Rose only wished that Marston wanted this baby. The thought that he didn’t ripped her heart out and tore it to shreds. Rose had hoped that with Marston’s love for Langley, he would jump at the chance to have a child of his own, but she had been wrong.
But what would she do now? What would happen if Rose told him about the baby and he took off? She knew that she could survive without him—she’d been living without a man for the last ten years, but the truth was that Rose didn’t want to have to live without Marston.
Marston gave her something that no other person ever had. He was her best friend. Her rock. She felt safe with him. She didn’t want to lose that. Suddenly her stomach rolled and Rose knew she was going to be sick.
She leaped from the bed and fled the cabin without sparing a glance toward a shocked Langley and Kaitlyn.
***
Marston heard the sound of someone being sick in the outhouse and knew instantly that it was Rose. Without putting much thought into what he was doing, his long legs carried him across the yard and he threw open the door.
Rose was on her knees and she threw her hand up. “Go away!” she exclaimed, waving him off.
“No.”
Marston took her hair gently in his hand and held it away from her face just before she lost more of her stomach. Rose let out a groan and slumped against the wall. “Please go,” she whispered. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Marston nodded and slowly backed out and closed the door. He went to the well and wet his bandana in the cool water. When he heard Rose moving around in the outhouse, Marston went back to it and opened the door.
“Marston…” she snapped with annoyance.
Marston just shrugged her off. He didn’t much care if she was annoyed with him. Without a word, he lifted her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shirt as he carried her to the gentle river and sat down cross-legged with her in his lap.
Marston gently ran the damp bandana across her heated skin and raised his brow. “Care to tell me why you locked yourself in our bedroom?”
She flushed red and turned her gaze to the river. “I’m scared to tell you.”
Marston’s heart ached. “Rose, you never have to be afraid of me.”
“I’m afraid of what your reaction will be, Marston. I need you here with me… I don’t want you to run away from us…”
“That’s a hell of a thing for you to say to me,” Marston growled, his temper flaring. “I have done everything I can for you and for Langley. I think I’ve proven that I’m sticking around.”
“You have!” Rose rushed to soothe him. “I’m just not thinking clearly.. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Marston saw those damned tears threatening to spring from her eyes and he felt his temper dissipate. “Then tell me what’s wrong with you.”
Rose took his scarred and calloused hand and laid it over the yellow gingham fabric across her stomach. “We’re going to have a baby, Marston.”
Marston couldn’t think of what to say as he stared down at his hand on her stomach. He had already known that, of course, but he still had no idea how to react. “I…uh…” He felt his hand shaking so he quickly pulled it away from her stomach and clenched his fist on the grass.
“I’m sorry you didn’t want this, Marston,” Rose whispered, her voice hollow. “I really am.”
Marston looked into her blue eyes and realized that just a short time ago he would have agreed that a baby wasn’t something he wanted, that was no longer the case.
To have a child with Rose…. He couldn’t help but imagine what that child would be like. Would he or she have his golden eyes or Rose’s red hair? Would it have his temper or Rose’s caring spirit?
“What are you thinking?” Rose apprehensively inquired.
Marston’s voice was thick. “I’m wondering what he’ll look like.”
A smile lit up Rose’s face. “Maybe it’s a girl.”
Marston was quiet a moment as he stared at the gently flowing water. “I’m scared,” he admitted in a low whisper.
Rose stared at him with shock. Marston had just admitted to being scared about something and that was not something he would easily do. “What are you scared of?”
Marston rubbed at his neck. “I’m not pa material. I can do alright with Langley because you did most of the work before I got here and Kaitlyn is more than half grown. A baby? Rose, surely I’ll mess it up for life—that is if I don’t wind up holding it too hard or dropping it and killing it before it ever grows up.”
Laughter bubbled from Rose’s chest and she could tell by the look in Marston’s eyes that her amusement hurt his feelings so she did her best to control herself. “What the hell is so funny?” he grumbled.
Rose covered her mouth and tried her hardest to stop laughing. She saw Marston’s lip twitch. “You won’t break the baby,” she assured him. “You will be an amazing father and you will be loved. You are a giving, caring, truly special man and if you could only see what I see when I look at you then you wouldn’t be having any doubts.”
Marston shook his head. “Why were you so afraid to tell me?” he asked, brushing off her compliments in true Marston fashion.
“I thought that…” Rose stopped, realizing that there was no way this conversation’s current path could end well.
Marston studied her a moment. “You thought I would pack up and leave when I found out?”
When Rose nodded meekly, Marston’s entire demeanor changed. His arms grew cold around her and his golden eyes flashed with a hurt so deep it tore at Rose’s heart.
He stood swiftly and sat her on her feet, stepping back to put distance between them.
“Marston...” Rose whispered, reaching out to put her hand on his arm.
He jerked away from her. “If I could only see me as you see me, huh?” he hissed. “See me as what? A selfish bastard that would abandon his wife and children because he finds out there’s another one on the way and he doesn’t want to have to deal with it? That sounds about right, Rose. I’m glad you’re finally seeing who I really am.”
“No Marston!” Rose denied vehemently.
Marston growled. “Just stop. I don’t want to hear you anymore.”
He turned and stormed toward the woods. “Where are you going?” Rose demanded. “Shouldn’t we talk?”
“I think you’ve said all you needed to,” Marston shot back without looking at her. “And I’m going wherever my good for nothing feet decide to carry me. Don’t worry about it though. I’ll be back when the mood strikes me.”
Rose watched him disappear with her hands clenched at her sides. She swallowed hard and willed herself not to cry.
How had everything gone so wrong?
***
Darkness had fallen when Marston finally made his way back to the cabin. Rose had left the lamp lit on the porch and Marston had to remind himself not to be touched by the gesture.
He killed the light and slipped inside silently. He saw Kaitlyn’s sleeping form on the sofa and cursed under his breath. He was going to have to join Rose in the bed or sleep on the floor—and his back protested strongly to the latter.
A candle burned beside the bed in their room when Marston entered and his eyes drifted over Rose who was snoring gently against her pillow with one of Langley’s storybooks lying on her chest.
Marston’s body ached to hold her close, but he couldn’t let himself forget what she’d done to him so easily. He had done everything for her. He had changed his whole life around just for that woman and still she doubted his loyalty to their family.
The pain that came with that knowledge was like a knife blade straight through his heart… No wonder Marston had never bothered with loving or caring before—it hurt like hell and gave another person far too much power over you.
Marston slipped out of his boots and removed his clothes. He slid onto his side of the bed and was careful not to touch R
ose as he adjusted the blanket and laid on his side, giving her his back.
Marston’s body tensed when Rose moaned and her breathing changed. She was awake. He felt the mattress shift as she moved onto her side and slid her arm around his waist, pressing her soft, bare body against him. Marston was unable to stop the tremors of pleasure that washed over him as their skin touched and that only served to irritate him more.
He tried hard to pretend he was already asleep but knew that Rose wouldn’t believe that. It took him a long time to fall asleep at night and she knew him too well.
“I love you,” she whispered, her breath warm as it teased his ear.
Marston fought desperately to fight back the rush of heat in his blood. “You have a funny way of showing it,” he mumbled.
Rose licked her lip nervously and the tip of her tongue ran over Marston’s ear causing a bolt of lightning to burst through him and nearly burn him alive. “I’m sorry,” she conceded. “It’s just that I hinted at how you would feel about a baby and you didn’t seem open to the idea. What was I supposed to think?”
“You sure as hell shouldn’t have thought I would take off and leave,” Marston snapped, his temper slamming back full force. “Dammit, Rose! I love you and I love that boy and I’ll be damned if I’m not growing to love that skinny girl in there too. I love the family that we’re building and the life I never thought I’d have. I would never—never—walk out on you and, by God, you should know that by now. If you don’t then I can’t see that we have anything left to say to one another.”
“I’m sorry!” Rose practically screamed. It startled Marston to hear her use such a loud tone and it also reminded him that everyone in the house had probably heard his outburst and would now hear hers as well. “What else do you want me to say? I’m sorry. I love you. I panicked and I’m not proud of my own worries and fears, but dammit, a person can’t control what they’re afraid of. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that one day I’m going to wake up and realize you were only a dream and I’ll be alone again… I’m terrified that I’ll once again be going without food to see that my son eats, that my clothes will be falling apart so he can have shoes for the winter. I’m scared that bankers will once again be breathing down my neck and threatening to take my home and make my son homeless. Can’t you understand that, Marston? Do you know what’s like to be terrified?”
Marston tried hard to fight the sympathy he could feel welling up inside him. He tried to fight back the understanding. He wanted to be angry with her. She deserved his anger. But then she sniffed and laid her tear soaked face against his bare back and Marston felt every last bit of his defenses crumble.
He flipped over and pulled Rose into his arms, letting himself feel every inch of her skin and breathe in the scent of her. “I don’t want to fight with you. You and those children are my whole world. I have nothing other than you. Can’t you see that?”
Rose stared at his chest. “I love you.. I’m sorry.”
Marston grumbled and put his finger under her chin to tilt her head up and bring her gaze to his. “Stop apologizing. Like you said, we all have fears and we can’t control what they are. I’ll just have to spend the rest of my life proving your fear is unfounded.”
Marston covered her mouth with his own and slid his tongue along her bottom lip, urging her lips apart so he could taste her. As his blood heated and her hands clutched at his back, Marston had a sudden thought and pulled away.
“If I make love to you, will it hurt the baby?”
Rose laughed lightly, her blue eyes dancing. “No, you won’t hurt the baby.”
Marston winked. “Good,” he replied before spending the rest of the night showing her exactly how devoted he was to her happiness.
Chapter Thirty
Sheriff Andrew Tate removed his hat as he walked into the doctor’s home. The doctor’s plump wife led him into a back room and he tipped his hat to the woman as she bustled back out.
Sheriff Tate’s eyes went to the back corner of the room to a man lying asleep upon the bed. He was bare from the waist up and his chest was wrapped in white bandages.
Sheriff Tate cleared his throat to wake the man and his eye flew open only to narrow instantly. “Who are you?” His voice was hoarse and fatigued.
The lawman flashed his badge. “I’m Sheriff Andrew Tate and I hear you wanted to speak to the lawman in town.”
The man nodded, his expression becoming predatory. He slowly pushed himself up against the wall. “Yes, I did. My name is Vincent and I was senselessly attacked. I figured a lawman would take an interest in that.”
The sheriff nodded. “Can I ask who did this to you?”
A name left Vincent’s lips like a curse. “Marston Jacobs.”
Andrew Tate didn’t recognize the name, but he was a relatively new lawman and hadn’t lived in these parts long. He was desperate to build up his reputation so maybe this was the chance he needed. “And what exactly prompted this attack, Vincent?”
Vincent feebly reached for the glass of water on the bedside table and Nathan quickly moved forward and took it in his hand, holding it to the injured man’s mouth.
“Thank you,” Vincent said once he’d drank his fill. “I was visiting with my friend and his daughter when Marston barged in and attacked us. He shot me and left me for dead before killing Gilliam and kidnapping the girl.”
Sheriff Tate nodded. “And why would he do that?”
Vincent scoffed. “Because he’s unstable! He is a murdering lunatic and he wanted that girl for his own. Sick bastard.”
Sheriff Tate fumbled with the folder under his arm and thumbed through the papers inside. “So would you say he’s been in trouble before?”
“I know for a fact he has,” Vincent agreed.
“I have numerous wanted posters here that are nameless. Do you think you could help me see if Marston Jacob’s is among them?”
“If he’s in that stack, you won’t know it. The giant of a man is always bragging about how his poster doesn’t look a thing like him.”
“Maybe you could help us with that?” Sheriff Tate inquired as he shoved the folder back under his arm.
That predatory gleam in Vincent’s eyes grew brighter. “I’d be more than happy too.”
Sheriff Tate rushed to get someone to sketch the poster and when they were done he stared down at Marston Jacob’s face. Sharp angles, cold eyes and a circular scar on his cheek.
“Any other distinguishing characteristics we should know about?” Sheriff Tate asked.
Vincent tapped his chin. “His eyes. They aren’t a color you see often. They’re gold. And he’s damn near seven foot tall and real strong. Brown hair and dark skin.”
Sheriff Tate nodded gratefully and shook the man’s hand. “I thank you for your assistance, sir. We’ll do our best to bring the man who did this to justice.”
Vincent laid back flat upon the bed. “Lawman, can I ask a favor?”
Sheriff Tate paused in the doorway. “What is it you need?”
Vincent let out a long, pained sigh. “If you find Marston could you bring his little girl to me? She doesn’t have any kin other than him, but I was like an uncle to that girl. She’s got to be scared out of her wits with that outlaw.”
Sheriff Andrew Tate nodded, hate for Marston Jacobs burning in his gut. He couldn’t stand the thought of any man hurting a child. “I will make sure that’s included in his file.”
That night, Sheriff Tate held multiple copies of Marston Jacob’s poster in his hand. Dead or Alive was written at the top and the man had a five thousand dollar bounty on his head given the severity of his most recent crime and his long history of lawlessness.
These posters would be sent to every lawman for hundreds of miles. Marston Jacob’s days as a free man would soon be coming to an end.
***
“Marston, don’t you think it might be a little early to buy things for the baby?” Rose asked as the family rode together on the cart toward town.
/> Marston shook his head. “Nope.” He took her hand in his and slipped his fingers between hers. “It took a few days to warm up to the idea of having a baby around but it’s grown on me now and I want to make sure everything is ready.”
“I still can’t believe I’m gonna be a big brother!” Langley spoke excitedly from the back. “This is great! I’m gonna make sure me and my brother or sister don’t go around shooting each other though.”
Kaitlyn smiled as she folded her hands in her lap, but she said nothing. The girl hardly ever had a word to say, but Marston figured that was a good thing. Langley spoke enough for everyone.
Rose’s mind was clearly still on the list he’d made. “Yes, but we don’t need all this yet. Why don’t we just get….”
“Stop,” Marston growled, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “We’re gonna order the lumber to expand the cabin and we’re going to order yellow, white, light green, pink, light blue and light purple fabrics. That way we’ll know we have good colors if it’s a boy or girl.” Marston shrugged. “And whatever we don’t need we’ll just save for the next one.”
Rose’s blue eyes widened and her cheeks flamed red. “The next one?” she gasped.
Marston flashed a wicked grin. “Yep. I told you I was warming up to the idea.”
Out of the corner of his eyes, Marston saw Kaitlyn raise her hand tentatively in the back of the wagon. He sighed. The girl always raised her hand when she wanted to speak. It was a habit she’d picked up in that orphanage and it wore on Marston’s nerves. “Kaitlyn, you don’t have to raise your hand when you want to speak,” Marston assured her for at least the hundredth time. “If you’ve got something you want to say then speak up and say it—but say it loud or Langley might end up talking right over you.”
Her hand dropped. “Okay pa.” Marston couldn’t help but grin with pride at hearing the word pa. Kaitlyn smoothed her skirt. “I was hoping I could purchase a few things today. I know I don’t have any money, but I’d be willing to take a few jobs on to earn it…”
Give My Love to Rose Page 24
