I set my phone down on my nightstand and lay down on my bed, hiding my head under the blankets as the memories of my failure washed over me. I hated myself for screwing everything up. Shame covered me like a heavy blanket, smothering and suffocating. I wished I could just erase the last year of my life, just go back and redo it. So many mistakes. So many soul—crushing mistakes.
My phone binged. Luke loves the idea of Winter Carnival.
Awesome! It was so easy to sound happy over a text.
Bing. You want to go? My heart skipped a beat, temporarily making me forget my shame. Andrew was asking me out to a romantic winter festival? I sat staring at the glowing screen in the dark of my blanket fort, trying to figure out why my heart was pounding in my chest. He was my friend. Just my friend. But...
Bing. There is a wine tasting there. Mom says I have to be the designated driver (especially after last night). You want to keep me company?
I let out a sigh of relief, feeling a strange twinge of regret settle deep in my chest. Andrew was my best friend. Nothing more. We had promised one another a long time ago that we would never go down that road, and we weren't going to. I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to get the regret out of my lungs. It hung like a mist under the blanket, so I threw off the blanket, letting the sun dispel the rest. Things always felt better in the sunshine.
Sure. I have this weekend off anyway. We'll have fun!
I tossed the phone on my bed, deciding that I needed a shower. A shower and coffee. I started thinking of the Winter Carnival. I imagined the possibilities that could happen if this went well for Audrey and Ray. Would Audrey wear a white wedding dress? I thought mint green would be better for a second marriage, but she would look beautiful in pink. I felt better thinking about them than ruminating on my past. I wanted to leave my past as far behind me as possible. I grinned as I wrote the date down on my calendar and went to start the water.
Chapter 5
Smoke trickled into the sky, blotting out the stars. Smelling smoke a young mother cradled her child closer to her breast. Two teens stopped their kissing to wonder why the sky seemed darker. A father checked on his young son, sleeping soundly in his bed, his brow pushed together as he worried for his family. A car stopped on the side of the road, flames reflecting in the dark windows. The glow of a phone lit the interior, the cry for help beginning.
***
I put on my warm winter boots and my nice hunter green wool pea coat. I decided that I wanted to look pretty, even if it meant I wasn't quite as warm as if I wore my heavy winter coat.
"You look nice," my dad said, watching me as I put on a hat and yellow scarf.
"Thanks, Daddy. Can you hand me my bag?"
"Sure. You're going out with Andrew tonight, right? When are you thinking you'll be home?" Dad asked nonchalantly. Since I had come home, he had been trying hard not to slip back into his protective ways; I really appreciated him letting me be an adult even though I was living at home. It was hard on him, but luckily I didn't do much other than work nowadays.
"Yes, I'm keeping Andrew company. We'll be home whenever Mrs. Miller and Mr. West decide that they want to come home. I'll call if we're going to be later than ten," I said, smiling at him as he handed me my bag. He smiled but I could see a curtain of worry shrouded his face.
"I guess if Audrey and Ray are with you, you won't get into much trouble," he said hesitantly.
"I think it is Mr. West and Mrs. Miller that you need to worry about getting into trouble." I winked at him. He laughed, but the ever-present worry never left his eyes. I could see Andrew pull up to the driveway in Audrey's car, so I kissed Dad on the cheek and headed out the door. Audrey was already in the backseat, so I took the front and waved to my dad in the window as we pulled out. Luke's house was next, and we had barely turned into the driveway when Ray opened the door.
He looked handsome. I had known him for most of my life, but I had never actually realized that he was an attractive man. He was always just Luke and Tyler's dad, a fixture in their home and the shop; much like no one ever looks at their doorknobs, I had never really looked at him.
Ray had gotten his blonde hair cut in a military style that accented his jawline and cheekbones, making his hazel eyes look bigger and brighter than I remembered. I had never even really noticed the color of his eyes before, but today, they caught my attention. He was grinning from ear to ear as he slid into the seat next to Audrey.
The two of them made sure there was an appropriate distance between them, but I could see them casting glances and giggling in the rear-view mirror. It was like watching two teenagers in the back of their parent's car trying not to get noticed. I looked over at Andrew, and he just rolled his eyes and started backing out of the driveway. In order to ignore the blatant flirting and giggling in the backseat, I turned on the radio. Elton John's "Your Song" blared out of the speakers.
"It's our song!" Audrey and Ray cried from the backseat. Andrew and I exchanged looks as they began to sing along with the lyrics. I was glad when it ended, except for the fact that then I could hear the two of them began making lovey noises in the backseat.
"Don't make me come back there. I want to see hands," Andrew growled at them, glancing in the backseat.
"Isn't that our line?" Ray asked as they both held up their hands. Audrey giggled.
A few minutes later, Audrey had her face plastered against the window. "Oh, there's the lake! It's so pretty! I haven't been out here since Andrew was a little boy," she squealed from the backseat. I marveled at how she could sound like a mother and like an excited child at the same time.
The snow on the lake sparkled. One of the few memories I had of my own mother was at this lake. The week before she died, she had taken me skating, just the two of us. I was only four years old, and I remembered thinking how graceful she was as she glided around. Her scarf had been bright yellow. It had been just the two of us that day and I had loved it. She called it our girl's day out. The entire day was a memory that I treasured and loved. The lake was a happy place for me.
We pulled into the main lot, showing the attendant our tickets. He waved us to a spot near the edge of the lot. Ray hopped out of the car, running around to open the door for Audrey, bowing in an exaggerated matter as he held it open. She giggled, and curtseyed, her eyes shining with amusement.
"Alright you two," Andrew began with mock seriousness. "We will meet back here at nine o’clock. If you are going to be late, call or text. I will leave the car unlocked in case you guys need anything from it. If I don't get either and it is past nine, you are both grounded for a week." Audrey and Ray laughed like little kids before agreeing and running off toward the ice skating area.
Andrew shook his head watching them, then turned to me. "Well, what should we do while we wait for the little lovebirds?"
"Spy on them," I responded looking as innocent as possible. He grinned and tapped his fingers under his chin like an evil villain, giving a laugh fit for a black and white movie. I laughed and we headed toward the Lake House.
The lake was beautiful. It had snowed for the first time in weeks the night before, and the world was a winter wonderland. The frozen lake stretched out under snow—covered hills, evergreen trees standing like silent observers dressed in white. A large log cabin style building gazed out at the plowed lake, the windows glowing cheerfully and welcoming visitors inside. Small figures glided and danced on across the silver lake, their joyful shrieks filling the air.
I could see Audrey and Ray lacing up their skates at the edge of the skating area, the two of them laughing and joking like lovestruck teenagers. They looked so young and carefree as they wobbled out onto the ice.
Andrew and I stood on the deck of the Lake House, watching the two adults play on the ice. Ray tried to show off and skate backwards, slipping and falling onto his butt. Audrey inched toward him, unsteady on her skates until she reached him. She stuck out her hand to help him up, but when he grabbed it, instead of heaving himself up, he
pulled her down on top of them. She shrieked with mock anger, running her hand along the ice and tossing small snow crystals at his face. Ray's baritone laugh boomed across the lake as he got up and helped her back to her feet. She looked up at him in adoration as he took her hand and worked her back out onto the ice, making sure she was steady on her feet as they moved forward.
"She looks so happy," I murmured, glancing over at Andrew. He was leaning up against the railing, his blue eyes focused on the skating couple on the ice. The wind ruffled his hair, and the cold made his cheeks bright.
"She told me she was furious when she first saw Ray at the restaurant," he said, looking out at them. "She said she has avoided him ever since Dad died because she didn't want to feel something he couldn't return. She thought he was happy with Barb, and she didn't want to get in the way of that. She thought not seeing him would spare everyone heartache. When she heard he was divorced, she felt like she had a second chance, even though she wasn't sure he would still want her." He turned toward me, his eyes catching mine and refusing to let go. "Thank you, Holly, for giving her that."
I blushed and looked at my boots on the wooden deck, his praise warming me down to my toes. "It wasn't just me, you know. You and Luke have just as much to do with this as I do. I don't deserve credit for this. Honestly, your mom and Ray deserve the credit—they're the ones doing all the hard work."
"This is the happiest I have seen her since Dad died. I caught her singing while she made dinner last night, and she only called me at work twice to make sure I was all right," Andrew said, turning his gaze to the skating couple.
A woman in a fur-trimmed coat bumped into me, pushing me against Andrew. He caught me easily, his hands strong on my arms, his body solid against mine. I looked up, and his blue eyes twinkled back at me as he helped me to my feet. His eyes made the blue sky seem dull in comparison, and I knew I could get lost in them. The woman apologized and continued on her way, but I could still feel Andrew’s warmth. I blushed and smoothed my coat, both of us laughing at the near accident.
"You want some cocoa? I remember how good it was last time my mom brought me here," he offered, running a glove through his hair. I nodded, and he disappeared into the main building, weaving in and out of the growing crowd.
I turned back to the lake, my breath frosting the air. The sun was starting to set, turning the fresh snow a golden red as it pulled the blanket of mountains up over its head. Below me on a second tier of the deck, a bonfire popped and crackled, the smoke rising gently into the deepening sky. I watched the dark tendrils of smoke fade into the oncoming twilight, feeling peaceful.
A murmur rose from the crowd as the ice was suddenly illuminated. They had placed colored lights around the skating areas, making the ice and snow shimmer like a fairy land. The house behind me streamed out a warm, welcoming glow toward the lake, beckoning cold skaters in from the icy air.
I could see Audrey and Ray hand in hand making slow circles on the lake. They projected a happiness I didn't know was possible. I wondered what had driven them apart so long ago; watching them fall in love for the second time was like getting to witness magic. I didn't know how it was happening, I didn’t want to question it; I just wanted to let it happen.
"Hot chocolate for the lady." Andrew's voice cut through my thoughts. I turned and took the hot Styrofoam cup in my hands, breathing in its aroma. Chocolate, frost, and pine smoke all mixed in a delicious medley that would forever remind me of winter in the mountains.
The crowd was beginning to grow on the deck, pushing Andrew and me together. I could feel him against me, steady and strong as waves of people moved across the deck. This close to him, I could smell his cologne. He was wearing the same cologne as he did in high school, and it smelt as good then as it does now. It was something his dad had picked out for him after catching him with the junk the other high school boys were wearing. He smelled like clear water with just a hint of musk, masculine and solid. Whenever I smelled it, I thought of him.
"The lady at the counter said there is supposed to be fireworks tonight," he said sipping on his cup. He pointed up to the clear sky where stars were starting to twinkle. "Good night for it."
"You think our lovebirds will even notice?" I said as I gestured toward the lake.
"I think they are already seeing fireworks." He grinned at me. I looked back out to the lake, but I could no longer find the happy couple. "Where'd they go?"
"They were there a minute ago. What time is it?" I glanced at my watch to see that over an hour had gone by without me noticing it. Andrew had that effect on me. "The wine tasting has started. You want to go skate?"
"Let's eat first. I saw one of those foodie trucks on the other side of the building when I got the hot chocolate.” he suggested, “The food they were selling smelt delicious.” I nodded, and we began working our way through the crowd toward the truck.
We stood in line for a couple of minutes, the smell of hamburgers and bacon wafting toward us. When we finally got our food, we found a quiet spot off a snowbank and sat devouring the tasty meal. We continued joking and laughing until my feet felt numb. Andrew stood first, offering a hand to help me stand.
"Ready to skate? I remember you used to be pretty good," he said with a grin.
"If by good you mean that I have a lot of skill at falling on my butt properly, then yeah, I'm pretty good," I said, dusting the snow off my coat. He laughed and we headed back to the lake, stopping at the Lake House to pick up some skates.
I was worse than I remembered. Within two steps of having put on my skates, I was down on my backside with tears in my eyes from the impact. Andrew smiled apologetically at me as he glided perfectly to my side, giving me his hand to help me up. I stood up slowly, splaying my legs like a colt just learning to walk, refusing to let go of him. He pulled me in close to him, his body being the rock I could to support myself on.
"You can do this. Just glide across the ice. One foot out, good, now push and move the other," he coached gently. His breath was warm on my cheek, and I had to force myself to concentrate on the ice rather than how wonderful he smelled, on how perfectly his hands fit in mine, or the way his voice sounded. I couldn't go down that road. We moved slowly, awkwardly across the ice, my sluggish legs slowly learning the motion. Even when I started to be able to maneuver more smoothly, I didn't let of of Andrew's hand; safety resided in his grasp.
Once we had skate around the circle, and I was feeling more confident in my ability to at least stay standing. I let go of his hand, ready to try it on my own, and pushed out ahead of him. I glanced over my shoulder, grinning at my own independence. Andrew's returning smile made me blush.
I tried my best to skate gracefully, making it almost full circle before stumbling over my own feet. I felt the pit of my stomach rise up into my throat as my hands flailed at the air and my legs slipped out from under me. But I never hit the ground. Andrew caught me before I fell, wrapping his arms around me and keeping me up when I was sure I was going to fall. As he held me, my legs slowly found their way back underneath me but my knees still felt like jelly. Even in the darkness, he was still the most attractive man I had ever known.
"Well, I'll let the hockey team know that you won't be ready this season, but maybe next year," he joked, holding me for a moment longer than necessary before letting go. My heart fluttered in my chest, and I hoped it was dark enough he couldn't see the blush burning on my cheeks.
"I think I'm done for a little while. Besides, the fireworks are supposed to start soon," I said trying to regain my composure. I knew if I stayed out on the ice with him, I would fall on purpose just so he would catch me.
"Yeah, um... I'd like to do a couple laps. How about you go get us a spot? I'll come find you," he said quickly, not waiting for me to answer before taking off. I looked after him, perplexed. I shook my head as I slowly stepped my way back to return my skates. I could see him zooming around the ice, going faster and faster, but always in control.
After return
ing my skates and getting my boots back on, I found a spot on the deck big enough for two against the railing. It was only a couple of minutes before Andrew found me, his cheeks red from the cold. He leaned against the railing, his breath frosting the night sky as we waited for the fireworks to start. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, regretting my choice of jacket. Now that the sun had set and I wasn't moving, I was getting cold.
Andrew's brows pushed together for a moment as he watched me, then with a shake of his head, he moved behind me and wrapped his arms around me. The heat was instantaneous and not just from his arms. His cologne filled my nostrils, his body felt strong and warm behind me. I knew I should break away, to just deal with the cold rather than let myself experience these feelings stirring within me, but I couldn't. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to feel him touch me.
The lights in the Lake House dimmed and slowly turned off, the darkness enveloping us. I looked up to the heavens, feeling his breath on my neck. The stars twinkled in the clear sky, constellations and planets glimmering in their eternal dance. A splash of light illuminated the sky, followed by another and another. Colors exploded against the stars, streaming fire from the sky. The crowed oohed and ahhed as the night sky was filled with color.
I barely noticed the colors flooding the sky because my attention was on Andrew. His arms held me tightly, his warmth seeping into me and making my body ache for something I knew I could never have. I let myself believe for a moment, one beautiful moment, that this could work. That we could be more than friends. That I could kiss him, touch him, have him. That I could surrender myself to him and not be afraid of the consequences.
The sky was aflame with color for a glorious instant, then only streams of sparkling smoke and twinkling stars remained. The booms still echoed through the night, a rolling thunder following the man-made lightning. I turned my head slowly, feeling Andrew's breath along my cheek. His lips were so close to mine that I could almost feel them. I wanted to taste those lips, red and open just centimeters from mine. He leaned in closer.
Burned (New Adult Romance) Page 5
