by Lucy Francis
Still, cuddling with her beat the hell out of the alternative. He found lately he missed her every moment they spent apart, and he dreaded being alone.
Halfway through the movie, he noticed Jamie and Kelli get up and leave the room. They’d been rather quiet since Kelli put her son to bed earlier. The tension between them grew all evening, and got so bad he could practically see it hanging in the air now.
After they left, Victoria shifted in his arms and looked at him. “Wonder what’s wrong with them?”
“I don’t know. Maybe Kel isn’t ready for him to leave tomorrow.”
Victoria raised an eyebrow at him. “That was a short trip.”
“He has meetings Monday morning. Weekends are only so long, you know.”
She nodded and laid her head on his chest, turning her attention back to the movie. Over the TV sound, Curran strained to hear what was going on in the front room, but whatever they were discussing, they did it quietly.
At least until he heard the door open and close. A few moments later, Kelli cried out softly. Victoria bolted upright and he vaulted over the back of the couch and ran into the living room.
Kelli sat slumped on the sofa, her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook. Curran sat beside her as Victoria knelt on the floor before her.
Curran rubbed his sister’s shoulder. “Kelli? What happened?”
She sat up, wiped at her tear-streaked face with her sleeve. “I’m okay.”
“The hell you are.” Protectiveness expanded in his chest. “What did he do?”
Kelli shook her head. “Nothing, Curran. That’s exactly the problem.”
He’d tried to tell her not to take Jamie too seriously. He knew she’d get hurt, dammit.
Victoria said, “He’ll be back, Kel.”
“No, he won’t.” Kelli sniffed and Curran reached onto the coffee table for a tissue to give her. She wiped her nose. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take him needing me one minute and needing space and time the next. I can’t keep watching him walk away, never knowing if that’s the end of it.”
“Kel, I warned you.” He tried to say it gently, knowing it would sting regardless. “You can’t change Jamie, no one can.”
His sister threw her hands in the air in frustration. “That’s just it. Jamie doesn’t need to change so much as he needs to let go. He’s got himself locked in this shallow, emotionless box he’s afraid to release himself from. I can’t take it. He knows I love him, but I told him until he’s ready to love me back, I don’t want him to come back. Going round in circles with him is tearing me apart.”
Curran and Victoria stayed with Kelli until she unwound. He seriously considered making a visit to Jamie’s hotel room and pounding some sense into him, but realized it would do more harm than good.
For being an evening of fun and games, it was chock full of frustrations. The worst was yet to come. He still had to drive Victoria back to her place, then walk away, alone.
After Curran dropped Victoria off at home, she had time to feed Sassy before the doorbell rang. She glanced out the window. Curran’s truck still sat in the driveway.
He prowled into the house when she opened the door, like some wild thing on the hunt. He took her hand, led her to the couch in the great room, then sat, tugging her down beside him. His green eyes were hard, his jaw set.
A chill rippled down her spine. She wasn’t going to like this. “I thought you went home.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I couldn’t. I won’t get any sleep anyway. Victoria, I am losing my mind over you, and you’re still keeping secrets from me. Something else happened to you, aside from all that with Nate, something that is directly impacting our relationship, and I have had enough. I am not leaving until you explain it to me.”
Victoria tried to swallow but couldn’t get her throat to work. She was finally seeing for herself the side of Curran that cut a swath through the business world and stitched it together in his own image. The sheer power flowing from him stole her breath. A part of her found it amazing that he didn’t frighten her. Instead, the strength and determination radiating from him set her hormones humming.
Hormones that were overridden by the desperate desire not to have this conversation. What if her actions disgusted him? What if he thought her pitiful and weak and wanted nothing more to do with her?
He bracketed her face with his hands, his gaze holding hers captive. Her time for pondering what if had run out. “Tell me, Victoria. I can handle anything but the questions and the silence.”
She wasn’t sure her voice would work. She sucked in a breath, then passed beyond the point of no return. “I told you there was no such thing as safe sex, other than no sex.”
He released her, running his hand through his hair. “Don’t dance around, woman. Get to the point. Did he pass a disease on to you or something?” The warmth under the sharp edge in his voice encouraged her to continue.
“I got pregnant.”
His back stiffened. Okay, he clearly hadn’t expected that as a possible answer. She felt herself cresting the top of the roller coaster’s first big drop. It was all downhill from here. God help her.
“You weren’t using protection?” He didn’t sound accusatory. More confused than anything.
“He hated condoms. I was on the pill, but I went through a round of antibiotics with no birth control backup, and it failed.”
He held himself apart from her, still as stone. His jaw ticked and his narrowed eyes bored into hers. “What did you do, Victoria?”
She folded her arms around herself. She felt herself plummeting down the drop, speeding into the double loop. “There was no way I could support a baby. Hell, I can’t support myself half the time.”
“Did you abort it?”
“I couldn’t. He wanted me to, but it wasn’t the baby’s fault it got stuck with me.” When she answered, he blew out a breath and slumped against the couch.
“You gave it up for adoption, then.”
“I found a wonderful couple in Ohio. They adopted my son at birth.”
She couldn’t remember ever being more grateful than when he reached for her, pulled her into his warm, protective arms. She’d never felt emotionally closer to another person in her life. Silence cocooned them for a while as he held her, his fingers combing through her hair.
Her heart weighed at least a ton less. She no longer carried her secrets alone, any of them. “I can’t believe I told you that.”
“I’m glad you did.”
She shifted away from him until she could meet his gaze. “Do you understand? I mean, it seems like the easy way out, but it had to be that way.”
He silenced her with a kiss, a slow, gentle caress that sent warmth spreading into every limb, to the tips of her fingers and toes. When his mouth left hers, he said, “Victoria, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was to give up a child.”
“Then you see why I can’t take that chance again?”
Hurt glowed in his eyes. “Do you honestly believe you’d be in the same position with me? Dear God, I can think of nothing more wonderful than having a child with you. I would take care of you both for the rest of your lives.”
And there it was. The one thing she both expected and dreaded. The roller-coaster of her heart skidded past the safe stop and plunged off a cliff. He’d support a child. He’d even support her. No marriage. No love. She would be tied to him forever by their mutual creation. Could she watch him go on to other relationships, perhaps even a wife, while parenting a child with him? No. She could never take that chance.
“How old would he be now?”
“He turned two on November fifteenth.”
“Is it an open adoption? Have you seen him at all?”
Victoria shook her head. “They offered to keep me in his life, but they are his parents. Besides, I’ve always feared I would look at him and see Nate staring back at me.” She winced. She should have kept that part of it to herself. What an evil, horrible thing to t
hink about the child that had grown inside her.
She hazarded a glance at Curran, but found no trace of condemnation in his eyes. He drew his fingertips along her cheek. “I see Kelli struggle with that sometimes when Rob is being a terror. I know she wonders if he might have violent tendencies when he gets older, because of Jonas.”
He kissed her again, then settled against the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around her. She sank against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. She was glad he told her how Kelli felt about Rob sometimes. Maybe she would understand, or at least not judge her harshly enough to lose their friendship.
After a moment, Curran chuckled softly. “You amaze me, Victoria.”
His words caught her off guard, left her brain a little fuzzy. She amazed him? “Why?”
“Everything you’ve been through, you’ve handled without anyone there to shore you up. You have to be the strongest person I’ve ever known.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I survived, that’s all.”
He shifted and nudged her chin up with his finger, urging her to look at him. “Don’t shrug off compliments, honey.”
In her experience, compliments were only given if they were the backhanded sort. With Curran, she was beginning to learn what real ones were like. “Okay. Thank you.”
He hugged her close. “You’re very welcome.”
Chapter Thirteen
Curran ran his fingers through Victoria’s silky hair as he held her, processing everything she’d just told him about giving up her child.
His heart ached for her, for the pain she lived with. At the same time, he admired the way she faced her problems head on and handled them. Small wonder, though, that sex wasn’t high on her to-do list. That she let him touch her at all was a bit of a minor miracle. “Tell me something.”
“Anything.”
“Were you pregnant at the time he hurt you?”
“Yes, about six months. I nearly lost the baby.” A shiver rippled across her shoulders, and he held her tighter, kissed the top of her head. Memories came back to him, of the call from Kelli, crying, begging him to come get her and Rob. The terror in Rob’s eyes as the memory of his parents’ fighting haunted him. Kelli pleaded with him to let Jonas go to jail rather than to his grave. He’d known then, if the man had laid a finger on his nephew, he’d have killed him.
As much fury as he felt for Nate Fielder at this moment, the man was lucky to already be dead.
“How did the adoption work without his permission?”
Victoria sat up and looked at him, her earlier guarded expression replaced by openness. “I didn’t need his permission. Nate was an attorney. He drew up the papers severing his parental rights as soon as he realized I was serious about bringing the baby into the world. He wanted to be sure if I kept it, I would have no claim on him for support.”
“Lousy son of a bitch.”
“Yeah, he was that. And, knowing his mother, I can tell you, the title fits.” A shadow flitted through her eyes, and she bit her lower lip. “Well, since I’ve bared every shred of ugliness in my soul—”
“Hey, quit that.” He placed his palm against her cheek, holding her gaze with his own. “What you did for your son was not ugly. Far from it.”
She looked away, nodded, went back to biting her lip. As he opened his mouth to ask what she was thinking, she said, “Why did you retire?”
Now there was a question he’d no desire to deal with. But after everything she’d told him, how could he say he didn’t want to talk about it? It would be a figurative slap in the face. “You may not like the answer.”
She broke into a gentle smile. “I didn’t figure you’d like my answers, either. But we can’t change what we’ve done to make things more attractive, can we?” She took his hand in hers. “You walked away from a life people envy. Why?”
The morning came back to him crystal-clear. The tabloids hit the shelves, splashed with photos of Amanda and her other lover. The office phones rang off the hook with media folk wanting his comments. He never gave them. Instead he walked into his office bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. If he’d turned sideways, he was sure he would have disappeared entirely, he’d grown so two-dimensional. “I hated who I had become.”
He cursed and cleared his throat, then continued, knowing his words would obliterate the man she thought he was. “I spent years creating this image of myself to show to the world. As much as I liked to complain about women dating me just to get the media coverage, I did exactly the same thing. It wasn’t by chance I managed to date the hottest women in the market.”
Dredging all this up, speaking of it, made him edgy. He left the couch, paced away.
Behind him, Victoria said, “I thought you couldn’t stand the media. You were horribly cranky the day I interviewed you.”
She told me everything. She did it, so can I. He shoved his hands in his pockets, forced out the words. “Of course. How better to capture the media’s attention that to let them know I couldn’t stand them?”
He turned to face her. “Jamie’s called me a shark for years, but I don’t think even he knows how deep that aspect of my personality goes. Everything was plotted. The women, the parties, the interviews.”
Victoria’s brow knitted. “Why?”
“I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be important, ever since I was a kid. I wanted to be respected and admired and sought after. I craved it, I needed it.” He shrugged. “So I created it.”
She stood, the naturally sultry way she moved momentarily distracting him. She walked to him, but she wrapped her arms around herself. There for him, yet giving him the space he needed to breathe. It nearly buckled his knees, the way she instinctively knew what he needed most from her.
“So, you had everything you wanted. What changed?”
“I was living with Amanda Dannen.”
“She cheated on you.”
He rubbed his forehead. “The news broke wide, everyone knew about it. It seriously pissed me off, until I suddenly realized the only reason it mattered to me was because it put a black mark on my image that I hadn’t anticipated first. I felt nothing. I was completely numb inside. That’s when I realized there was nothing of me left except the part I crafted for the world to admire.”
He took a step closer to her, needing the warmth of her. “I didn’t know who I was any more. I hated the thing I had become.”
“So you walked away.”
“Yes.”
“And have you found yourself again?”
“I like to think so. The old self rears its ugly head from time to time.”
She smiled. “Yeah, I’ve seen him. He stood on my porch and said some pretty rotten things one day.”
His throat constricted. “Yet you forgave him.”
Victoria shook her head, placed her hands on his shoulders. “No. He’s still a bastard. But I forgave you, and that’s all that matters.”
She stepped into his arms then, and he buried his face in her hair, holding her to him, wanting never to let go.
If he’d ever felt more vulnerable in his life, he couldn’t recall it. Her gentle acceptance humbled him, filled his heart till he thought it would overflow. Somehow, standing here, with Victoria in his arms, he couldn’t imagine another bad thing ever happening to either of them. From here on out, life would be perfect, in a way he’d never plotted or dreamed.
Two weeks later, Curran stood in his sister’s great room, using a rented helium tank to fill multicolored balloons.
Robby danced from one end of the kitchen all the way through the great room and back again. “Is it time yet, Mom?”
Kelli put her hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at her impatient son. “Look at the clock. What does it say?”
He stared at the digital clock on the microwave. “Six-oh-eight.”
“What time does the party start?”
“Seven-oh-oh.” He hung his head and trudged into the living room.
Curran tried
not to laugh. Poor kid. Time tended to stand still at that age, when awaiting one’s own birthday party.
The doorbell rang. He heard Rob pound across the floor to the door, then, “Jamie!”
He looked at his sister. Her skin paled and the ice cream scoop dropped from her hand, clattering on the tile countertop. He’d spoken to Jamie once since his last trip, and in the interest of friendship, he’d studiously avoided discussion of Kelli. He doubted his sister had heard a single word from his friend in that time.
She walked into the front room. Curran tied off the balloon in his hands and followed, though whether as a cheerleader or a defender, he had no idea.
He looked over his sister’s shoulder at Jamie, crouched by the door next to Rob, a huge, shiny green package at his feet. Rob looked up at Kelli, grinned, then bobbed his head in response to Jamie. He threw his arms around Jamie’s neck, and the hug Jamie gave him in response bothered Curran. Mate, he needs a father, not a fun friend who comes and goes as he pleases.
Jamie stood. “Now, why don’t you go hang out for a few minutes until your party starts, so I can talk to your mom?”
“Okay. Can I open my present now?”
“Sure. In the other room, though, if you don’t mind.” Jamie’s gaze met his, and he added, “Maybe you can take your Uncle Curran with you.”
Robby whooped and picked up the package, balancing it carefully in his little arms as he took off toward his bedroom.
Curran crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. “And maybe Uncle Curran can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t leave my sister in tears again.”
He stared his friend down until Kelli laid a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I can handle this. Don’t you have a few more balloons to do?”
He looked at his baby sister, so much stronger than she’d been a few years ago. Strong, determined, and plenty old enough to manage her own romantic business. He went back into the great room, back to work on Rob’s decorations. Yeah, so Kelli was a grownup. That didn’t mean he couldn’t keep an ear open for trouble.
