“Thank you,” Susan replied. Her brother looked down at his feet.
“You’re welcome,” Rosalind said. “Besides, we already know he’s special or you wouldn’t have brought him to the hospital.”
* * *
We already know he’s special or you wouldn’t have brought him to the hospital.
Her sister-in-law’s words stuck in Susan’s head the entire way home.
When Lewis and Linus had returned from the cafeteria, she noticed a distinct change in her faux boyfriend’s manner. He seemed distant.
“Thank you for coming to the hospital with me,” she said. “I know it wasn’t quite the fun day you had planned.”
“You’re welcome. I just hope I wasn’t in the way.”
“Hardly. I was more worried my brothers would pin you down and interrogate you. They didn’t, did they?”
“No.”
“Linus didn’t say anything stupid when the two of you went to get coffee?”
“No.”
The distance was driving her insane. Reaching across the seat, she brushed her fingers across the back of his hand. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Seriously,” he added as though sensing she was about to press. “It... I’m not used to being included in family events is all.”
And he felt out of place. The pieces suddenly came together. “I’m glad you were there,” she told him.
“Were you?”
“Yes. Very much. I’m glad my brothers got to see firsthand how good a man you are.”
“Now you’re reaching.” He gave a soft laugh.
“All right, maybe a little. But I think Linus will come around. Thomas...he might be a harder sell. He has a highly overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I used to tell him he had monomania, which is a fancy way of saying he’s hyperfocused on the business. Comes from listening to our grandfather drone on about the family legacy during his formative years.”
“You’re playing armchair psychologist again.”
“Force of habit.” Understanding what made people tick made dealing with them easier. If she could link a reason to an action, then it took away some of the sting. Sometimes, anyway. “Plus, I’ve spent a lot of time observing my brothers.”
“Are you sure you studied the whole picture?” he asked.
“After more than two and a half decades, I’d better have. What makes you ask?”
He shrugged. “No reason. Just that I didn’t get the impression either man was acting out of responsibility. Doesn’t really matter, though, does it? What they think? After all...”
After all, it wasn’t as though he would be a long-term part of her life.
“I’m curious,” Lewis said suddenly. Turning sideways, he rested an elbow against the back of the seat. Grateful to have him in her orbit, Susan shifted as well so that they sat face-to-face, their knees touching. “What would your psychology books say about me?”
“You want me to psychoanalyze you?”
“Haven’t you already?”
“Maybe.” She looked at her lap. “I might have kicked around a few concepts.” They only served to depress her.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Why do you care?”
“Color me curious. You sound so certain about your brothers. Makes me curious what you think of me.”
Was it really curiosity or was he trying to send her a message? Reminding her not to get too attached.
“What if I don’t want to share?”
“Then I’ll presume the worst.” Lewis’s grin was overly wide. “And I’ll pester you until you give up the info.”
“Fine.” He would pester her too. “Keep in mind this is completely nonscientific, but if I had to make a hypothesis, I would say children who grew up in foster homes are prone to anxiety, commitment issues, low self-esteem and often have a resulting fear of abandonment.”
Lewis didn’t answer and the shadows made it impossible to read his expression completely. Susan’s stomach sank. “It’s only a theory,” she said, turning to face the front once more.
“Low self-esteem? Seriously?” she heard him say. “Do I seem like I have low self-esteem to you?’
“I wouldn’t say low,” Susan replied. Although, he had been worried about being accepted at the fund-raiser.
“No offense, luv, but I think you might want to rethink your theory. Excepting for the other night—which was an extraordinary circumstance—my self-esteem and anxiety are just fine.”
“And fear of commitment? Am I wrong about that one?” She probably shouldn’t ask with the driver present, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Depends. Is fear the same as disinterest?”
“No.” Fear was better. Fear implied there might be a chance.
“Good to know,” he said, nodding.
So much for an answer. On the other hand, did she really need one? The warning was clear. There was a warning hidden in his question—don’t get too attached or think long-term.
Fine. Then she would take what she could for as long as she could get it.
They moved on to other topics. Thanks to Noel’s arrival, they never finished their Christmas shopping and now Susan had to buy a baby gift in addition to the other items on her list.
“Why don’t we go tomorrow?” Lewis said, for the driver’s benefit, Susan suspected. “I know a great restaurant in Soho. We can grab brunch and then hit Regent Street again. What do you think?”
“Sure.” She noticed he was pulling out his wallet to pay. Did that mean he intended to stay? Her heart skipped a beat.
“So, what’s the plan?” she asked once they’d stepped outside. The car’s taillights disappeared into the traffic.
“Tonight? We grab some takeout, watch a movie and I sleep on your sofa.”
A right proper sleepover. All aboveboard and completely phony. But she was tired of phony. She was a woman, dammit. She wanted to be held and kissed like a woman.
The moonless night left his face bathed in shadows, making it impossible to read his expression. His eyes appeared dark and hooded. The warmth from his body floated around her, enveloping her with his scent. One she couldn’t label and that was uniquely him.
Take what you can, a voice whispered in her ear.
“You...you don’t have to sleep on the sofa.”
Lewis stepped back. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Oh.” Rejection cut through her. Hugging her midsection, she struggled to keep the disappointment from her voice.
“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to sleep with you,” he said. “In fact...”
“Don’t,” Susan said. She so didn’t want to have this conversation. “The last thing I need to hear is a lot of phony flattery and excuses. You made it very clear that you weren’t interested in me in that way. It was stupid of me to think you might change your mind.”
Beyond stupid. She wanted to go inside, pull the covers over her head and pretend the last five minutes had never happened.
“Susan...”
“It’s been a really long day, Lewis,” she said, cutting him off again. “Why don’t we say good-night. We can wake up superearly and pretend we spent the night together, okay?”
“Susan...”
“Good night, Lewis. I’m sorry you have to...”
He kissed her.
He closed the distance between them and he kissed her. Like an animal springing on its prey, his mouth covered Susan’s before she could make a sound. Her eyes fluttered shut as she melted into him. Wow, could this man kiss. This wasn’t gentle or sweet like the other kisses though. This kiss was primal. The kind of kiss that claimed a person. Clutching his shoulders, Susan met him need for need until neither of them could breathe. They broke apart, their breaths loud and ragged in the night air.
“Sti
ll think I don’t want to sleep with you?” Lewis asked between gasps.
If he didn’t, he was a damn good liar. Her body, from head to toe, believed him. “Then why?” Why did she feel like he was still about to reject her?
Lewis’s hands were tangled in her curls, combing them away from her face over and over. “A woman like you is made for serious relationships,” he said. “The kind a man dates when he’s thinking about things like homes and kids. If I...” He smiled. “If I were the kind of guy who thought of such things, I’d tether you to my side for eternity.”
“But...?” Susan asked. There was definitely a but coming whether she wanted to hear it or not.
Lewis’s hand slid from her hair to cup her cheek momentarily. “But I’m not that kind of guy.”
“I know.” He’d made his views on commitment quite clear in the taxi.
Take what you can, the voice reminded.
“What if I said I didn’t care?” she asked. “What if I’m okay with here and now?”
She reached down and entwined her fingers with his. “Houses and kids are nice dreams, but sometimes a woman just wants to feel wanted.”
Her heart was in her throat when she finished. Talk about laying it all on the table. It was up to Lewis now. If he rejected her, so be it. At least she’d know.
Lewis’s hand was cupping her cheek again. The whites of his eyes were brilliant in the dark as he searched her face. “Are you sure?”
Could he not see the certainty on her face? Releasing his hand, Susan slid her palms upward along the padded front of his jacket until she reached the point where the zipper stopped. He was layers of darkness. Navy jacket, black sweater. With a deep breath to steel her nerves, she slipped her gloved hand under his jacket. “What do you think?” she asked.
What felt like the longest beat of her life passed. Susan kept her eyes locked with his; the knot of nerves in her chest twisted.
There was the rustle of nylon and suddenly, Lewis’s hands were at the front of her wool coat. One by one, he undid the buttons, his eyes never leaving hers, until her coat hung open.
“I think,” he said, playing with the hem of her sweater, “that we should go inside.”
* * *
“This is new,” Lewis said later, wrapped together with her in a cocoon of blankets, in Susan’s king-size bed. Her cheek was resting over his heart and the taste of her kisses was still on his lips.
“What’s new?”
“Staying awake.” He buried his nose in her curls, inhaling the vanilla scent of her shampoo. “Usually I fall asleep.” Or start planning his escape. Pulling a woman close to savor in the afterglow wasn’t his style.
And yet, here he was, with Susan curled against his body, drawing lazy circles on his torso.
“You romantic devil.”
“Never said I wasn’t a player, luv.”
For some reason he was determined to hammer that shameful point home tonight. He immediately regretted the statement when Susan’s hand stilled. There was no reason to be harsh. She knew this was a temporary arrangement.
“Did you know that you’re the first woman I’ve slept with stone-cold sober?”
“Seriously?” She lifted her head. Even in the dark, he could see her surprise. “You mean you haven’t...?”
“Nope. Been too busy keeping my head down, proving I’m a good boy.”
“Oh, you were good...”
“I know,” he replied. Her laugh vibrated through him, and he pulled her close. Could you feel someone rolling their eyes? “You weren’t so bad yourself, you know.”
“Glad I didn’t disappoint.”
“Definitely not.” Being with her was...well, it was amazing. He’d mapped every inch of her soft curves with his hands, and then went back and did the same with his mouth. Something else he’d never felt the need to do: savor the experience.
All this newness made him uneasy. Different was turning out to be unnerving.
“You didn’t tell me your brother and his wife were renewing their wedding vows.”
Her hand stilled again.
“Linus told me. He seemed surprised I wasn’t attending.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to go,” she replied. “You can, of course. If you want.”
Gee, with that kind of enthusiasm... “Don’t worry about it. I only mentioned it so you wouldn’t be caught off guard if Linus mentions we talked about it.”
Honestly, he didn’t know why he’d brought it up. Maybe he was looking for further affirmation that she wasn’t looking for more.
Or was he hoping for the opposite?
Listen to him. One night with the woman and he was psychoanalyzing too. It was a short-term arrangement. No need to turn the affair into anything deeper. Once they holidays ended, he and Susan would go their separate ways.
And he was fine with that.
Really.
Truly.
Wasn’t he?
CHAPTER EIGHT
“I WANT TO TELL you a story. Once upon a time there was a boy who really, really loved sports. Every chance he got, he practiced. Good weather. Bad weather. He worked at becoming the best he could be. And you know what? It paid off. He became a superstar.
“But then you know what happened? He stopped working so hard. He started taking his skills for granted. He developed bad habits. He told himself, ‘I’m a superstar. I don’t need to practice that much.’ For a while, he got away with it. Eventually though, his athletic skill started to slip. Suddenly, he wasn’t the superstar anymore. He was just a guy with a lot of bad habits who’d forgotten what was really important.”
Susan sat in a far row of the indoor facility listening to Lewis tell the youth ambassadors his story. He’d told her last night that he wanted to use the opportunity to teach the kids what happened when they lost sight of what mattered. It was impressive, how honest Lewis was being about his own failings. Heartbreaking too, when you realized how much his partying had cost him. Thank goodness he’d seen the light before the lifestyle killed him.
Otherwise, the world would be a bleaker place. Not to mention her bed. She smiled recalling the last few nights. Since the night Noel was born, the two of them had been engaged in a full-fledged affair, and it was better than she could have imagined. The way Lewis touched her when they made love made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. It was going to be awfully hard going back to life without him after their fake love affair was over.
Something inside her cracked a little at the thought. They’d attend a few more events, the company party and then say goodbye. Unless, that is, they needed to continue the arrangement a little while longer.
How sad was that? Hoping Lewis’s image didn’t improve enough so she could keep him in her life a few weeks longer.
“He’s doing a marvelous job. Goes to show people love a good redemption story. Even kids.”
A man she didn’t recognize sat down in the seat next to her.
“Michael Ryder,” he said.
So this was the infamous Michael, Lewis’s agent. He looked like a talent agent. His pinstriped suit was very expensive and his hair very styled. He also obviously had a penchant for cigars. The scent clung to his clothes. Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Susan shifted herself a little farther away.
“I have to admit,” he said after they’d shaken hands, “that when Lewis first came up with this crazy scheme, I had my doubts. But it looks like it might have some value after all. He never would have scored an event like this without you.”
On the field, the kids broke out in laughter over something Lewis had said. “He doesn’t need me to help him secure speaking engagements,” Susan replied. “He’s perfectly capable of charming people on his own.”
Ryder smirked. “Spoken like a true loyal girlfriend.”
“Don’t have to be a girlfr
iend to recognize his abilities.”
“Wow. You’re good. I can see why Lewis was so keen on partnering up with you.”
“Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Ryder?” Susan decided she didn’t like the man. He was too keen on reminding her she wasn’t Lewis’s real girlfriend.
“I came by to tell you that Personal Magazine is interested in doing a story about the two of you. A reporter’s going to sit down with you both next week.”
“Great. Lewis will be thrilled.”
“Yeah. They loved the whole love as the redeemer angle. They’re bringing a photographer to get some shots of you both at Lewis’s apartment. Readers love that homey behind-the-scenes stuff. You have been to his apartment, haven’t you?” he asked in a low voice.
“Yes.” Just the past night, as a matter of fact. Although his tone was so annoying she wouldn’t have admitted if the answer was no.
“Good. Make sure you know where all the glassware and stuff is. We want to ensure you look at home. Know what I mean?”
“Why don’t I leave some intimates on the bathroom floor to really hammer home the message?”
“Funny. Stick to leaving an extra toothbrush.”
“Fine. I’ll make sure to buy one tonight.” She seriously did not like this man. “Unless there’s something else you need to discuss, I’d like to continue watching Lewis.”
Unfortunately though, it looked like she’d missed the end of his talk. The kids were breaking into groups for some kind of skills training. While the volunteers played shepherd, Lewis walked to a nearby bench and stripped off his sweatshirt. Susan’s eyes automatically sought out the strip of skin on his back that came exposed when his shirt pulled up. He had the most beautiful back. She loved watching the muscles play across his shoulders when he moved his arms. She loved running her hands over those shoulders too.
“Oh, man, you’ve got it bad.”
Hadn’t the agent moved on? Susan slid her gaze sideways. “I beg your pardon?” she asked.
“The look on your face. You look like you’re worshipping the guy.” Susan rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong,” Ryder said. “If you look at him like that during the interview, there won’t be a person alive who won’t believe you’re not madly in love. Problem will be getting him to look at you the same way. The Lewis I know has trouble remembering girls’ names.”
Her Convenient Christmas Date Page 10
