by Hannah Ellis
He rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t know. Probably not.”
“One way or another he’ll lose me anyway. He doesn’t need to lose his best friend too.”
“I can’t just not tell him.”
“Leslie will know you didn’t come home,” I said, remembering she stayed at Cam’s.
He shook his head. “She was drunk off her face. She’ll have passed out and won’t wake up until lunchtime.”
“Good,” I mused, mulling things over. “Then you just need to get your car and drive me to the airport.” I was crying as I spoke but knew it was the best option.
“No,” Cam said, spitting out a laugh. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Fine! I’ll hitch a ride.” I clutched at the sheet around me as I stood to find clothes. “I’m going whether you drive me or not.”
“You can’t just run away!”
“I can’t stay here and be the girl who ruined everything.”
“You didn’t ruin everything.”
“You were just a happy little group of friends until I came along and messed everything up.”
He shook his head sadly. “Don’t be like that.”
“Please drive me to the airport.”
Realising I was going to leave anyway, he finally relented and left, saying he’d be back in ten minutes.
I didn’t have much, so packing didn’t take long. Everything was shoved into my backpack haphazardly, and when I had everything in, I stopped and looked around the bare room. My heart ached.
It occurred to me that if I left without a trace, people would think I was dead in a ditch somewhere and Cam would be forced to confess. Scribbling a quick note to Stan, I thanked him for everything and told him he better have a swimming pool next time I came to visit. It was heartbreaking to leave without saying bye to Stan. Kai would look out for him though and that was some comfort.
I left enough cash to cover what I owed him for my room and then took a deep breath, hauling my pack onto my shoulder and slipping out into the early morning light.
“You shouldn’t do this,” Cam said in the car park at the airport. “I’ll drop you back at the Croc and we won’t mention this to anyone.”
“No,” I said as tears welled once more. “I can’t be with Joe now. It’s not fair on him.”
“But you can’t leave without saying goodbye. Everyone’s gonna be hurt – Leslie, Kai, Stan . . . And I’m supposed to look them in the eye and pretend I don’t know anything?”
“I left Stan a note.”
“That hardly helps! There must be another way. Don’t just leave. You’re leaving me to deal with it all.”
“It will be worse if I stay,” I told him, opening the car door. “Everyone will forget me soon enough.”
I pulled my backpack from the back and looked up to find Cam gazing at me. “No one’s going to forget you.”
“They will,” I said, fighting off tears. “You all will.”
He shook his head. “I won’t.”
I dropped my backpack to hug him. He was the only one I got to say goodbye to, but I couldn’t find any words, just squeezed him tight. “Go to work,” I said. “Carry on as normal. Look after Joe for me.”
“I don’t want to do this,” he said.
I kissed his cheek. “It’ll be better for Joe in the long run.”
“If you need anything,” he shouted after me, “just call me, won’t you?”
I nodded through tears and went into the tiny airport. Cam was still in the car park when I walked out to the plane. I could see him standing at the fence, watching me go. I hoped he wouldn’t tell Joe what happened. And that they would all get on with their lives and be none the worse for having had me around for a while.
As the plane soared above Kununurra, I was in agony. I’d tainted all my wonderful memories. I missed Joe and Leslie already, and I wanted to turn around and tell them what I’d done.
But I wouldn’t. Because deep down I was sure they were all better off without me.
Chapter 55
EVELYN
The three weeks between leaving Kununurra and getting my flight home were torture, and when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I’d joked with myself that I could be pregnant. As soon as the thought entered my head I knew it would be true. I thought about telling Cam. His parting words to me filled my head: If you need anything, just call me. With great effort, I resisted. Then Joe turned up at the airport and I wanted to tell him everything.
I hated myself for a while, telling myself I’d got exactly what I deserved. It wasn’t until Libby was born that I realised I’d really got far more than I ever deserved.
Going home had been awful, and I’d hidden the pregnancy for as long as possible. I was in denial and spent my nights out drinking and partying. Everything seemed so terrible and I sank to a pathetic self-pitying mess. Then one day, she kicked me; this tiny foot poked through the stretched skin of my belly. I grunted my annoyance and discomfort, but she did it again. “Hey!” I said, but a laugh escaped me and I pushed at the little foot inside me. She pushed back.
“What do you want?” I asked as tears sprang to my eyes. She kicked again. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, filled with a love I’d never known possible. “I’ll be better,” I promised her. “I’ll be better for you.”
I stopped drinking and partying. I even started eating healthily. My baby was my first concern and I concentrated on her. Sometimes, I thought of Cam and Joe, but I convinced myself I was doing the right thing by not telling them.
When Libby arrived, everything changed. My life was all about her. It was so hard but so worth it. She was only a few days old and I was an emotional wreck when I looked down at her and realised what I was denying Cam. All this time, I thought I was doing him a favour by not telling him, but he was missing out on this beautiful baby girl. During the pregnancy, I’d dialled his number so many times, always hanging up before it rang. That day I let it ring; I was going to tell him all about his perfect baby girl and how that huge mistake we made wasn’t a mistake at all. The phone rang and rang. I imagined him sitting outside with Joe, drinking and laughing while the phone rang in the background. I hoped that was what they were doing.
I hung up and never called again.
Rob and Mel were fantastic. For a while I was worried about denying Libby a father, but then I watched Rob with her and was certain she would never want for anything. He adored her from the first time he held her. Mel too. They were her family, always there to step in for me when I needed them to, and I knew my little girl would always be loved and cared for.
I often wonder if I did the right thing, and how things could have been different. In these finals days, my mind wanders often to my time in Kununurra. I’ve thought of telling Libby about Cam but I’ve left it too late. I’m worried about what might happen if she decides to track him down after I’d gone. I should have told her the truth long ago, but it’s too late now . . .
Chapter 56
LIBBY – September 2017
The week before I was due to leave Kununurra, Joe organised a barbecue at his place. It was a Thursday and there seemed to be some secrecy surrounding it. Any time it was mentioned, knowing glances were exchanged. I wasn’t sure if it was someone’s birthday or some tradition that no one was telling me about. I hoped it wasn’t a going away party for me.
The weekly sausage sizzle was underway when I walked downstairs to find Kai giving instructions to the guy behind the bar.
“You ready?” he said when he saw me.
“Yeah,” I said, following him and Leslie to the car. “Why didn’t everyone just come here for the barbecue?”
“It’s family night!” he said with a cheeky grin. “Don’t want bloody customers ruining the fun!”
“I feel like I’m missing something,” I said. “Everyone’s being secretive. I don’t like it.”
They exchanged a look and their eyes sparkled in amusement.
“See?” I said. “What’re t
he weird looks for?”
They said nothing, just ushered me through the gates and into the car. When we arrived at Joe and Cassie’s house, it was the usual banter. Cam gave me a wink as he sat chatting to Joe, who was busy manning the barbecue. Cam had confessed everything, shocking everyone, but he’d assured me everything would be fine. I wasn’t sure if he was just telling me that to make me feel better, but they were putting on a good act for me, if that’s what it was.
Cassie was tossing salad and shouting at the girls to come and help her. They were splashing in the paddling pool and ignoring her completely.
“We can help,” Leslie offered.
“Great. Start carrying stuff outside, will ya?”
After a couple of trips, the outside table was loaded with salads and side dishes. It was a lively meal and everyone was in high spirits. Looking round the table, I could see how difficult it must have been for Mum to leave. I was even struggling with the thought of leaving, although I knew I’d be back sometime. It definitely wouldn’t be goodbye forever.
Joe stood up after we’d finished eating. “Right, let’s do a quick tidy up and get going.”
He started clearing plates and everyone followed his lead. Again, I had the distinct feeling I was missing something.
“Where are we going?” I finally asked when we all congregated on the driveway. Everyone climbed into cars, and Joe gestured for me to get in his ute.
“It’s a surprise,” he said.
“I knew you were up to something,” I said, sitting with Ruby and Skye in the back. “I don’t like surprises!”
“This is a nice surprise,” Ruby said as she struggled with her seatbelt. “Unless you’re scared of fireworks.”
A groan rippled around. “Who told her?” Joe asked. “Big mouth!”
“Sweetheart,” Cassie said gently. “Remember we talked about surprises and keeping them secret?”
“Yes!” Ruby said, defensively.
“But you just told Libby,” Skye pointed out, impatiently.
“No!” Ruby snapped. “The fireworks aren’t the real surprise. We’re going to do something special fo—”
“Aaaarrrrgggh!” Joe growled, drowning her out as Skye gagged her with a hand over the mouth.
“Oh yeah,” Ruby said, giggling when Skye released her. “It’s a secret!” She beamed at me and made a zipping motion over her lips.
“Really?” Joe said, smiling at Cassie as he pulled out of the drive. “You thought she could keep a secret?”
“But what’s going on?” I asked.
There was no reply.
We turned into Celebrity Tree Park a few minutes later, and Joe pulled on my arm as I followed the rest of them to the water’s edge. “Come with me,” he whispered, breaking away from the group. I looked suspiciously at the screwdriver in his hand but decided it wasn’t worth asking. All would be revealed.
Since I had a moment alone with Joe, it seemed like a good time to quiz him.
“Are things really okay with you and Cam?” I asked, desperate to know how he really felt about the fact Cam was my dad.
He rolled his eyes. “I still feel like I wanna knock him into the middle of next week! I don’t know how he didn’t tell me. All those years, he knew why Evelyn left and kept it a secret.”
“I think he had good intentions,” I said, feeling the need to defend him. I’d spent a lot of time with Cam over the past week and felt suddenly protective of him.
“That’s what I keep telling myself,” Joe said. We walked in silence. “It’s hard for me to be too angry with him,” he said after a moment. “I’ve got Cassie and my girls and when I look back, there’s nothing I’d really change about my life. I loved Evelyn but maybe things worked out as they were supposed to.”
I nodded as we reached the small hill in the middle of the park. “Are you ever gonna tell me what we’re doing here?”
Joe cleared his throat. “Your mum once joked that she was gonna be famous and have her own little plaque here.”
I smiled as we reached the bench at the top of the hill. The sun was setting over the water and the sky was streaked with glorious reds. “I love it here.”
“We got the bench after Stan died,” Joe told me. “He owned the Croc before Kai. Your mum and Stan were close.”
“That’s nice,” I said, looking at the plaque dedicating the bench to Stan.
“I thought we might add to it, if it’s okay with you?” He pulled a shiny plaque from his pocket and handed it to me.
My fingers trailed over the engraved letters: Evelyn. Grief enveloped me in a way that I’d managed to avoid since the first few weeks after she’d died. My insides felt like they would rip me apart, and all I wanted to do was scream. She should have been with me.
“Is it okay?” Joe asked cautiously.
My throat was so tight I couldn’t speak, but I nodded. Tears streamed down my face when I handed the little plaque back to him.
As Joe drilled the plaque into place, I let out a sob. When my legs felt as though they would give way, I knelt in the grass and cried. I couldn’t stop. Joe made no move to comfort me and I was glad; I just needed a few minutes to cry.
Finally, I focused on my breathing and fought to get my emotions under control. “Sorry,” I whispered to Joe automatically. There were tears in his eyes when I moved to the bench to admire the tribute to my mum. “It’s perfect.”
When I dragged my gaze from the plaque, Joe was looking at me. “The back of your necklace is engraved, isn’t it?” he asked.
I reached to turn the feather pendant over and ran my thumb over the engraving: Always with you x.
“How did you know that?”
“I gave it to Evelyn,” he said. “The last time I saw her, at the airport.” He smiled at the memory. “I was sure she was going to throw it in the nearest bin.”
“She kept it all that time?” I said, surprised by the story behind the necklace. “I never saw it until a few days before she died. She didn’t tell me anything about it.”
His gaze moved away from me and we sat in silence for a moment, looking out over the water.
“I don’t know if this is going to come as a surprise or not,” Joe said, smiling slowly, “but Cam brought fireworks!”
The laughter was a welcome relief as I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks.
I stayed on the bench with Joe Sullivan as fireworks lit up the sky and threw a cascade of colours onto the lake. The silhouettes of Mum’s old friends could be seen gathered at the water’s edge. When I closed my eyes, I could imagine her sitting between me and Joe, the fireworks reflected in her eyes and her wonderful laughter echoing all around us.
THE END
Acknowledgements
Back in 2005, I was backpacking around Australia and took a job as a nanny in the beautiful outback town of Kununurra. I spent about eight months there and have the most amazing memories of that time. Arlene and her girls welcomed me into their home and treated me as part of the family. Their house was always full of fun and laughter and I’m so grateful to have been part of their lives for a little while. Arls – you are my friend for life. I’m so happy we’ve stayed in touch over all these years. One day we will meet again and I know it will be like we’ve never been apart.
As always, I have many people to thank for helping me with this book.
Firstly, Mario. None of this would be possible without your support and encouragement. I’m so grateful for all that you do.
Anthea Kirk for being so enthusiastic and helpful with my earliest drafts. Your input is so important to me.
My amazing team of beta readers and proof-readers: Sarah-Jane Fraser, Dua Roberts, Fay Sallaba, Ki Anglesea, Kathy Robinson, Sue Oxley, Sarah Walker and Meghan Driscoll. I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you so much.
Thanks to my mum and dad, for always making time to help and support me, no matter what else is going on.
Thank you to Aimee Coveney for a stunning cover. You are so talente
d and it’s always a pleasure to work with you.
A huge thank you to Katherine Trail for a fantastic editing job. I look forward to working with you again in the future.
To all my friends at CLCHQ, many thanks for all your help. It’s so great to be part of such a wonderfully supportive online community.
And finally, a special thanks to my readers. You really are the best.
Other books by Hannah Ellis:
Beyond The Lens (Lucy Mitchell Book 1)
Beneath These Stars (Lucy Mitchell Book 2)
Friends Like These
Christmas With Friends (Friends Like These Book 2)
My Kind of Perfect (Friends Like These Book 3)
All of Hannah’s books can be found here:
http://Author.to/HannahEllis
A note from the author.
Dear Reader,
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