by Jessie Cooke
He sighed and walked away from the window. He stripped down to his shorts and went into the small bathroom and splashed water on his face. On his way, back to the bed, he picked up his jeans and fished the silver heart out of his pocket. He carried it to the bed with him and lay down, holding it between his fingers. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers over the engraving. Maybe he needed to find the person that owned the pendant. Maybe she saw something and she could help him figure out whether the accident was indeed that, “an accident.” He had an idea suddenly. Pulling up the Internet on his phone he typed in the code for the public records search app they used in the club. When that was up he typed in: “Zoe Bennett.” That was really as much information as he had about her. When he hit search, the results turned up over a hundred hits across the U.S. To narrow it down, he typed “Tennessee” into the state bar. That narrowed it down to fifteen. He typed “Memphis” in next and hit search. That one brought up two, a “Z. Bennett” and a “Zoe Bennett.” He clicked on Zoe and waited for the program to run through its search. While he waited, his thoughts returned to Zandra and for the first time he realized that he’d never met a girl whose name started with a “Z” before…and suddenly there were two. He knew that was probably just a weird coincidence, but there had been so many lately.
The program beeped at him and he looked down. Zoe Bennett was twenty-four years old, a native of Memphis, and the daughter of Becky Bennett. There was no father listed. He clicked on public records and it showed her most recent address as of five years earlier. He saved that and then clicked on arrest records. That one brought up four hits. For the first one she was only eighteen and it was a drug offense. He clicked on the others and they were all related to drug use or possession. For some reason, even though he didn’t know her, that made him sad. He looked down at the pendant and calculated in his head how old she was when her mother gave it to her…if this was the same Zoe. She would have been around seven years old. It must have been special to her, especially since she was still wearing it, or carrying it around seventeen years later. He scrolled down to the bottom of the page and clicked on the “mug shot” search engine. They used that one a lot in the club, looking for rival club members or street gang thugs. He clicked on it and typed in Zoe’s name and the birth date on the public records search and hit find. A few seconds later his jaw fell open. The picture on the screen was of a very thin-faced white girl with dark, stringy hair and haunted brown eyes. She had sores around her mouth and one on her cheek. She looked much the worse for wear, but he knew the girl he was looking at. He’d met her, at least. It was Zandra. What the hell was she trying to pull?
Levi found the Pancake House where he’d dropped off “Zandra” or “Zoe” or whatever the hell her real name was that day, online. It said they were open until 11 p.m. and it was just after ten in Massachusetts, which was an hour later. He dialed the number and after three rings a woman’s voice said, “Thanks for calling the Pancake House. This is Doris, how can I help you?”
Levi hadn’t thought through what he was going to say. He’d dropped the girl off early in the morning; it stood to reason that she probably didn’t work the night shift. Clicking back over to his public records search he said, “I was calling for Zoe Bennett. This is in regards to her mother, Becky.”
There was silence on the other end and the woman finally said, “Becky’s dead. She’s been dead for a long time.”
“Um…yes, of course. I know that. But, this is in regards to some cash the government owed her. It’s my job to track down a next of kin.”
“At almost ten o’clock at night?” Levi rolled his eyes. Just his luck, he’d get a nosy supervisor on the phone that wanted to ask a million questions.
“I take my job very seriously, ma’am. This was the first good lead I had. Is Miss Bennett there?”
“No. She works morning shifts, but tomorrow is her day off.”
“Would you have another number where I could reach her?”
“I wouldn’t feel right, giving out her number.”
He tried not to sigh out loud. “Well, maybe you could give her my number and ask her to call me ASAP. There is a deadline before the money gets returned to the government fund.”
Again, there was a long pause and then the woman said, “I’ll see what I can do. Give me your name and number.”
“My name is Le…Lincoln Myers.” Levi gave her the name of his high school math teacher. It was the first name that had popped into his head for some reason. He gave her his number, thanked her profusely, and told her to have a nice evening. He hung up and lay all the way down on the bed. He was exhausted, but there was way too much going on in his head to sleep.
20
Zoe was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She’d been trying to go to sleep, but she couldn’t get Patrick’s threats out of her head. She’d counted and recounted the cash she had on hand and added it to the balance of what she had in the bank account she’d just opened the week before. All told, it was enough to buy her books at school until her aid came through, pay her phone bill and the hundred dollars she’d agree to pay her grandparents every month for room and board, and have about three hundred dollars left over. She’d happily give Patrick the three hundred if she thought that would keep him away from her nana…but she knew him too well. He’d take the other seven hundred out of someone’s hide, and she couldn’t let that someone be her seventy-year-old grandmother. The sound of her phone vibrating on the nightstand next to the bed startled her. She was happy when she saw that it was a text for Doris. She hoped she was asking her to take an extra shift on her day off. Maybe working overtime, she could make most of Patrick’s money in time.
She slid open the message and she had to read it three times before she could process what it said. Someone called the restaurant and said they had money for her mother. That couldn’t be possible. Becky died as bare as she was born. If anything, she’d owed people money and it was someone trying to collect. Can bill collectors chase debt after someone dies? Zoe wasn’t sure. What she was sure of was that it was too big of a coincidence that someone would have money for her on the day that Patrick showed up and demanded what she “owed” him. She put the phone down and went back to staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts were running rampant and the idea of another coincidence, working in her favor no less, was just too much for her to process. She closed her eyes and the first image that came to mind was Levi. That was nothing new. He was so beautiful, she loved picturing his face, his big brown eyes and long eyelashes, and those lips…in her dreams those lips were magic, and she bet they would be in real life as well. She sighed and opened her eyes. Thinking about a man she couldn’t have was only going to add stress to her already burdened nerves. She picked up the phone again and wondered. Maybe she should call the man back. If he was a bill collector, he already knew she was Becky’s daughter and where she worked. She could block her cell number…What do I really have to lose?
She went into her settings and blocked her outgoing number. Then she pulled the text message back up, pressed on the number, and pushed call. She held her breath as it rang, and she knew what a mistake she’d made as soon as she heard Levi’s voice say, “Hello…Zoe.” She was so shocked that she didn’t know what to say. After a few minutes, he said, “What’s wrong…Zoe, you didn’t think I’d figure out that Zandra wasn’t your real name? You really should try to have those drug charges expunged, they leave a trail.”
“What…Levi?” She was still in shock. “What do you want?”
“Why did you lie to me about your name?”
Zoe’s head was spinning. Maybe he looked up her record, but to do that, didn’t he need her real name to begin with? How did he know? “I just…I didn’t know you and I wasn’t sure it was safe to give out my real name.”
“But it was okay to accept a ride with me and spend the night on my couch?”
“You insisted on that, if you’ll recall. You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
“What?”
“You were there that night.”
“How…?”
“How do I know? You dropped your pendant, Zoe…the one your mom gave you in 2000.”
“Oh my god, I thought that was lost forever.”
“It’s in my pocket and I might give it back to you if you give me what I want.”
“Which is what?”
“The truth, damn it! How is it that you were not only at the accident scene that night, but I just happened to run into you on the way home almost two months later? What are you trying to pull?”
“Are you kidding? I witnessed a horrible accident and that night you came along I was almost raped. What am I up to? You’re the one that ‘happened’ upon me that night and lied, yourself, to track me down today. What are you up to?”
“I just want to know what happened that night. I want to know if they suffered.” His voice was suddenly soft and Zoe’s heart hurt for him again. With a sigh, she said:
“I didn’t see the actual accident. I heard it, but by the time I looked out of the alcove where I was hiding, what I saw was the aftermath.” The scene she’d looked out on that night flashed through her memory and she shuddered.
“Did you see her…before she died?”
Zoe closed her eyes, trying to shut out the images, but that only brought them on more clearly. With tears in her eyes she said, “Yes. I saw her. She was asking for you.”
Levi was quiet for a long time. Zoe couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was feeling. She’d never loved anyone the way that she knew he loved Krissy. “Did she…suffer?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
“No, honestly. She wasn’t really aware of what was going on, I think.”
“What about the text message? She asked me to come.”
“I sent it after…” She choked back a sob. “I’m sorry. I thought you should know. I could tell…I could tell that she loved you, a lot.”
“I should have been there,” he whispered. “She shouldn’t have died alone.”
“She didn’t die alone. I held her hand as she went. She smiled when she said your name.” That wasn’t really the truth. Krissy’s poor face was such a mess that even if she had smiled, Zoe probably wouldn’t have been able to tell. But she desperately wanted to make Levi feel better. The sound of his voice, when he said he should have been there, was enough to break her heart.
“Thank you,” he said, still in a whisper. He sighed. “I’m sorry…that I thought you were…shit, I don’t even know what I thought.”
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have lied. I didn’t even realize who you were until we got to your place and I saw her pictures…I was a coward. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Don’t call yourself that. You stayed with her. You called 911. I didn’t ask about Dad…”
Shit, that man was his father. She’d heard him say that somewhere along the way, but she hadn’t really processed it. “I’m sorry. I thought Krissy needed me more…”
“Don’t be sorry. The medical examiner says he died instantly. There would have been nothing you could do.” He cleared his throat and said, “Strangely enough, though, he said the same thing about Krissy. But…she did talk to you, right?”
“She did. I’m so sorry for your loss, Levi…both of them.”
“Thank you,” he said again. “I’m out of town for a few days, but when I get back, I’ll bring your pendant back to you. I’ll take it to the diner and leave it for you if you’re not there.”
“Thank you. I’m sure while you were looking up me and my mother, you found out that neither of us have lived the most respectable lives. The pendant’s the only thing she ever really gave me, other than life.”
“Trust me, none of us have lived a ‘respectable’ life. I’m not judging you, Zoe. I should try and get some sleep now, though. Thank you, again.”
“You’re welcome,” she whispered. She didn’t want to let him go, but she said goodnight and then sat looking at the phone wondering if there was such a thing as a cosmic plan that had wanted her to meet him. Laughing at herself, she put the phone down on the nightstand and commenced worrying about what to do about Patrick, until she finally fell asleep.
“What are you doing here?” Krissy was sitting in the middle of a huge bed with a white, downy bedspread on it. She was dressed in a white robe of some kind and her long, soft brown hair spilled down around her shoulders. She didn’t have a stitch of make-up on, but her skin was perfect and glowing and her green eyes shone. Her tone was stern, but Levi could tell by the look on her pretty face that she was frustrated, but not angry.
“I needed to see you, Krissy. I can’t do this without you. I have no joy in my life, no happiness at all. I’ve even thought of ending it.”
The frustration quickly turned to anger as she shook her finger at him. “Don’t you dare even think like that.”
“These dreams…or whatever they are…they’re all I live for these days. You’re telling me this is over and you have to go away. I can’t accept that.”
“You have to accept it, Levi. Come, sit by me.” Levi went over to the bed and sat down. He reached for her and she moved just out of his reach. “We need to talk. If you touch me, all bets are off.”
“I don’t want to talk unless you tell me that we can be together, always. Even if I have to join you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want a future without you.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“I do. I can wake up and find my gun right now.”
“I said stop that. If you did that, we wouldn’t be together. Your life isn’t meant to end for a very long time and if you take it on your own, you upset the balance of things.”
“I don’t understand any of this. I just want you. We were supposed to be together forever.”
She smiled and let him touch her hand when he reached out that time. “We will be. Our souls are intertwined with each other, and with the person you’re supposed to be with.”
“What does that mean? You’re the person I’m supposed to be with.”
“I’m not a person any longer, Levi. I’m gone and all that is left of me are your memories. You get to keep those, but you can’t live in them. You have to move on. My soul found a good soul, a loving soul, to take care of yours from here on out. But you have to cooperate and stop feeling guilty. You’re not cheating on me. I’m dead, Levi.”
“Stop saying that.”
“But it’s true. Open your eyes and look around. All of this will be gone and so will I. I’m gone and no amount of hoping or dreaming will bring me back.”
“Krissy, please. I’m so lost without you. I’m so alone.”
“You’re not alone. You have your mom and your Pop. Your mom is trying so hard to be strong for you…but she lost even more than you did. She loved your father for a lifetime—and has she even grieved for him? Have you been so selfishly grieving for me, that you haven’t grieved for him yourself?”
Levi’s chest hurt. She was right about that. Levi had spent so much time grieving for Krissy that day…the day they put him in the ground was all he’d given to his father. And his mother, she’d always been so strong that he’d just left her to deal with her pain, all alone. “I’m sorry,” he said, with genuine regret. “I’m so sorry. You’re right, I’ve been selfish. I’ve always been selfish. You were my stabilizer. You always reminded me when I was having an all-about-me kind of day, that it wasn’t ‘all about me.’ You made me a better man.”
She smiled again. “You were always a good man, but if that’s what you want to believe, it’s okay. So, take what you think you learned from me and apply it to your life…your long and healthy life.”
“I’m afraid.”
“Of being alone?”
He nodded.
“You won’t be.”
“But I’ll never be able to love someone else the way I loved you. How is that fair?”
“It wouldn’t be. But you’ll find out that your capacity for love is so much larger than you ever believed it was.” She had a look on her face that Levi read like a book, even though he didn’t want to.
“Is this the last time?”
She nodded and squeezed his arm. “I have to go. I’ve stayed too long already. You’ll still have your memories and because of those, I’ll still visit your dreams from time to time. But tonight is the last time I can come to you like this.”
“Is this real, Krissy? Are you really here, or are these all just dreams?”
She leaned in and the sweet smell of her perfume almost made him light-headed. She put her lips to his ear and said, “Does it really matter?” Her warm breath fanned out over his ear and neck, and goosebumps ran down his spine. She was right, it didn’t matter. He put his arms around her and this time she let him. He put his own mouth to her ear and said:
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. My life was short, but it was good, and mostly because of you. Some people live almost a hundred years and never get to experience a love like ours. Don’t forget how lucky we were, Levi…and don’t ignore what is right underneath your nose, because you feel some misplaced sense of guilt.”
