The weather was brutal—cold and a bit drizzly—not exactly conducive to moonlight strolls. The upside of the nasty weather was the fact that we didn’t see a single person on our trek.
We passed the men’s residences and were about to turn a corner when I impulsively grabbed his arm and pulled him into the recessed entryway of Burwash Hall, pushing him toward the large oak door and leaning into him so I could rest my forehead against his shoulder.
“I need a hug, Daniel,” I pleaded.
“Are you all right, poppet?” He lowered my hood and looked at me, genuine concern in his eyes.
“I’m okay. But a hug would make me feel better.”
“I think I can manage that.” He wrapped his arms around me tightly. His jacket was cold and damp, not the best conditions for a warm and comforting hug, but it would have to suffice.
“Better?” he asked.
“Not really. Honestly? I don’t want you to go home.”
“We can’t stay out here. It’s freezing. I should get you home and find myself a cab.”
“Can’t I come with you?” I hated the neediness in my voice.
He sighed and jammed his hands into his pockets.
“I just want to see where you live,” I said. Liar. More like I just want to see your bed. And lie in it. Naked. With you. “Let me come with you in a cab and then you can send me right back home, I promise.” I had to spend some time with him alone. Somewhere warmer than this.
He scanned my face, the muscle in his jaw twitching crazily. He pulled my hood up, tucking my hair inside the fur, then pulled his hoodie up over top of his ball cap.
“Something tells me I’m going to regret this, but—okay, let’s make a run for it. Bay Street. You ready?” he asked, a glimmer of anticipation in his eyes.
“Absolutely.” My heart was racing—I was actually terrified.
We dashed out onto the sidewalk and started jogging. It was freezing, and the drizzling rain made it feel colder. God, I was in terrible shape. I berated myself for being such a couch potato. After one block, I started to get a stitch in my side, and I couldn’t see where I was going with my hood in the way and rain hitting my face as I ran.
“Can we slow down?” I asked, panting a little. “Your legs are like three feet longer than mine.”
We slowed to a speed walk. The anticipation of getting into the back seat of a taxi with him was eclipsed by the pain in my side and all the blood in my body surging through my temples.
“Okay, here we are,” Daniel said, coming to an abrupt halt and pulling me to his side at the corner of Bay Street. He waved his arm at an approaching taxi. When it stopped at the curb, Daniel opened the back door and ushered me inside.
“Mill Street in the Distillery District please.”
The cabbie set the fare and pulled out. I pushed my hood back, afraid to think what I must look like. Daniel reached over and ran his thumbs under my eyes.
“Is my makeup running?” I asked. I was gradually regaining my breathing.
“A bit,” he said, gently rubbing my cheeks again. “There, that’s better.” He took my hands and kissed my fingers gently, sending a thrill straight through me. “Your fingers are freezing!” he exclaimed, breathing on them to warm them up.
“I know. I had gloves earlier. You must have left them on the bench at Brennan Hall.”
“Oh, shit, I did. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry. They weren’t expensive. I’m terrible with gloves anyway. I’m always losing them,” I admitted sheepishly.
“I do seem to recall another glove losing incident not that long ago.” He looked at me with a secretive smile.
“Oh, please don’t remind me. I can’t believe you caught me crying. I felt like such an idiot.”
“Hey,” he said softly, “don’t say that.” He pulled me into his arms and tucked my face into his wonderful-smelling neck. I sighed contentedly. “I didn’t think you were an idiot. I thought you were amazing. I still think you’re amazing,” he whispered.
Unable to find the right words to return his sentiments, I snuggled in even closer, sighing happily. Loosening the zipper on his jacket and hoodie, I ran my hand across his chest. “I love this T-shirt on you. Smells good, too.”
A gentle laugh rumbled in his chest. “I guess that’s a compliment,” he said as he trailed his fingers tenderly through my hair.
“Definitely. You know what? I’d love one of your shirts. I’d sleep in it. If I can’t have you in bed with me, I need something that feels and smells like you.”
“That’s a bizarre request.”
“I don’t think so,” I said defensively. “You don’t understand women at all, do you?”
He looked at me somberly. “I guess maybe I’m out of practice,” he admitted. Suddenly he looked like an adolescent boy, opening his heart to a girl for the first time.
“We’ll have to work on that, then, won’t we?” I whispered.
I trailed soft kisses along his jawline, moving gradually toward his chin. His head fell back against the seat, and he sighed. Was this my chance to snag a kiss? His lips were slightly parted. It would be so easy. But then he rolled his head to the side, lips out of reach. I kissed my way back along his jaw to his ear and nibbled on his earlobe. My hand on his chest registered the quickening beat of his heart. I breathed gently in his ear, and heard his sharp intake of breath.
“Daniel?”
He moaned quietly.
I spoke softly into his neck, “I want you so badly. I don’t think I can wait. I’m not just saying that. I mean, I really don’t think I can wait.”
He lifted his head and shifted in the seat, frowning as he looked at me. “Maybe we need to stop doing this to each other. It’s obviously getting difficult for both of us.”
Well, shit. This was definitely not the answer I was hoping for. I wanted him to crumble. We were on our way to his apartment. No one needed to know. Again, I tried to avoid sounding desperate.
“‘O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?’” I said, resorting to the safety of Shakespeare’s words.
He smiled. “‘What satisfaction canst thou have tonight,’ crazy legs?”
“If you need to ask, then you are out of practice,” I said. “And it’s kind of ironic that I’m quoting Romeo and you’re quoting Juliet. Aren’t you supposed to be the one who can’t control himself while I frantically fight off your advances?” I was trying to keep the tone light, but I was genuinely amazed at his self-control. Any other guy would be ripping my clothes off by now, back seat of a taxi or no.
“Don’t fool yourself into thinking I’m a paragon of virtue, Aubrey. I’m not. And please don’t question how desirable you are. You know how much I want you. You also know why we have to wait.” He sighed in exasperation. “I don’t want to rehash this.”
I extricated myself from his arms and settled back against my seat, not only frustrated but also irritated by the whole situation. Daniel rubbed his face, equally aggravated.
“I don’t know what to say anymore, Aubrey. I’m sorry you’re annoyed. I thought the night was going well. We were having fun, and you get along so well with everyone. Things worked out with Julie and Jeremy. That’s truly all I was hoping for this evening. I’m sorry if you thought there were other things on the agenda.”
I looked at him in disbelief. “Well, that makes me sound like some sort of a sex-obsessed freak. Thanks a lot.”
“Come on, that’s not what I meant. It’s just that we can’t keep pushing the envelope like this. It’s not fair to either one of us. I genuinely did try to behave tonight. I think we need to rein things in a little. Don’t you agree?”
I avoided his question. “Are we nearly there?” I needed him to get out of the car. I was afraid I was going to say something I’d regret.
“Yes, a couple more minutes,” he said.
“Good.” I resolutely kept my mouth closed.
“Aubrey, please don’t be like this.”
“Don’t
be like what?”
“Unreasonable,” he said.
I bit my tongue. Counted to ten. Tried not to fly off the handle.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. I warned you I wasn’t a patient person, and now you see for yourself what I meant. I’m sorry to have disappointed you so thoroughly.”
He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. What just happened?”
“I don’t know. Maybe we both need some time to think.” I had nothing more to say. I was hurt and wanted to go home to lick my wounds in private. He remained silent and unmoving.
Apparently we’d reached our destination because the taxi was now parked against the curb. The driver turned in his seat, awaiting payment. I didn’t bother looking out the window, no longer interested in seeing Daniel’s condo. I kept my arms crossed and my eyes facing forward. Daniel gave the driver money with instructions to take me back to Charles Street.
He opened the door and climbed out, ducking his head back inside. “Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Whatever.”
“Whatever? That’s nice.”
He slammed the door and disappeared behind the cab.
I didn’t even watch him walk away.
Chapter 22
Pride
All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.
(Love’s Labour’s Lost, Act II, Scene 1)
BACK IN THE APARTMENT, I went straight to my room. I doubted Joanna would be home at all that night, but I didn’t want to cross paths with Matt if he came home early.
After changing into PJs I flopped onto the bed. While the pain in my head had lessened to a slight throb, my heart was aching and I was stewing in shame. I stared at my phone, sliding my thumb back and forth across the display. The best course of action would be to text Daniel or, better yet, phone him to apologize. But the prospect was terrifying. He’d been so disenchanted when he’d slammed the door of that cab. What if he’d decided in the last hour that I wasn’t worth the trouble? Right now I could hang on to the hope that he’d forgive me. If I were to call and face a dismissive answer, that would be the end of it. I wasn’t ready to deal with that possibility.
What had possessed me to behave so foolishly? Daniel was right. I’d been unreasonable. It was wrong of me to treat his feelings so lightly. I’d snapped and behaved like a sullen child. Was I entirely at fault, though? He’d been the one to initiate all of our flirtations—the hugs, the texting, the innuendo—always pulling back when he decided things had gone far enough. He’d been getting me going for days. This time I’d been the instigator, and he’d shut me down immediately. This wasn’t fair of him either.
I was so confused. In my heart I felt that I owed him an apology, if for no other reason than for reacting so petulantly when he’d rejected my advances, but I wasn’t prepared to shoulder all of the responsibility for our squabble. The whole situation sucked.
Shivering, I crawled into bed with my phone, setting the ring tone volume to its highest level on the off chance that he’d call or text me in the night. After what felt like hours of tossing and turning, I finally slept, phone tightly clutched in my hand.
I awoke at nine o’clock the next morning. On the one hand, this was a good thing because it meant I’d had a decent sleep. On the other hand, there had been no chiming of my phone to rouse me—definitely a bad thing.
Where was my phone? I felt around on the bed, looked under the covers, and lifted the pillow. Nothing. Dragging myself to the side of my bed, I peered over the edge and saw my phone on the floor, red message light flashing. I grabbed it with shaking hands. A Facebook alert. Someone had commented on a picture I’d posted the week before. Damn. Nothing from Daniel.
He hadn’t called.
He hadn’t sent a text.
What did that mean? Was he upset? Was he angry? Was he as remorseful as I was? Afraid to take the chance to call or too proud to do so?
I spent the next half hour curled in bed, rereading the sonnet he’d written out for me, remembering the day we’d texted each other in the Hart House library and how he’d made my knees weak without laying a single finger on me. He was so incredibly sexy. No, I simply couldn’t be held responsible for wanting him so much. What woman in her right mind could resist him?
I tormented myself further by flipping through my calendar to gaze wistfully at Daniel’s hand-written Post-it notes. April’s note, which had made me so giddy only days ago, now made me want to cry. I methodically marked a red X through Saturday, March seventh. Fifty-three days. That’s how much longer we had to wait—no—that’s how much longer we would have to wait if we were still a couple. Acknowledging that awful condition brought me to tears, and several wet splotches fell onto the calendar page, smudging the red ink.
I dabbed at the page with a tissue, but then I blew my nose and rubbed my eyes, taking myself to task. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything. If I wanted to fix the situation, I’d have to do something. I stared at my phone indecisively. A light tapping on the door interrupted my waffling.
“Um, give me a minute,” I called.
“No problem. Just wanted to see if you were up,” Matt said through the door. “You want some French toast?”
After quickly checking my face for stray makeup smudges, I slipped the calendar back in the drawer and opened the door.
“Hey,” I said, trying to put on a convincing smile. “French toast sounds great. You want some help?”
“No, that’s cool; I can do it. Hey, you sick? Your nose is kinda red.”
“Yeah, I think I might have a head cold coming on or something. It was pretty gross out last night.”
“No kidding.” He hesitated. “So, that was an interesting group of people you were with.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. He was aiming for a casual tone, but his question had “fishing for info” written all over it.
“You think?” I said, striving to be equally casual and no doubt failing as thoroughly as he was.
“Well, hanging out socially with your TA and his family? That’s a little strange.”
“I guess it does seem odd, but Daniel wanted to go to support the Langfords, and his family has affiliations with Mothers Against Drunk Driving, so that’s why his brothers and Penny were there. When he found out Julie and I were planning to attend, we decided to all sit together. No biggie.”
I was impressed with myself. This story sounded pretty damned good.
“Huh. That’s cool, I guess. So, the angry dark-haired dude you were sitting beside?”
“That’s Daniel’s older brother.”
I smiled at his description. Matt had truly brought out the worst in Brad.
“Right,” he said, pursing his lips and nodding. “And are you two, you know…?”
He lifted a brow. The wingman act designed to throw Cara off course would probably work just as well for Matt, but I simply couldn’t lie to him again.
“No, he’s a good guy, but there’s nothing going on with us,” I assured him.
Matt nodded. “Look, I should tell you, Shawn didn’t have the guts to come over and say hi. All of a sudden he’s turned into this ridiculous adolescent when he talks about you. What should I tell him?”
“His interest is flattering, Matt, but I wouldn’t want him to get his hopes up. He’s a nice guy, but I’m not on the lookout for anything right now.”
“Fair enough. Well, listen, I’m gonna get started on breakfast. You can grab a shower if you want.”
I took him up on his offer while he cooked. It was completely ridiculous, but I took my phone into the bathroom with me, anxious about missing a potential call or text from Daniel.
He didn’t call while I was showering. He didn’t call while Matt and I ate brunch, nor was there a peep out of him while I did the dishes. By noon I was getting antsy. I was settling in to do some French homework when my phone finally rang. I looked at the display, praying I’d see “D. Grant.” I didn’t—it was
just a number.
“Hello?”
“Aubrey? Is that you, lovey?”
Oh my God! It was Penny!
“Yes, it’s me. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I hope you don’t mind, but I got your number from Jeremy. I’m calling to see how you’re feeling. You really didn’t seem well when you left last night.”
“I’m surviving,” I said. Just barely. “Did you guys stay late?”
“No, we were in a taxi ourselves by half past ten.”
“So what did you think of Julie?” I asked, skirting around the only topic I was really interested in discussing.
“Oh, she’s absolutely brill. A real gem. She and Jeremy seemed to get on well after you left. I think he even managed to wangle a date out of her for this evening.”
I tried to allow my excitement for Julie to overrule the distress I felt about my situation with Daniel. “They seem like a good match. I’m really happy for them.”
“Me too. You two must come round once we’re settled. We’ll figure something out before I head off back home. A girls’ night in or something.”
“What? Home, as in England home? You’re leaving?”
“Only for a fortnight. I’ve left my poor mum and my friend Veronica making all the wedding arrangements. It’s all getting to be a bit much for Mum. She’s probably going off her nut.”
The other shoe dropped.
“Wait, you’re getting married in England?”
“Yes, darling, didn’t Daniel tell you?”
“No, it didn’t come up, I guess.”
“How disappointing. You don’t spend all of your stolen moments together talking about me?” She laughed. “But, yes, I’m being a bit daft about it actually. I can’t bear the thought of not having my family and friends around when I get married, and they’re not in a position to afford a trip to Canada, so we’re going back there instead.”
“And Daniel’s family is joining you?”
“Yes, the whole lot. Even Patty. She’ll be a riot on the plane. Brad’s convinced she’ll be knocking on the cockpit door to tell the pilot to hurry up if he’s not on schedule. Brad does the best Patty impersonation. Nearly makes me wee laughing.”
The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) Page 25
