by C. Stecko
With everything thrown all ova the floor, he still wasn’t satisfied. He got down on his knees and targeted the cabinet beneath the sink. “If you think ya gon’ get ova on Bo Rich, youuuooooo gotta notha thing comin’,” he sang.
I tried to make him feel like a fool by shakin’ my head from side to side. I looked terrible, hair matted to my head, and scratches and bruises all across my face. But Bo looked even sillier as he tried to stand, trippin’ ova all the shit he’d thrown across the floor. He almost fell until he took hold of the top of the toilet seat. Unfortunately, it gave him another idea.
Bo eyed the highest part of the toilet, and lifted the part where it actually flushes. When he bent down beside the toilet, I knew I’d been had. His face was less than two feet away from the plunger. I knew it would be next. Sadly, I turned and walked toward the bed to have a seat. I wondered what would happen to me next. There was nobody who could save me. I thought about runnin’. I thought about grabbin’ Bo’s gun that he always kept inside his nightstand. Death seemed to be my last resort. I was tired of failin’ at everything I tried.
Then, it dawned on me. There was silence in the bathroom. My eyes opened wide when Bo walked out and said, “Look, I had to be sure Chantel. You know, I’m a business man.”
I couldn’t believe it. That fool neva lifted the plunger. He started fixin’ his clothes into place, and slickin’ his ponytail to the sides. “Now go in there and clean that damn bathroom. Yo man gotta make moves.”
There was no… I’m sorry, no… lemme see your face. No… I was wrong. Nothin’. Just clean the bathroom. I asked if I could use his cell before he left to call my aunt. I wanted her to know I’d made it back to PA safely. She was the only family that I kept in touch with from time to time. Bo said yes, and threw me the phone, standin’ ova me the whole time. When I was finished, I told him she was gonna take me to see Carlton on Wednesday if it was alright with him.
He told me he would let me know, and not to say another word until the bathroom was clean. I did as I was told, and grabbed the mop from the kitchen.
Chapter 9
The next three days of my life felt like I’d been sentenced to hell. Bo woke up Wednesday mornin’, rolled ova, and laid his greasy-ass head on my stomach.
“When you gon’ bring in some money?” he questioned.
“Uhhhhhh…I’ll start lookin’ today.” I hoped the conversation wouldn’t go any further. It was important to keep the peace just a few more days. I’d found the court document mixed in between all the mail that had been sittin’ in our mailbox since I’d been gone. It was mixed in between all the weekly drug store coupons, and cut off notices from utility bills he obviously hadn’t paid. I remember rippin’ it open, only to find out I had four days left to get a lawyer and appear in court on the followin’ Monday. Dre was slick, so I was willin’ to use every dime to my name on a lawyer. I even came up with a hair-brain scheme to get some money outta Bo.
I turned ova to make my plea. “Bo, do you think I can get a lil’ money to go out with my aunt today? She’s willin’ to take me to see my son if you let me.” My eyes begged, while I rubbed on his dick beneath the covers. “I wanna buy Carlton a pair of tennis shoes or somethin’ to show I’m still his mom. You know… that I still love him. Plus, I wanna get a few freaky toys for me and you.”
Bo turned ova quickly, flippin’ me onto my back. He pressed down on me with all his weight and eyed me with his piercin’ eyes. If I didn’t know better, my mind would’ve tricked me into believin’ Bo was possessed. He growled like a beast when he spoke.
“Don’t think you sweet-talkin’ me in ta shit. Now I’ma give you a few hundred to get me a lil’ sumthin’…and a fifty for Carlton. Don’t come back without sumthin’ good.”
Damn, I had stuck my foot in my mouth. The two-fifty he was offerin’ wasn’t much considerin’ I would have to give the lawyer a retainer fee. Luckily, I still had my stash stuck up in the plunger. But now I wouldn’t live to wake up another mornin’ if I didn’t come back with a gift for Bo.
Bo must’ve had a lot to do, ’cause I thought he was gonna make me suck his dick. When he hopped up and got in the shower, I couldn’t have been happier.
I hopped up too after fakin’ like I was still restin’. I called my aunt Renee and told her to pick me up within the hour. Little did she know, we had a full schedule for the day which included way more than visitin’ Carlton.
I took a moment to thank the Good Lord for Renee. She wasn’t a true blood aunt. She was the sister of one of the many men who’d passed through my mother’s life, and somehow stayed in contact with me. Unfortunately, she stayed in contact with my mother, too. Now I knew Renee was broke. Real broke, so I had to set aside some money for her, and gas, too. I laid in the bed calculatin’ when Bo emerged from the bathroom half-dressed. I watched him rush ova to his closet grabbin’ a multi-colored pinstriped shirt. You could tell he thought he looked good the way he tucked the shirt into his pants.
“Tell me your man looksssssss good,” he ordered.
“Yes, Bo. You look gooooooood,” I joked.
He threw his shades trimmed in gold across his face, and my two-fifty across the bed. Within moments he was out, and I jetted from the bed like a track star tryna get dressed.
When Renee picked me up, she had a sassy expression like I was botherin’ her by askin’ for a ride. I, on the otha hand, was pumped. It was my chance to get Carlton back, and the first step in breakin’ away from Bo. I told Renee our first stop was downtown to my lawyer’s office. When I ran off the address to her, she held out her hand for gas money. Renee didn’t look well at all. Her hair was cut short and didn’t have one curl in sight. The circles beneath her eyes, along with her scaly, dark skin told me she was into somethin’ not too good. We whipped past a gas station ova by Northway Shopping Center, and got downtown in about thirty minutes.
When I walked into my lawyer’s office, it felt like I was one step closer to my dream. It felt like I was dealin’ with a big shot. Paintings lined the wall, and the chairs in the waitin’ room were extra plush. People were in and out constantly, like Grand Central Station, which let me know he wouldn’t spend a whole bunch of time on me. At $250 an hour, I didn’t really wanna stay long anyhow.
I was really proud of myself by the way I handled my lawyer, Mr. Sulferri. He was tall, attractive and definitely a fast talker. As soon as he called me into his office he started rattlin’ off his accolades and all the famous people he’d helped. In the midst of boastin’, I surveyed the wall and noticed he’d come from two Ivy League schools. Now, I didn’t know much about college, but I certainly recognized that certificate that read, “HARVARD”
He interrupted my thoughts when he asked, “How’d your ex get a hold of your son anyway?”
I was at a loss for words. “Ummm.”
“Never mind. Let’s just figure out a way to assassinate his character,” he continued. “Tell me more about your son’s father. Has he ever been to jail or done drugs?”
Hell, he was talkin’ about me, too. I played the sweet, innocent role, with the way I cried about how I’d been through so much and needed to fight for custody of my son. I’m sure it helped that I was dressed in a regular pair of jeans, and a buttoned up shirt. I looked real wholesome, a style I’d stolen from Angel. I paid him a retainer fee of $1,000, which left me with barely nothin’ considerin’ I used my remainin’ earnin’s from Betty’s.
Mr. Sulferri told me he’d see me in court the followin’ week, and that we were definitely gonna win. He babbled on about his sharp winnin’ record and how he knew the judge real well. I smiled until he told me I’d need to pay the final thousand in three more weeks.
When I walked outta Mr. Sulferri’s office, I had high hopes. I skipped around happily, and tried to drum up some conversation with Renee as we walked into an off-brand men’s shop on the corner. For me, shoppin’ downtown was a good thing, but Renee looked to be uncomfortable. I asked her about my mom, and the
last time she’d seen her. The response was shockin’.
“She on drugs real bad,” she admitted. “But when I told her I talked to you, she got excited.”
“Really!” I got excited, too. For what I didn’t know. Maybe because I hadn’t seen her sinse I was sixteen years old, the day I left home.
“She asked me for your address,” Renee revealed.
I prayed she didn’t. “And you didn’t give it to her, right?” I gave Renee the eye while throwin’ Bo’s two new hats I’d picked out for him onto the counter.
“No, I didn’t but you two need to cut that shit out. It’s been years since y’all talked or even seen each other.”
I frowned. “It’s not me, it’s her.”
“C’mon now. You gotta take some blame. I mean you did get her locked up for two years behind that mess,” Renee replied.
“No, she got herself locked up. Shit, I was only fourteen. As a matter of fact, I don’t even wanna talk about it. That’s behind me now.” I held a pair of nice cufflinks in the air. “You like these for Bo?”
“A ponytail holder might suit him better,” she laughed. “What are you gonna get Carlton?” She knew he was our next stop.
I didn’t respond. I simply pulled out the gold chain I’d snagged from my John, Muhammed.
“I got it from a good friend, who’s a jeweler,” I bragged, examinin’ the chain, and runnin’ it through my fingers.
The Carlton situation had me on edge. Luckily, it was still early afternoon and he was still in school. By the time we made it to Avalon Elementary on Union Avenue, all the first through fourth graders were outside runnin’ around on the playground. I hoped none of the teachers would throw me shade when I stepped onto the gravel. Most of his teachers probably knew I had been locked down. I caught one man from the corner of my eye gazin’ at me like I’d stolen somethin’. Before I could conjure up my excuse, Carlton took off runnin’ in my direction.
“Mommy! Mommy!” he shouted.
“Carlton!” I shouted back. I hadn’t seen my baby in ova four months. The last time we saw each other, Dre was there to supervise, and he’d only given me twenty minutes to spend with him.
Carlton’s face said it all as he sprinted toward my open arms. Another female teacher took off behind him, headed my way. When Carlton fell into my embrace, I kissed at his smooth skin ova and ova again. It amazed me how he looked so much like me, except for his curly hair. He had the good stuff, and I most certainly did not. His skin-tone was slightly darker than mine, givin’ him more of an Indian appearance.
“Hello, I’m Mrs. Shanklin,” a thin, petite black woman said, before extendin’ her hand. “I’m Carlton’s teacher.”
“And this is my mom, I’ve been telling you about,” he stated proudly.
I grinned with a wide smile. I knew exactly how to behave. “Hello, Mrs. Shanklin, I’m Chantel Ramsey, Carlton’s mother. Of course you know he lives with his father. I was just wonderin’ if I could get a few moments with him out here on the playground.”
“Of course you can.” She smiled. “I met his step- mother, and boy am I glad to see you.”
“Ohhhhhh, his step-mother,” I said, lookin’ at Carlton. We had a lot of catchin’ up to do.
I ushered him off to the side to a nearby bench. It amazed me the way his eyes crinkled at the sides. He had his Daddy’s dimples too, which pissed me off. I told Carlton that we would be in court in a few days and that his dad and I would work things out. He told me he hated livin’ with his dad and his girlfriend, Lolita. He informed me that Lolita had three daughters of her own, and that he had to move out of his room onto the couch in the livin’ room when they moved in. I asked him if he wanted to live with me. When he told me yes, my heart melted.
“Lolita beats me sometimes,” he said innocently.
It was at that moment that I knew what people meant when they said children were a gift from God. He looked at me to better his life.
Instantly, I had a flashback. A moment where my mom should’ve protected me. It was a cold, Christmas mornin’ when my mother came from her room. She slammed the door behind her. “I’ll be right back, honey,” she told her man of the hour.
I remember her rushin’ toward me, with what I hoped would be a tight embrace, or a chance to hear kind words for a change, like Merry Christmas. Instead, I was met with a harsh hand to the right of my jaw.
“Didn’t I tell you to stay in your room?” she shouted. “Why you gotta be knockin’ on my damn door?”
I knew my mom looked stressed so I didn’t give her any flack. I didn’t even complain like most children would’ve about there being zero gifts for me under the small tree. Sadly, I walked back toward my room with tears fallin’ from my eyes.
I remembered the way it all happened like it was yesterday. Before I could even make it to my door, a tall, slender man with a two inch jerri-curl jetted from my mother’s room. He wore a torn white t-shirt and no underwear at all. Just as I tried to make it into my room so that I could lock my door, my mother’s friend called out.
“Tell her to come here, Cynthia,” he demanded.
As usual, she yelled for me to comply and come to her. I covered my eyes so I wouldn’t see his dick swingin’ from side to side. By the time I made it back to the livin’ room, he and my mother were giving each other secret looks, and talking in codes. I could feel that something terrible was about to go down, but prayed it wouldn’t.
“Mama, can I go back to my room?” I remembered askin’.
“Hell no,” she told me. “Chantel you better do as I say. Richard needs to see you for a moment.”
Richard grabbed me by my hand and started twirlin’ me around the open space on the livin’ room floor. He began hummin’ and actin’ like we were really a couple. When he swung me around for the third time, he ended with my ass on his dick. I flinched, then looked at my mother for help.
She lit a cigarette and sat down down on the couch for a front row seat. “Show us what you got.”
Richard kept me in that position for nearly two minutes fondlin’ my breast, and holdin’ me with force. I couldn’t see his face but smelt the disgustin’ stinch of his alcohol. Suddenly, I started screaming for help. I knew my mother was in cahoots with the enemy, so I shouted like crazy hopin’ the neighbors would hear me. Before I knew it, Richard had my right arm tangled up behind my back tellin’ me to shut the hell up.
“I’ll break it, if you don’t shut up. Shut this damn girl up, Cynthia,” he begged.
My mother said nothin’ and did nothin’. She puffed and blew out smoke like she was on a smoke break at work. Then it hit me; the excruciatin’ pain. I heard the snap, but wasn’t clear on what had just happened. I screamed out like crazy! Then came a knock on the door. It was a voice all too familiar for me.
The landlord knocked on the door a few times with several loud knocks. We could all hear him shoutin’ and askin’ for his over due rent. My mother got antsy, tellin’ Richard to stop. I hollered to the top of my lungs until Richard placed his hand ova my mouth. I chomped down hard, determined to get help. It wasn’t until the landlord used his keys to open the door that my torture ended.
Immediately, 911 was called, and I was rushed to the hospital. A broken arm became the diagnosis. It was shockin’ to most who’d heard about it, especially me. I’d been through several nasty incidents with my mother, where she once even tried to sell me, but nothin’ compared to havin’ my arm broken at ten years old, nor the fact that the incident marked the beginnin’ of my introduction into the Pennsylvania System of Child Services. From one foster home to the next, I floated, always lookin’ for love.
The question will always remain with me, did my mother ever love me? Was she so into satisfyin’ a man, that she forgot about lovin’ her child? Or did she just not know any better? I knew she did a few drugs here and there, but hell, drugs don’t make you wanna stand by and watch your child get abused.
When the bell rang, it immediately snappe
d me from my thoughts. Carlton cried ’cause he had to leave me. I grabbed him by the shoulders and told him to call 911 if Lolita eva hit him again. He nodded, then rushed to hug me for the second time.
“Now, you be a good boy. Go back to class, so you can get good grades.”
When I put the gold chain around his neck, he smiled, and stopped the cryin’. I told him every time he looked at the chain to think of me. We embraced tightly, before his teacher nudged him away. I watched him walk off thinkin’, it was just a matter of time before I would have him back in my life.
Chapter 10
Monday rolled around quicker than I expected. I had been makin’ moves all week, and checkin’ off the list the things my lawyer instructed me to do. Court was at ten, and Bo announced he was gonna roll with me. I was crushed. Bo would be a punch in the stomach for me if the judge caught a glimpse of him.
I took my mind off Bo and reviewed the list again realizin’ only one thing was left undone. I slammed the paper down thinkin’ about my road block. Mr. Sulferri had instructed me to find a job, or least someone who could vouch for me. That was a big problem.
“Who wanted to hire an ex-con?” I asked myself out loud. No matter what, he said I shouldn’t lie to the judge when the time came.
As I rambled through the thoughts in my head, Bo stood behind me cursin’ me out, talkin’ ‘bout he had shit to do, so I’d better light some fire under my ass. Not wantin’ to get his ass started, I immediately grabbed the court paper, and looked around for my purse. I caught a glimpse of Bo and shook my head. He had slapped one last layer of grease onto his hair and stepped toward the door, still talkin’ shit. I rushed behind him, ready to get at least one slick comment in on him. But instead, I was slapped in the face by the front door.
