by Jessie Cooke
He nodded. “I’m okay.” He kissed her other cheek and said, “You know, it’s okay to be sad.”
She rolled her eyes at him and picked her knife back up. “Of course I know that. Get me the cucumbers out of the fridge.”
Levi smiled and went to do as he was told. His mother and father never married officially, but she’d been his old lady since they met. She was fifty-four now and just as tough, if not tougher than she’d ever been. When she was with Levi, she was at her softest, but even then, she had an edge to her that could cut steel.
“You want help?”
“Nope, get a soda and go watch TV with Dad. I’ll be finished in a minute.” Levi grabbed a soda out of the fridge and she said, “Take your Pop a Pepsi.”
His mother’s father lived with her and his dad for the past ten years. He was a brittle diabetic and had already had one foot amputated before he came to live with them. Levi’s mom made sure he took his meds and ate well. But his big addiction was the sugary sweet cola that he’d been drinking since he was a kid. He refused to drink diet soda and if she didn’t let him have his Pepsi, he refused to drink anything else for the rest of the day. They’d battled it out for a while, with him getting dehydrated and almost dying at one point. Finally, they came to the agreement that he could have one Pepsi a day, as long as his blood sugars were stable. Levi grabbed the other soda and headed into the living room. His papa was sitting in his favorite chair with the television on. “Hey, Pops, what are you watching?”
Levi handed him the Pepsi and the old man smiled up at him. “Now there’s a boy after my heart.” He looked back at the TV and said, “Barnaby Jones or some bullshit. You can change it.” Levi smiled. His papa had been watching Barnaby Jones since he was a kid. He always said Levi could change the channel, but Levi never did.
“Nah, this is good. How you feeling?”
“Like I could conquer the world,” he said. “If not for that nagging-ass daughter of mine and this missing foot, I’d be running that MC of yours.”
Levi chuckled. “I bet you would, Pops. Can I ask you something?” Without thinking about it, Levi slid the pendant out of his pocket and started rubbing it between his fingers.
“Shoot, kid.” His grandfather muted the television and popped the tab on his soda.
“Did Dad talk to you much about what was going on in the club?”
Papa took a long swig of his soda, wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his flannel shirt, and said, “He was unhappy, for a long time. You know, back when I first started riding with the Defenders, they were a respectable bunch. Old Hacksaw formed that club from a group of soldiers he met in Vietnam, and each one of us that joined afterwards was somehow affiliated with the military. We bought toys for kids at Christmas and kept a neighborhood watch. It was all about the community and our country back then. Then, these youngsters started coming along and changing things. Your daddy was one of ’em.”
Levi knew that his papa and his dad hadn’t gotten along at first, but from the stories he’d heard over the years, his mother had insisted they find some kind of common ground. By the time his dad died, Papa was his biggest confidante. “I know Dad was one of the first to come up with the idea of selling the old military-style weapons.”
Papa chuckled and for a second his brown eyes went somewhere else. Then he said, “He was the first to come up with the idea of stealing them. That boy had more balls than he had sense, and once they were stolen, he had no idea what to do with them. A guy named Inky had a cousin that was involved with one of those gang-banger clubs, you know, the ones that wore red and thought they were all badass in the 80s?”
“The Bloods.”
“Yeah, that was it. Anyhow, Inky set up a meeting with them and as far as I’m concerned that day was the day the club began its downward spiral.”
“Those guns made the club a lot of money.”
“And a lot of enemies. And that money is like any other drug…the more you have the more you need to get that same high. They didn’t stop with guns. They moved on to drugs. Thankfully, by that time I lost my foot and I didn’t have to be a part of any of that. I wish your daddy had left years ago. He didn’t want any part of the drug trade, but he kept sticking it out, thinking he could change things.”
“So, if I told you that I was thinking about leaving, what would you say?”
“I’d say hallelujah. Boy, after all that mess with the meth lab blowing up, that club might never be able to get back on its feet. The police are watching y’all now and the men that financed that operation in the first place are looking to get paid back for what that lunatic destroyed. I say good riddance to it all, but Cheney’s going to be looking for a fast buck to set things back right and I don’t think that boy has the scruples God gave a Saigon whore.”
“Dad, I asked you not to talk about Saigon whores to my son.” Levi’s mother walked in from the kitchen, carrying a tray that she sat on the TV tray in front of her father. The old man looked at his grandson and said:
“That’s right, I forgot that we’re still supposed to pretend your mama’s baby is a virgin.” He rolled his eyes and looked at his daughter and said, “Thank God he became a man before his daddy died. You might have had him in pigtails and patent leather shoes.”
Levi’s Mom laughed as she got out another TV tray and set it up in front of where Levi was sitting. He saw her eyes go to the pendant between his fingers, but she didn’t say anything about it. By the time she came back with his lunch, he’d put the pendant back in his pocket and the three of them ate silently and stared at the TV. It was times like that when Levi’s father’s absence was felt the most—family time. His father was one of the biggest badasses the Memphis Defenders had ever seen back in his day, but no matter what, his family always came first. Everything Levi knew about love and relationships, he’d learned from his parents. He had hoped that someday he and Krissy would be celebrating thirty-five years together the way his parents had not long before his father died.
After lunch was over, Pops fell asleep in his chair and Levi went into the kitchen to help his mother clean up. She elbowed him out of the way of the sink, so he sat down at the kitchen table and got lost in his thoughts for a while. He was brought out of them by the sound of his mother’s voice asking:
“Where did you get that little heart? Was it Krissy’s?”
Levi stopped twirling it between his fingers. He hadn’t even realized he’d pulled it out again. He held it in his palm and the inscription stared up at him. Once again he wondered who Zoe was. “No, at least I don’t think so. They found it at the scene of the accident. The cop said that it was under her phone.”
His mother sat down in the chair opposite him. “It may have been in the street already.”
He nodded. “Yeah, maybe. They told me that they don’t think Krissy called 911, so maybe it belongs to the girl that did. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling I was supposed to end up with it. Is that weird?”
She covered his hand with hers and said, “No, honey. It’s your mind and your heart looking for ways to heal. If that pendant helps you do that, then don’t let anyone tell you that feeling is wrong. It brings you close to the person who was with Krissy in the end and that’s not weird at all.”
“Do you believe in soulmates, Mom?”
“Yes. Your father was mine and I believe Krissy was yours.” Levi started to speak and she held up her palm. “Let me finish. I believe Krissy was your soulmate, but that doesn’t mean I believe there was only one woman on this earth who could make you happy. One day I believe you’ll find someone else to love and when you do, she’ll be the luckiest girl on the planet.”
“Right,” he said. “Because I didn’t send my soulmate and my father straight into their deaths.”
“Levi Garrett Rogers! That accident was not your fault. There’s a reason they call it an accident. I don’t want to hear any more talk like that. Besides, I got a call from one of the state policemen involved in investigatin
g the accident, yesterday. He said they finished the investigation and concluded that your father’s bike had faulty brakes and the other guy came around that corner way too sharp and fast. You couldn’t have known the brakes would go out. Your father always took such good care…” His mother’s face went pale and she stopped talking. Levi got the feeling they were both suddenly thinking the same thing.
“He always took such good care of his bike,” he finished for her. If that bike was an inch of a quart low on oil, his father knew about it. He never ran out of gas, he never broke down, and he would never put Krissy on the back of the bike unless he knew everything was in working order, especially the brakes. “Mom, were the brakes working on the way to the party that night?”
“Of course. I didn’t notice your father having any trouble with them at all.”
“Where is the bike now?”
“It’s still at the impound lot. The policeman said we could pick it up tomorrow if we wanted it.”
“You told him we wanted it, right?”
She nodded and her eyes filled with tears. “Of course. Your father loved that bike almost as much as he loved us. Wrecked or not, it’s a part of him.”
Levi suddenly had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He thought about the last church meeting he’d attended. It was after Spider was dead and like Pop said, Cheney was looking for ways to get the meth lab back up and running. He even mentioned using a house the club owned out in the country, but just a mile from an elementary school. Levi remembered his father voicing his opinions about that very loudly. There was an argument among the men of the executive board, right there in front of everyone. That rarely happened, and Levi could tell that Cheney was really pissed off at his dad. If that wasn’t bad enough, when Levi’s dad said, “I refuse to be a part of this any longer. I don’t want to support my family on money made off other family’s misery,” the V.P., a guy named Jackie D, said, “What are you going to do, Hotshot…call the cops?” Levi remembered holding his breath that day as he watched his father’s face. He could see the wheels turning there before he finally said, “Maybe somebody ought to.”
6
Zoe was bent over in the garden, but she could feel someone staring at her. She’d been at her grandparents’ house for a few days and her grandfather had yet to say a word to her. She’d heard the argument between him and her nana the first night and since then, things had been silent. She rarely saw him and when she did, he normally turned around and went the other way. But she knew her nana had gone to the grocery store and it was Papa’s day off. It had to be him watching her, and with a deep breath she decided to just get it over with. She straightened up and pushed a lock of hair out of her face, no doubt leaving a trail of dirt in its wake. Her papa was standing at the edge of line of rose bushes, watching her. When she looked at him he said:
“So, how long will you be staying this time?”
She had to clear her throat to speak. He made her a nervous wreck. “I’m not sure. I’m looking for a job though, so I’ll try to be out as soon as possible.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “A job?”
“Yes. Nana’s been helping me apply for a few online.”
“Doing what? What on earth are you trained to do?”
She was shaking inwardly, but she was determined not to let him know he was getting to her. “Not much,” she said. “But I can learn. I’ve been applying for waitress jobs and I even applied for the fall semester at the community college and financial aid.”
He snorted. “You know you don’t get to keep the financial aid unless you actually go to school.”
She sighed again. “Papa, do we have to do this? I know my history as well as you do and I don’t have any excuses for it. Telling you that I’m ready to change isn’t going to mean a thing. You’ll have to see the changes before you believe them, and I get that. This is your home and if you don’t want me here, I’ll leave, but stay or go, I’m going to do this…this time.”
She wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw his features soften…slightly. “When was the last time you used?”
“Over three weeks ago.”
“And what brought about this sudden change?”
“I just don’t want to waste any more of my life. Nothing happened, really, before I stopped using. I was just done with it. I do that from time to time, as you know, and then usually I go right back to it, because I don’t know what else to do with myself. This time, I was clean for a week or so and I saw this terrible accident. I watched a girl about my age die and something clicked inside of me. I started thinking about how life can end at any moment and here I was killing myself, slowly. I don’t want to die, Papa. But I don’t want to live like I’m dying every day anymore either.”
He was looking at her like he always did…like he didn’t believe a word she was saying. It made her stomach hurt, but she kept up the mantra in her head that said she would show him. One day he’d see that she meant every word. Today, she was doing all she could do. “You can stay,” he said, in his gruff way. “We’ll re-evaluate things at the end of the month and see where you’re at. But there will be no drug use while you’re living in my home. Until you get a job…or financial aid,” he smirked, like that was completely unbelievable, “I will give you a small allowance for necessities. If one penny goes unaccounted for in my home, or anything valuable goes missing, I will assume you stole it and I will have you arrested. You don’t use our cars, and your nana won’t be your chauffeur. If you want to go anywhere you will walk or use public transportation, or the beach cruiser you talked me into buying you when you were sixteen, right before you ran off the first time. It’s still in the garage, where you left it. You won’t be given a key to the house, or the code to the garage. The door will be unlocked until ten p.m.; if you get home after that, you can get inside after seven a.m. the next day. You aren’t to bring anyone home with you, you’re to help your grandmother with the chores and if and when you get a job, you can start paying for your room and board because someday you need to learn that there’s no such thing as a free ride.” Before Zoe could respond, he turned and walked away. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In his own way, he was giving her a chance…more of a chance than he’d given her any of the other times before. But the pressure that her papa put on her, his ideas of what and who she should be, had been part of what had always pushed her back out on the streets and into her old habits. She was just going to have to be stronger this time…she knew she could do it…at least, she thought she could.
Zoe spent the rest of the morning in the garden. When her nana got home, she made lunch and Zoe sat with her and Papa and they all ate in silence. By the time lunch was over and she’d helped her nana clean up the kitchen, she was exhausted from the sheer stress of holding it together while her papa stared at her across the table.
“Nana, I’m going to shower and take a little nap if you don’t mind. I didn’t sleep very well last night.”
Nana’s brown eyes looked worried. “I know. I heard you up at three a.m.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. I get up ten times a night to go pee in my old age,” she said, with a chuckle. “Is it the withdrawal?”
“I don’t think so. I’m past the worst of that. I’m just still having nightmares…about that girl.”
“I’m sorry, honey. That had to be hard.”
“I’ll get past it, I’m sure. I’m just going to rest for a while and when I get up, I’ll take the bus down to the Pancake House and turn in that application I filled out yesterday.”
“Okay, but you don’t have to take the bus, I’ll drive you.”
Zoe smiled at her grandmother. “Thank you, but I need to start doing things on my own. When I get back later, I’ll work on getting my old bike in shape and start riding that again. The weather is nice, and the exercise and fresh air will do me good.”
Her nana looked like she wanted to argue, but Papa walked in ju
st in time to cut her off. Zoe excused herself and after a long, relaxing shower, she turned on the overhead fan and climbed into bed. As soon as she closed her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.
“Zoe!” She opened her eyes and looked around the room. She wasn’t in her room at her grandparents’ house, or the motel she’d been staying at recently. She was in a bedroom, an average-sized one with a dresser against one wall and a nightstand on either side of the queen-sized bed she was lying on. “Zoe…I’m waiting.” Her eyes went to the closed door next to the dresser. It was only then that she realized she could hear water running, …a shower, maybe. The voice obviously belonged to a man, but she didn’t recognize it. It had been quite a long time since Zoe had been with a man, at least one she remembered. She occasionally woke up with a man she didn’t recognize when she’d gotten really high the night before, but they rarely even knew her name; and, it was never in a place as clean and nice as the one she was in now. “Baby…I’m going to start without you.”
Shaking all over and wondering what she’d gotten herself into, Zoe slid out of the bed and realized only then that she was naked. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in her room at her grandparents’ house. Her papa was probably telling her nana that he’d told her so about now. She looked around desperately on the floor and in the chair that sat in the corner, but she didn’t see any clothes. Cautiously, she made her way over to the dresser, but before she got there, the bathroom door swung open and a man stood in the doorway. He was big, muscular, tattooed, and gorgeous. He looked vaguely familiar to her, but it was hard to concentrate on his face since he wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, he was aroused, and almost alarmingly well-endowed.
“What are you doing, babe? All the hot water’s going to be gone. You promised me a shower.”
“Um…I’m sorry, I…” The man took a step toward her. Zoe thought she should run, but her feet wouldn’t move, they were glued to the floor. He slid a thick arm around her waist and suddenly his thick, sexy lips were hovering just above hers, and his thick erection was pressed into her stomach. Against her will, she felt a hot rush of moisture between her legs. He slid the hand he had around her waist down and grabbed one of her naked cheeks and squeezed it.
