by Jessie Cooke
It had taken Levi a long time to fall asleep after talking with Zack the night before. When he finally had, he had another erotic dream. In this one, he never saw the woman he was making love to, because it was in the dark…but he knew that it wasn’t Krissy. He was sure…even though he couldn’t possibly know what she really felt like…that it had been Zoe. That day he visited her in the hospital, they had scratched at the surface of a conversation they really needed to have. She was having dreams too, and she seemed embarrassed to admit that. It made him wonder if they were the same kind of dreams that he had. If he was right, and Krissy was the reason he’d met Zoe…why the erotic dreams? Why not just let them meet and become friends, if the whole point was to help him through his loss? He shook his head at himself. Maybe none of this had to do with Krissy at all, other than the fact that Zoe was there for her when she died. Maybe the erotic dreams were just because since he was seventeen years old, he’d never been this long without sex…or at least the promise of it when Krissy came home from school. Maybe his subconscious was just struggling with the fact that his body still had needs even though his heart sometimes felt like it died with Krissy. Maybe he just needed to get laid and it was that simple.
Right now, he had to go pick up Zoe and decide whether to risk making her think he was completely nuts by talking to her about it, or spend the day acting like he didn’t vividly remember just making love to her. That was getting harder every time. “Shit,” he mumbled out loud as he finally got out of bed and started getting ready. Maybe he would really just get laid and see if that worked. All he had to do was walk into the clubhouse and take his pick of the club girls. He really didn’t know what was stopping him. None of those girls expected it to mean anything and he had to face it sooner or later…he wasn’t cheating on Krissy. He wondered if other people went through this…How do you know how long is long enough to wait?
He tried to put those thoughts away before he got to Zoe’s house to pick her up. He’d texted her before he left his apartment and when he got there, she was waiting outside. She had on a pair of jeans and a black Metal Mulisha t-shirt. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she didn’t have any make-up on other than some lip gloss. Her face looked like she was putting on a little weight and it looked good. She looked healthy. But maybe that was dangerous for him too, because the healthier she looked, the more attractive he found her.
She was sitting on the front porch and stood up when he pulled into the driveway. He pulled the helmet he’d brought for her off the handlebars as he climbed off the bike. “I brought you a helmet this time.”
She smiled. “Thank God.” He handed it to her and their fingers brushed. She pulled back right away and he thought he saw her blush. The thought that she’d had another dream like the one that he’d had crossed his mind.
“How are you today? Are you sure you feel up to a ride?”
She smiled again. “I’m good, Nana, thanks.”
“Shut up.”
She laughed. “I’m kidding. But really, I’m okay.”
“Alright. I called the foster home and they’re expecting us.” Zoe’s eyes went to the big bag strapped on the back of the bike.
“Is that all for Susie?”
He felt his face go hot. “Mom couldn’t decide what to get her, so, she got a lot.”
“I think it’s sweet,” she said. She put the helmet on and strapped it underneath her chin. “I’m ready.”
Levi loved his bike. He loved to ride. He loved the wind in his face, the sound of a smooth engine, and even the smells of the exhaust and the road tar. But what he’d always loved even more was the feeling of Krissy on the back of it, with her arms circling around his waist. Zoe was the only girl he’d ever had on his bike other than Krissy. She still held onto him a little tentatively, unless he went around a tight corner or sped up to pass, and then she’d wrap her arms all the way around him and hold on tight. He was ashamed of the way having her body pressed into his made him feel. It was a good feeling, too good. He came to the turnoff for the foster home. It was a long, winding road and he found himself shamelessly speeding up, just so Zoe would hold on tighter. The house was off the beaten track. It sat at the end of the long road and it was surrounded by green, rolling hills. Levi forgot about his lust for a few minutes to marvel at the difference between this place and the one where Susie had been living in the city. No wonder she’d been so happy about coming here. He remembered Krissy telling him about the foster home she was at for about five years, from three years old until she was about eight. The father passed away and the mom wasn’t able to take care of the kids, so she has been moved to one in the city. She always talked about the one in the country like it was her favorite, and he’d imagined it looking almost just like the big two-story white house in front of him now looked. There was a big wrap-around porch and tall shade trees lined the gravel driveway all the way up to the front of the house.
When he got close, he parked the bike underneath one of the trees. Zoe jumped off quickly, surprising him, and pulled off her helmet. “This is it!” she squealed. Levi had no idea what she was talking about.
“This is what?” he asked her as he slipped off his skullcap and gloves.
“The house I was telling you about last night. This is the house I stayed in when I was a little girl and my mom was in jail.”
“No way! Talk about a coincidence.”
“Another one,” she said. “Weird.”
Weird was right. Levi took the gloves and skullcap and slipped them into his saddlebags, and stepped off the bike. He grabbed the bag of toys and said, “Are you okay being here?”
“Oh yeah. Like I told you, it was a great place. I was happy here.”
“Good. You ready then?” He looked up toward the house. A heavy-set woman with short gray hair had stepped out on the porch. She was squinting in their direction like maybe she had forgotten to put on her glasses. “Mrs. Rayburn?” Levi asked as they walked toward her.
“Yes, you must be Levi.”
He smiled and stopped at the bottom of the steps. Zoe stopped next to him. “Yes, I’m Levi and this is my friend, Zoe.”
“Zoe?”
“Hi, Mrs. Rayburn. You probably don’t remember me but…”
“Oh, sweetheart! Of course I do! I remember every beautiful soul that came through here. Look at you, all grown up. Come here and give me a hug.”
Zoe walked up the steps and hugged the older woman. “I can’t believe you remember me.”
“Well, I probably wouldn’t have recognized you if I’d passed you on the street, but the name…it’s not a common one. You really haven’t changed that much either. You were always so thin.”
Zoe smiled. “I’m working on that. It’s really good to see you. How is Mr. Rayburn?”
The older woman looked sad. “We lost him a few years after you left us. He hung on and fought for a lot longer than anyone expected him to. I took a little sabbatical after he left me and I went to visit our daughter out in California. But when I came back…there was just nothing else for me to do than take in more children.”
“That’s good for the children,” Zoe said. “I’m so sorry to hear about your husband.”
“He’s with the angels now,” she said. “Come on in. Speaking of angels, I’ll get Susie for you. She’s the sweetest little thing.” Levi and Zoe followed her into the house. She made them comfortable in the living room, where she already had a plate of cookies and iced tea set out, and she went to get Susie. Zoe was looking around the room and when Mrs. Rayburn was gone she said:
“It’s just like it was back then. Nothing has changed.”
“It’s a nice place,” Levi said. “I’m so happy they put Susie here.”
“Mr. Levi!” Susie yelled his name as she came down the stairs with Mrs. Rayburn following behind her. She opened her little arms and when she got close enough, she wrapped them around his neck and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back.
“Hey, gi
rl,” he said, holding her back a ways. “You look good.” She was clean and her hair was braided on either side of her face. She had on a dress that fit her and was clean as well…and shoes.
“I feel good,” she said. She looked at Zoe then and said, “Hi.”
“Hi, Susie. I’m Zoe.”
“Mrs. Rayburn, can I have a cookie?”
The older woman laughed. “Okay, but just one, I don’t want you ruining your lunch.” The little girl picked up a cookie and said:
“The angel told me about you.”
35
Zoe looked at Levi. Her face was as white as a sheet. “What are you talking about, Susie?” Mrs. Rayburn asked her as she took a seat across from Levi and Zoe.
“The angel with the blonde hair. She was there with Mr. Levi and me at the park. She told me not to be afraid, that Mr. Levi and the pretty lady with the brown hair would take care of me even if Mommy never got better.”
“Are you okay?” Levi asked Zoe. She looked like she might pass out. He wasn’t feeling so great himself. Krissy was talking to Susie? And what did she mean, we would take care of her?
“I’m okay,” Zoe whispered. There was an awkward silence that followed; no one seemed to know what to say. Mrs. Rayburn was looking at them both with a confused expression on her face. Levi broke the silence when he picked up the bag and handed it to Susie.
“Hey, I brought you some things. Why don’t you take them up to your room and take a look at them, and then come back down and tell me what you think.”
Susie looked at Mrs. Rayburn and the older woman nodded. They all watched Susie go up the stairs and then Mrs. Rayburn said, “So, do you two know what she’s talking about?”
Levi looked at Zoe again and cleared his throat. “Please don’t think we’re crazy and make us leave…my girlfriend was killed in a motorcycle accident a couple of months ago. The day I was with Susie at the park…I saw her. She was standing by the car Susie was about to get into and Susie said that she told her I was a good man.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Zoe said.
“No. I wasn’t sure it was real,” he told her. “I still don’t know what to think.”
“Krissy is talking to her…”
“Krissy?” Mrs. Rayburn asked. “Not our Krissy?”
“Your Krissy?” Zoe asked. They were all confused.
“You must remember her if you remember being here. You and she were best friends. She was a little angel for sure…”
“No, her name was Tina.”
“It was Kristina, but you’re right…we did call her Tina for a while. She was older, and I guess you were already gone, when she heard the name Krissy on TV one day and decided that’s what she wanted to be called.”
“Oh my God.” Levi’s head was spinning. There was no way this could all be coincidence. “What the hell is going on?”
Mrs. Rayburn got up out of her chair and went over to a shelf in the corner. She came back with a thick photo album and opened it up. After flipping through for a while she said, “Look, Zoe, there you are.” Zoe and Levi looked at the photograph. Zoe was about five or six years old and sitting on a swing in the back yard. She had long brown hair and it was in ponytails on either side of her head. Most noticeable about the picture was her smile, though. She looked so happy. Mrs. Rayburn flipped a few more pages and then said, “Here she is, sitting with Mr. Rayburn. She was with him when he died, and I remember that night she found me crying in my room. She came in and put her little hand on my arm and said, ‘Don’t cry. He’s with the angels now. We’ll all get to see him again someday.’ I still hear her sweet little voice in my head when I tell people he passed now. I just tell them that he went to be with the angels.”
“I don’t even know what to say,” Zoe said, still looking like she was in shock.
“Yeah, it’s all too weird,” Levi agreed.
Mrs. Rayburn smiled. “I don’t know if I’d call it weird. I have always believed in God, so I suppose believing in angels on earth is not such a stretch. Maybe God loaned her to all of us, just for a little while. I know that those few weeks before and after he died, Krissy’s positivity always made me feel better. He loved her, like she was his own child…maybe she was sent here to ease his transition.”
Levi thought about Casey. She’d said almost the exact same thing a few nights ago…that maybe Krissy was just there to help them all through their hard times. But why then, was she taken away so violently? If she was an angel, why couldn’t she have just floated away on her wings or something?
“Mrs. Rayburn! Look what Mr. Levi got me! It’s the Barbie car I wanted!” Susie bounded down the stairs with another little girl on her heels. The next half an hour was spent talking to and playing with Susie and her little friend. Zoe was quiet through most of it and after the goodbyes were said and they walked out to Levi’s bike, he asked her again:
“Are you okay?”
She nodded, slowly. “It’s just a lot to process…and then I’m not sure what to do with it. Krissy, the woman I watched die…she was my childhood friend. It’s so random.”
Levi handed her the helmet and then as he put on his gloves he said, “I think maybe it wasn’t random…and I guess that’s the whole point.”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” she said.
“I’m not sure either. But I think we’re all supposed to learn something from this…I’m just not sure what that is.”
“Well, when you figure it out, you’ll let me know, right?”
He smiled as he threw his leg over the bike and Zoe got on the back. “If I figure it out, you’ll be the first one I call.”
Zoe was nervous as she walked into her first class at the community college. It had been a long time since she’d been to school. She quit when she was sixteen, but on one of her “clean” stints when she was eighteen, she’d taken her GED. Now as she sat in a chair in a large auditorium six years later, she wondered if she’d be able to do this. It didn’t help that her mind was preoccupied with so many different things. She’d gotten a call from the police detective handling Patrick’s case the day after she and Levi had gone out to see Susie. She had to spend two hours at the police station, telling him what happened the day Patrick shot her. The detective wasn’t happy that she and Levi had lied to them in the first place. Zoe didn’t try to explain her motivation; she just did her best to tell him everything she knew about Patrick so they could go from there. The gun they found in his bedroom had been confirmed as the weapon that shot her, so that was good news. The detective ended the interview by telling her the D.A. would probably offer him a deal if he pled guilty. Zoe knew he’d get more time if he went to trial, but she didn’t want to have to sit in a courtroom and look at him. She would, however, if she had to.
She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of the professor’s voice, introducing himself and beginning the class. It was a sociology class and she was looking forward to it. For the next three hours, she let everything else go and concentrated on learning. When that class was over, she had an hour break before the next one and as she sat in the student lounge and sipped a cup of coffee, her thoughts returned to what was going on in her life.
That day they saw Susie, Levi had taken her home and she got the feeling that he wanted to talk about everything. But he’d gotten a text message as soon as they got there and he had to leave. He’d called her later that evening and they had talked about it some…but it was just so strange that neither of them knew exactly what to say. That night, she’d gone to her nana and brought the subject up.
“Nana, can I ask you a strange question?”
“Sure.”
“Do you believe in ghosts?”
Nana put her teacup down and set her mouth to the side as she thought about Zoe’s question. Finally, she said, “I’m pretty open-minded. I’ve never seen one, but I wouldn’t be quick to say they didn’t exist based on that. There are a lot of things that exist that I’ve never seen. Can I ask why
you’re asking the question?”
“I’m not sure where to begin…” Zoe finally started at the beginning, with the feeling she had the night she touched Krissy and the dreams. She didn’t tell Nana how erotic most of the dreams were, just that Levi was in them. She ended with the foster home and Susie. After she finished talking Nana said:
“I’ll be right back.” She’d gotten up and left the room. When she came back, she had a book in her hand. She handed it to Zoe and said, “I read this because a co-worker recommended it years ago. I remember that it made me think, a lot, about things going on around us that we’re not aware of. Maybe it will help you understand what’s going on with you and Levi a little better.”
Zoe had taken the book, simply titled Angels on Earth. The author was listed simply as “Earth Angel.” She’d put it on her nightstand and that night when she got into bed, she’d picked it up and read the inside cover: “Some people are placed on Earth and into other people’s lives, if only for a short time. They’re there to offer strength, love, advice, and sometimes even a spiritual message to those that might need it at the time. These people are angels and they aren’t meant to stay on earth forever. You can recognize them by their perpetual sunny nature and the way people seem to be drawn to them inexplicably. The angel him- or herself may not even know that’s what they are. They might feel different, set apart, from other people, but they won’t always understand who they are and why they’re here. Some of these angels seem to come from nowhere and can’t explain their roots. They often leave the earth after meeting a soul that is so lost, they feel the need to pass theirs on. The person who is blessed with the angel’s soul won’t even know it in most cases. But they will find themselves able to live a more productive, positive life suddenly. In some cases, it’s been documented that the person the angel shared her soul with will also have some of the angel’s memories, likes, and needs. There is no scientific evidence to prove any of this, but there are copious amounts of documentation from people who have experienced this phenomenon. This book will explore some of their stories and hopefully help to guide those of you who believe that you’re either an Earth Angel or the lucky recipient of their love and devotion.”
