In a daze, Joanna tried to sort out what he’d actually said. She was fairly sure she was expected to stop writing her stories, yet he hadn’t specifically said it was against the church ordinance. Nor had he declared it a sin. But getting published: The preacher had been mighty clear on that point.
Ach, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life!
Trying to calm down from the upsetting visit, she looked up and noticed Cora Jane standing at an open upstairs window. Joanna was shocked to think she might have listened in on the private conversation. Reddening, Cora Jane inched back, away from sight.
What’s come over her?
With a moan, Joanna turned away from the house. She stared at the clouds toward the northeast. Never before had she felt so alone.
So it’s come to this. Joanna reached for the hem of her apron to dry her tears. The emptiness in her heart needed to be filled, and she yearned for Eben’s loving arms, imagining what it would be like to have him with her now, walking together once again.
She poured out her heart in prayer. O Lord, how can I give up what brings me such enjoyment?
Chapter 23
Still shaky from her meeting with Preacher Yoder, Joanna darted into the small bathroom off the kitchen, where she washed her face. She stood at the sink and stared into the modest cabinet mirror, letting water drip off her chin. Her distress threatened even more tears, but she set her jaw and splashed cold water on her eyes and forehead.
She was thankful for indoor plumbing on such a day. Four decades ago, her family was using the wooden outhouse, which still stood a ways from the barn. Ah, the wonderful-good conveniences the ministerial brethren had permitted back then. Considering that, she wondered when individual creativity might be allowed. Would story writing—and music, like Katie’s guitar playing—always be frowned upon? Now, sadly, her story would languish, forever unfinished. Ironic. She hoped that wouldn’t be the case with her real-life love story.
She hadn’t received a letter from Eben in the past couple days, and the knowledge compounded her misery.
After drying her face, Joanna turned to the window and moved the plain white curtains aside to look at the lush green lawn, carefully tended each week by her and Cora Jane. They’d also planted the brightly colored petunias along the walkway and around the well pump on the eastern edge. Alas, the old pump would always be a reminder now of Preacher Yoder’s stern admonition.
Evidently, she was considered a transgressor in his eyes. Yet Joanna wasn’t herself convinced. And she wished with all her heart that the minister would’ve answered her questions—now she was so confused. Did he think Joanna was merely a ferhoodled female? She’d sometimes overheard other men in authority talk so about their womenfolk, which had privately triggered her resentment, though she hadn’t “given place to the devil” and acted on it. Still, she couldn’t imagine Eben referring to her that way . . . nor her own father.
Joanna rushed through her indoor chores, avoiding Mamma as best she could. She simply could not reveal what had happened today, not the way she felt. But she needed comfort terribly, and thankfully she knew where to seek it. As miserable as Joanna felt, she could hardly wait to leave the house, to escape both her mother’s questioning eyes and her sister’s pained expression. She detested what Cora Jane had done. Yet she also knew that pursuing revenge was not the way of forgiveness.
Joanna headed on foot around the barn after the noon meal and cut through the field lane that bordered her father’s cornfield. She relived Preacher Yoder’s awful visit as she trudged over the lengthy pasture to the other side of their property.
How could she ever forgive Cora Jane? Yet she must.
Birds gathered in masses in the trees, calling back and forth, then flew together in a great gray cloud against the sky. They seemed to mock her.
When Joanna finally arrived at Ella Mae Zook’s little house, she spotted the white-haired woman on the back porch, watering her potted red geraniums with a galvanized watering can. Several years had come and gone since many pretty annuals blossomed in the beds along the walkway and porch. But Ella Mae’s knee joints could no longer tolerate bending to weed a garden.
Ella Mae looked up and gave a smile as Joanna made her way across the backyard. “Well, now, I thought that was you.” She looked neat and proper in her green dress and black apron, graying hair in a low bun and her crisp white organdy Kapp over the widening middle part. “Nice to see ya, dearie. Come sit with me on the porch.”
“Hullo, Ella Mae,” Joanna said as she approached the elderly woman. “I’ve been wantin’ to visit you.”
“Glad ya dropped by, then.” Ella Mae led the way up the steps, going to her own rocking chair near the far end of the white banister. “You’re lookin’ a bit schlimm, dear girl.” Gingerly, she eased herself into the rocker.
“Do I?”
“Serious as ever I’ve seen ya.”
Joanna took her seat on the only other rocker. Leaning back, she sighed, glad for the quiet and the peaceful landscape beyond the barn. “Honestly, I scarcely know where to start.”
“Well, the beginning’s always a gut place, ain’t?”
Joanna crossed her legs and glanced at her dusty bare feet. She felt so comfortable with Ella Mae, who was certainly the best listener Joanna had ever known. “All right,” she said, glad they were alone. “When you were a girl, did ya ever love someone who lived outside the community?”
“I never cared two cents for any Englischer boys, if that’s what ya mean.”
Joanna waved her hand. “No, no . . . I didn’t mean to imply that.” She scooted forward a bit. “What I meant was, did ya ever care for an Amish fella who lived in a different church district . . . maybe even in another state?”
“Can’t say that I did.” Ella Mae shook her head. “Never met any young fellas outside this community back in my own courting days.”
Forging ahead, Joanna confided about Eben Troyer and all of the important details surrounding their long-distance courtship since their meeting on the beach and his visit last November. “Even though he wants to move here, things just aren’t movin’ forward like I thought . . . actually, they don’t seem to be moving at all.”
“Ain’t surprising, really,” Ella Mae said softly, blue eyes peering over her glasses.
Disheartened, Joanna hoped she might explain.
“Problems can arise in a long-distance courtship,” Ella Mae said, no longer rocking. “Misunderstandings, for one thing. And sometimes a couple doesn’t always mesh because of the different church ordinances, for another. What one bishop allows, the other doesn’t—so there’s some fittin’ in that must happen over time.”
Joanna wondered if Eben’s bishop considered writing fiction a problem, but she quickly dismissed that.
“And there can be certain challenges to face by havin’ to move far away from family and friends, too.”
Joanna knew this—why, even Cousin Malinda seemed lonesome at times.
“What I’m wonderin’ is, aren’t there any nice fellas in Hickory Hollow?” Ella Mae asked, chuckling a little, her dimples showing.
“That’s a gut question.”
“Well, then?”
Joanna considered that. “But what if you’ve already fallen in love with someone else?” There. She’d said it.
“Guess it’s just as easy to fall for a young man right here at home as anywhere, jah?”
Joanna felt discouraged. Ella Mae didn’t seem to understand—the young men around here had had their chance, but none of them had shown much interest. No one had, in fact, till Eben. Yet the Wise Woman’s questions lodged in Joanna’s mind. Truth was, there would be no such difficulties for her and Eben . . . at least not once he finally arrived to court her. He’d never hinted at any worries about what the move would mean for him, or any concerns related to the Ordnung there in the hollow. On the other hand, he had never really written about anything controversial. Maybe he simply took things as they came.
&nbs
p; “Problems can arise in a long-distance courtship. . . .”
Ella Mae’s words continued to resonate in Joanna’s mind later, as she walked back through the cornfield toward home, feeling worse for the visit. She glanced over at the top of the phone shack where she and Eben secretly talked.
Will he call again tonight?
“Oh, gut, you’re home,” Mamma said the minute Joanna walked in the back door. “I need ya to take a casserole and some fresh bread over to Mammi Kurtz right quick. Your father’s already hitched up the team.”
“I’ll be glad to,” Joanna replied, noting that Cora Jane was down on all fours, washing the kitchen floor. Truly glad . . .
“I would go, but Rachel Stoltzfus is comin’ over any minute now, bringing ideas for the school’s benefit auction next month.” Mamma bustled around, gathering up the long loaf of bread, some strawberry jam, and the hot dish, putting everything in a large basket. “Hope it’s not too heavy.” She handed it to Joanna.
“No . . . I can manage.”
“Just so ya know, your Mammi Kurtz ain’t feelin’ well,” Mamma added. “Might not be a gut idea to stay long, ya hear?”
Joanna nodded, promising not to tire Mammi out. She did wish she could ask about the story behind the double wedding ring quilt, but it sounded like that would have to wait.
She glanced at her sister before leaving the kitchen with the food basket. Cora Jane kept scrubbing all the while, never once looking up, like she was taking out some frustration on the wood floor.
Joanna’s Mammi Kurtz was the topping on any cake. She wasn’t just dear, she was considerate, too. And beautiful for her age. Her skin was fair and unflawed, except for the wrinkles, and she wore her prayer cap pushed toward the back of her graying head.
“Well, aren’t you nice, Joanna.” Her grandmother got up from her comfortable chair in the tidy corner of the small kitchen, setting The Budget aside.
“No need to cook tonight,” Joanna said.
Mammi shuffled over and touched her arm. “How’d your Mamma know I was under the weather?”
“Let’s see.” Joanna glanced at the ceiling. “From that trusty ol’ grapevine, perhaps?”
Her grandmother gave a little laugh, then teetered a bit. Right quick, Joanna helped her back to her chair. “Maybe I should stay awhile and help ya serve supper,” Joanna offered. “If ya would like.”
“Ain’t necessary, really. Fannie will be checkin’ up, like always.” Her daughter-in-law Fannie lived in the main farmhouse with her husband and children.
“If you’re sure, then.”
“Oh jah . . . ever so sure.” Mammi nodded, though she looked pale. “But before ya leave, I wondered what ya thought of the wedding quilt Malinda found.”
“It’s astonishingly perty. I love havin’ it, Mammi.”
“Didja know your name’s the same as the great-great-aunt who made it?”
“Really?”
“’Tis true . . . and Joanna wasn’t a typical Amish name in those days.” Mammi crossed her hands over her bosom. “That’s why I thought you should have the quilt.”
Not because she thought I’d be marrying anytime soon. . . .
“It’s beautifully made,” Joanna said.
“Oh, it’s just the most wonderful quilt . . . for more than one important reason.”
“Sometime, I’d like to hear more ’bout it,” she ventured, heeding Mamma’s wishes about staying too long.
“We’ll need some time alone for that,” Mammi said, her eyes flashing a secret. “Just the two of us.”
“I’ll look forward to it.” Joanna set the hot dish on the back burner for warming later. “You sure it’s all right for me to leave?”
“Abseelutt.” Despite her ashen face, Mammi was emphatic. “Come by anytime, dear.”
Joanna went to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Be sure to tell Dawdi or Fannie to bring ya over to see Mammi Sadie sometime, all right?”
“That I will.” Mammi’s smile was precious. “And you tell your Mamma that Dawdi and I are grateful for the delicious supper. Smells awful gut.”
“I will.” With that, Joanna headed for the back door. Knowing her name was the same as the quilt maker’s tickled her no end. Moreover, considering the preacher’s visit—and Ella Mae’s depressing remarks about long-distance romances—it was the nicest thing Joanna had heard all day.
Now, what else did Mammi know about that extra-special quilt?
Chapter 24
One after another, cars with impatient drivers rushed past the horse and carriage as Joanna reined the mare closer to the safety of the shoulder. Yet she didn’t hurry the horse whatsoever. She needed this time to contemplate all the many events of this Friday.
Ella Mae’s words continued to turn in Joanna’s head, begging for attention, even though Joanna wished to push them aside. She turned her thoughts back to the quilt. It was odd, but she wondered if the wedding quilt was somehow destined to have been passed along through the family to her . . . if for no other reason than to offset her doubts. She honestly didn’t know what to think about the young man who loved her but who seemingly had no plan of action that would permit them to marry anytime soon. Even so, the quilt from the past encouraged her.
She tried to picture her great-great-aunt—surely as resourceful and diligent as Joanna’s own mother and grandmothers—sewing and humming as she worked . . . perhaps praying? Oh, she felt so reassured by the thought. It was almost as if the Lord was whispering in her ear, All is well, my child.
Her soul had to be silenced so Joanna could hear the still, small voice of God. Only then could she relinquish the reins of her life to her heavenly Father . . . and breathe a grateful prayer.
———
Joanna had just rounded the bend leading toward the fork in the road—the left side headed to Hickory Lane—when she noticed a young man walking on the other side, going in the same direction she was. He turned slightly, and she realized it was Freckles Jake.
Well, of all things!
He smiled and waved, and without a smidgen of hesitation, he called to her, “Joanna! Would ya mind giving me a lift?”
“Any other time, but I need to get home quickly.”
His face fell. “All right, then.”
Immediately, she felt guilty. Would it really be so bad to take him home or wherever he was headed? She thought better of it. “Well, if you’re not goin’ too far out of my way,” she said, slowing the horse.
“Mighty kind of you,” he said and thanked her.
She veered the horse off the road and stopped so Jake could hop in on the left. She hoped he’d stay put over there and not slide toward her for any funny business. Though for all the rumors, she’d never encountered anything out of the ordinary with him.
“Where’re ya goin’?” she asked, suddenly feeling shy with him sharing the seat.
“Over yonder, past your father’s farm—to Ella Mae’s.”
She was shocked, because she didn’t know a young man would admit to going to see the Wise Woman. “Interesting,” she replied, unable to keep her smile in check.
“Why’s that?” The late-afternoon sun poured in on him, making his hair look redder than usual.
“Ach, I don’t know,” she said, embarrassed.
“Well, I think you do.” He was grinning.
“Ella Mae’s one terrific listener, for sure.” We all need to talk to someone, she thought.
He shrugged.
“I can take you there, if you’d like.”
“No, that’s all right. I’ll just get out at your place and go through the cornfield, if ya don’t mind.” He removed his straw hat, running his hand across the top of it. Then, glancing at her, he said, “I appreciate the ride.”
“Don’t mind at all.”
He started to say something, then stopped and donned his hat. She was relieved. What if he asked if she was going to the next Singing? She didn’t want to hurt him.
Besides, I belong to som
eone else, she thought. Don’t I?
Her visit to Ella Mae’s had certainly stirred up some issues. That and meeting with Jake on the road today—it was almost as if he’d turned up to reinforce the Wise Woman’s remarks about local boys.
A few minutes later, they turned into her father’s lane. “Here we are,” she said, amazed how quickly Jake bounded out of the buggy, like he wanted to impress her. Then, before saying another word, he tied up the horse.
She turned to thank Jake for this small and unexpected favor and found him right behind her. His hazel eyes sparkled as he grinned at her. “Pleased to help . . . anytime, really.” Then, crossing the barnyard, he turned to wave—twice.
Laughing a little at Jake’s eagerness, Joanna headed around the side of the house and was completely astonished to see someone sitting on the back porch steps. There, looking altogether handsome, was none other than Eben Troyer!
Chapter 25
Hullo, Joanna.” Eben remained seated for a moment, reconsidering his visit in the awkwardness of the moment. Had he done the right thing showing up unannounced?
But Joanna’s contagious smile lifted the roof right off his heart, and he rose to meet her. “Ach, Eben . . . I . . . when did ya get here?” she stuttered, searching his face.
“A few minutes ago.”
She was staring with disbelief, and if he wasn’t mistaken, there were silent tears in her pretty eyes. “Ach, it’s so gut to see you again! Does anyone know you’re here?” She looked about her.
“I knocked, but no one came to the door. So I sat myself down to wait, and now you’re here.” He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her right there in broad daylight, but that wasn’t called for. For one thing, he’d come bearing bad news. And for another, he couldn’t easily dismiss the jovial fellow who had been riding with Joanna. Eben had never seen someone so smitten. He wondered why she hadn’t introduced him before he ran off.
The Bridesmaid Page 13
