I'm Still Here: A Novel

by Jon Mills

  “Whose room is that?”

  “That’s my son’s. Now would you please let go of him!”

  She ignored her plea and pushed Ray further down the corridor. “How about you tell me why you’ve got so many locks on this door?”

  “He’s worried. Okay?” Ora pulled Kara around and jabbed her finger at the front door. That’s when she saw that it too was covered with locks. Five and two deadbolts.

  “Open them. Now!”

  Ray took out the same set of keys he’d used for the car and began unlocking each one. When he got to the last one he pushed the door open, and she shoved him in. The light was already on inside. But it was no ordinary light. It was a black light bulb that gave off an almost purple color, giving most of the objects in his room a fluorescent blue glow. If that wasn’t strange enough, it was what lined every inch of his wall. Kara stepped inside turning three hundred and sixty degrees to soak in the sight of hundreds of sketches all taped together. She fished into her bag and pulled out the ones left with the families and began to lift one up and match it to those on the walls. Meanwhile Ray stood with his back to the door.

  “What the hell is this?” she asked.

  Separately the sketches seemed meaningless, but against the backdrop of the rest of what had been drawn it painted a picture of a cabin nestled in a forest with a well, a swing set, a bridge and a cliff, and a nearby lake.

  Ray pointed to the cabin. “Thhhh… those. Chhhharlie.”

  Her eyes darted to him and then back to the wall, looking at the cabin. “Those are the sketches you left at Charlie’s vigil?”

  He nodded.

  She looked back and soaked it all in. Her eyes dropped to the sketches she had in hand and matched them up with the ones on the wall. Inside his bedroom there really wasn’t much, except a simple bed and a table and chairs. There on the table were stacks of papers, most of which were covered in sketches, and to the right of that a tin with charcoal, and what must have been neon pencils. All the ones inside the room had been scrawled with neon color so the whole thing glowed under the light.

  “What is this place?” she asked. She turned to him and he just looked petrified like he had seen a ghost. His eyes were wide, and he’d returned to scratching his neck, causing it to bleed.

  “Ray!” She hollered even louder, causing him to shake. “What is this place?”

  He began stuttering, “Whhwhwheere. Ttththhhe. Chhildren. Aaaare.”

  Chapter 38

  Kara’s brow pinched as she looked back at the cabin. Her mind went into overdrive; she brought a hand up to her head trying to get a grasp on reality. She took a few deep breaths and snapped the elastic around her wrist. She reached into her pocket and took out her meds and nearly dropped them trying to shake out a pill.

  “Stay right here,” she said stepping out into the hallway to place a phone call to Noah. It rang several times before he picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “I got your message,” she said.

  Noah didn’t waste any time. “The boy’s name is Ashton Cole. He’s twelve and was taken from the east side of town. Blackmore and County along with family and friends are out searching for him. They said he was with a group but broke off to get another bag for candy. He didn’t return and his mother said he hasn’t been home.”

  She walked a short distance down the hallway. “Look, I’m over at the Owens’ house.”

  “What? Didn’t you hear what I said?”

  “Just listen. I’m going to send a photo to your phone. You’ve got to see this. Those sketches he drew are part of a bigger portrait with a cabin in a forest and…”

  “Kara! Let me just stop you right there. I don’t have time for this. Okay? We have a boy missing and…”

  “No, you’re not listening. When I asked him what this place was, he said it was where the children are kept. I think he knows where they are, Noah. But that’s not all, in the back of his trunk he had a flashlight, a rope, several empty bottles of water and…”

  “You searched his vehicle without a warrant? Please tell me they invited you in and you didn’t just barge your way into the house?”

  “Noah. I think he knows,” Kara said.

  “Well, while you were going off the handle yesterday, I did a little digging into Owen. Seems the guy is a lunatic that was bugging the families, saying he knew where their kids were. His mother told them that he had psychic abilities.” He scoffed. “And you know how well that goes over.”

  “So they didn’t do follow-up on his claims?”

  “Cops have already spoken to him, Kara. They’ve already looked into it.”

  “Who has?”

  “County, Jefferson and one of the other departments.”

  He came across sounding real vague which made her believe he’d only picked up the phone and got the information second-hand. The information was no different from what Ora had said. In fact it confirmed it. While law enforcement did use the help of psychics, it was rare and they didn’t allow anyone to toss in their two cents.

  “Did they see his room?” she asked.

  “Look. I have my hands full here. If you want to help, there is a whole whack of people searching right now. All that matters is finding that boy. And if you want to send me a photo to look at later, by all means but I gotta go. I’ll speak to you soon. I just wanted to let you know what was happening.” She remained silent for a second or two. “Okay?” he asked before he hung up.

  She stood in the hallway, one hand on her hip, the other she ran through her hair. Kara turned and went back into the bedroom where Ora was talking with Ray. Even though he was now in his forties, she still spoke to him like he was a child. The door was partly closed, and she was questioning him as though she hadn’t seen any of this herself. How could anyone live in the same home and not know what was going on inside a room across from theirs? Kara squeezed through the gap and turned to see what they were looking at. The only area of the bedroom that she hadn’t seen, because the door had been wide open, was behind the door. As she stepped back and looked at the image, it was of a figure. The entire door was taken up with a man dressed in black. The second she saw it her heart skipped a beat. A flashback of that night came to her. The same fear made her mouth go dry. Her hands started trembling. Like a monster in the closet, that image had been the one thing that had stuck with her over the years — looming and dark, the masked figure that grabbed Charlie.

  All of a sudden she was back there in those woods — standing around, waiting for Bobby to show. Sam and Charlie were dressed as skeletons, he’d practically begged their mother to get one of the outfits after watching the 1984 flick The Karate Kid. She took out the pack of Marlboro Lights, unwrapped the cellophane, dropped it and tapped out a cigarette. She’d wanted to act all grown up and cool. She’d figured it all out in her mind. Bobby would show up and she’d be leaning against the tree with a cigarette dangling out the corner of her mouth, channeling her inner Molly Ringwald.

  “Does mom know you smoke?” Charlie asked.

  She took the gold Zippo lighter she’d stolen from her father and lit the end.

  “No, and mom isn’t going to know because you’re not going to tell her,” she replied before coughing hard because it was the first time she’d ever inhaled. Kara glanced through the trees, then stared at her watch.

  “How long do we have to stay here?” Sam asked.

  “Not long,” she said.

  Within five minutes Bobby arrived and while Sam and Charlie stayed busy chasing one another, counting how many candy bars they had and climbing trees, she and Bobby acted like they were eighteen, smoking a cigarette and wrapping up in each other’s arms. It was only when Charlie cried out that they saw him. By then it was too late. She couldn’t push the sight of that shiny blade against his throat out of her mind.

  Then just like that she was back again.

  “Who is that?” she asked Ray.

  Ray raised a finger and pointed and stuttered. “Ttth
hheee. Catcher.”

  “The catcher. And who is he, Ray? Huh? Is it you?”

  He shook his head and Ora placed a hand around his back. “He sees things. We told you all but you wouldn’t listen.”

  Kara leaned forward. “I’m listening. Didn’t you show them this?”

  “This wasn’t here,” Ora said.

  “So you knew he’d drawn this?”

  “Of course. Not the part on the back of the door and well, it wasn’t this complete years ago but then again—”

  “Not every kid was missing. He’s pieced this together over the years, hasn’t he?”

  She nodded.

  “Where is this place?” Kara asked Ray.

  He shrugged.

  “Come on, Ray. Think.”

  He shook his head.

  Kara pulled out her phone and started taking snapshots and then took one panoramic one. After, she attached it with a message for Noah and sent it over. In the meantime she had an idea. It meant returning to the place she hadn’t been in twenty-five years but maybe, just maybe it would spark something.

  Chapter 39

  She had two options: take Ray by force, which was liable to cause Ora to call the cops if she hadn’t done so already, or convince her that she believed in her son and that whatever ability he had might be the key to finding the missing Cole boy. Kara opted for the second, and after a lot of back and forth Ora bought it. With Ray riding shotgun the SUV tore away from the home heading for Westborough, the road that went past Fairground Woods.

  Veering off to the hard shoulder, near the farmer’s gate, she killed the engine and looked out into the darkness. The country roads didn’t have any lights, and the only glow came from the nearby housing development. But it didn’t matter because even in daylight the location terrified her. It was like she was fourteen all over again. Although the landscape had changed, the way she felt hadn’t.

  “Come on, pull yourself together,” she said pushing down her fears and climbing out of the car. Ray didn’t move a muscle. She bent back down. “Ray. Get out of the car.” He glanced at her then nervously hopped out the other side.

  “Wwwwwhhherre arrre we going?”

  “Twenty-five years ago, this is where it all began. I need you to do whatever it is you do.” She walked up to the gate and opened it and beckoned him to follow. He shook his head and remained by the passenger side door. Kara trudged over and grabbed him by the collar and forced him forward. “I don’t have time for this crap. Let’s go.” She gave him a shove, and he stumbled forward. Reluctantly he went with her up the steep grassy incline that she’d once raced down. The wind picked up, blowing her jacket around. She sucked in the bitter cold air while reaching into her pocket to grip the Zippo lighter. It was like an anchor to her past before he was taken, the one thing that kept her from forgetting the past and her role in what should have never happened.

  “Now you tell me if you pick up on anything. It doesn’t matter what it is.”

  Ray shook his head slowly and repeatedly like he was suffering from some type of debilitating disease. Every so often he would reach up and scratch his neck and then mumble something under his breath.

  As tough as it must have been for him, it was even worse for Kara. Like being taken up into a plane to jump out for the first time. A sense of dread and impending doom weighed down on her heart causing it to beat rapidly. She took slow deep breaths to prevent herself from having a panic attack.

  At one point along the journey towards the tree line, Kara had to stop and take a breath. She closed her eyes for a second and inhaled deeply. You can do this. You can do this. You must do this. They pressed on until they melted into the forest. Under the cover of night it was hard to tell which way to turn and her memory of where they stood that night had faded over time. Still, she led Ray through the thick undergrowth. She pushed branches out of the way and used her phone to light up the small trail that was barely visible. If it hadn’t been for some of the old junk that teens had left behind over the years, she would have walked straight past the spot. There in the darkness were a rear car seat, tires in a circle, and a section of metal from the hood of a car. A shiver came over her as she stepped into the clearing. She slapped away the past. The sound of her brother’s cry. Kara breathed in the stench of urine and moss. Her foot kicked several crushed beer cans before turning to find Ray standing at the perimeter of the clearing looking terrified. He shook his head. “Nnnnoooo.” Then he turned and bolted. Kara took off after him. He didn’t get far before she latched on to his jacket but oh did he struggle.

  “I need you to do this,” she said.

  He shook his head. “I… cccccaaannn’t.”

  “You must,” she yelled, her voice cutting into the night.

  She had to strong-arm him through the forest and force him out into the clearing. His hands were shaking and he looked as if his legs were about to buckle. The wind howled through the trees, and the sound of critters could be heard nearby. She just wanted to get the hell out of there but not before she got answers.

  Seconds turned to minutes.

  Ray stood there shaking like a scared animal. His eyes flitted back and forth like he was seeing unseen figures passing by. His teeth chattered, but nothing occurred. She wasn’t sure what to expect when he had these visions. Were his eyes meant to roll back? Did he channel the voices of the dead? Then it dawned on her. Paper. Pen. Everything he’d done until now had been sketched out. She fished into her pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper that had a list of persons of interest on it. She flipped it over and took out a pen from her top breast pocket and handed it to him.

  “Here.”

  He stared at it them like they were some kind of foreign objects.

  “Ray. Please.”

  With the wind howling, biting at their ears, he took the paper and pen and walked over to the rusted car hood that was leaning against an old oak tree. He pressed the paper on it and began to sketch. A surge of confidence cut through the fear she felt. It was working. This was it. All he needed was some prompting.

  Anything to get him to… Under the glow of her phone she noticed what he was sketching. “No. NO. NO!” she yelled. It was the same image of the cabin in the woods. She waited until he was done and then tore the paper away from him and looked at it. There was nothing new, nothing that would give her any clues as to where the place was. Perhaps the cops were right. Maybe he was just a lunatic looking to steer the investigation in the wrong direction. Maybe she was beginning to unravel like her mother had when she lost herself in the pursuit of answers. For all she knew, Ray might have been behind it and this was some part of a sick game that he was playing. She jerked a finger toward the way out of the forest. “Let’s go.”

  “Wweeee leave?”

  “Yeah, we’re leaving,” she replied.

  A look of relief flooded his face as they trudged out of those godforsaken woods leaving behind the memory and fear of that night. The only good thing that had come out of it was she’d confronted her inner fear, the one place that had for so long seemed too overwhelming to visit. Now she saw it for what it was, nothing but a stage to an unfortunate event.

  Kara slammed the door shut locking out the wind. She didn’t start the engine but instead sat there windswept and despondent while Ray continued to scratch at his neck like a mental patient. She felt so foolish dragging him out there, hoping that he would offer insights, answers, a solution after years of investigative work had failed.

  “Home,” he said without a stutter. It just rolled off his lips.

  She nodded. “That’s right, I’m taking you home.”

  Kara fired up the engine and had just shifted the gear stick into drive when her phone began vibrating. Keeping her foot on the brake she answered it.

  “Kara, I took a look at those photos. Maybe I’m taking a stab in the dark here, and I might be way off, but that bridge and cliff face looks a helluva lot like Devil’s Punchbowl out at Crescent Lake, and the waterfall resembles
Marymere Falls,” Noah said.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Look, I spent a lot of time in Olympic National Park taking photos. I think I know the area but there’s a chance I might be wrong.”

  “Got it. Thanks.”

  “Kara, hold up — ”

  She’d already hung up before he could get another word out.

  “Seems like we’re going to take a slight diversion, Ray. Strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride,” she said before tearing away from the lay-by heading for Crescent Lake.

  Chapter 40

  Lake Crescent was located eighteen miles west of Port Angeles. Nestled into the northern foothills of Olympic National Park, it attracted locals and tourists alike to its pristine deep waters for fishing, swimming and camping. It took them close to an hour to arrive near the small community of Piedmont. Based on the various sketches, Kara concluded that if Ray’s psychic impressions were real, and not just the concoction of a mind obsessed with the area, pinpointing where the cabin was wouldn’t be easy, as the Devil’s Punchbowl was on the north side of the lake, and the 90-foot Marymere Falls was on the south. And what about the tire hanging from a mossy tree, or the stream or well? It also didn’t help that it was dark. The only light came from a full moon, and a sky full of stars.

  Initially, she decided to take the north beach road along the lake and turned down into Spruce Railroad Trail to locate the arching bridge over the Punchbowl. As a kid she’d heard of the place through others but had never visited there herself. Teens were known for climbing the cliff and jumping into the Punchbowl. It was severely dangerous and several teens had lost their lives there back in the early nineties.