by Lucy Francis
Really.
Victoria dragged herself out of bed after ten in the morning, when Sassy scraped her food dish across the bottom of her cage for the fifth time. Showering and slipping into a cozy fleece pullover and pants made the morning a little more bearable.
She lit the gas fireplace before braving the cold to get the morning paper. She found a letter wedged in the jamb when she opened the door. A yellow sticky note clung to the front of it, from the neighbor a quarter-mile to the west. The letter was delivered to her house yesterday by mistake.
She carried the letter and the newspaper into the kitchen and dropped the paper on the table. She leaned her hip against the counter, turning the ivory envelope over in her hands. The letters came regularly now, at least once a week. What surprised her was how little they bothered her lately. They never said anything new, and she was kind of accustomed to them.
Besides, what could Nate really do to her from where he sat?
A knock sounded on the door as she slid her finger under the envelope flap. She pulled the paper from the envelope. Not the usual ivory, but white copy paper. She unfolded it, and the kitchen around her vanished as she realized what she held.
A copy of her medical file from the obstetrician in Los Angeles, showing the dates of her prenatal visits. A red-ink note scrawled in the margin drew her attention.
Where is my child?
She couldn’t breathe. He’d given up his rights to the child, before the trial was over. He didn’t want the baby.
But he wanted him now.
The adoption records were sealed. He’d never find the boy.
Someone was talking to her. She forced her whirling thoughts to calm and focused on the sound.
“Victoria?”
She jumped, recognizing the low rumble of Curran’s voice. She wrenched herself fully into the moment and pasted a smile on her face as she jammed the paper back into the envelope. “Curran, where did you come from?”
“I knocked a few times. The door was unlocked, so I let myself in. I hope you don’t mind.” Through narrowed eyes he looked down at the envelope in her hands, then back up at her face. “You were in another world for a few moments there. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just…lost in my thoughts, I guess.”
“What’s the letter?”
No. Oh, no. This was definitely not for his eyes. “It’s nothing.” She cringed inside at the waver in her voice.
Curran’s eyes darkened. “Nothing. Except your hands are trembling and you won’t look at me.” He crossed the room slowly, like a predator on a hunt. He grasped her shoulders, his hard gaze snaring hers. “Victoria, you’re keeping a lot of things from me, and I’m quite aware I’ve just stumbled onto one of them. I want to know what is going on, and I’m not leaving until you explain it.”
Chapter Seven
Victoria steeled herself under Curran’s gaze. Standing here in the kitchen, Nate’s latest twist to the note game in her hands, Curran awaiting an explanation…she felt exposed, vulnerable, with no visible means of escape.
Curran’s thumbs brushed the sides of her neck. “What is going on, Victoria?”
She was tired of keeping secrets from him. How could she even dream of growing closer to him if she constantly hid things from him? As long as he didn’t insist on seeing the letter in her hands, she’d break one of her secrets open right now.
“I’ve been getting letters from Nate.” The tension unwound slightly inside her, providing an amazing sense of relief as she let the secret go.
His brow creased. “What sort of letters?”
“Annoying ones. One line, sometimes two. Reminders that he isn’t finished with me until it is on his terms.”
“The hell he’s not. Isn’t there something the police can do?”
“Not really.” She turned away from him, out from under his touch. She wanted to save all the letters for evidence, just in case, but this one should never, ever see the light of day again.
She strode into the great room to where the fireplace blazed, opened the glass front and tossed the envelope into the fire. It blackened and curled before bursting into flames.
There. The worst part of her life was still a secret, and safe for now.
Victoria shut the door, only then becoming aware of Curran’s gaze locked on her. She turned and found him leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. A muscle in his jaw ticked.
“You did a lovely job of acting unconcerned about his letters. I almost believed it, until you destroyed that one in such a panic.” He pushed away from the wall, striding toward her with an air of almost lethal grace. Was he angry with her?
She stood her ground, waiting. When he reached her, Curran grasped her fingers in his, gently but insistently unfolding her grip on her own arms.
“Just because someone sends you something doesn’t mean you are obligated to read it. He wants to continue hurting you, and if you read these things, it’s not that far removed from standing there while he bloodies your nose.”
How the hell would he know? “Wrong. It’s not nearly in the same category.”
He gently touched her cheek. “Ignore them, Victoria. Toss them all in the fire unread.”
Oh, if only it were that easy. If she did ignore the letters, she’d have no warning at all if he upped the ante again, like he had today. At least through the notes she might have some clue what to anticipate. “It isn’t that easy.”
“Hmm. Perhaps not. Where is he incarcerated anyway?”
“I told you, California.”
“Be more specific.”
A quiet threat hung in his tone, and the way he shifted closer to her combined with the hardness in his eyes sent a chill shuddering through her. This was a side of Curran she’d heard about but never witnessed. When he set his mind on something, he could be ruthless. “Why does it matter?”
“It’s time for someone to have a word with Mr. Fielder about the way he chooses to spend his spare time.”
“Someone like you?”
“Of course. I’m not fond of men stepping into my territory.”
“And I’m your territory.” It had such a caveman sound to it, part of her bristled. A greater part nearly melted into a puddle at his feet. He wanted to protect her.
“Yeah, honey, you are.” Curran drew her into his arms, pulled her tight against him, and tilted his head, capturing her mouth with his. The bottom dropped out of her stomach the way it did shooting down the first hill of a roller coaster.
Then the kiss ended and he brushed his fingers along her cheek. “I won’t allow him to hurt you, Victoria. If I have to have a personal sit down with him to stop this, I will.”
She swallowed hard against the lump that swelled in her throat. She didn’t deserve his protection. “What if that isn’t enough?”
“There are always legal means.”
“He comes from fairly old money, Curran. I don’t think his family would appreciate any more legal problems.”
“Good. The threat of further public humiliation hangs over their heads. They might pressure Nate to stop this behavior.”
She shook her head. “They fought for him before, against me. They have deep pockets.”
Curran laughed, but there was little humor in it. “Honey, I really doubt their pockets are deeper than mine. If they decide to back him against me, they will be very, very sorry.”
She took a deep breath and buried her face in his shoulder, unwilling to let him see her get all choked up. It was such a silly, girly thing to get teary eyed.
Still, how could she not? It wasn’t every day a man offered to be her champion, to go to war for her. Even her thick armor was little defense against a hero.
He held her for a while, then gently set her back and smiled. “We’re going skiing. Come.”
She smiled back, blinking hard, hoping he didn’t notice the sheen of tears in her eyes. “We?”
“Jamie, Kelli, Rob. Me.”
“I’ll be read
y in ten minutes.”
Nate’s latest letter vanished from Victoria’s thoughts once her skis hit fresh powder at Park City Mountain. The scent of pine and aspen infused the thin, brisk air, and she didn’t feel the cold as she spent a few hours speeding down the runs and laughing with her friends.
Curran lit up on the slopes, racing with Robby and teasing her. He was a far better skier than she was, but she’d never cared for moguls or black diamond runs anyway. Fear wasn’t fun. She loved the freedom of a wide, fast run like Temptation and Carbide Cut, where she tucked low over her skis and all but took flight.
They broke for a late lunch at Mid-Mountain Lodge, a meal full of laughter and undisguised flirting between Kelli and Jamie. Curran seemed to ignore it, but she noted his tension in the stiff way he held himself and his subdued laughter. Clearly, the combination of his sister and his friend didn’t sit well with him, though she couldn’t fathom why. They seemed so happy together, and Jamie appeared to be equally enamored of Rob, who climbed all over him and talked him to death.
Finally, when the meal was over and Rob was yawning, Curran said, “Time for hitting the bowls. Anyone want to join me?” He looked pointedly at Jamie.
Kelli said, “You boys go on ahead and do your crazy rough skiing. I think Rob needs a break. How about it, Victoria? Want to hang out and have coffee while the boys go tempt fate and broken bones?”
Victoria took the hint. Curran clearly wanted to talk to Jamie alone. “I’d like that, Kelli. If we move fast, there’s a spot over by the fireplace we can claim.”
“Good. Robby can settle on the coats and take a nap.”
“Mom, I’m not a baby. I don’t need a nap, but I can sit and play my game.”
The fatigue on the boy’s face belied his claim, but Kelli nodded. “Fine, no nap then. But you will plant yourself beside me and take it easy. Clear?”
“Yes, Mother.”
Victoria stifled a laugh at the resignation hanging in the boy’s tone.
Curran kissed her on the cheek then lifted his parka from the back of his chair. “Right then, ready to give it a go, mate?”
Jamie sighed. “Why do you do this, Curran? We’re going to get up there, you’ll want to put money on it, and then I’ll kick your ass.”
“I’m a gambling man, Mickelson. I’ll take that chance.”
The men left, and Kelli and Victoria moved to a more comfortable spot by the fire, Kelli half dragging Rob as he concentrated on his game.
Victoria’s muscles turned to jelly, sitting in a soft, cushiony chair before the fire. She’d skied harder than normal today to keep up with Curran, and between the workout and her lack of decent sleep last night, she now realized just how tired her body was.
Kelli sipped her coffee. She was a pretty woman, and when Jamie was around, she positively shone.
“How long have you known Jamie?” Victoria asked.
Kelli broke into a grin and set her coffee cup on the hearth. “I met him a few years back, but I didn’t get to know him really well until this last year. Curran’s known him forever, though. They attended UCLA together.”
“He seems like a nice guy.”
“I could go on about his qualities forever, but I don’t want to bore you.”
After chatting for a while, Victoria glanced over at Rob. “Oh, Kelli, look. He conked out.”
Rob’s game hung in his limp fingers as he lay on their coats near the fireplace. Kelli reached over and smoothed his pale hair.
The motion hit Victoria hard. Was her child’s mother as gentle? “He’s a sweetheart. Is he always as well-behaved as he’s been today?”
Kelli laughed softly. “I wish. He has days when I dearly wish Jonas could be trusted with him, because I’d send him on his merry way for a week. He’s a very typical little boy.”
Outside of counselors, Victoria hadn’t talked to another abused woman. She’d never wanted to. “Kelli, can I ask you a personal question?”
The woman’s smile put her more at ease. “Ask away.”
Part of her desperately wanted to know what it was like to raise a child fathered by an abusive man. Did seeing his father in him ever bother Kelli? Her voice caught on the edge of her question. How could she ask such a thing? She switched to a slightly less delicate topic. “What happened with your husband? Did he always hurt you?”
Kelli raised an eyebrow, but her expression was unreadable. “Interesting question.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, it’s just…I’ve never really talked to another woman who—” She broke off as Kelli’s eyes widened and her mouth sagged open.
“Victoria, were you in a violent relationship?”
“Didn’t Curran tell you?”
Kelli shook her head. “No, Curran is intensely private when it comes to relationships. He didn’t tell me anything. Wow.” She hugged her arms around her knees and sighed. “We were married for three years before anything ever happened. They were great years. In fact, when I look at Robby, I see the better parts of Jonas.”
Were there any better parts of Nate she could have seen in their child? She couldn’t seem to remember any, aside from his great looks. “What changed?”
Kelli gave a smile touched with sadness. “He lost his job. The bank was going to foreclose on the house before he found another, and Curran bailed us out. He hated taking money from my brother, thought it made him less of a man. He started drinking heavily. One day, he slapped me and shoved me against a wall. He felt terrible later, but once the door was opened, it never quite closed again. It was easier for him to do it the next time he was drunk and angry. And after a while, he was drunk and angry all the time.”
Victoria nodded. So she had good times she could remember when she looked at her child. A well of sadness tried to open inside her, but she locked the lid on it. She knew better than to revisit her own choice. Adoption was the very best thing she could have done at the time. Hindsight sometimes clouded the clarity, the surety with which she’d made her decision.
Kelli’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. “Do you mind my asking what happened?”
She shared a kinship with Kelli, a bond of sisterhood born in pain. She’d never shared her experience with a friend, only with counselors. Even her parents, not that they cared, heard the skeleton version. Now, the words poured out of her.
“I started dating Nate five years ago. He was a successful attorney, I was a struggling writer. He pampered me and I fell hook, line and sinker. My roommates drove me nuts, and when he invited me to move in with him, I jumped at the chance.”
“When did it start?”
“He was subtle at first. He’d tell me to change my outfit because I didn’t look good in what I’d chosen. He convinced me to bleach my hair because he preferred blondes.”
“What a bastard.”
“Yeah, and if anyone tried that now, I’d give them explicit directions to Hell. But he worked on me so gradually, I just sort of believed him. He’d pick my meals at restaurants so I wouldn’t gain weight. He started leaving me home from social events because I wasn’t intelligent enough to follow his law friends’ conversations.”
“I don’t know if anyone has told you this, Victoria, but emotional and mental abuse is every bit as bad as the physical kind.”
She smiled weakly. “I know. Thanks for that.”
“How did you finally get away from him?”
“I decided either I was better than he said I was, or I might as well just die and get it over with. I chose to believe I was better, and I told him I was leaving. He went ballistic, beat me badly enough to put me in the hospital. I testified against him in criminal proceedings, and he’s still a year away from his first parole hearing.”
“Good onya, Victoria,” Kelli said, her eyes bright with support and understanding. “He’s right where he belongs.”
“Yeah. For now.”
After a moment, Kelli said, “Tell me, does your experience make it harder to let yourself go with Curra
n? Are you more defensive?”
“Sometimes.”
Kelli sighed, laid her head back on the chair. “Starting a new relationship is so hard. I adore Jamie, and he is the polar opposite of Jonas. Still, I find it difficult to let down my defenses, even when I know he would never hurt me.”
“You feel scars you’d forgotten you had.” And the ones she hadn’t forgotten grew raw again.
“Exactly. Jamie’s so great with me, though. I’m not expecting it to go anywhere, really, but it is wonderful for now.”
Victoria didn’t dare question what future she might have with Curran. The fact that he showed up this morning to take her skiing was a minor miracle in her book. Trying to envision a happy ending was foolish at best. She’d take every day as it came, and soak in all the wonderful moments to sustain her when it all ended.
Jamie turned his skis and stopped on the open snowfield near the lodge. He winced as he rubbed his thigh. “Curran, if I do any more moguls today, my legs are going to give out on me.”
Curran cut to a stop nearby, sending a tail of snow into the air. He slipped his goggles off, leaving them hanging around his neck. “Wuss.”
“Hey, now, is it my fault you get to play ski bum every day and I have to sit in an office and rule your empire?”
Curran snorted. “Yeah, I know just how much you hate being in charge, mate.”
“I could get used to it. You’d better hurry back before I redecorate your office.”
“Very funny.” Curran used the end of his pole to release his boot bindings, then stepped off his skis. He thrust the poles into the snow and leaned down to lift his skis and slide them together for carrying. “Well, Jamie, now that you’ve had plenty of time to ponder, stop avoiding the question. What are your intentions toward my sister?”
Jamie released his own bindings. “What am I supposed to say, Curran? Anything I say outside of ‘I’m going to marry her’ will probably be wrong. Hell, saying I’ll marry her is probably not what you want to hear, either.”
