I didn’t want to play.
No urge to get lost in the game at all. Matt had stopped by my room on the way out and before I even knew what was happening, I told him I’d be over in a bit. After he left, I drained my bladder, grabbed a fresh tee—“Keep Calm and Roll On”—and crossed the yard to Tori and Nick’s. I wanted to be around people. I wanted to be around my friends.
That restlessness that had started in the beginning of the summer had only gotten stronger. Why was I waiting for possibilities instead of actively participating? Maybe Nick and the guys had stopped hanging out with me because I didn’t meet them halfway. And the worst that could happen at camp—losing a kid—had happened and everything was okay. I didn’t lose my job. Parents hadn’t freaked out. Colby and H-bomb were fine.
Cassidy had kissed my cheek.
Everything seemed possible.
I felt a breeze on my neck as someone ran fingers through the back of my hair and sat on the arm of the sofa. A long-legged someone wearing shorts and an ice-cream-stained Sip N’ Freeze tee.
Shay. Her hair loose and long.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” she said, smiling.
“It’s not every day Tori agrees to a party; thought I’d come check out this momentous occasion.”
She leaned back and waved to a girl who was frantically trying to get her attention from the kitchen.
“Next round,” she said, turning her gaze back to me. “I’m so over beer pong.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Where’s your friend . . . Cass?”
She remembered.
“Her mom’s in town.”
Shay nodded. “Looked like you guys were having fun that day.”
“Yeah, she’s cool,” I said.
“I’m glad you have someone like that,” she said.
My insides reeled. Her inflection on someone made me realize she thought I was with Cassidy. Shay sounded genuine though, not like she was trying to rattle me, or dig for information. Our breakup wrecked us both, but beneath that was friendship. I could deal with that, but friendship began with the truth.
“We’re not together or anything,” I said. The words felt heavy. Made me realize how much I wanted the opposite to be true. That I had someone.
That I had Cassidy.
“Summer’s not over, Bry. You’ve got time.”
“She just broke up with a guy,” I found myself saying. “So, I don’t know.”
“Excuses, excuses,” she joked.
“Are you dissing me?”
“You were never this serious. Just, you know, go for it.”
“Okay, I will. Problem solved. What should we work on next, poverty? World hunger?”
She laughed. “There you are.”
“Shay Foster, get your butt in here!” someone yelled from the kitchen.
Shay rolled her eyes. “Guess they need me. Do you want anything before I go, drink or something?”
“Nah, just perfect your arc shot,” I said. She laughed.
“Will do. Talk to you later, Bry,” she said, disappearing into the kitchen.
Shay was right. I’d never been this serious. I’d been Matt, hanging out the window, trying to get a girl’s attention. I’d had summer-girl hookups like Wade did. Kissing. Fooling around. Not serious. Could I just fool around with Cass? Why did I care that it meant something?
Because it did.
Because I was different.
Because no matter what, hearing I just can’t deal with it hurt.
I didn’t think I could handle that coming from Cassidy.
Even if it was true.
Even if I didn’t blame anyone, because, fuck, there were times I just couldn’t deal with it myself. But it was my life. I had no choice. But I did have a choice in how it affected me. I was still just me. A little altered, but me.
Not that I thought she’d say it, but if she did . . . would that spoil everything?
Wade walked in through the sliding patio door, saw me, and grinned. Behind him was a girl I’d never seen before, and behind her was Cassidy.
Cass.
I never believed the bullshit of someone lighting up a room, but seeing her made everything sharpen. Every part of me pulled in her direction, wanted her to come closer. She searched the room, and when her eyes landed on mine, she smiled. She grabbed the other girl by the elbow and pulled her over. Wade followed.
“Hey, you’re here,” she said.
“I’m here.”
“This is Emma, my friend from home.”
“Hi, Emma, friend from home. I’m Bryan.”
“Hey, nice to meet you,” Emma said, smiling. She looked over my shirt, brow wrinkling a moment, then her eyes darted around the place as if she was looking for something.
“They’re playing beer pong, come on, Cass,” she said, pulling Cass toward the kitchen.
“I’ll be back,” she called over her shoulder.
“Surprise,” Wade said, taking a seat next to me.
“Ha, thanks.”
“Matty texted me you were here; thought I’d show the girls the wild side of Crest Haven,” Wade joked. “It’s good to see you out, man.”
“When you get a chance, could you check and see what’s going on with my chair? Jake took it out to the patio. I just don’t want them to wreck it.”
“Don’t worry, I’m on it.”
Emma appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Wade, come on, you have to be on my team. Cass is bailing.”
Wade sighed.
“Guess I’m gonna have to show the best friend a good time,” he said, getting up.
Cass came through the doorway just as Wade was heading in and they both pulled back and laughed. Cass balanced two cups in each hand as she shimmied past Wade, through the doorway, and over to me.
“Here, Shay thought you might want this. It’s a Coke float,” she said, sitting down next to me.
I looked in the cup. Coke with a Ping-Pong ball floating in it.
“What a riot,” I said, putting it to the side. “I don’t drink and drive, long commute next door. Emma seems—”
“—ready for a party,” Cass finished.
“She’s with the right person.”
“Tori won’t be pissed, will she? I know she sort of has a thing for Wade,” she said.
“Wait, how do you know?”
“That she likes Wade? I knew that from day one,” she said. “Emma’s harmless, she’s just, as I said, ready for a party.”
Tori walked out of the kitchen, shaking her head. She perched on the arm of the couch where Shay had been.
“Do you know what those morons did? They stacked a pyramid of beer cans underneath the ceiling fan and then turned it on. Who does that? I’m going to have to mop the floor tomorrow.”
“Make Nick do it,” I said.
“Yeah, that’ll happen. So, Benny Barbie, I see you brought a friend,” Tori said.
“Wait, you know she calls you that?” I asked Cass.
“It’s the hair,” Cass said. “I get it.”
“Bry, it’s sort of a term of endearment now,” Tori said.
“Yes, and that’s Benny Emma, complete with colored hair extensions and sunburn. Red party cup optional,” Cass said.
“You two are scarier when you get along,” I said.
“You should be happy,” Tori said.
Sitting there, Cass next to me, friends around, I was pretty happy.
By midnight, the party cleared out except for a few of us. Wade wasn’t in sight though and I knew I’d need my chair soon. I’d emptied my bladder before coming to the party, but the twitch in my shoulder was a reminder that I might need to do it again soon. The last thing I wanted was an accident in front of Cass.
“Wade,” I called.
“Want me to check if he’s in the kitchen?” Cass asked. She stood, picking up a few party cups along the way to help Tori clean.
“He’s not there, and neither is Ems,” she said when she came back. �
��Is something wrong?”
“I need my chair; I have to get going,” I said.
“Where is it?” she asked.
“It should be on the patio,” I said.
“I’ll get it,” she said. I saw her through the glass doors, looking left and right, and finally disappearing. I took out my phone and texted Wade. He had to be in the house. When I looked up, Cass was pushing my chair into the living room. I gave it a quick once-over. All in one piece.
“Thanks, I can take it from here,” I said.
“So, you’re leaving?” she asked.
I didn’t want to get into the reason why—we hadn’t even kissed, I didn’t want to talk about my bathroom management—but man, how I wanted to stay.
“Yeah, it’s . . . I just have to get in,” I said.
“Can I walk you?”
“You want to walk me home?”
She smiled. “Sure.”
I let her push me across the yards and up the ramp to the deck. She leaned against the house, eyes on mine. Should I take her hand? Pull her in for a kiss?
“I hope Emma doesn’t get into too much trouble with Wade. We have to leave soon too,” she said.
“How are you getting home?”
“I’m assuming Wade; that’s how we got here,” she said. “I guess if he’s played too much beer pong we can take a cab. Do cabs run this late around here?” she asked.
“I’ll take you,” I said.
“You don’t have to, Bry, I’m sure we can—”
“I want to,” I said. “Can you give me about fifteen minutes, would that work?”
“Yeah.”
By the time I came back out, Cass was gone, but there was a commotion on the Bardots’ patio. I pushed over as fast as I could. Tori shouted at everyone to leave.
“Just get out.”
“Chill, Tori,” Nick said.
“No, you chill. Tell your friends they need to crash somewhere else because no one is crashing here.”
“Not even me?” Wade joked.
“Especially not you,” she said. She went back into the house and locked the door.
“What the hell happened?” I asked.
Wade looked down at the ground. Cass had her arm around Emma, who was hunched over, hand to her mouth.
“Screw it, we can stay out here, mosquitos aren’t so bad,” Nick said, opening his arms up to the sky.
“I’m out,” Matt said. “I have a bed waiting for me; see ya.”
Jake and Tom headed out too.
Nick followed Matt. “Can I crash with you?”
Cass looked at me. “Can we get out of here?”
“Yeah, come on.”
Emma was sniffling. Wade followed us to my car.
“The back will be kind of tight with my chair,” I said.
“I’ll sit there; I think she needs as much space as she can get.”
“She’s not going to be sick, is she?” I asked.
“No, no, I’m fine,” Emma said. “The worst is over. I don’t feel sick anymore.”
I was afraid to ask what had happened.
“Emma, are you gonna be okay?” Wade asked.
“Yeah,” she said. She pulled away from Cassidy and threw her arms around him. Cass turned away as they shared a kiss. It didn’t take me long to figure out that whatever had made Tori upset, seeing Wade and Emma hooking up didn’t help. Tori might have played it cool around Wade and knew the way he was, but seeing it in action was completely different. I texted her.
Me: RU Okay?
It took a few seconds for her to text back.
Tori: Cleaning Benny puke and skunked beer. Just dandy. ;)
Me: Will help when I get back.
Tori: Thnx. I got this.
“Come on, Emma, Bryan was nice enough to offer us a ride home,” Cass said. Wade and Emma parted with a few more kisses. Emma walked backward to the car. Wade smiled.
“You have my number, right?” she asked.
“Yep,” Wade said, walking closer to the car.
Cassidy turned to him.
“She really likes you, you know.”
Wade flinched. “I know,” he said.
“Well, you have a stupid way of showing it,” Cass said.
And I knew they weren’t talking about Emma.
We kept the windows down on the way to the Surf. Emma put her head back and moaned a few times, complaining about being dizzy. Cass kept a hand on Emma’s shoulder. When I put the car in park, Emma opened the door, jumped out, and puked a few feet away. Cass hadn’t even moved from the backseat yet.
“Just, can you wait a minute?” she asked.
She stepped out of the car and ran over to Emma. Emma nodded like crazy to whatever Cass said, and she led her over to the front wall of the motel. A woman sitting in the office looked out between blinds. Emma put her head in her hands. Cass came back to the car and slid in the front seat, leaving the door open.
“I’m so sorry, Bryan, this . . . she’s not herself. She had a fight with her boyfriend and went a little nuts at the party.”
“It happens,” I said.
“Yeah, well, I would have liked to stay and help Tori clean up, but I don’t think she’s too happy with me for bringing Benny Emma around tonight,” she said, chuckling. “Why does Wade hook up with other people when he knows how Tori feels about him?”
“I don’t know. He’s scared, I think.”
“That sounds crazy.”
“I’ve told him that,” I said.
Emma retched again.
“Oh, God, I have to go. Thanks, Bry.”
She leaned toward me, and it was field day all over again. If I didn’t act, she’d kiss my cheek. Now or never, Lakewood.
When the heat of her mouth was seconds away, I turned, changing her target without warning. Her lips grazed mine, soft, almost nonexistent. She was about to pull away. I touched her hair, raked it behind one ear, and whispered her name. She leaned into me, her fingers gripping my shoulder.
I was kissing Cassidy Emmerich.
NINETEEN
CASSIDY
I WAS KISSING BRYAN LAKEWOOD.
I’d meant to kiss him in a neutral place. His cheek, his jaw, his temple . . . as a thank-you for driving us home, for being cool about Emma. That’s where I was headed anyway, until he turned toward me, eyes wide, and my lips landed on his mouth. His soft, warm mouth. The shock of it should have made me pull away.
But it felt sooooooo good.
I closed my eyes, my mind on overdrive analyzing everything—the easy way our lips fit together. The kisses: soft at first, then hungry. His hand in my hair, my hand on his shoulder—a total rush. The world beyond his car disappeared, and it was just his lips, his arms. All I wanted to do was climb on top of him.
We finally pulled apart, foreheads touching, breathing heavy.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“You mean later?”
“Yes.”
We kissed as confirmation.
Emma hurled again—this awful retching, hairball-on-steroids noise.
“I better go, but yeah, I’ll call you when they leave,” I said.
He nodded. Pressed his lips together, smiled.
I finally slid out of the car and shut the door, barely aware of my feet hitting the pavement. I had to get Emma inside, but had no idea how to avoid my mother. Our room was tiny, the beds practically on top of one another. And Ems was stumbling without any obstacles in her way; I couldn’t imagine how she’d be in a darkened motel room. At least we weren’t late—we had that going for us—but I doubted Wade’s charm and chocolate soufflé would help us now.
Bryan stayed until Emma and I walked into the motel courtyard. Then he took off into the night. Two red taillights trailing down Beach Avenue. My lips still tingled from his kiss. I couldn’t wait to see him again.
“I’m sorry, Cass. You must hate me,” Emma said.
The courtyard contained a few round stone picnic tables with umbrellas
and some lounges scattered about. I walked us over to a chaise.
“Ems, sit,” I said. She flopped back, arm over her eyes.
“I guess you lost at beer pong,” I said.
She laughed. “Ya think?”
“Do you think you can pull it together? My mom is probably awake,” I said. I saw the dim blue glow of a television screen between the cracks in the curtain of our room.
“I didn’t realize he was in a wheelchair,” she said.
“Oh, Bryan.”
“Yeah, when we came in and you introduced us . . . his shirt makes more sense now, ‘Keep Calm and Roll On.’ Cute.”
“Yeah, he’s cool. He’s been a good friend, we—”
“Good friend? Shut. Up. I saw you guys maul each other before you got out of his car.”
I covered my mouth to stop from laughing. Ems hadn’t been as out of it as I originally thought.
She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“What do you mean?”
“The wheelchair thing . . . you never thought, like . . . ,” she said, gesturing as if she could pull the words from the air. She leaned back, dismissing her unformed question with a wave. “Forget it, I’m drunk.”
I knew what she was getting at—was everything working? My cheeks flushed. The thought had crossed my mind, but it’s not like Bryan and I were that intimate with each other. Yet, anyway. Kissing him was a rush. I couldn’t wait to do it again. That’s all I cared about at the moment. Everything else we’d figure out as we went along.
“Emma, I’m not going to dissect it right now. I’m having fun.”
She smiled. “Guess you’re officially over Gavin.”
Gavin’s name was a pin to my Crest Haven bubble. I felt the same flare of guilt that I’d had with Sugar Rush Nate—why, I don’t know. There was no reason to feel guilty. At all. I hadn’t kissed Bryan out of spite, or to get over Gavin. Maybe my feelings weren’t as resolved as I’d thought, but whatever was happening with Bryan was separate. This wasn’t a rebound. I kissed him because his lips were warm. He made me laugh. His arms felt good around me. What had I done, though? There was no going back to friendly flirting once someone’s tongue had been wrapped around yours.
“Did you have to bring up Gavin?”
“Why don’t we call him and share the good news? I’d love to see that prick’s ego deflate.”
The Season of You & Me Page 18
