“It was pretty much exactly what I expected,” I said.
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning it was the same old thing. Same school. Same kids. Same noisy lunchroom and crowded bus.”
“I see. Were you a lunchroom monitor today?”
“No. They aren’t doing that anymore.”
Mom nodded. “Did you sit with anyone at lunch?” She said that in a quieter voice, like it was a question she was afraid to ask.
“Yes. I sat with Ms. Rambutan.”
“Your teacher?”
“Yes. I stayed in the classroom at lunch and peeled rambutans.”
“You peeled what?”
“Rambutans.”
“Wait…what do you mean? Isn’t your teacher Rambutan?”
I sighed. “Yes, it’s her last name, but it’s also a kind of fruit. From the Philippines. Which is also where her family is from. But she grew up in Michigan.”
“Wow,” Mom said as she held our screen door open for me to go in ahead of her. “I have so many questions.”
“Like what? You’ve already asked so many questions.”
“Well, for starters, why were you peeling rambutans in the classroom instead of eating in the cafeteria with the other students?”
“I was…in the bathroom when everyone else peeled their rambutans and I missed it, so Ms. Rambutan said I could learn during lunch.”
I almost told Mom I was outside during the class rambutan peeling, but I knew that would bring on a million more questions that I didn’t feel like answering. I couldn’t tell her that. I couldn’t tell her I had a fight with Jenna. Or that I got locked out of school and slipped back in when one of the custodians opened the door to empty a recycling bin.
I also couldn’t tell Mom that at lunchtime, I went to the cafeteria and only got as far as the front entrance. I couldn’t tell her that I took one look at the room full of happy kids sitting together laughing and eating, and knew I didn’t belong there. I couldn’t tell her that Ms. Rambutan saw me sitting on a bench outside the principal’s office, where I was sneaking bites of my turkey sandwich out of my backpack, since it was against the rules to eat in the hallway. And that she invited me to eat in her room so she could teach me what I missed about peeling rambutans. I couldn’t tell Mom all those things because it would make her worry about me even more than she already did.
“So did you hang out with any other kids?”
I knew she desperately wanted me to say yes. And then it occurred to me that there had been another kid in Ms. Rambutan’s room.
“Oh yeah, Will was there.”
“Will Haubner?”
“Yeah. He was helping with rambutan cleanup.”
Mom was familiar with my opinions about Will Haubner. He had been in my class every single year since kindergarten. He was probably one of the smartest kids in our grade (other than me), and he had the potential to be a very good student. He always knew the right answers to the teachers’ questions, and he would ask them questions of his own that made them nod and say things like “Ooh, I like the way you’re thinking!” or “Hmm, I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”
So you’d think that Will and I might be friends. But you would be wrong. Will was loud. He talked loudly. He laughed loudly. He even whispered loudly. He was also very emotional and made long speeches about things like animal rights and the importance of composting. His grades were not nearly as good as they could have been because he rarely turned in his homework. And he usually chatted or sang throughout independent work, as well as during group projects (so of course I always tried to avoid being in his group). He didn’t believe in tests. I know this because before most of our tests he would announce, “I don’t believe in tests!” He was, in short, not my kind of person.
The one class Will reliably performed well in was music. He was the star of every school play, and he had all the solos in chorus. Ms. Dubois, the music teacher, said he had “the voice of an angel.”
And of course, of course, Will had Ms. Rambutan this year too. “Well, it’s no surprise that he’s in your class,” Mom said. “I guess some things never change! Was he helping with cleanup today out of the goodness of his heart, or was it a punishment for something? It’s hard to know with Will.”
“He volunteered,” I said. “But he was also the one who made the biggest mess because he was using the rambutan peels as finger puppets and pretending they were in a rock band. Then he gave the puppets haircuts, and there were rambutan prickles all over the floor.”
“I see. Remind me to look up a picture of a rambutan later; I’m having a hard time envisioning all this.”
“Okay. Are you done with your questions?”
“Yes, no more questions for now. But I do want to talk to you about something.”
I followed Mom through the front door and kicked off my sneakers. “Okay, I want to talk to you about something too. And I think it’s the same thing you want to talk to me about, and I don’t know why we haven’t talked about it already.”
Mom looked confused. “Okay…you go first. What do you think we want to talk about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me Uncle Rex and Aunt Steph were splitting up?”
Now Mom looked surprised. “You know about that?”
“Yes. Jenna told me today. Why didn’t you tell me? That seems like something I should have known.”
Mom sat down at the kitchen table and patted the spot across from her, indicating that I should have a seat.
“I didn’t know how much Jenna knew. This has all been pretty sudden.”
“Jenna said she can’t remember the last time they were in the house together. That doesn’t sound sudden.”
“It’s complicated, Elf. Dad and I knew that Uncle Rex and Aunt Steph have been apart a lot. At first we just thought it was because of her work schedule, and him being busy with his band. When we started to wonder if there was more of a problem, we didn’t want to say anything. Then Uncle Rex confirmed it for us about a week ago.”
“You’ve known for a week and you didn’t tell me?”
“Like I said, we didn’t want to tell you anything until we knew they’d talked to Jenna. I’m surprised he didn’t tell me that they did that; maybe it just happened yesterday.”
“Well, I had no idea, and Jenna seemed mad about it today. Like I should have figured it out on my own or something.”
“I’m sorry, honey; I’m sure she’s having a hard time. This is a lot for her to process. I wouldn’t take it personally.”
I shrugged. It’s not like Jenna and I usually got along all that great anyway.
“Well, I guess you’ve figured out by now that that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.” Mom started straightening and restacking the napkins in the napkin holder, even though they were already in perfect order.
“So what is it?” I asked. And then I realized…she must have heard something from Hampshire Academy already. They must have said I’m expelled for good. “You talked to the Hampshire honor code board, didn’t you? They aren’t going to let me back. Colton told his dad I was a thief, and they won’t even listen to my side, will they?”
Mom looked surprised again. “No, no, honey; gosh, I hadn’t even been thinking about that.”
How was that possible? I thought about it all the time.
“The honor code board still isn’t meeting until October, and we’ll make your case to them then. No, Elf, this is something different. This is about Rhoda.”
I didn’t like the way Mom’s voice sounded.
“What about Rhoda? Is she quitting? Did she get a job as a nurse already?”
“No, she’s not quitting, but she will be taking some time off. And she’s going to have to take time off nursing school for a while too.”
“Why? Where’s she going?”
“She’s not going anywhere, but she’s had some bad news. Rhoda has cancer, honey.”
That sentence sounded all wrong to my ears. Mom must be confused, or maybe I heard her wrong. Cancer was a word that I’d only ever heard in stories about grandparents and great-uncles and great-aunts, not young people like Rhoda.
Mom kept talking, and the words didn’t sound any less strange. “Her doctors caught it in a very early stage, which is a good thing.”
“So what now? What are they going to do about it?”
“Well, luckily there is a treatment that is usually very effective against the type of cancer Rhoda has. It’s called chemotherapy.”
“I know what chemotherapy is.” I had seen an episode of Superstars of Science about it. Then I remembered one of the worst things about it. “It will make her lose her hair!” I pictured all of Rhoda’s beautiful curly dark hair falling from her head. I squeezed my eyes closed to try to make the image go away.
When I opened them, Mom was nodding and had reached out to hold on to my arm. “That’s likely,” she said. “It’s very powerful medicine, with very strong side effects, like hair loss. It will probably also make Rhoda feel really tired, and likely nauseous too.”
“It sounds terrible. Medicine that makes you sick.”
“I know. But it’s also very good at zapping the cancer. And Rhoda’s doctors are optimistic that this will work well for her. They want her to start next week.”
I had to ask the question that scared me most. “Is Rhoda going to die?”
“I wish I knew the answer to that, Elf.” Mom’s grasp on my arm tightened a little. “She says her doctors are hopeful; Rhoda is young and strong, and has always taken good care of herself. But it is a serious disease, so they have to take it seriously.”
I sagged back in my chair. “When can I see her?”
“Whenever you want. I told her that I’d give you the news, but we can visit her tomorrow, if you’d like.”
The next question that came into my head was selfish, but I couldn’t help it.
“Who’s going to take care of me after school?”
“I’ve already talked to Keisha about working from home for a while, and she says it’s fine. We’re going to continue to pay Rhoda’s salary while she’s going through treatment, so we can’t really afford to hire another babysitter.”
It was so weird to think of afternoons with no Rhoda. I rested my head on the table. Mom brushed her fingers through my hair. It felt nice, but there was only one thing that I really wanted at that moment.
“Is Dad coming home soon? I need to see Goober.”
Dad got home about twenty minutes later. He was being cheerful and had lots of stories about Goober’s first full day at the library. “He was a good little coworker!” he said. “He likes sitting on top of my file cabinet, he used his litter box every time, and I only had to tell him once not to eat Janet’s spider plant.”
I didn’t say anything in response; I couldn’t find my voice. I just reached out and took Goober from him and nuzzled my face against his furry neck.
“How was the first day?” Dad asked, sounding hesitant as he looked over at Mom.
“It sounds like it was okay,” Mom said, “but I just told her about Rhoda.”
“Oh, Elf.” Dad scratched the back of my head the same way he rubbed Goober behind the ears. “This is tough news, I know.”
“I’m going to do my homework now.” I held Goober in one hand, grabbed my backpack with the other, and went up the stairs to my room. Out of habit, I looked at the Important Jar right away, but of course it was empty. Rhoda hadn’t been here without me since last week.
I took a little square of green paper from the pad on my desk and sat down to write something to put in the jar for Rhoda. But what do you say to your best friend who has cancer? Nothing had ever prepared me for what to write at a time like this. I slid the green paper aside and pulled out my homework instead.
Ms. Rambutan had given us an introduction page to fill out, the way teachers usually did on the first day of school. At first glance, it really seemed like something that was more appropriate for second grade than fifth; I wondered if teachers in Michigan went easier on their students. I knew this certainly was not the sort of thing they would do on the first day of school at Hampshire Academy. I sighed and read the sections of the page in more detail.
Once I looked closely, though, I could see this wasn’t like the “All About Me” pages we had to fill out when we were younger. Those had basic questions like How many brothers and sisters do you have? What is your favorite color? What’s your favorite food? Do you have any pets? The page always included boxes where you could draw pictures of your answers if you didn’t know how to write or spell yet. Since I already knew how to spell and write by the time I started kindergarten, I didn’t waste time with the pictures. Besides, I didn’t have brothers, sisters, or pets to draw. This year would have been the first time I could have done that, but there was no question about pets this time.
In fact, Ms. Rambutan’s page wasn’t actually even called “All About Me.” It was called “Character Study: Yourself,” and instead of simple questions with boxes for pictures, the questions were things like What are you secretly afraid of? If you could change something about yourself, what would it be? If you could only eat one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would you have? There were lines for our answers after each one.
I decided to start with the easy ones. This was not my typical approach; I usually found it best to answer test questions in order, the way they were presented to me. Even if a more challenging question was first, I always assumed that the test designer had a reason for the sequence they chose.
But this was not a test; this was a get-to-know-you page, I reasoned. And the first question was What are you secretly afraid of?…How was I going to answer that? If it was a secret, why would I share it with Ms. Rambutan, a person I’d just met? Even thinking about my answers and keeping them to myself was stressful….What was I secretly afraid of? Never being allowed to return to Hampshire Academy? Never making real friends my own age? And worst of all, my newest fear: Rhoda dying. How could I share any of that with Ms. Rambutan? I shook my head fast to try to get the terrible thoughts out and moved on to the next question:
When were you most worried?
Well, that one was no good either. If I was being honest, I was most worried the moment that Headmaster Mulligan interrogated me about Colton’s phone and expelled me from Hampshire Academy. Or at least that’s what I would have said this morning. But now that moment didn’t seem so bad compared to Mom telling me Rhoda has cancer. Right now, I thought. Right now, worrying about Rhoda, is the most worried I’ve ever been.
I shook my head again and moved on to the next question:
If you could only eat one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would you have?
Okay, that one was easy: “Mugsy’s chocolate chip pancakes.”
Moving on:
What frustrates you most in school?
I decided to keep that answer simple: “Group projects.” Maybe Ms. Rambutan would have mercy on me and not make us do any this year.
What was a time you felt proud of yourself?
The day I found out I’d been accepted to Hampshire Academy was the most proud I’d ever felt. But how could I write about that now? The thing that had made me feel proudest was now the thing that made me feel the most shame. I decided to make up a less complicated answer for that one: “Getting straight A’s in fourth grade.” The truth was, that wasn’t really such a big deal to me. Getting perfect grades was what I’d always done. Perfection was more something that I just expected of myself than something that made me feel especially proud. But Ms. Rambutan didn’t need to know that.
Next question: What’s something that makes you
laugh?
I put my pencil down and stretched, thinking. What made me laugh? The way Rhoda said urft about frustrating things made me smile, but did that really make me laugh? Rhoda’s stories about her family made me laugh…her sister was klutzy and her mom always used the wrong words for things (like vanilla abstract instead of vanilla extract). But thinking about Rhoda’s family and what they must be going through right now just made me feel scared again, and definitely not like laughing.
I tried to focus on the question. What was something I thought was funny? My mind flashed to Will in class today, using the rambutan rinds as finger puppets. I hadn’t laughed at the time—I would never encourage such behavior in school—but now that I thought about it, it was pretty funny. Remembering the different goofy voices he’d given them and the way he pretended his pencil was their microphone stand, I let slip a giggle. But I couldn’t give that answer here; I didn’t want Ms. Rambutan to think I was disrespectful like Will.
As I continued thinking, Goober jumped up onto my desk. It was an impressive feat for him; I had never seen him jump so high before.
“Whoa, Goober, well done!” I said. “That was quite a leap!”
If Goober cared that I was proud of him, he didn’t show it. In fact, he turned, looked me straight in the eyes, and swatted my pencil off the table. Unlike me, Goober definitely didn’t care about breaking the rules.
“Hey, Goober, I was using that!” But even while I was reprimanding him, I couldn’t help but laugh. Then I knew I had my answer.
Under What’s something that makes you laugh? I wrote: “My kitten, Goober, when he’s being naughty.” There. Even though the “Character Study” page didn’t include any questions about pets, I’d found a way to mention Goober. Which was good, because he was beginning to feel like something that was very important in my life.
Suddenly I had no interest in doing my homework. That was a first for me.
I walked downstairs and stood behind Mom at her computer.
“I want to see Rhoda,” I said. “And I want to bring Goober with me.”
Elfie Unperfect Page 8
