by Jay McLean
"The plane crashed while everything around them burned and they—they—."
"Stop. That's enough, Susanna." He dropped his head onto mine and held me so tightly I couldn't breathe. But there was nothing that could have comforted me more than his warm, hard embrace. He didn't speak again for long moments while I clung to him and he did nothing more than brush his hand over my hair.
I breathed in his clean male scent, the sea-tinged muskiness that was all his. I pressed my cheek against his naked chest, needing that skin to skin contact more than I'd ever needed anything in my life.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured. "No one should have to experience something like that."
"Don't you see why I can't bear to stop and think about anything?"
"Yeah. You don't want to remember."
Tears erupted suddenly, bursting out of me as if an overburdened spigot had exploded. I cried for the horror that could never be undone, the loss to me that had been so immense that I still didn't know if I could carry on with my life.
Joaquin held me quietly. There was nothing he could say so he was smart enough not to say anything.
When my wracking sobs finally quieted to sniffles, I became suddenly aware of the fact that I was as naked as Rosa, who was still swimming back and forth in front of us. And my nakedness was pressed up against a man who wasn't wearing anything but a pair of shorts himself.
A man who didn't want me sexually, but who was kind enough to try to comfort me in my need. I had to figure out how to gracefully disentangle myself. Rosa came to my rescue. She swooshed up out of the depths and butted her head between us. Startled, I dropped my arms. The water stirred up by the dolphin pushed me a few feet away from Joaquin.
Rosa shook her head, as if to say, I told you not to do that. I gave a watery giggle.
Joaquin grinned, his teeth gleaming in the moonlight. "I told you she was jealous. She likes you."
"How do you know?" Yeah, I was fishing for compliments, but I was a girl with no family. I'd take what I could get.
He smiled. "I know because I feel the same way."
"Whoa." I stopped treading water and went under. When I came back up, sputtering, he was laughing.
"Come hold onto the dock," he said. "I'm guessing you don't want to get out of the water." He glanced pointedly at my pile of clothes sitting on the pier.
Whoops. Of course he'd known as soon as he hugged me. I could only hope he didn't know how I was being pummeled by desire. I had no clothes to buffer the sensation of the water sliding silkily over every part of me. And here was Joaquin, practically in reach, the imprint of his hard body still impressed on my senses. It was all I could do not to grab him.
"Don't you have to check the grounds, or something?" I said.
He grinned. "There's nothing more interesting to check out than what's right in front of me."
Whoa. I contemplated going under again to cool off my burning face. He probably thought I was getting ready to come on to him once more. I had to backtrack. I wasn't in the mood for any more rejection.
"I don't really like indiscriminate sex," I said.
His eyes widened in surprise. He opened his mouth, and then appeared to think better of whatever he'd been about to say.
I ducked my head, embarrassed. "It's stupid, I know."
Joaquin frowned. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"You looked surprised."
"I thought you said you like guys' bodies. That made you seem kind of—"
"Slutty?"
"Not at all," he said sharply. "That's not what I meant. If you want to enjoy guys, that would be your right, wouldn't it?"
"I guess so," I grumbled. "So what did you mean?"
"You were so open about liking guys' bodies, and then you said you don't like random sex. Those two things don't go together."
"I guess I was showing off before, acting cooler than I am. I do like sex, but it doesn't take long before you realize that when there's only a physical component present, you can be left feeling kind of hollow."
He swam toward me. "It's easy for guys to want sex and nothing more."
"Yeah. I've learned that lesson. But not all guys." I watched him reach a muscled arm to latch onto the dock. "You, for example, seem to be more than a bunch of raging hormones."
He shifted to face me. "Uh, I think the raging hormones are getting the upper hand here."
I giggled. I knew he wanted to lighten the atmosphere, and I didn't want to reproach him for the fact that he didn't want to hook up with me.
"It's alright, Joaquin. You don't have to be interested in me."
"Look," he said, "I don't want you to misunderstand. There's a good reason why I haven't pursued you."
I held up a hand. "You don't have to make excuses. I can take a rejection."
He sighed. "You are so wrong."
"It doesn't matter," I repeated. His dark eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and I thought I saw anguish there. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what had put that expression there.
"You deserve to know the truth," he said stubbornly. "You've extended a level of trust to me, and I want to do the same. I don't want you to feel—unwanted—because I'm afraid to tell the truth."
We'd drifted closer, and I had to tilt my head back a little to look into his face.
He shoved a hand through his hair and swallowed, as if the words he wanted to say were stuck in his throat.
"My father," he said abruptly, "is in jail in America."
I gasped. Nothing had prepared me for that confession.
"He was convicted of—rape." Only the briefest hesitation told me how much he hated to say that word.
My jaw dropped. Suddenly, everything fell into place."Of an American woman," I said.
"How in the world did you know that?"
"It explains so much."
"He was falsely convicted," Joaquin said, looking down at the water, as if he didn't want me to see his shame.
"How?"
"Justice." He made a scoffing noise. "They gave the victim a line-up with only one Mexican in it. Since she knew the guy had been Mexican, they were done."
"I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. They have rules about line-ups."
"White woman. Mexican rapist." He shook his head angrily. "You figure it out. They wanted a conviction. All of them, including the woman."
"So now you hate American women."
"I don't hate them. I'm not that stupid. But I sure as hell don't want to get mixed up with one."
"You don't trust them." I hesitated. "With good reason, I'll admit."
"My father is innocent," Joaquin said fiercely.
I placed my hand over his where it was clenched on the dock. "I believe you, Joaquin."
He closed his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them again, he seemed calmer. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"I'm glad that you told me, though. I couldn't understand why I was so attracted to you, and you were so cool to me."
"You knew I wanted you." His dark eyes were very direct.
"Sometimes."
"I could have dealt with wanting you," he said. "But you killed me when you bought the dolphin swim ticket for that little girl."
My mouth opened on a gasp of surprise. I hadn't expected that.
"You weren't just the hot blonde from math class any more," he continued, "but a real person with a kind soul."
"I'm not Mother Theresa." I moved closer to him, almost closing the gap between us.
He glanced down. "I know that. And I'm trying not to remember that you're naked here."
"I wish you'd remember."
"Before we leave the subject of my father," he said slowly, "I just want to say that I appreciate your trust."
"I just needed to use my common sense."
He raised his brows.
"How would a rapist raise a son like you?"
"Shit." He shook his head. "You keep surprising me."
"I'm not an idiot."
"I kn
ow that." He edged a little closer to me so he could stroke his forefinger down my cheek. "I like the fact that you're so smart."
I giggled. "I never joined the math club." After our first test in calculus, the teacher had passed back the results. An invitation to join the math club had fallen from between the pages of my test. I looked around the room and saw Joaquin was the only other student to get the same slip of paper. After class I'd asked him about it. It turns out, we'd had the highest scores on the test.
"I know you never joined the math club." He smiled.
"How do you know?"
"Because I did."
"You're a math nerd?"
"I like math. But I'm planning to major in biology."
"So why'd you join the math club?"
"I was hoping I'd see you there."
My mouth dropped open. "I don't believe it."
"Believe." His finger traveled down my neck.
"You weren't even friendly when I asked you about it." I was indignant when I remembered how he'd brushed me off.
"I had no intention of dating you. Now you know why. I was just going to admire you...and fantasize about you."
"You had fantasies about me?" I giggled again.
"Heated fantasies. Numerous fantasies."
"Share!"
Chapter 8
Joaquin looked down at me, a faint smile on his mouth. "Well, of course, there's the classic college guy fantasy."
"What's that?"
His hand slipped down to my shoulder. "Right as class is ending, I ask you to explain something the teacher went over that day. Everyone else leaves the classroom, and it's just you and me. You're wearing a short, swirly skirt and a tight top." His hand edged down to the top of my breast.
He continued with his story, as his fingers lightly stroked me. "You go up to the whiteboard and reach to point to an equation. Your skirt rises until I see just a hint of the bottom curve of your butt."
"Am I wearing panties?"
He grinned. "Of course not. This is my fantasy."
I blew out a breath, even though I scarcely had any breath in me as his other hand began stroking my left breast. "Good," I said. "I gotta be sexy."
"Oh, you're sexy." His fingers slid toward my nipples. "Then you pick up one of those whiteboard markers and drop it. I can't help thinking that it didn't exactly look accidental. You lean over to pick it up from the floor. I see more of your butt, and now I know you're not wearing panties."
His hands slipped slowly down my back and below my waist.
"I could be wearing a thong." My voice was breathless.
"No. In my fantasy, I see, uh—" He stopped speaking and slanted me a look. "I see the part that lets me know there is no thong thing going on." His fingers moved across my butt, as if to assure himself that once again, I wasn't wearing a thong.
My face heated as he caressed me intimately. "Ooookay. Do I want to hear the rest?"
"At this point, I've forgotten all about math or college or even my name." His voice was very deep, darker even than the night.
"I walk up behind you," he said. "You turn. I point to the front row and say, 'Lean over the desk.' Your eyes go wide. In my fantasy, you're surprised, even though I know you've been teasing me."
I let my hand drift down his chest. When I get close to his belly button, I say, "Like this?"
He sucks in a breath. "Yeah. Don't stop."
"Don't you stop." I couldn't help wriggling a bit. "What happens next?"
"You bend over the desk." He grinned at me. "You're very agreeable in my fantasy."
"I'm always agreeable." I pinched the flesh of his abdomen.
"I flip up your skirt. I see your perfect ass." His hands tightened on that same ass. "Now I can't wait. The time for teasing is over. I touch you, and you're hot and wet and I know you're ready." His finger slid between my legs. "Fantasy, y'know."
Oh, but I was ready right now. As ready as I'd ever been or ever would be. I wanted to tear open his shorts and spread my legs and impale myself on him.
Right now.
"Go on," I managed.
"I begin to fuck you."
One finger probed lightly at my opening and I gasped with pleasure.
"You come instantly of course," he said. "But I go on and on because I'm enjoying this fuck so much." His hands tightened on me. "I don't want it ever to end."
"Joaquin," I moaned.
"But of course it does." His voice is another assault on my senses, the sound almost as tactile against my skin as his hands. "You jump up," he murmured, "and your skirt covers you. You say you have to get to class and hurry out of the room."
I sighed. "Guy fantasy, all right. Get your rocks off and have the girl disappear."
He was silent for a long moment. "Actually, I lied. In my fantasy, you turn around and wrap your arms around my neck. You whisper to me: Let's go back to my room. I'm free for the rest of the day."
"Sex all day, huh?" It sounded wonderful to me.
"Yeah." He hesitated, and then continued. "But it was more than that."
"More?"
"I wanted more than sex. Don't get me wrong, I wanted more sex. But I also wanted to get to know you better. That's why I wanted to go back to your room."
"Oh." My brain a bit hazy with pleasure, I pondered his words. "But when I tried to talk to you in math class, you blew me off."
"In fantasy world, I wanted to get to know you better." He removed his hand from between my legs. "In real life, not so much."
"Ouch." There went my fantasy.
"That didn't come out right. I meant that I'm in college to get an education. Not to hook-up with girls."
"That's why you're so quiet in school and so different here?"
He nodded. "It was easier to keep to myself."
"But then I came down here and pursued you." I wanted to sink down into the cool water and float away.
"Not exactly." He sighed. "I was doomed from the minute you walked into that calculus class."
"Doomed? How, exactly?" I wasn't sure if I should be offended or gratified.
He slid an arm around my back. "Fishing for compliments?"
"You'd better dredge up a compliment now that you've said I doomed you."
"Come here. I'd rather show you." He pulled me toward him, and we flowed together as smoothly as Rosa slid through the sea. Our mouths fused together and his hot tongue pushed inside me.
I threw my arms around him. For the first time, I felt free to caress his broad shoulders, to stroke his muscular back, and to simply explore. He kissed me hard. He kissed me tenderly. But he kissed me for long, moonlit minutes, as if he had a lot of pent-up kissing to do.
I needed to breathe, but he was the one who finally tore his mouth away, sucking in air. He stared at me in the moonlight. "You know," he said, "dolphins need to breathe consciously. They can't breathe automatically. That's how I feel when I'm with you. Breathless. If I didn't tell myself to breathe, I might not do it."
"I know what you mean." I clung to him, waiting until we could kiss again.
"We need to get out of the water."
I couldn't bear to let go of him and clutched him harder. Maybe the magic would disappear like the flash of a shooting star once we were on solid land.
He laughed, and pulled us both onto the dock, with me clinging like a barnacle. I was almost embarrassed.
"I always wanted to find a mermaid," he said. His gaze slid over me.
"One of us is overdressed," I whispered.
"Come on," he said, tugging me back toward the main tiki hut. "There are padded benches."
I giggled. "I'm not crazy."
"You are, a little bit." He squeezed my hand. "But I like it."
We stepped under the thatch-roof, and darkness assailed us as the moon and the stars were blocked out.
I was glad for Joaquin's warm comfort beside me.
"I need to get some condoms," he said.
"You have them here?"
"In my backpac
k." He gently pushed me onto a bench. "Wait here."
He was back in an instant, and my eyes had started to adjust to the darkness so I could see he'd removed his shorts and was ready to go. I reached for him.
He remained just out of my grasp.
"Lie down on the bench," he said. "I want to see you."
He knelt beside me while I stretched out. First he spread my legs apart, so I was open for his viewing pleasure. Then he moved my arms over my head, which caused my back to arch a little so that my breasts were pushed up like a pagan offering. He touched them with his work-roughened hands. "You look like a dream, Susanna," he said in a low voice.
He looked like a god to me, dark and strong and broad, leaning over me and making me quake with pleasure.
"Kiss me," I said, my voice faint.
I don't know why I was so passive. I guess after all the times he'd rejected my advances, I wanted to feel his desire.
His lips latched onto mine and I could feel his assurance as he slid in and out of my mouth, teasing me, making me breathless again. He touched my breasts, increasing the pressure until I writhed on the bench.
When his sucked one nipple into his hot mouth, I almost came right then.
I heard his low laugh. He lifted his head. "You taste like the sea, spicy and mysterious. I want more."
He kissed his way down my body until he reached the spot where he could taste me most intimately and his tongue explored. His hands stroked my inner thighs, moving ever closer to my opening until I could have died with anticipation and delight.
But I wanted to participate. "Joaquin." I pulled on his head. "Let me have your body."
He didn't seem to hear me but I was already stiffening with an orgasm I didn't want to unleash yet.
"Joaquin," I moaned.
He raised his head and looked up at me. "Already?" he asked.
"Hurry." I held out my arms.
Finally, he moved over me, fitted himself between my legs and stroked into me. I made his fantasy a reality by coming almost instantly.
"Fuck, Susanna," he gasped into my ear. "Did that just happen?"
"Yes," I moaned. "But don't stop."
He didn't.
He never stopped until we'd used both of the condoms he had with him. Then he lay on top of me on the narrow bench.
"Am I killing you," he asked.
