Everyone laughed together, camaraderie and excitement for the trip in the air. It would be a fun trip. Ashton left to get one more item from the apartment even though Ted complained that he’d brought too much and there wasn’t enough room. Minutes later, he reappeared with a large picnic basket.
“Oh, I can hardly wait,” Deborah said. “I just ate breakfast, but thinking about what Ashton’s prepared is making me hungry already.”
“There are snacks in here, too. As soon as we get on the road, I’ll break the basket open. Feast!”
They piled in the vehicle: Ted and Zach in front, Natalie and Ashton in the next row and Deborah way in back.
“I want to get a dog,” she announced as Zach pulled the car out into Saturday morning, 1st Avenue traffic. Zach glanced at her in the rearview mirror with a frown, and everyone else turned to look at her.
“You’re nuts,” Ashton said.
“Now wait a minute,” Ted said. “What kind of dog?”
“A lab, of course. A yellow lab,” Deborah said.
“It wouldn’t be fair to keep a big dog like that cooped up in an apartment all day while you’re in school,” Natalie said.
“I could take it to work with me,” Ted said.
“But then it would be your dog,” Ashton replied. “And I definitely don’t want a dog. Do you have any idea how much dog hair a yellow lab would leave behind?”
No one said anything for a moment. “I think the time has come for us to discuss something we’ve been avoiding,” Deborah said.
“What? Ashton needs to shave his beard off?” Ted teased.
“Ted needs to throw away that sweatshirt he’s wearing,” Ashton replied.
“Nothing like that. I think we need to live together. We should be planning it now so that when Zach and I finish school next June, we’ll know where to look for jobs. If I’m going to do real estate with Dad, I should be in the city anyway. If everyone pools their resources, we should be able to get a bangin’ place. What do you think?”
No one said a word. Ted looked out the window at the cityscape zooming by, the grimy brick storefronts and boarded-up garages, all slated for demolition as more new construction was taking place. What had been a mostly ethnic neighborhood was quickly transforming into a place only rich people could live. It made Ted sad that the city was rapidly being so homogenized.
“I like living downtown,” Natalie said. “My job is two blocks away. I’d hate to have to start commuting.”
“But aren’t you going to retire soon? You’ve been there for almost twenty years, correct?”
“Yes, almost twenty, although I can’t believe it. Why don’t you tell us why you think we should all live together? It’s not just so you’ll have help with the dog, correct?”
Laughter filled the car.
“No, although that’s not a bad idea. And when we have children, everyone will be there to help. I want an extended family of people who look like me so my kid knows he’s part of a larger unit.”
Zach looked at her in the rearview mirror again, only smiling this time.
“I always wanted a baby,” Ashton said.
Now it was Ted’s turn to frown. “What about the mess they make?”
“Dad, just think. You missed out on all that with me.” Just as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. She leaned forward and grasped Natalie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mom. How thoughtless of me.”
But Natalie was okay. She patted Deborah’s hand. “If you have a child, it will be redemption for me,” she said. “The Phillips did a fine job raising you. Everything has worked out the way it should. But I’m not sure I could live with Ashton.”
He quickly turned to look at her. “And why not? There’s not a man alive who could satisfy your needs better than I could.”
“Ashton, for God’s sake,” Ted said, shaking his head. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“If we lived together, she’d never have to cook again, or clean her house or grocery shop. I’d even do her hair.”
Natalie burst out laughing. “And shave my legs and do my makeup? Gosh, I can hardly wait.”
“What do you think, Zach?” Deborah asked. “Tell the people.”
“I think it sounds like a great idea. I’ve always like that concept of communal living. Especially if it’s in a swanky, Upper East Side apartment.”
“You’d leave New Jersey for us?” Ashton asked, teasing.
“Of course. I’d miss it, but it’s just across the river,” Zach said.
The bantering continued until the car was out of the city. The entire atmosphere changed as the rolling hills replaced the industrial smokestacks of the northern reaches of the Bronx.
The last thing Ted wanted to do was to encourage the conversation of them all living together, afraid he’d ultimately end up being the financially responsible party.
“What do you think, Ted?” Ashton’s voice cut through the barricade Ted had erected in his head. The one person who should have known he’d hate even the suggestion of anything communal would directly involve him.
“Romantically, it would be great. Realistically, ain’t gonna happen. Like Nats just said, she has a place downtown that is as convenient to her job as it can be. I gave my own home in trade so we could have this cabin. And I’d have to pry you out of the place you’ve lived in for twenty years. Deborah and Zach can stay with us whenever they want, and I’m sure Nats feels the same way. And when we want to be together, we can go to the cabin. It’s there, empty and waiting.”
Deborah sat back, disappointed. “Oh well, a person can dream, can’t they?”
They laughed again. The summer in the cabin was a secret experiment she was conducting to prove to her new family that they couldn’t live without each other. Hopefully, by September Ted would realize the only way he could find true happiness was by allowing his kid, her boyfriend and mother to live with him.
Zach pulled into the driveway of the cabin around noon. It had rained recently, and the leaves were releasing drops of water onto the windshield. It was cooler, too.
“The rain isn’t good for the bugs,” Ashton said.
“It’s too early for bugs,” Ted replied.
They lined up behind the car to take the luggage out. Natalie looked around the yard, and an involuntary shudder went through her body, a thrill almost, of anticipation.
“I’m so excited!” she said, giggling. It was so unlike her to behave in a girlish way that Ted put his arm around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“And I’m so glad you’re excited,” he said, smiling.
“This is the first time in my adult life that I’m able to get out of the city. And not just for a week at camp, but for the whole summer. Pinch me, I must be dreaming.” They laughed, the sarcastic Natalie more real to them. “Now all that could make it better would be for a tall, dark and handsome straight man to live next door.”
Their heads swiveled around; the nearest neighbor was a half mile away.
“What are you saying?” Ashton asked. “Are you trying to tell me I’m not enough for you?”
“No, as a matter of fact, you’re not, Ash.” She gently shoved him out of the way so she could access her bag. “As difficult as it may be to hear, I need a man in my life who isn’t already married.”
They trudged up the path. Ted and the kids had gone ahead and were already inside the cabin, opening windows and turning on lights.
“I’m not sure I like the idea of you being with someone else,” Ashton said softly before they reached the porch.
Natalie stopped in her tracks. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said. “It’s none of your business.”
“I thought we were closer than that,” he said, defeated.
“Than what? You are the husband of the man who fathered my daughter. And a friend. But beyond that, what are we to each other?” She realized having this discussion on the eve of a month-long forced cohabitation with Asht
on might not be the smartest thing she ever did, so she backpedaled. “Look, I’m lonely. When you go home at night to Ted, and Deborah and Zach leave together, I’m alone. I’ve been alone all my life. If you really cared about me, you’d want me to have someone that loved me.”
“I do want that for you. But I’ll still be jealous.”
“Well, get over it,” she said, heaving her bag up onto the porch. “If you really gave a shit about me, you’d be carrying my bags.”
“Oh God, let me take that for you, I’m sorry,” he said.
Deborah came out to help.
“Get my backpack, will you, dear?” Natalie asked. Ashton had the power to bring her down a notch or two when she was feeling high, and the conversation they just had reminded her of it. She looked over at him. His blond good looks and stylish clothing made her smile. How’d he end up being such a downer? She relinquished her bag to him and climbed the steps.
“I don’t remember this porch being so large,” she said. “We are spending as much time out here as possible.”
“Okay, sounds good. Let’s start with lunch.” He left the picnic basket on the log table and went back to the car to get the rest of the bags. As he was walking to the car, he had a revelation. He didn’t love Natalie; he didn’t really like her that much after the Costco incident when she’d admonished him and stayed away for so long afterward. He was playacting, like he’d done so much of his life. A memory from a few years ago floated through his brain, of Jack being angry and walking out on him.
He’d stopped by the apartment after lunch for quickie; what he’d reduced their relationship to after starting to date Sandra. Jack was putting his jacket on, preparing to leave, when he noticed Ashton pouting, his reflection in the mirror not hiding his disappointment.
“What’s wrong now?” Jack asked and, not giving him an opportunity to answer, launched in. “I’ve driven across town in lunch-hour traffic to be with you, and your response is ungratefulness. Ashton, I have the feeling that you will never be happy because your expectations of people are too high.”
“That’s an awful thing to say,” he replied.
“It’s true.” He smoothed his hand over his hair, adjusted his tie, and started walking to the door. “If you want to ever see me again, this continuous discontent has to stop. Either we’re together one hundred percent or we’re not. You know I was never going to leave Pam for you. And now with Sandra in the picture, my time is divided further. I gave you the choice before, and your choice was to accept what I’ve offered you. It’s never too late to change your mind.”
Ashton had tried to break it off with Jack, but he couldn’t. It was degrading to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t make a commitment of monogamy with him, yet he persisted in subjecting himself to Jack’s disrespect until the man died. Ashton wondered why he was trying to prevent Natalie from seeking a romantic relationship. Am I trying to control her, like Jack did me? he thought. He wanted Natalie available to him, and the thought of her with a man was worrisome. Surely, a boyfriend wouldn’t allow her to live all summer with a gay man, would he? So what was it? Did he love Natalie or not?
After he finished getting lunch set up on the porch, he walked to her bedroom, one of two small, private rooms on the ground floor. “Natalie, can I come in?” he yelled through the door.
“Yes, I’m just unpacking.” She stopped what she was doing and looked up as he walked through her door.
“What if you meet someone who is homophobic? Or who’s jealous of me and won’t let you hang out with me?”
“Ashton, are we sixteen? That’s not going to happen,” she said, turning her back to open a drawer.
“How can you be sure?” he persisted. “Most men would resent your relationship with me.”
“I can be sure because I wouldn’t be interested in someone who was homophobic, or who wouldn’t allow me to have a warm, loyal and honest relationship with another human being.” She said these things looking him in the eye, enunciating each word. “Besides, no one’s going to be interested in me. You’re worrying about something that is never going to happen.”
“How can you say that? If you put the available vibe out there, they’ll be running to the door.”
She laughed out loud. “Right! Like I can see that happening.” She was getting nervous, a conversation about dating again as foreign to her as anything she could imagine.
“Why couldn’t it happen again? You’re very attractive and sexy, Nats, and fun and interesting. I’m very worried.”
Natalie turned to Ashton and grabbed him by the arms. “Ashton, stop it. No one is going to be interested in me,” she repeated.
“Why not?” he said, persistent, sincerely concerned that she could be that self-deprecating.
She huffed, put her arms down at her sides, and stamped her feet. “Look at me, for God’s sake! I’m fifty pounds overweight, my breasts are like two watermelons; I have steel wool hair and a mustache. Do I need to say any more?”
Ashton grabbed her and pulled her to his chest. All the concerns he had earlier about not loving her vanished.
Chapter 6
Saturday morning while he looked in the bathroom mirror, Tom Adams adjusted the shoulder holster he had on over his black shirt and put his loaded pistol into it. He combed through his gorgeous hair one more time, and then checked his nostrils for hairs. Sandra was sitting on the closed toilet seat with little Miranda on her lap, watching Tom; it was this last tilt back of the head to check for boogers that got to her, and she burst out laughing, spraying spittle all over the side of the bathroom sink.
“Mommy’s laughing,” Miranda said, sliding down.
Tom looked down at her and smiled. “The thrill is gone.”
Sandra shook her head, standing up. Maybe this was too much familiarity.
“No, it’s not, but I should give you some privacy. Come on, Mandy, let’s give Daddy some room.”
“You don’t have to leave,” he insisted. “I’m almost finished.”
Monday was a holiday, and he’d taken time off for a rare three-day weekend, but he wanted to run into town to check on a few things that morning so he could relax with his family. Tom’s father and stepmother, John and Gwen, lived in Bay View, their house would be the weekend destination for Tom and Miranda, and on Monday they’d all go to Pam’s Memorial Day picnic at the beach.
Sandra went after Miranda as she ran down the hallway, chasing the cat. Tom heard her yelling, “Don’t pull Catfish’s tail, Mandy!” Tom’s mother, Virginia, reported Friday when he got home from work that Miranda discovered the cat didn’t like his tail pulled, so she’d spent the entire day trying to pull it. He felt guilty about spending the weekend with his father and Gwen because his mother babysat for Miranda all week, and now she was sitting home instead of coming to the beach. But the custody agreement they’d ironed out with Pam, Nelda and the two other sisters stipulated that holidays would be spent together. It was unspoken that Sandra and Tom would be included in that word family.
The first year after Marie’s death, every visit was a moving, emotional experience, almost spiritual. Although Miranda’s presence didn’t make Marie’s death easier to deal with, it made her life worthwhile. Pam’s beach house was a safe place to be; Miranda loved going there, and the holiday, vacation spirit infused every visit.
Generous Pam always included Sandra and Tom’s family, too. And because Tom’s parents were divorced, the two of them alternated holidays except for the first picnic after Marie’s death when they both attended. It was cordial, but Virginia decided being with her ex-husband’s younger wife was like having another daughter she had to worry about. For her own personal comfort, she’d let Gwen be the wife in residence every other holiday. “I’m perfectly fine if they decide to come, but I think I’ll take a break. I get the baby all week; they can enjoy her on national holidays.”
Tom had burst out laughing when she said it. “Okay, Mom, if that’s what you want.” So this weeke
nd, Virginia was staying in Brooklyn.
Tom could hear the phone ringing, the murmuring of Sandra’s voice, then her footsteps coming down the hall. “My sister isn’t coming Monday. Surprise, surprise.” Her sister, Sylvia, was trying to be more involved in Sandra’s life now that Miranda was in the picture, but it wasn’t always easy to get her own family to agree to holidays spent with strangers, even if it was at the beach.
“Oh, too bad,” Tom said. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, they just don’t feel like braving the traffic. I can’t say that I blame them. I don’t get it. Pam always used to include us for the whole weekend. What changed?”
“She’s got Lisa’s in-laws now,” Tom said, trying to placate her. “There’s no room for us.” But he felt the same way.
“I think I might try to weasel an overnight visit for July. They don’t have to go out of their way to see Mandy, ever. It’s always us taking her to Pam’s. And there’s nothing written that we have to go to them.”
Tom didn’t say anything in reply, knowing from experience that Sandra was just blowing off steam. Pam would probably do anything they asked of her; the very house they were in was made possible by her generosity. No one he knew on the police force could afford to live in a four-story brownstone in Williamsburg.
“Why don’t we have Christmas here this year?” Tom said. “We can show off the house, and Mandy will really know Santa is coming, so she should be in her own place.”
Sandra was frowning; Tom could almost see the wheels turning in her head.
“Christmas is six months away. If I plant the seed in everyone’s head now, no one will have an excuse not to come. Do you thing Virginia will mind?”
“She’ll love it. She wasn’t thrilled with the ride to the beach last year. The six inches of snow the night before threw her off.” The blizzard continued into Christmas day, and by the time they carved the turkey, it looked like no one would be able to leave the beach. Then the power went off. Tom had felt it was necessary to get his family back to Brooklyn in case they needed him at work, and after a three-hour harrowing drive, Virginia said that was the last time Christmas would be spent with the rich people.
The Tao of Pam: Pam of Babylon Book # 6 Page 8
