I lift my head to look into his eyes. "What do you mean?"
He smiles softly. "Don't feel like you need to be strong for your sisters all the time. You're feeling the same thing as them, and you don't need to pretend you're not hurting. I know your little heart is broken more than you're letting on."
I tear up a little. Pa can see right through my mask. "I just don't want them to see me in pain. They look up to me, and I can't let them down." A tear runs down my cheek and falls onto my hand.
"No, they look up to you because you have the heart to make sure everyone else is happy, before you." Pa clears his throat quietly, rubbing his hand through his hair.
For the first time, I let myself really cry, silently sobbing. Pa just holds me close until I am done.
"I need to try getting some sleep Pa. I love you." I pull back from his arms. Before I leave, I see him still sitting on the bed motionless as I close the door quietly behind me.
I look down at my sisters sleeping soundly in the pile of blankets. My heart clenches with the realization of how important they are to me. I know I would do anything for them. I lie down with them and pull the blanket over my shoulder, staring blankly at the fireplace.
Genevieve rolls over and takes my hand. I smile down at her, pulling her in close to me. She closes her eyes again and falls back asleep. I can feel my own eyelids get heavy as I listen to the quiet sound of her breathing.
Chapter 2
I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, and wind rustling the leaves just outside the window. Adeline is awake, sitting in the chair brushing her beautiful blonde hair.
"Morning." I yawn, smoothing my hand over my knotted hair.
She smiles warmly. "Good morning."
I find my favorite light pink dress and matching ribbon to tie back my hair. By the time I have dressed and brushed my hair back, the rest of my sisters have gotten up. Adeline finds some eggs and cracks them into a pan while I help Hazel and Lydia tie their hair.
The smell of breakfast cooking fills the air as everyone comes to the table to eat.
Hazel looks up at me. "Where's Pa? He's going to come have breakfast, right?" Her voice sounds so small and scared.
Panic wells up in me. I don't want to tell her that Pa is grieving something terrible, so I lie and say he's still asleep.
We all eat our breakfast in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
When I finish, I set my plate in the wash basin then turn to my sisters. "We have a lot to do today and everyone needs to help out. We need more eggs and milk. We have to get some water so we can do the dishes. Our clothes need to be washed, and at some point we have to make some bread." Since Ma had been sick, a lot of the work had fallen behind.
They all nod and decide which chore they want to do. "Lydia and I can go get the eggs." Adeline offers.
Genevieve stands up grinning. "I will get the water and then do the dishes."
"All right, that leaves Hazel and I. The most important job left is to wash the clothing, so we will do that, and then we will get the milk." I smile at Hazel. Genevieve heads to the well, while Adeline and Lydia each take a basket and walk to the chicken pen.
"Darlene. I don't know how to wash clothes." Hazel looks up at me, a look of embarrassment on her face.
I take her hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. "Then you're about to learn."
I give her the washboards to carry while I take the clothing. We make our way down to the creek, which is about a mile from our house.
It's blazing hot out today. Once we get there, we sit down on the bank of the creek panting for air. After taking a moment to rest, I show Hazel how to use the washboard to clean the clothes. She picks up on it quickly and takes the other washboard to do some of the clothes on her own.
When we've finished the last piece of clothing, Hazel walks to the edge to dip her feet into the creek.
"Come on, silly goose. We still have lots to do." I see her eyes fall, and I feel a sadness knowing the weight of the responsibilities we have now. "Maybe we can all come back here later."
I scoop all the wet clothes up into my arms, and Hazel runs behind with the washboards in her hands. Back at the house, we hang all of the clothes in the branches of the trees to dry. Smiling, I see Adeline and Lydia walking towards the house. Adeline has a bucket of milk and Lydia is carrying two baskets, one with eggs in it, the other empty.
"Oh my, is it ever hot out here. We got the milk while we were down there." Adeline's face is red from the heat, and Lydia looks exhausted. I decide we all need a break from the sun.
When we get inside, we see Genevieve standing at the basin washing the dishes.
"I grabbed another bucket for drinking don't worry." She smiles, setting the last dish back into the cupboard. "I started lunch. It's almost ready." She moves over to grab the towel and dry her hands.
"Genevieve, you're only fourteen. You should've left that for Adeline and I." I scold, smiling at her. She did too much. Genevieve shrugs and stirs some carrots. It smells wonderful.
As we sit down to eat the carrots and potatoes she made, I decide we don't need the bread yet. We could live without for another day. It's too hot in the house, and the girls all deserve a chance to rest and play after everything they've done today.
"Who would like to go down to the creek and spend the rest of the day swimming?" I laugh as everyone jumps up to change into their old dresses. I make some sandwiches to take down for our supper, and we head out the door.
The rest of the day is spent together, trying to make new happy memories. As the sun starts to set in the sky, we make our way home.
I get everyone tucked in to their beds, then get my own nightgown on.
"Good night everyone."
Hazel blows out the candle, and I wait to close my eyes once I see them all settled. Smiling as I start to hear their soft breathing of sleep, I close my eyes.
Today hadn't been that bad. I can do this, and I will keep doing this. They are my sisters and I will do whatever I can to help them.
Chapter 3
I'm washing the dishes from supper, and Adeline is drying them. She sticks her hand in to the basin, a mischievous smile on her face. I squint my eyes together as she splashes the water on to my face.
"Not this again!" I laugh for the first time in days, turning to splash her back. We chase after each other and suddenly stop with our hands raised, ready to splash each other. I watch Adeline's face fall, eyes filled with sadness as she looks down at the floor. I know my own face likely mirrors hers.
"Should I bother asking?" We both speak the words at the same time.
I remember it clearly. It was years ago, back in the old house in Kansas when I was about nine and Adeline was eight. We were doing the dishes and started a water fight. Ma had walked in and said those very words to us.
The happiness and laughter that had filled the room moments ago was gone, replaced with sadness as we go back to doing the dishes quietly.
"Will it ever go away?" Adeline sets the tea towel on the side, keeping her eyes down. "Will we ever be able to do anything without feeling like this?"
"I don't know. It's only been a week though. It's going to take time I suppose, but hopefully someday, when we have another water fight we'll be able to think back on it with happy memories filling our hearts." I reach out and take her hand.
"Until then, we have each other. We make each other stronger, all of us."
Adeline nods in agreement. Genevieve had taken Lydia and Hazel to watch the sunset on the hill behind the house. It was only Adeline and I standing there. Pa was still in his room, where he'd been since we buried Ma. I hug her and we both let our tears fall.
I'm sure she has secretly cried like I have, but this was the first time we let ourselves cry in front of each other. We trusted each other, and somehow knowing we shared the same feelings, helped to strengthen us as we keep our arms wrapped around the other.
We let go and she walks over to the table, resti
ng her hand on it and sighing loudly. "I'm angry," she admits.
I move closer to her and rest my hand on her shoulder.
"Why?"
"I'm angry at Pa. For not helping us, not being here for us. Ma dying is just as hard for us as it is for him. He's locked himself in his room, and only comes out to grab some food. Then, he goes back and hides in his room. I don't like how he's not being there for Hazel and Lydia. They're so young, and he doesn't even comfort them." Adeline is whispering loudly, the anger bubbling up in her. Her eyes are wide and her hands are in fists at her sides.
I nod, and try to calm her down. "Adi, Pa is grieving. It's only been a week, give him time. He'll come around."
She looks up at me. "Will he? Because so far we've done the washing, the cooking — everything."
"He will. He's our Pa and he won't leave us forever. It isn't like him." I walk over to the wash basin and grab it by the handle.
"I hope you're right. You usually are Darlene, but this time, I really need you to be right."
She follows me outside where I dump the now cold water onto the ground. We sit down on the grass and I grab a piece of it, wrapping it around my finger. The quiet solitude lasts for only a moment as I see a panicked Lydia running toward us. She's yelling, with her arms waving wildly.
"Help! Hazel's hurt!" She yells.
I am on my feet and running after her before she even finishes what she's saying. Running after Lydia, she leads us to the barn where I see Hazel laying on the ground crying.
Genevieve is kneeling beside her, trying to soothe her. I throw myself down beside Hazel and scoop her up into my arms. She is wailing, tears running down her face, and I'm not even sure she can see me.
"I was stopping to check on the cows, and she fell in the pen and startled big Benny the bull. He kicked her hard in the ribs!" Genevieve is crying too, and Adeline rests her hand on her shoulder.
"Let's see." I rip the dress on the side revealing a bloody, purple wound. It spreads from the bottom of her ribs and up to the middle. Lydia's eyes widen, and Genevieve starts crying even more. I try to motion to them with my eyes that they need to stay calm.
It's too late however, as Hazel picks up on the panic. She starts screaming and sobbing louder.
"Help me get her to the house." I look to Adeline. She grabs Hazel's legs and I carefully lift her under the armpits. She cries louder and her face goes white. I know she's in pain, but I need to get her to the house.
We lay her on the grass by the door of the house, knowing the ground inside would be too hard to lay her on.
"Lydia, go get the bandages. Genevieve, get some water. Adeline, get a washcloth." I'm yelling now, trying to keep my own tears from spilling down my cheeks.
It hurts me to see her in so much pain. I have no idea what to do. Ma would've known, she always knew. Shaking the thought from my head, I take the cloth from Adeline and stick it in the water.
"This is going to hurt." I tell Hazel. I gently dab the wound with shaking hands, and watch as Hazel goes even whiter, crying louder. Adeline kneels down beside her and takes her hand, stroking her hair.
Eventually, the blood is cleared up leaving a wound on the side and purple bruising around it. I wrap the bandage around her middle and lift my eyes to look at her face. She's stopped crying and is now just letting out little moans.
"There, all better." I try to give an encouraging smile to let her know it was going to be okay.
Adeline and I carry her into the house and lay her on her bed, tucking her in. The color is coming back in her face now and we sit beside her until she falls asleep.
Adeline smiles at me. "You did it. I knew you could."
When we get back to the main room, we see Genevieve at the table with her head in her hands. Lydia is sitting and staring blankly at the floor.
"Let's all go to bed. Today's been a long day. Lydia, you can sleep in our bed tonight so Hazel has a bit more room in the other bed.
Once everyone else is asleep, I quietly lift my legs over the edge of the bed and sneak down the ladder. I open Pa's bedroom door.
"Did you get it sorted?"
He's just sitting on his bed, the same way he has been every time I see him. His face is wrinkled and it smells terrible in here. Anger bubbles inside of me.
Glaring at him, I reply. "So you knew? Why didn't you come help me? I can't do everything by myself. I know you're grieving. I'm fine with doing the dishes for you, cooking for you, cleaning for you — doing everything I can while you grieve. But I'm not okay with you sitting in here when something like that happens. I thought she was going to die and I didn't know what to do. You're my father! You're supposed to be here for me, for all of us, no matter what!"
I'm yelling now. My teeth are clenched and I can feel my heart beating with anger. He looks taken aback at my sudden rage.
"I'm sorry." He looks down at a spot on the floor beside me.
"You're sorry. That's all you have to say? Sorry isn't enough Pa. Hazel could've died, and you didn't care enough to come out and help." I can feel my body shaking with disbelief.
He lifts his head, and stares at me with blank eyes, but doesn't say a word.
"Just remember, you're not the only one grieving right now."
I swallow the sudden lump in my throat as I slowly leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. I didn't want to stay to see what he had to say, if anything.
I sit down on the edge of the bed where my sisters lay sleeping, trying to calm myself down. I shouldn't have gone and done that. I drop my head into my hands as regret pours into me.
Suddenly, I feel someone take my hand.
"Good job. Maybe now he'll be here for us." Adeline smiles at me as I lift my head to face her.
I check to see if anyone else heard, but I notice the others still sleeping. I lie down beside Adeline and pull the blanket up over my shoulders. I try to sleep as flashbacks of today dance around in my head.
Chapter 4
I can hear Hazel moaning as I'm pulled from my sleep. I look over and see her stretching out on the bed. I lift my legs over the edge of my bed and go over to sit down beside her.
"How are you feeling?"
She yawns, and pats her fingers over her hair to smooth it down. "It still hurts, but I want to say thank you for helping me."
I squeeze her hand and give her a small smile. "Any time."
As I start to get ready, the rest of the girls start to stir. While I'm getting dressed, I realize that there will only be four of us to do the work today. Hazel will need to lay around and rest. My mind races as I come up with the plan to get all of the chores done.
I will go down alone to milk Bessie and gather the eggs while Genevieve, Lydia and Adeline gather water and do some work cleaning the house.
As I walk to the barn, I smile to myself. The birds are chirping, and I can hear the frogs from the creek. Bright white flowers are blooming around in the grass. I realize they are wild daisies, Ma's favorite flower. My heart warms at the thought of Ma asking us to find some daisies for the center piece each night.
As much as I love my sisters, being alone and out of the house for a bit by myself is very peaceful. I have the bucket of milk I already got from Bessie sitting on the outside of the chicken pen while I gather the eggs. I have four so far, but I can't seem to find any more. The hens are just lying around today, which doesn't seem like them.
When I get back to the house with the milk and four eggs, I see Lydia and Genevieve doing the dishes on the front lawn. Whenever it gets too hot, we carry the basin outside to get away from the stuffiness inside.
I find Adeline inside tending to Hazel. I love how we can all manage with just the support of each other. Adeline walks over to me, reaching out to tip the basket down and peer inside.
"Lose some on the way?" She laughs, taking one of the eggs into her hand.
"No, I could only find these. The hens seemed off today. But we'll get by, I suppose."
She puts the eg
g back and shrugs, taking the basket and bucket of milk from my hands. I head over to Hazel. She's awake and lying on top of the blankets. I don't blame her when it's so hot in here.
Sitting down beside her, I run my hand over her hair, getting a smile in return. At least she was smiling again. "Would you be up to Adeline and I moving you outside so you can get some fresh air and get out of the heat in here?" I ask, taking her hand.
Her face lights up, a grin plastered across it. "Oh, yes please! That would be wonderful!" She sits up and winces a bit.
"Adeline." I reach down and gently lift Hazel into my arms. "Could you bring a blanket outside for Hazel?"
Hazel wraps her arms around my neck as I carry her to the yard. We find a nice, shady spot with a bit of a breeze to lay the blanket and I gently lay her down on it.
She smiles up at me. "Thank you, Darlene."
"Darlene?" Adeline calls from the house door. I look up and follow her gaze to see a horse and rider coming up the lane, dressed in all black.
Unsure of who this man is, I tell my sisters to go to the blanket with Hazel so I can deal with it.
I lift my shoulders back to give myself some courage and approach the man. He jumps off the chestnut horse and holds out his hand.
"Mr.Blakly." He says shaking my hand.
"Uh, I'm Darlene Carter." I reply looking at the strange man.
"I'm looking for a man named Lawrence Carter." He takes out a piece of paper and looks at it.
"Umm... Who are you exactly?" I didn't want to tell him anything more than what a stranger deserved to know.
He nods and smiles at me. "How rude of me. I am from the bank in town. I have a message for Lawrence about the farm."
Panic wells up inside of me. I'd forgotten all about the farm. Pa hadn't been out doing anything with the farm for a while now, since before Ma got sick. What was I going to tell Mr. Blakly?
"Could I give him a message? He's not here at the moment."
"I suppose. May I ask who you are in relation to him though?" He asks.
The Wagon Page 2
