Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  “So Marlene loves me almost like a son, and she’s always been a mother figure to me.”

  “So she’s in her sixties?”

  “Yeah. She’s, um, I think she’s sixty-six now.”

  “Married?”

  “Jack. He passed away a few years ago. Heart attack. She’s a retired school teacher, so she has a good pension, plus his savings and investments. He was a pediatrician.”

  “I see.” How can I ask what I need to ask? Finally, I just blurt out, “So if she doesn’t like me, is that the end for us?”

  Jaz just snorts and shakes his head. “I’m a grown man, Kimmie. She’ll like you, but if for some reason she doesn’t, well, that’s her problem, not mine. Won’t change a thing.”

  Yeah, you say that now, I think, but I bet reality will be a lot different. I just sit quietly after that, staring out the window and trying to think about other things. Then I think about the day I met Melissa. Oh, god, if this meeting is anything like that one, I hope I die right there at the table.

  She’s waiting for us when we get to the restaurant, and I’m struck by how attractive she is. She’s really, really lovely, and even though she’s much older than Jaz, she’s very youthful and fit. “I’d like for you to meet Kimmie. Kimmie, this is my sister, Marlene.”

  “I’m so glad to meet you,” I gush, hoping I don’t sound like an idiot.

  “I’m happy to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Oh, god, I’m sunk, my brain screams. “I hope you like seafood. This place is amazing.”

  “I love it.” A host shows up to lead us to our table, and we have a seat and commence with the small talk.

  Dinner is light and pleasant. I have mahi mahi while he has sea bass, and Marlene orders crab. They serve a whipped spinach that’s delicious, and I order a baked sweet potato, while Jaz gets a big helping of whole kernel corn. He talks about the colt and how much he enjoyed all of that, and I’m so glad I had just a little smidgen of luck yesterday. Marlene seems delighted with the story, and she even pats my hand and says, “Bravo, Kimmie!”

  But when dinner is over and we’re waiting for dessert, Jaz stands abruptly and says, “I’m headed to the restroom. Be right back.” I don’t get a chance to yell out Please don’t leave me here with her! before he disappears down the back hallway. He did this on purpose, I just know it. You just wait until we get back in the car.

  And, sure enough, Marlene turns to me immediately. “So, Jaz has told me all about you. You don’t really have any family?”

  “No. Not really. They shu . . .” No. I can’t say that. She’ll wonder why if I do. “Um, they live pretty far away.” Yeah. Peoria. Because that’s sooooo far away.

  “I see. It wouldn’t have anything to do with your, um, lifestyle choices, now would it?” Damn. How do these things happen to me? I start to say something to defend myself when she adds, “I see the collar around your neck. Don’t think I haven’t read up on all of that. He’s my baby brother, and I want to understand what he’s doing, if I can.” She takes another sip of wine as I sit there, my eyes getting wider by the minute. “Of course, it’s kind of uncomfortable reading about the kinds of things your little brother is doing in his bedroom, but that’s really none of my business, now is it?”

  What’s the right answer? I just mumble out, “I supposed it’s only your business if you make it your business.”

  “I’ll tell you what is my business,” she snaps, her voice forceful. “Jaz is my business. I don’t want to see him hurt. I know you know about all of that, but you weren’t there. He almost didn’t make it. He was suicidal for a couple of years.” He didn’t tell me any of that. “We were afraid for him, really afraid. He had a friend, Reggie, who kind of kept tabs on him and watched him. Reggie lives here now.”

  “Yes. I spent the last few days with his submiss . . . wife. He’s a great guy.”

  “Yes, he is. I think in a lot of ways, he saved Jaz’s life. My baby brother was so destroyed. That bitch of an ex-wife went off to the loony bin, and he was left to take care of Melissa all by himself, not to mention the fact that he was recovering physically too. And he wasn’t sure if he’d ever fully recover, so he was terrified of what that would mean. He really thought his life was over.”

  “I’m glad he had you and Reggie to look out for him.” The thought of Jaz possibly not being here now makes my heart hurt.

  “Me too. But I want you to know that if you hurt him, I swear, I’ll hunt you down and . . .”

  “I’d never hurt him! I love him more than anything in this world. Look, you don’t know me, but I’ve been hurt too. You have no idea. So before you go threatening me, you need to know that my life hasn’t been rosy either.” I want to tell her what happened to me, make her understand, but Jaz picks that moment to come back to the table.

  “You girls have a nice chat?”

  I pat his hand and I’m getting ready to tell him what a pleasure it’s been when Marlene blurts out, “Yes. Oh, and by the way, someone’s been asking about the farm.”

  Shit, shit, shit! I have no idea what the attorney told her, so I just stare at my food and take a big bite, hoping I don’t choke.

  I hear Jaz say, “Oh? What do you mean?”

  “Some attorney. Wanted to know if I had any interest in it. When I said no, he asked if I’d sign a quit-claim deed.”

  “And?” Jaz’s voice is strained.

  “I asked who wanted to know about it, but he said that was confidential.” I have to fight a Whew! so he won’t know I’m involved. “He sent it and I signed it. Attorney in Chicago, actually.” In that instant, I realize: She knows. She’s torturing me. I’m sure of it.

  Now the tone of Jaz’s voice changes. “Chicago? Who do we know in Chicago who’d want anything to do with the farm?”

  “Only you,” Marlene shoots back and takes another bite of crab. I glance up at her and she gives me a wily smile. I am so fucked it’s not even funny. “No one else I can think of.”

  “That’s weird. Wonder why they haven’t contacted me?” As soon as he says it, I choke on my tea and start to cough violently. “Kimmie? Honey, you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I wheeze out between coughs. “I’ll be right back.” I jump up from the table and practically run down the hallway. Once I make it into the bathroom, I lock myself in a stall, lean against the stall door, and try to catch my breath.

  I haven’t been in there three minutes when a feminine voice says, “Kimmie?”

  Well, might as well get this over with, I tell myself as I open the stall door to find Marlene leaning back against the vanity on the other side of the room. “Yeah.”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.” I walk to a sink, take a look in the mirror, and dab under my eyes with a wet paper towel.

  “Kimmie, I know it’s you. You’re the one with the attorney sniffing around. If you want him for that farm, know that it’s in poor shape and the house is falling . . .”

  “NO!” A rage is rising in my chest and my face is getting hot. I’m sure it’s brilliant crimson. “I want that farm for HIM! When he talks about being there as a kid, there’s so much pain in his face that it takes my breath away. I want us to be able to move there, for him to be able to live there and have the life he’s always wanted. I’d do anything to make him happy.” As I’ve talked, my voice has gone from strong and indignant to wilted and soft. “Anything to make him happy. I’m selling my house to have the money for renovations.” I finally look over at her to find her mouth hanging wide open. “What? Can’t believe anyone would love your brother enough to do something like that for him? He’s a fine man and a fine Master, and I’m lucky to have him. I’d walk through fire for him. If he needed a heart, I’d give him mine, because it wouldn’t be worth anything if he wasn’t there with me.” She still doesn’t say anything. “So please, please, don’t ruin this, please? I want this to be a wonderful surprise. The attorney’s drawing up the paperwork in his name. It’ll be his.
My name won’t be on it anywhere. But I’m doing this for him, Marlene. If he were to decide he didn’t want me anymore, my only consolation would be knowing that he was there and had a happy life.”

  Her eyes go soft. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

  I let out a huge sigh with the rise and fall of my shoulders. “Why the hell is that so hard for you to believe? Yes. I really, truly do love him, and he loves me.”

  “You’re selling your house?” Apparently she’s still having trouble with that detail.

  “Yes. I’m selling my house. But he doesn’t know it yet. So please, Marlene, please . . .”

  “No, no, I won’t say anything. He loved it there with Grandma and Grandpa. I remember him begging our parents to let him live there with them, and they wouldn’t, but he would’ve been right there if they had.” She stops and stares into my face. “Kimmie, all I’ve ever wanted for Jaz was for him to be happy. He seemed happy with his job and Meredith, but I know there were lots of problems there. And now, he seems happy with you. I hope it’s more than an illusion.”

  “It is. We’re very happy together.”

  “Good. Then let’s go back out here and sit down. I think there’s dessert waiting for us.” She strides across the restroom and opens the door, holding it for me. “Well, come on. We don’t want to waste cake.”

  Jaz rises when we come back to the table, and he leans his head down and stares into my eyes. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Just got a little choked,” I answer in barely more than a whisper. I just know Marlene’s going to spill the beans.

  But she doesn’t. We finish the meal in conversation, and when it’s time to go, Jaz gives her a big hug. “Oh, I just miss you so much! It’s so good to see you,” she whispers to him.

  “I miss you too. Tell the girls I said hello. And that grandson of yours.”

  “Will do.” She turns to me and I get the shock of my life. “It was so nice to meet you, Kimmie,” she murmurs as she hugs me.

  I give her a little extra squeeze. “Nice to meet you too, Marlene. I hope I get to see you again soon.”

  “Me too. You two be careful going back tomorrow. Love you both.”

  “Love you, sis,” Jaz calls back. I see how sad he is to watch her walk away, and I’m sad for him. “Well, guess we should call it a night, huh? I’m exhausted.” He helps me into the car and we head back to the hotel. All the while, I’m praying silently that Marlene keeps my secret.

  When we get back to the room, we both strip off and take a shower together. We make love in the shower, my hands on the glass while he enters me from behind, and between the hot water and the scent of the bath gel, it’s intoxicating and erotic. Finally falling into bed, we lie there awake for at least two hours, talking about the trip, the things we enjoyed, how much we’d like to come back, and what’s going to happen when we get back. He wants to keep looking for a job here. And I want to tell him what I’m up to.

  But not yet.

  *****

  They wave goodbye and so do we as we drive away the next afternoon. “I have to tell you, I really like Reggie and Misty,” I say as we pull onto the interstate.

  “They really like you too. I wish we could spend more time with them. I miss Reggie a lot. We were good friends in California. We’ve tried to stay in touch, but it’s hard when we’re both working and we live several hours apart.”

  “But you’ve managed. That’s to your credit. You understand the value of friendships, and it shows. And they’re great people.”

  “You know,” he says, watching the road but his voice focused, “we really should spend more time with Michael and Robyn. I mean, you’ve known them a lot longer than I have, but they seem like the real deal.”

  “They are. Without them, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me when . . .” I realize in that moment that I haven’t thought about Phil the whole time we’ve been gone, and it’s been liberating at the very least. “Well, while I was really down. They were there for me in some of the worst times of my life, and Michael would’ve graciously taken over as my Dominant, sex-free, if I had let him. But I wouldn’t.”

  “Yeah, he’s a caretaker for sure,” Jaz grins.

  “Just like you.” I lean over and drop a kiss on his cheek.

  “I’m a caretaker?” he scoffs.

  “Yes. You absolutely are. And I love you for it.”

  “Well, thanks then. And thanks for sharing this trip with me. I’ve enjoyed having you along.”

  “Thanks for inviting me. I loved it – all of it. Except the part where they promoted the douchebag. That sucked.”

  Jaz starts laughing loudly. “Douchebag, huh? You’re hysterical. I love you, Kimmie.”

  “I love you too. Watch where you’re going,” I bark and he starts laughing again.

  If this is the rest of my life, I’m a lucky woman.

  *****

  “Oh, god, I’m so tired.” I drop onto the sofa like a limp noodle. Our luggage is strewn around, and I don’t even care. When he tries to pick it up and move it, I just say, “Leave it. I’ll take care of all of it tomorrow.”

  “But I’ve got to have my toiletries. I have to go to work tomorrow, remember?” He’s digging through his small personal bag, trying to find everything he needs.

  “I know. I wish you didn’t.”

  “Me too.” He finally just gives up and plops down beside me. “Can I ask you something?”

  Nodding, I answer, “Sure. Anything.”

  His eyes roll upward as he stares at the ceiling. “If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?”

  I think for a few minutes. “Well, I started to say meeting and marrying Phil, but that wouldn’t be true. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have Jeffrey.” Jaz nods. “And I wouldn’t change the fact that we split up, but I would change the way he went about it.”

  “I can see why you’d say that.”

  “Yeah.” After a few seconds, I say, “Well, I would change the fact that I spent the last few years alone. If I could change things, I’d find a way to meet you a lot sooner. And in between, I’d take Michael up on his offer, you know, protection and guidance. I would’ve been a lot better off over the last few years if I’d let him watch out for me and handle my pain management.” That’s how I’ve come to think of it and, in reality, that may be pretty close to correct. “So what about you?”

  “I wouldn’t have gotten my degree.”

  “What? I can’t believe you’d say that! I’d give anything to have a college education, and you’d skip that?”

  “I didn’t say I’d skip college. I just would’ve gotten a different degree. I would’ve gotten one in animal husbandry or agricultural land management or something. I could’ve gone back to the farm and lived there. Now that’s not even a possibility.” Oh, yeah? We’ll see about that!, I want to scream, but I fight the urge.

  “So you wouldn’t have met Meredith?”

  “I didn’t say that either. I met Meredith after college.”

  I haven’t heard this story. “How did you meet her?”

  “My first job after I graduated. Her father owned the company.”

  “What kind of company?”

  “Big logistics firm. I hated that job, stuck in a cubicle day in and day out. But then there was the boss’s daughter. I have to admit, she was a looker. I suppose she still is. I have no idea; I haven’t seen her in years.”

  “Is that where you were working when you, well, when she . . .”

  “No. God, no. I hadn’t worked there in years. I took the job I had before I came here and stayed there for a long time. When the automotive industry started going sour, that’s when our company tanked. They did me a favor by letting me go; I got a much better severance package than the employees who were let go when they closed. But it still sucked.”

  “I bet.” I yawn but just as I do, he grabs me and kisses me. There’s that look in his eyes, and I have no idea what’s coming next, but I�
��m betting it’ll be sexier than hell. “So what would you like to do for the rest of the evening?” I wait a second. “Sir?” I tag on the end.

  “Stand up, sub.” Uh-huh – just as I thought. I’m about to get used, and I’m going to like it, I can tell. “Undress. Slowly. I want to watch you.”

  Stripping right there in the living room, I put on quite a show for him. I know I’m no raving beauty, but he seems to like it, so I give this and that a shake and watch his eyes light up. When I’m completely naked, he stands too, reaches out, grabs both my breasts, and sucks first one nipple and then the other. With my hands on his shoulders, I brace myself, and his licking and sucking get more and more aggressive until he starts to bite. When I wail out, he bites even harder, and he intentionally gets closer and closer to the tips of my nipples. That makes me scream out and when I start screaming, he bites and then slaps my ass.

  I’m starting to feel more than crazed; I’m on overload and I need some kind of release, but instead, he barks at me, “Go to the bed. Lie down, head hanging off the edge.” I know what that means, and I run down the hallway and put myself exactly where I’m supposed to be.

  Following me into the bedroom, he stands and lets me watch him undress until that body is on full display in front of me, and my pussy and mouth both water. The bed is nice and tall, and when I look up, there’s his cock, right in front of my face. And I’m surprised – instead of burying it in my mouth, he leans down over my body, plants his face in my slit, and takes a long, hard suck on my clit.

  I’d just assumed I was about to be face fucked, but instead, he brings me closer and closer to coming, my hips trying to buck as he holds them down tight. And just when I’m about to come, he stops. “Oh, god, Sir, please . . .”

  “My scene. My submissive. You’ll do as I say. Do. Not. Come. Don’t. I’ll tell you when you can.” With that, he stands up and in front of me. “Open your mouth. I want to bury this thing deep down in your throat. And you’ll let me.”

  “Yes, Sir.” Without another word, he makes good on his promise and I feel that huge cock go straight down my throat. I do the old gag reflex trick – squeezing the left thumb in the left fist – and let that massive shaft just slide on in. He goes slow at first, and then picks up the pace.