonight, we would just like a light supper this evening.’
‘Yes, Miss. Shall I uncork the champagne?’
‘No, thank you, Miles. That will be all.’
Salvador beamed. ‘Surely a feast fit for a king,’ he declared when they were sitting alone again and had toasted each other with a glass of champagne. ‘And sugar too? What luxury! I thought even the English upper classes were subject to rationing …’
Alexandra laughed. ‘And so we are. But we’re lucky enough to have our own dairy farm and chickens, and we grow our own fruit and vegetables. Mrs Hull had always been rather extravagant. Dear Uncle Howard loved his food and Cook always made it her business to indulge him, taking pride in conjuring up new and interesting dishes for him. But since the war she’s become resourceful with it, a happy combination. She’s been in the Grantley family for forty years and her mother before her was cook to my uncle’s parents.’
‘It’s good when the staff stay for generations in a household,’ Salvador noted, handing Alexandra some cutlery. ‘They become part of the family, don’t they? Agustina is more a friend to my great aunt than an ama de llaves, a mere housekeeper. Both her mother and grandmother worked at El Pavón before her. It’s the same for Sarita, she’s been with us a long time. When she’s old and cannot work any more, her daughter María will take her place.’
‘And what about Marujita?’ The question was out before she knew it. Alexandra had been burning to ask what had happened to the gypsy girl and hadn’t known how to go about it without sounding foolish and jealous; this was her chance. Her voice was just a little nervous as she concentrated on her plate, fumbling with her knife and fork.
There was a pause while Salvador took another sip from his glass, savouring the champagne. He hadn’t missed the faint tremor in her voice and glanced sideways at her. Without a word, he put down his glass and, reaching out, turned her face slowly towards him, lifting her chin upwards. The grey eyes, which had deepened to cobalt blue, dwelled sombrely on hers.
‘Cariño, Marujita has gone. I’m afraid things didn’t turn out well for her. When she saw I couldn’t be manipulated by her or her family, she became reckless.’ Salvador looked off into the distance, his arms resting on bent knees.
‘One day I caught her in your grandmother’s room trying to steal some jewellery from the cupboard. She’d obviously made a copy of the key. Had she been on her own, I might have let her off with a flea in her ear but she was with one of her brothers, who attacked me when I discovered them. Like most gypsies, he carried a sharp navaja. The blade caught me between the ribs and punctured my lung. An ambulance was called and my aunt had no alternative but to hand them over to the policia. That was the accident … now you know it all.’
He let out a long sigh. Though his dark blue eyes were fixed on hers steadily, his hand trembled slightly as he smoothed it over his head. ‘I know I hurt you, my love, and I deeply regret that. Maybe I should have been more brutal but I owed my recovery to her, you see, after my previous accident … and she did bear my child. Ruthlessness is not in my nature and back then it seemed the right way to deal with such a delicate situation.’ He gazed out into the distance again.
‘She will spend some time in prison now. I’d never have wished that on her. After all, she once gave me back my life. As for her brother, he’ll be in there much longer. As we say, así es la vida, such is life. I just wish I hadn’t been such a fool all along.’ Pain was etched on his face as he gazed ahead and Alexandra felt it keenly.
Salvador paused and she stared at him, horrified at the turn his story had taken. Her heart went out to him. ‘Are you completely recovered from your injuries?’ she asked.
He smiled ruefully. ‘Yes, only a small scar is left to remind me of my recklessness.’
Disturbing emotions swamped Alexandra, thinking about the woman who had shared his nights and given him a son. ‘Did you love Marujita?’ She had to ask the question; she must know, even though the answer would have made no difference.
‘No, I never loved her … not in the way I love you. It was more of an earthy attraction, later tinted with gratitude and remorse because of the child. I never promised her anything. And this was all before I met you. There has been nothing between us since you — though that didn’t stop her from trying, I admit. Still, I don’t blame you for doubting me or being jealous.’
Alexandra swallowed back the lump constricting her throat, more shocked than she wanted to admit to herself after these new revelations. ‘I wasn’t jealous of Marujita,’ she retaliated, her green eyes sparkling with indignation that he should say such a thing, and now embarrassed at her previous confession, ‘not really, anyway. I never thought of her as a serious rival, not compared to Doña Isabel, but she always implied there was more between you. I just couldn’t understand what was going on. She was insolent and cocky, taunting everybody as though no one and nothing could touch her. Besides, you never really explained the relationship between you, or told me openly that you loved me. You seemed protective towards her, even defying members of your family to keep her by your side. And then you fathered her child. What was I supposed to think?’ She was quivering and spoke fast, almost breathless in her agitation.
But Salvador’s eyes caressed her face. ‘Alexandra, cariño,’ he said gravely, in a tone that made her anger melt almost instantaneously. ‘That’s now all in the past. I love you, I want you to be my wife so I can spend the rest of my life with you. There’ll be no more separations, no more misunderstandings.’ He smiled and dropped a little kiss on the tip of her nose.
‘We Spanish men don’t like to let our wives out of our sight. We suffer an innate feeling of insecurity which makes us possessive and jealous, and I, mi amor, am no exception to the rule, as you’ve experienced.’ They both laughed and he drew her into his arms tenderly.
Alexandra turned her head and pulled away slightly. She looked up at him with anxious wide eyes. ‘Salvador, can I ask you another question?’ she said sheepishly.
‘Of course, niña, go ahead. I want to set the record straight so there’ll be no more misunderstandings between us.’
‘Were you engaged to Doña Isabel?’
His strong hand tilted her face towards him. ‘It was a long time ago but I think you already know about that,’ he said.
‘No, I don’t mean that engagement. I saw a cutting in a magazine, it said that you were to be married.’
Salvador laughed, his finger stroking her cheek lovingly. ‘Ah, Alexandra, Alexandra, mi dulce inocente amor, you mustn’t believe all you read in these society journals. I know well the photograph you’re referring to. It was taken that night in Granada at Don Felipe’s reception, just before you and I met in the garden. After that, I went straight back to El Pavón and I haven’t seen her since.’
He looked at her earnestly. ‘You must believe me when I tell you that Doña Isabel ceased to mean anything to me a long time ago. I did love her once and it took me months to come to terms with our broken engagement. I didn’t intend to fall in love again but then you came along and it seemed I’d been waiting for you all my life. I knew it practically from the time I first laid eyes on you that aftern
oon in the church, but especially after the masked ball. However, I needed time to sort myself out. I tried to explain this to you but I don’t think I did it very well. You were so rebellious, niña, so stubborn.’ For a few seconds his eyes were intense with emotion as he gazed down at her.
‘Oh Salvador, I love you so much,’ Alexandra said, throwing herself back into his arms. ‘My pride got in the way … I thought that you didn’t love me … you never said it openly. To me you seemed to be doing your duty. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.’
‘My only hope is that you understand now why I acted in this way.’
‘I do, I do,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t ever let me go.’
‘I won’t.’ He held her tightly as she curled up in his lap. They clung passionately to each other in silence.
After a while, staring down gravely into her eyes, Salvador asked: ‘Do you think that you’ll be able to live in Spain for the rest of your life and be happy? How will you deal with our traditions and rules? Your world is different in so many ways.’ Concern shadowed his features. ‘You’re used to an English way of life, the bright lights of the city, to a much freer code of conduct.’
Alexandra gazed up at him tenderly. ‘I’ll be happy if you’re with me. I love you more than I can say. The last year taught me in life, one needs to compromise. I thought I’d lost your love forever. Day after day I hoped and prayed you would come for me, and my dream has come true. How could I ever jeopardize that again?’
‘Then there are no misgivings, no doubts?’ Salvador ran a finger down her cheek, his eyes darkening with apprehension. ‘You won’t pine away as your mother did, thinking of family and friends? You won’t long for the snow and the changing of the seasons of England, or see yourself chained to what you’ve regarded in the past as a “backward and bigoted country”?’
She glanced at him. ‘I won’t … at least, I don’t think so,’ she added in earnest. ‘Still, you will let me travel to England from time to time, won’t you?’ she smiled. ‘You won’t keep me prisoner at El Pavón?’
Indiscretion Page 48
