“Tony,” Jules whispered into the breeze, but he didn’t turn around. He must not have heard her. She stepped closer to him. “Tony,” she said more self-confidently. She was actually doing this. She was seeking him out after professing to hate him. God, she was a wreck. Did she love him? Did she hate him? She didn’t know anymore. If she were asked yesterday, she would have said she hated him. But not today. He had saved her just like he always used to do with her father. But she wasn’t that young girl anymore. She was a woman, a worldly woman who knew how to take care of herself.
Why was she seeking him out? She didn’t want to hate him, but more than that, she wanted to allow herself to love him again. It was hard work to constantly hate him. It was hard work to relive the pain of the next morning without him all those years ago. She had been so deeply, truly in love with him. More than anything, she wanted to allow herself to feel that kind of bliss, that kind of trust, that kind of love again.
Knowing him the way she had, she understood that her approaching him would be taken as her wanting him. Did she want him? He still hadn’t turned around. Maybe she still had time to turn and run away, run back to the safety of her feelings of hatred for him. Because, if she was honest with herself and admitted the truth, then she would have to accept the fact that she never stopped loving him.
She turned away, walking back the way she had come. She had said his name twice, and both times he hadn’t heard her. It had to be a sign. Put one foot in front of the other and walk away.
Suddenly, she was being spun around and found herself staring into electric-blue eyes humming with energy. There was a sparkle in them that she hadn’t seen before. She held her ground. He hadn’t heard her.
“You said my name.”
“You’re crazy. I did not,” she denied, twisting her fingers out of his grasp.
“I heard you say my name. You approached me. What did you want?” Tony asked unsurely, hoping beyond hope that her answer was “you.” He felt drawn to her as a hummingbird was drawn to sugar water. He moved closer to where she was standing. He needed her love to survive. He took another step. And to his surprise, she took a step nearer him. The chemistry they shared was undeniable. Even now, with her anger, they were still pulled together. She took another step toward him.
When there was a foot left separating them, she asked, “I just wanted to know if you talked to Tyrrell. Am I doing this thing on my own, or do I get to tag along with you?”
“Let’s be honest with each other,” Tony said, looking into her eyes. He raised his hand and brought it to her cheek, cupping the left side of her face. Hope bloomed in his heart as she leaned in to his touch.
“Tony,” she whispered, almost so quietly he didn’t hear her. Her lips formed his name and his chest exploded with happiness. The hatred she felt before was gone as she continued to press her cheek in to his hand.
Tony took another step. There were but inches that separated them now.
“Jules,” Tony whispered, “I can’t deny what I feel for you. Please don’t ask me to.”
She jerked out of his hold. “Don’t say that, because we both know that’s not true. You don’t get to tell me how I feel. Your actions spoke volumes, Tony. You left me all alone to face my father.”
“Jules, please, I had to become a Green Beret. I had to protect you from all threats, not just your father.”
“But he was my immediate threat. After you were gone, I left. I went to college. So, in a way, I should be thankful that you left me to defend myself even after you led me to believe you would always protect me. I should be thankful because you forced my hand. I had to grow up. I had to get away. I didn’t get to have the typical college experience either, you know? I worked. I worked every day to make my life into what it is today. For God’s sake, Tony, I have a Master’s Degree that I got all on my own. No one to love me. No one to tell me I could do it. It was just me. Alone. And I made it.”
“I am so proud of you. I always knew you were strong. You were always stronger than me. I always recognized that. That’s why I felt certain you would be okay, because you’re a survivor, one way or another, you would survive and thrive.”
“Sure, it’s easy to say that now. You’ve been gone for years.”
“Don’t you see, I have never stopped protecting you. That’s why I became a Green Beret. I had to give back everything you gave to me.”
“Are you done now?”
“What are you asking?” he faltered, leaning in closer to her body. He smelled the familiar aroma of her skin. Strange after so many years he hadn’t forgotten her scent.
He was standing inches from her now. Their faces drawn together. His lips brushed hers, but she pulled away quickly. “Don’t. I can’t go through this again.”
“Jules, I love you. I have always loved you,” he said adamantly. “Seeing you unconscious tonight was more than I could bear. If you didn’t come back to me, if I couldn’t save you, I would have died with you on that yacht. You have always been it for me. You have always been the one. You have always been mine.”
“Tony, you don’t mean those things. If you did, you would have come back for me when you got out of the army.”
“I thought you needed to live your own life, away from your father. I thought you had to be your own person. And I was right. Look at what you’ve accomplished on your own.”
Tony refused to give up, not when he could sense her wavering. He wanted her back. Back in his life, in his home, and in his bed. He wanted her to give herself to him again, completely, unconditionally. He craved her touch. He longed to feel her soft hair tickle his chest. He longed to be in her arms. He longed to hear her say, without a doubt, that she loved him. Would she? Could she? Was she even capable of love anymore? Did he completely damage her? All he knew was that he needed her. Her trust. Her faith. Her uncompromising strength. “I only have one question for you. Answer it, and then, if you want me to, I’ll leave you alone for good.”
“What’s that?” she said, hoping he would never again leave her alone for good. She was tired of living a life without him in it. Seeing him tonight and touching his lips with hers brought back everything she had fought so hard to keep at bay. Was she ready to admit to herself she loved Tony too? Could she? Should she? God, she was so tormented. When he left, he took her self-confidence with him. It took her years to believe in herself again. Sure, she went to college, but that was easy. It took her a long time to feel beautiful again. When he left, he took her self-worth. What kind of woman slept with a man when she knew that was all he wanted? And then for that man to confess his love only to stay away. She wanted—no, she longed to trust him, but her head kept telling her, as it had for many years, that he wasn’t trustworthy. Still, she wanted so badly to give in to her feelings. She was so tired, so tired of fighting herself. But she had to. She knew that, buried deep down, she loved him and she always would. The love you felt for your first true love never went away, but was that enough to build off and start again? She had been alone for so long, learning how to hate him more and more every day. She didn’t trust anyone, not even him. But, God, did she want to.
“Why were you still wearing this?” he asked with pain in his voice. He held up his dog tag and the moonlight reflected off the shiny piece of metal. The warm sea breeze blew her long, wavy hair over her face. He reached up and, with his strong fingers, tucked her loose locks behind her ear. Then, he moved his hand to grasp her chin. “Why? Why did I find my dog tag in that shithole?”
What could she say? How could she possibly answer that? He’d see right through any excuse she made. Honesty. She was going to be honest with him and with herself. “Tony, I never took that tag off. Not from the second it arrived at my house,” she admitted, her voice shaky.
“But that doesn’t answer the question of why you were still wearing it? Do you still have feelings for me?” He gripped her chin tighter as her eyes darted away from his. He brought her head around until she was forced to look into
his gaze of steel. He was a man on a mission. He caught her eyes and lowered his hand.
The breeze was picking up, and it was loud on the deck of the ship. “Do you mind if we finish this conversation in my room?” Tony asked, knowing she would never accept his invitation. She didn’t trust him. But if he could get her alone in his room, he could convince her to love him. He just knew it.
“I don’t know,” she said loudly, leaning her mouth closer to his ear. God, he smelled so good. If she went with him, she wouldn’t be able to deny him. She remembered his smell, the clean and fresh scent, like he was always just showered.
“All I’m asking for is a few minutes of your night. I won’t pressure you. I just want you to answer one question, but I can see by the goose bumps on your arms,”—he ran his hand down her bare arm—“that you’re chilly from the night air. Come with me, please.”
She shivered under his touch. It brought back memories of the one and only night they had spent together. His gentle touch. His gentle ministrations of worship for her body. His gentle love for her soul.
“Please. You know, I did save your life,” he said, his voice raising in pitch.
“I cannot believe you just said that to me.” She jerked out of his touch. He almost had her. Almost.
“Come on. I was joking with you. You know, you have to know, that if anything had happened to you, I would have died on that yacht.”
“No, I don’t know that, Tony. I don’t know that because for years you have been absent from my life, not even a phone call.”
“What can I do?”
“I don’t think there is anything you can do.” She hung her head, defeated. This was not at all the conversation she hoped to be having with him, but it was all her doing. He was giving her a chance to tell him all the things she had been dying to say to him since she received his dog tag and the note that said, “Don’t forget me.” She never did forget him, but admitting that to Tony, as well as herself, would mean she’d have to swallow her pride, which was easier said than done. She was a proud woman. Proud of the fact that, despite her upbringing, she made a success out of herself. Proud that she managed to not think about Tony every second of every day. Proud that she was able to take care of herself. Could she swallow all of that down for Tony now? Should she? God, she was so confused.
Tony ran his hand back up her arm, over her shoulder, to her collarbone. He let his fingers dance over the protruding bone as he searched out her amber eyes, which gleamed in the moonlit night.
“Please, Jules, just give me five minutes of your time. That’s all I ask. Five minutes to talk to you without having to scream over the wind and the engines.”
“Fine. Five minutes, but I’m warning you, you better not try anything, or I will be out of there faster than you can pull a trigger.”
His face lit up and his white teeth showed against his olive skin. She had forgotten how beautiful he was. Now, with the passage of time, he was only more beautiful than she had remembered. This was dangerous, being alone with him in his room.
No, she wouldn’t think like that. She didn’t want Tony that way anymore. But after everything he did for her when they were younger, she owed him five minutes, and he did save her life after all, she reasoned.
Tony dropped his hand and tucked both hands into the pockets of his shorts. If she didn’t want him to touch her, he wouldn’t. But she didn’t pull away the last time he did. Maybe there was hope. Still, he wouldn’t let himself get excited until she said the words. He had told her that he loved her, and she didn’t even flinch. Didn’t respond. Maybe the damage had been done. Maybe he couldn’t fix the biggest regret of his life: leaving Jules alone.
“Lead the way,” she shouted, motioning for him to go in front of her. He walked past her, inhaling her womanly scent picked up from the breeze. This may be the last time he had a right to smell anything so beautiful.
He opened the door to his cabin and moved aside for her to enter before him. She walked past him and his arms brushed against her chest in the confined space. A bolt of electricity shot to his cock and had his scalp tingling, like tiny needles on every follicle. He followed her into the small room and closed the door. Moonlight filtered through the porthole window and cast shadows over the twin-size bed that was in the middle of the wall in front of her.
The cabin was small. This wasn’t a room for a luxurious trip; this was a working man’s cabin, made simply for sleeping and brushing one’s teeth.
Tony stood behind her, watching her look through the porthole. Should he touch her? Should he make an advance? Should he show her how much he loved her? He readied for his approach much the same way a cat readied for an attack: motionless but determined with heightened senses. He smelled her scent again, uniquely Jules, sweet and clean like fresh linen mixed with lemongrass. He stopped with an inch between her back and his front, just short of her feeling his swollen cock against her ass. He had to ease her into this. With his fingers, he gently brushed her long locks from her back and moved them over her left shoulder. Once he lowered his head, he exhaled against her skin. Close but yet a million miles away; the only thing that touched her was his hot breath.
Feeling his breath on her skin sent a bolt of electricity down her spine, and tingles made their way to her center. This was a very bad idea. She could never resist him. She felt the softness of his lips as they moved from the crook of her neck up to the space behind her earlobe. A burning sensation that felt like fire on her skin replaced the spot where his lips had been. Tilting her head back, she rested against Tony’s shoulder, allowing him to continue his loving caress. His hand came up and his fingertips brushed against the bare skin of her shoulder. With his index and middle finger, he traced a line over her shoulder and down her arm to her hand. When he reached it, he interlocked their fingers and tightened his grip on her good hand. His lips went to her ear, and he whispered, “Please forgive me. Please don’t deny your feelings for me.”
It was true, he was weakening her with each move he made. She had to get a grip and regain her strength. She stepped forward until her knees were pressed into the bed and she no longer had anywhere to go. Gathering her strength, she turned and faced him. With determination, she placed her hand on Tony’s muscular chest… but her determination faltered at the feel of him under her delicate, injured, wrapped hand. Still, she pushed against him, moving him back until there were inches separating them. Fighting hard against the tears she refused to let fall, she bit her lip to bring herself back to the reality of the moment.
What was the reality of the moment?
She kept all emotion from her voice when she apologized. “Tony, I’m sorry. I should have never let you touch me that way. I shouldn’t have come down here.” After a failed attempt to move past him to the door, she fell back into her space with the backs of her legs against the bed. She knew he had the upper hand. However, she also knew he would respect her wishes—she just wished she knew what those were.
It was like the proverbial lightbulb went off. Her eyes connected with his and she had an epiphany. She wanted the same thing she had always wanted since he left her. She wanted him. However, she would never give herself to him again so freely. She was a successful woman, a strong woman. She would demonstrate that strength to Tony so he knew that she would never again be with him without a commitment, and it was going to take time to get to know the man he had become.
This time, she wanted Tony to chase her—chase her like no one else ever had. She raised her good hand and cupped his cheek as she locked her eyes with his. He had lit a spark in her, and she could see from the sparkle in his eyes that she had done the same to him. His blue eyes danced with moonlight. She stared unabashedly as she moved her hand from cupping his cheek to trailing her finger down his neck. He moaned and moved in closer to her as she continued exploring his muscular body with her fingertips. Using her index fingernail, she drew a line down his neck and curled the rest of her fingers in to his chest, inciting another moan.
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She wanted him to want her like he never wanted another. Sure, he already confessed his love, but she wondered how he could love her if he didn’t get to know her again. Thinking better of it, she stopped her exploration of his chest. She was torn between her heart and her mind. Her heart said, “Seduce him. Make him want you even more than he does now.” But her mind, her mind wouldn’t let her forget that, although years had passed, he told her he loved her before too, then left her. She was damaged, unable to trust her heart, and instead listened to her head. She imposed an iron will on herself as she trailed her nails down the middle of his chest, stopping right about his navel, getting one last feel of his body.
He waited, silently challenging her to go further. His cock was rock-hard. With both hands on her shoulders, he pulled her to him and pressed his hard cock in to her stomach. He whispered, “Please. I have dreamt of you every night for years. Please don’t deny me now.” He’d never begged a woman before, but had no shame when it came to her. His eyes glowed as he stared hard into her copper-colored eyes, which were alight with what he could only remember seeing once before . . . love. He licked his lips and smiled.
She wanted him. He knew it. He felt it to his very core. Growing bolder by the minute, he winked at her and was rewarded with a hundred-watt smile that showed her perfect, white teeth. God, she was beautiful. The moonlight touched her shoulder and showed her toned olive skin.
Without a second thought, he leaned in to her and molded his lips to her soft, full, lusciously red ones. He didn’t move; he just savored the feeling of her lips as they kissed him back. He was swimming in his own mind. All his feelings that he had shut off for so long came flooding back, overwhelming him. He opened his mouth and slid his tongue against her lips, begging for entrance. She surprised him by opening her mouth and accepting his tongue.
Harder (The Unit #3) Page 8
