by L V Chase
I crush it. Yellow was never going to bring me joy. I could paint a whole canvas yellow, and it would only represent a lie.
28
Grayson
I slowly open my eyes to the sunlight streaming through the cracks in the curtains. It's morning. I strangely feel rested for once. When I roll over, my left arm bumps into something.
Cin.
The flood of memories from last night returns. She's still sleeping with her back turned away from me. Her golden-brown hair is fanning out wildly, her arms and legs outstretched. She's snoring lightly. She's still so damn beautiful. I lean over to kiss her lightly on the back of her head, but she doesn't stir.
I sit up when I notice my phone on the floor, the blue indicator light blinking. I pick it up, expecting another rant from Dad. There’s a string of texts that someone sent me throughout the night. The frown on my face turns into an ugly snarl when I see the first text, though.
Hi Grayson. It's me. Kat.
I don't bother to read the rest of the text. Cin's mother? How the hell did she even get my number. I switched my phone number after Kat lifted the phone from me the other day. She had met with Eric. It's possible she could have tricked him. Or Cin? Cin wouldn't give her my number voluntarily, but she'd be vulnerable to Kat's petty tricks, too.
I don't appreciate being stalked by Kat. No, not just stalked, blackmailed. She had dared to threaten me. If she hadn't been Cin's mother, I would have dealt with her far more harshly already. Damian and his brother were able to stand up to even Dad, but Kat? She's nothing. Once more, I remember Dad's chilling words.
Kill her.
I could do it if I had to go that far. To protect my family? Maybe. To protect Cin? In a heartbeat. I take a deep breath, as the magnitude of what I've just thought sinks in.
She's still Cin's mother, though. I'd be worse than a monster if I took that away from Cin. I know that I have no right to do that. But I have to admit, that's not what's stopping me from putting a real knife in Kat's back.
It's selfish, but the reason I know I won't go after Kat is because of what Cin thinks of me. Before, when she thought that I actually murdered Diana, it had been more than infuriating. It had cut deeply that Cin couldn't trust me, that she thought so little of me. The games, the bullshit and bullying—that was one thing. To think I was a killer?
Even if I lied to Cin or somehow hid the whole affair and got away with killing Kat, she would suspect me. She had to. Cin was too smart not to. And I don't want to have Cin think of me as a killer again. If Cin hates me for being an asshole, so be it. But I don't want her to ever think that I'd truly hurt her.
I look back at Cin, but she's still sleeping. I turn my attention back to my phone and quickly scroll past several more texts from Kat. I have no interest in reading them, as I can guess the types of meaningless shit she'd probably say, mixed in with a threat or two. A thought hits me. What if she's working with Damian?
I go back and examine the messages, but there's no mention of Damian, or any other sign that Kat and him are colluding. I frown. I'm not entirely convinced that the two biggest pains in the ass aren't in this together. The way that Kat's trying to blackmail me. It's all too similar.
As I move to put the phone away, it buzzes again, incessantly. Someone's trying to call me. The number's not in my address book, but I recognize the last four digits from the texts I had just looked at it. I move away from the bed, shielding my mouth and phone with my hand so that I don't bother Cin as I talk.
"What is it?" I whisper.
"You haven't replied to anything," Kat says.
"I've been busy," I hiss.
"Is that so?" She makes a noise, maybe a laugh. "Did that involve being busy with my daughter?"
"Look, is there a point to this call, or should I hang up now?"
"Grayson. Remember what I told you? About what I know, and what I'll do if you don't pay up?"
"How could I forget? I'll take care of it. Like I said. I've been busy. I'll call you back."
"No. I want to meet. Now."
"I can't." I glance over at Cin and squint. I think that's she's shifted her position. Is she awake?
"You have to," Kat snaps. "Didn't you even read my messages?"
Cin rustles under her covers. I don't want to argue with her mother over the phone like this, especially not while Cin's around. I can delay her, keep her away from Cin, at least.
"Fine," I whisper into the phone. "I said I'll take of everything. Where and when are we meeting?"
"At your place," Kat says. "In five minutes. I'm on my way there."
"No, I'm not around." I turn back to look at Cin, but she's still under the covers. I step outside the room for a second. "Meet me at the parking lot from last time. By my car. Give me ten minutes." I hang up before Kat can reply.
I head back into my room to find Cin sitting up on my bed. She looks at me with half-closed eyes.
"Something wrong?" she asks. She's looking at the phone in my hand, frowning.
I put the phone away. "Nothing. Just the usual. How about you?"
Cin just stares at me as if she knows that I'm hiding something. I hate it, too. It's only been one night after telling her everything, and I already have fresh secrets. Or rather, I've realized that I hadn't told her everything. I had kept back the details about her mother, thinking that it would only hurt her further.
"Shit," Cin mutters. "This was a mistake." It's like she can read my mind. Or maybe she overheard more than I had intended just now.
Cin tries to get up, but she groans in pain, then settles back into the bed. I rush over to her, but she turns away from me.
"I'll get you water," I say. "Painkillers if you need them."
I grab a glass of water from the kitchen area, a bottle of ibuprofen, and return to my room. She's still lying down. I place the water and pills on the nightstand in front of you.
"Here," I say.
She still doesn't reply. It's frustrating as hell, and I'm tempted to shout at her or something, but I'm running out of time. Kat will be waiting.
I reach out to Cin, but she moves away. I withdraw my hand. "I have something I need to take care of."
I get dressed and head out to the parking lot. I'm a few minutes early, but Kat's already there, sitting on the hood of my car with her legs crossed in white denim shorts and white heels. She has a form-fitting light blue sweater on top. Her lips are ruby red, and her cheeks are painted with dark rouge. She looks like a damn call girl. She smiles as I approach her.
"What's this about?" I ask her. "I don't have any cash for you, but I can get it later. Just give me time."
Kat shakes her head. "No, I don't think that'll be enough."
I stop a good five paces away from her. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Mind your language, Grayson. That's not how you should talk to your lady."
I scowl at her. "You're not my fucking lady. Or a fucking lady."
"Oh, but I am. Or I will be. I've decided that I don't want your money. I want you. Both, really, but you know what I mean."
"Dream on, bitch. You're fucking crazy."
Kat frowns angrily at me as she gets off my car's hood and steps towards me. "I told you I'll release the goods. Don't make me do it. Don't make me."
The stupid bitch still thinks she has leverage over me. I had brushed her off mentally, but I'm not sure anymore if she's tied up with Damian. Dad's already tried to crush Writing on the Wall, and if even he can't make them go away, I'm not as certain about her threat anymore. She might not be so powerless. Damian's threat looms in the background.
Kat looks past me. "Isn't that Cinnamon? She's with that other boy—"
I spin about. Cin's walking with Jay of all people. The fuck? He's back at school and already hanging off of Cin's arm again? I clench my fists involuntarily. Last night, I had thought that I had lost her, then I had thought that I had found her again. But this morning, Cin brushed me off.
If it had been anyone else, I was
n't sure how I would have reacted. No one else would have the guts to do that. But Cin did, and I'm fucking pissed, even more so, because right after brushing me off, she runs back into Jay's arms.
Cin hasn't seen me yet, and part of me is worried that she'll see Kat and me together and come to the wrong conclusion. But then I wonder if that would be so terrible. If I actually had what it took to step away from Cin, wouldn't that be better for everyone?
Cin would be safe. She wouldn't be a target anymore, or collateral damage from all the shit raining down on Dad and me. And if I did it the right way, I wouldn't have to worry about Damian or Kat's threats, either. It wasn't killing two birds with one stone. It was setting the whole fucking forest on fire, but if that's what it took, that's what I would do.
I'd do it for Cin's sake, because I'm not so sure anymore that she won't get hurt if she stays close to me. But there's no way that I'm letting the others get away for forcing me to do this.
Cin's head glances up sharply, and I know that she's seen us. I hate what I'm about to do, but I'll hate myself more if I'm not strong enough to do it.
I step towards Kat and pull her close to me. She makes a surprised noise, but I lean forward and lock lips with her for exactly ten seconds. I count every one of them.
When I pull away from her, Kat says something, but I don't hear her. I'm looking over at Cin, but Cin and Jay are running off in a different direction with their backs to me. She saw me. She must have.
"Well," Kat says in a coy tone. "That was a nice appetizer. How about the full course? Your car’s here, or your room...?"
She tries to touch me with her hand, but I bat it away. "Fuck you. You're getting nothing from me. Absolutely nothing. If you ever threaten me again, I'll kill you."
The confused face Kat makes would have been comical if I hadn't wanted to strangle her with every fiber of my being. I hate myself for what I just did, and the easiest way to deal with that hate would have been to pour it into the bitch standing in front of me.
"I'll kill you," I whisper and leave.
29
Cin
A long list of the ways my mother has screwed me incubates in my head. I paint in my dorm room, trying hard to keep everything in my mind together, but the reds are bleeding into the grays and the whites, and all I can see is the two of them making out.
She knew. I could deny it as much as I’d wanted, but she had to know that some part of me wanted him. And she snatched him up. She took him with her magic blowjobs or her Kegels or fucking him until his brain fell out.
I dip the brush into the blue paint, trying to salvage my painting into something less hopeless and miserable. But the brush slips out of my hand, sliding into the black paint. I slam the cardboard I’d been using for a palette. I grab my phone, dialing her number faster than I can think.
“Hello Cinnamon,” she answers, as casual as any sociopath.
“What the fuck,” I spit out. “Why would you do that to me?”
“It has nothing to do with you, Cinnamon. Don’t be arrogant and don’t act shocked. I told you what I was going to do.”
“I didn’t know you’d be so goddamn desperate.”
“You told me he didn’t like desperate women,” she says. “So, clearly, I wasn’t desperate. But maybe that was always your problem with him. You shouldn’t have doubted me.”
“You’re a bitch,” I bite out.
“And you’re a hypocrite,” she says. “You’ve been criticizing me this whole time for being a gold digger, but why do you think you were so into him? You said yourself that he wasn’t very nice to you. You can’t tell me the sex was so good that it would make you this dramatic. You liked him because you saw him as a way out of your shitty life. You were a gold digger this whole time, but you thought you were too good for that. So, you just changed it into something more palatable.”
Damian’s taunt sneaks into my thoughts. You’ve spent all this time looking down on your mother, but at least she’s honest about what she is. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re more, even as you chase rich men’s bank accounts.
“That’s not what it is,” I say, barely concealing a quiver in the last two words.
“Then, what is it?” she demands. “Is he incredibly kind to you? Because you should know how far I’ve gone with him, so I know he’s no Prince Charming. What is it, Cinnamon? Do you relate with your hobbies? No, I know that’s not true either. What endearing quality about him makes you so possessive over him other than his money?”
“I don’t have to tell you shit,” I snarl.
“That’s because you know I’m right,” she says. “If you’re interested, the blowjob worked like a charm. I nearly had him pulling out a ring and taking me to City Hall. He came so much in my mouth that—"
I hang up. I toss my phone onto my bed and pick up my paintbrush again. I stare at the canvas. In two paintbrush strokes, I see my mother and Grayson. In the center, a blank section of the canvas stands out. I see me.
We pursued the same man. Everyone else thinks I want him for his money.
I dip the brush into the red paint. I form a flame between the two of them until it consumes the two other paint strokes. I let them burn until there’s nothing left but a memory.
Grayson doesn’t show up for our community service chore, so I clean alone. It’s just like a rich, entitled kid to skip out on the community service he’s required to do. They won’t even punish him for it. They’ll scowl at him for a second and act like it never happened.
I bet he’s fucking my mother right now. He’s literally a motherfucker.
I stay inside the dance studio after I’ve finished cleaning, continuing the painting I started here when Grayson told me the truth about his family business.
I should burn the painting, but something about it wants to be free outside of me. It’s a demon that can only be exorcised through a paintbrush.
My backpack clatters. I open the front pocket and pull out my cell phone. I barely see the notification of an unread text before the screen goes black.
I unlock the screen and check the text.
Jay: check Peer Review.
I switch to the web browser and go to Peer Review.
GRAYSON VOSS ARRESTED FOR MURDER. Last night, Grayson Voss was arrested for murder. During the arrest, the police did not identify the victim, but earlier, rumors had been running rampant about Grayson’s new lover, whom he was seen being aggressive with.
My hand drops down, the phone sliding out of my hand. Grayson mentioned my mother had his phone at one point. The next day, those texts between Grayson and Eric were released online. She could have found more information on his phone. It wouldn’t be out of her comfort zone to blackmail him. While I find it hard to imagine that Grayson would kill her, I find it impossible to imagine he’d work for his father’s sex ring or have sex with my mother. And those are true, too.
I call my mother. The phone rings.
And rings.
And rings.
Cin and Grayson’s story will conclude in the sequel Not His Price.
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If you haven’t read it yet, you might also want to check out my other series, Hate to Remember. It’s a finished two-part series that you can get at:
https://geni.us/hate2remember
Thank you for reading!
About the Author
I love stories that are fast, twisted, heart-wrenching, and alive, because the happiest ending can only take place after the most delicious struggle.
After years of being a bookworm, I finally got around to writing down all the things tumbling in my head. I have plenty of more contemporary, dark, and new adult stories planned!
I swear nothing in these books is remotely related to my actual life, which mostly involves mundane suburbia interrupted by the antics of a growing toddler.
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