by Day, Laura
“See what?” he prodded after a moment of silence.
“There’s a girl,” she said knowingly. “A sweet girl who’s driving you wild. Who is she?”
“There’s no one,” he said. “I’m in training. I can’t date anyone when I’m training, you know that. I need to give my career my full attention.” His voice was growing short. He was sick of people poking into his personal life and demanding answers. None of them were under the same pressure he was. None of them knew what his life was like.
“So you're kicking and punching, you’re fighting and training. But really, you're just pushing your feelings down. But you can’t do that forever, Axel. You need to deal with them. If you like this girl so much, you should be with her. I never believed that nonsense you and Hayden spit about women and fights.”
“Hayden and I know what we’re doing. The plan works. I’m at the top of my game, because of my training regime. I can’t change anything now, not with the Northeastern Belt coming up.”
“Why not? Why do you assume that this change will make you weaker instead of stronger? There’s no weakness in loving someone, Axel. It takes strength to do that.”
He looked up into the blue eyes of his mother. But how could he trust her? She had married his father and stayed with him through everything. He had hit her, spent her money, said horrible and cruel things to her and she still loved him. Had that love really made her stronger? He opened his mouth, but he knew he could never say those things to her. It would be too cruel.
“I know you didn’t have the best example of love growing up,” she said reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “But I promise you, real love is out there. Sharing your life with another person, raising a family, those are gifts and you shouldn’t toss them to the side. Love could make you so happy, Axel. If you would only let yourself have it.”
“It’s just not in the cards, Mom.” Axel said with a shake of his head. “I like my life. I work hard, I play hard, my time is my own. I don’t want to change that. I like my career and I’ve worked damn hard at it. There will be time for all that relationship stuff later.”
“You think love is going to be sidelined? It’s not about the time; it’s about the person. What if you’ve met the perfect woman? You’re going to let her go because the timing is a little hard for you? Love is worth hard work.”
“I already do hard work. I don’t have the energy or the time for anything else right now.”
“For a busy man you’re certainly spending enough time working on an old garage that no one uses,” she said with a bit of an attitude. “Listen to me, my sweet boy, I know your life has been hard. I know you haven't seen what true love looks like. But you deserve to have it. You need to have it. I know how strong you are. I know how you can fight and lift and run, but that’s not real strength. You need to learn to love someone outside of yourself. It takes strength to care about someone else, to put their needs in front of your own. It takes great strength to open your heart to another, but I know if you did it you would be happy. Really and truly happy. Don’t let your work take over your whole life. Promise me you’ll leave some room for love?”
Axel nodded numbly and his mother walked over and kissed his forehead before clearing his plate. In the empty kitchen he contemplated what she had said. Love, was it really worth it? Could he really do it? What if he ended up being just another son-of-a-bitch like his father? It all seemed like so much work and there were so many unknowns. How was he supposed to know what the right thing to do was?
“Here’s a little story about love,” Mrs. Connelly said as she re-entered the room. “That new girl from the museum, Marie who we’re not gossiping about,” Axel’s stomach dropped and his eyes widened at the name. “Thomas Middlemarch asked her out on a date yesterday and she said yes! See, a new girl in town, maybe on the run, but we don’t know, and she’s already got herself a beau. If she can do it, so can you.”
Axel was pretty sure he was going vomit his lunch over the entire table. Thomas Middlemarch of all people, that asshole? Marie was going out with him, him!? His breath caught in his throat as he tried hard to keep his face blank. Something in him was rebelling against this. It wasn’t okay. Her being with Thomas was not okay. She should be with him and no one else. His vision tunneled in front of him as the image of Axel pounding Thomas Middlemarch’s face into a bloody pulp took over.
Chapter Twenty-One
He pulled out her chair for her. Like the hero of a romantic comedy. Marie sat down and he waited until she was seated to push the chair back in. She could get used to being treated so nicely. They were at an Italian restaurant a few miles outside of town. It had big windows, tables covered in pristine, white tablecloths and a spray of roses in a tall, elegant vase put directly in the center of each table. Thomas had brought her flowers when he picked her up, a bouquet of roses, too.
She was wearing a brand new black dress bought just for the occasion. It was tight and ended well above her knees. She felt a little reckless in it. She didn’t feel like herself. She was like one of those girls Marie would have looked at with jealousy back in Arizona – the kind who went on fancy dates and wore LBDs and came to brunch with riotous stories of their many dates and the men they encountered on them.
She looked at the menu and ordered the cheapest glass of white wine they had. She still couldn’t tell the difference between expensive wine and the cheap kind and didn’t want to bother pretending she did. She had never dated before and she wanted to get it right. She wasn’t interested in impressing him. She wanted to get to know him. She wasn't diving into anything head first; she was going to take her time. He smiled and ordered a fancy bourbon and then reached across the table and held her hand. She blushed at the attention. She suddenly had nothing to say.
“So, tell me about yourself,” he said.
“Um, I’m twenty-two. I moved here from Arizona. I have a five-year-old daughter named Cate and her father is not in the picture.” He nodded and encouraged she kept going. “I just joined the gym in town and I’ve been learning self-defense lessons recently.”
“Really, so you think you could take me?”
“Absolutely,” Marie said with a confident nod. “I know all the good moves, how to punch, how to kick, how to get out of holds. I could take you down in under a minute.”
“I surrender,” he said, holding his hands up for a moment before he relaxed and took her hand in his.
“What about you?” she asked as their wine arrived. She took a sip, trying to relax a little. She was mimicking the actions of someone else. Someone who went on a lot of dates and knew what to do on them.
“I’m twenty-seven. I’m an accountant. I’ve never been married. I’m really into football.”
She smiled over at him. They ordered their meals. Marie worried about the price went for the cheapest option. Thomas ordered the nicest steak on the menu. The drinks kept coming and they fell into an almost easy rapport. They would talk and laugh with the occasional awkward silence falling over them, but Thomas was always quick with something to say, some question to ask.
“So, do you like working at the museum?”
“I really do, which is strange, because it’s not the kind of place I envisioned myself working.”
“Do you think you want to get your history degree and work in a museum for your career?”
“I don’t know,” Marie said. “I’ve never really thought about it. This is kind of the first job I’ve ever had other than waiting tables for like three months in high school. I’m surprised at how much I like it. I feel like I hear people complaining about their jobs, but I love mine. What about you? Do you like being an accountant?”
“I like numbers,” he answered. “I like figuring things out and making the math work. It’s oddly satisfying.”
Marie gave him a strange look, but she could only hold back a laugh for so long before it burst out of her and she tried to quiet herself. “I have never in my life felt that way about ma
th.”
“Yeah,” he said with a wan smile. “It’s not for everybody. Let’s change the subject. I won’t bore you with math talk all night. You said you live in Arizona before you moved here?”
“Yes, but what about you?” Marie said, desperate to change the subject.
“I was born and raised in this town. I left for college at the University of Virginia, graduated and then came back to inherit the family business.”
“That’s a real all-American story,” Marie said. Her hand was growing hot and clammy under his and she was desperate to move it, but didn’t want to seem rude. She would have to wait for their food to arrive before she could finally be released. He was still talking, but she was going in and out and she cursed silently and ordered herself to listen to what he was saying.
Finally, their food arrived and a silence fell between them as they ate. With a mouth full of pasta Marie tried to figure out how the date was going. Thomas seemed nice enough, and he was certainly handsome. They were getting along well. So why was she thinking about Axel and their training sessions? Axel and his rough demeanor, his disdain for chit chat.
“So, I have to ask. If this is your first job and you’ve never had to think about a career before, were you living with your parents in Arizona, or...” He drifted off, leaving the question hanging in the air between them.
A pang of panic went through Marie’s stomach. She tried to move past it as quickly as she could. She didn’t want to let it derail her date; she opened her mouth to speak, but found the truth wouldn’t come. “Yeah. I lived with my parents. They helped me raise Cate,” Marie said.
It was a small town, gossip passed quickly. She didn’t want people talking about her past. She didn’t want anyone contacting Austin and telling him where she and Cate were. She wanted to leave her own life behind. Already Austin’s voice was receding from her memory. She had more confidence than ever. If she brought up Austin it could derail her. She could lose everything she had been working so hard for. So for the moment it would have to remain a little white lie. Or a great big lie, only time would tell.
“Why did you move so far away?”
“I wanted to live my own life. I wanted to be able to do my own thing and figure things out for myself.”
“That’s very brave.”
She looked away, feeling suddenly self-conscious. It felt wrong to be praised for what was a lie. Although the sentiment behind it was true enough. In fact, she was braver than he could ever imagine. But he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know the truth.
They ordered dessert and he grabbed the check when it arrived, paying for everything. As they walked out he put his hand on the small of her back and let it rest there. Outside of the restaurant they waited for the valet. Behind them was a man smoking a cigarette. His face was hidden under his hat, but Marie could feel his eyes on her. He was watching her.
She glanced up at him and wondered who he was and why he was staring at her. Worry grew in her stomach. Austin was looking for her; he had to be. He would be furious she was gone. He would be in a dangerous rage. He would feel powerless and weak and it would be driving him crazy. What was he doing in his frenzy?
There was still no missing person’s report for Cate that she could find, so he hadn’t gone to the cops. But he was looking. He would pull her credit report to see if anything were on there, but hopefully nothing would show up. The smoking man was still staring at her and Marie was growing nervous under his gaze. Who was he and why was he staring at her? Was this some private investigator Austin had hired to track her down? Was he going to call Austin and report Marie’s whereabouts?
“You all right?” Thomas asked putting his hand on her elbow. He glanced at the smoking man, but didn’t seem to mind him.
“Yeah,” she said. “I just got lost in thoughts.”
“Only good ones, I hope,” he said with a smile.
She gave him a weak smile, and nodded. But her heart wasn't in it anymore. She wanted to be home with Cate. She wanted to be back in the safety and security of the Hawks’ mansion, protected by thick windows and a security system.
He drove her home, keeping up polite but empty conversation as they drove. When they reached her house he parked in front of the mansion and got out of the car and walked around to open her door. Marie smiled and stepped out and looked up at the handsome man.
“I had a very good time tonight,” he said.
“Me, too,” Marie replied, but it felt like a bit of the lie. The smoking man had ruined it. He had made her nervous. Thomas leaned forward and kissed her and she kissed him back. But there was no tingle at the base of her spine, no goose bumps. Her heart wasn’t racing.
He broke the kiss and smiled at her and she kept smiling back at him as he walked her to her door. Once inside, she let the smile fall. There was nothing wrong with Thomas. It would be easier if there were. He was nice enough. But there was no spark. Slowly she walked up the stairs to her apartment where she gratefully took off her high heels and her tight dress. She took her makeup and crawled into bed alone.
She turned on her side and listened the quiet night around her. She was dating. She was an actual person who went on dates. She hadn’t really like this date. But she didn’t quite feel like she was pretending anymore. She had been on a date and been aware enough to know that the guy wasn’t for her. But was that the right thing to do? He was nice enough, but she wasn’t dying to see him again. She didn’t feel anything for him. With a sigh she turned on her back and stared at the ceiling as she wondered if she would ever know what the right thing to do was.
Chapter Twenty-Two
He had just finished his massage. He had worked hard. He had pushed himself and now he felt drained and exhausted. He was back to his old form. He had his energy back. His sluggishness was gone. His apathy replaced with energy. It wasn’t because he had forgotten about Marie; it was because he was going for it. Maybe his mother was right. Maybe he could have the girl and win the fight.
Something in him changed. He had never wanted anyone like this before. He had never let anyone get inside his head until Marie. It was why he had pushed her away. She was too tempting. But why couldn’t he give into this temptation. Maybe his mother was right, maybe it would make him stronger.
She was scheduled to come in at four. That was when Axel got his massage. He didn’t change his daily routine at all. While his muscles were worked on he thought about Marie out in the gym. Hitting the bag, stretching forward, her clothes stretching tight against her. Then he had to stop thinking about that and start thinking about something else before the massage got weird.
Finally, he was done and he walked out onto the floor in time to see Marie bend over into a long stretch. He strolled over to where she was. In the mirror’s reflection Lori could see him walking towards them. They made eye contact in the mirror and she gave him an inquisitive gaze.
Marie stood up and glanced at his reflection in the mirror before turning around to greet him. Her face was red and there was sweat on her chests and shoulders. She placed her hands on her hips and gave him a dismissive look.
“How’s Lori been treating you?” he asked, trying to sound casual.
“She’s great,” Marie said with a smile towards the other woman.
Axel nodded and said. “She’s one of our best,” and then a silence fell around them. “Let me walk you out,” Axel said nodding his head towards the door. Lori gave him a knowing look, but still backed off and gave the two of them some space.
“Sure,” Marie said with a shrug. She took her time grabbing her things and packing her bag. She even refilled her water bottle before finally joining him.
The waiting made him nervous. His stomach was in knots. He was not this kind of guy. He didn’t care about women like this.
They walked up the stairs and through the gym without Axel saying a word. It wasn’t until they were outside on the sidewalk that he finally spoke. “I’m glad you’re still coming to the train
ings. I would feel bad if you quit because of me...because of what happened between us.”
“Yeah,” she said, looking up at him. She was squinting in the bright sunlight. Her messy hair was framing her face. He wanted to bury his hands in it and kiss her, but he forced them to stay at his side. “That was a little awkward.”
“I handled it badly. I don’t know why I left like that. I should have stayed with you. I’ve regretted it ever since then and I just wanted to apologize, I guess.”
“Oh,” she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at the ground. He waited. He didn’t speak or try to fill the silence. He knew she had something to say and he was willing to wait as long as it took. “It was pretty crappy,” she agreed, finally looking up at him.
Axel was grateful there weren’t tears. He could never handle a woman crying. Anytime it happened he felt an immediate urge to make it stop any way he could. He never wanted to see her cry. But she looked all right, a little uncomfortable, maybe. But uncomfortable he could deal with.
