“Do you want me to get rid of him?” Dad asked.
“No,” I said, following Dad downstairs. “I can deal with it.”
“He’s waiting on the front porch.”
I tried to call Bryan, but it went to voice mail. I hung up without leaving a message. If he was on his way, well, there was nothing I could do now. I had to get Gavin to leave. My feet felt spongy and uncertain as I walked toward the front porch. What the hell was Gavin pulling? This dilemma was not lost on my father, who followed me to the front door like a papa bear.
“What are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “See what he wants? Send him away? What time are you guys heading over to camp?”
“Soonish,” he said.
“Okay, he’ll be gone . . . soonish.”
Being angry with Gavin from afar had been easy. I only had to conjure up thoughts of how it felt when I saw those pictures of him and that girl on StalkMe. Being angry with Gavin while he was on the front porch was more of a challenge, and as I got closer to the door, my heart kick-started into overdrive, thumping at the sight of him against my will.
He’d gotten his hair trimmed since I’d last seen him. It was still over his ears and longer in the front, but neater. He leaned against a column by the stairs, facing the beach. His skin was a shade or two darker from being out in the sun. Hands in pockets, forest-green raglan tee on, he looked so natural and calm, like this was nothing out of the ordinary. He could have been waiting outside of biology for me. He turned and shifted so he was standing straight as I opened the screen door. Damn him for looking so good. I wanted to feel nothing, but my body had other ideas.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, crossing my arms.
His eyes wandered over me, a slow smile turning up at the corners of his mouth. Those freaking dimples. “It’s so good to see you, Cass.”
I would not be sucked in. I leaned against the railing, trying to be as casual as possible.
“Why are you here, Gavin?”
He chuckled. “Isn’t that obvious? Aren’t you even a little happy about it?”
I looked away from him. He came over to me, deliberately putting his face in front of mine, and moving into my line of vision any time I looked away so I was forced to see him. It was something he used to do when we argued, and it would always make me laugh. I relented and looked at him.
“We’re over, remember?” I said.
“We don’t have to be.”
“How can you say that with a straight face?”
“I’ve been so miserable all summer without you. Don’t be mad at me. Please. I came all this way to surprise you. It’s Friday night.”
“You can’t just show up like this. I had plans.”
“Plans can be broken,” he said.
“No, these can’t. It’s a work thing.”
“So you’d rather do a work thing than come hang out with me in Ship Bottom? Okay, I get it.”
Ship Bottom? Was he really here to take me to Ship Bottom? Now? It was about an hour and a half ride from Crest Haven. Before our relationship had all turned to shit, the plan had been for us to spend a week at his family’s condo, right after my annual week with Dad. Ship Bottom was farther north, so it would have been on the way home. There was no reason for me to go there now.
“Are you seriously suggesting I leave with you?”
“I’m headed there tonight, thought I’d see if you wanted to come with me. The whole condo to ourselves, like we used to talk about, Cass,” he said.
I heard a rumble. The Charger. Bryan was in front of Ocean Whispers. He cut the engine. Any moment my worlds would be colliding, and I felt sick. Sick, sick, sick to my stomach. Maybe I should have had my father get rid of Gavin.
“Gavin, I’m not sure what kind of game you’re playing, but I’m—I have to go, it’s a work thing, someone is picking me up.”
“Do you always wear body glitter to work? Is that the kind that tastes like cotton candy?” he asked, nuzzling my neck.
Something caught Gavin’s attention beyond my shoulder. In a moment, his eyes sharpened with understanding and he looked back at me, smirk on his face. “Wow, Cass, really?”
I spun around. Bryan struggled with the front gate but finally pushed it open and wheeled up the walk. I brushed past Gavin and galloped down the stairs to greet Bryan halfway. His whole face asked What now? but he smiled when he saw me. I could feel Gavin close behind, his footfalls on the stairs. This could not be happening.
But it was.
“I didn’t know, Bryan, I’m sorry,” I said.
Bryan looked beyond me. I didn’t have to spell it out for him. His face fell.
“I thought you said . . . you’re not together.”
“I did, we’re not, he just showed up to surprise me,” I said. I felt Gavin put his hand around my waist. Bryan’s eyes landed squarely on that. I wanted to shut my eyes and pretend it was all a dream I could wake up from. I shooed Gavin’s hand away and stepped back from him.
“Bryan, this is Gavin; Gavin, Bryan. We work at camp together. He’s, um, my ride.”
They nodded at each other.
“Bryan!” Hunter bounded down the stairs, and Bryan looked relieved.
“H-bomb, ready for tonight?” Bryan asked.
“Yes. Who are you?”
Hunter was so freaking subtle. Gavin smiled.
“I’m Gavin, a friend of Cassidy’s from home.”
“Are you coming to the show?”
Gavin looked from me to Bryan, then back to Hunter. “Show? Sounds fun. All right if I tag along?”
“Not really,” I said.
Dad and Leslie stepped onto the porch. Leslie balanced the Tupperware containers of sugar cookies. I ran up to help, relieved I could step away momentarily and think about my next move. I didn’t want to make a scene; Gavin clearly had to go, but other than screaming for him to leave, I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen.
I took the containers from her. “Thanks.”
“Is everything okay?” Dad asked.
“Yes, fine,” I said.
When I turned around, Bryan had already made his way back to his car. I raced down the stairs as quickly as I could, balancing the two containers.
“Here, hold these,” I said, foisting them onto Gavin as I ran to catch up with Bryan.
“Hey, wait,” I called.
I wasn’t sure whether he hadn’t heard me or was ignoring me, because he didn’t pause for a moment. He’d already transferred and was popping one of the wheels off his chair by the time I got there.
“Bryan.”
He popped off the other wheel, but it fell out of his grasp. I reached down to grab it and handed it to him. He muttered thanks but barely looked at me. He folded the chair and hoisted it over his shoulder into the back. I thought for a moment he was going to close the door without saying anything, but he gripped the wheel and waited for me to speak.
“Bryan, I didn’t know he was going to be here; I’m sorry. I know what he said, but he’s not coming to the show.”
“So get in, then,” he said.
I looked over toward Ocean Whispers. Gavin was with Dad and Leslie now. What could he possibly be talking to them about? Could I just get into the car with Bryan and pretend like it wasn’t happening? Bryan snorted at my hesitation.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, Cassidy, but it seems like you have unfinished stuff with that guy, so I guess do what you need to do, and I’ll see you there.”
“Bryan—”
“I’m going to be late, I’ll just . . . see you later. Bet you can get a ride from someone else.”
Ouch.
I didn’t know what to say to that. He closed the door and gunned the engine but didn’t move until I stepped onto the sidewalk. Introducing him as “my ride” was shitty, but I’d been caught off guard. I’d felt protective of him and of whatever was happening between us. That was ours, separate from Gavin. How was I supposed to introduce him?
“Everything okay?”
I spun around. Gavin was there, smirk on his face, holding the cookies. Leslie and Hunter were walking in the other direction toward the SUV. My father came toward us, mouth pressed in a thin line. He looked between Gavin and me.
“Are you coming with us, Cassidy?” he asked.
I didn’t owe Gavin anything, but he was there and I got the feeling he was not going anywhere, even if I did take a ride with my family. I didn’t want him to step foot in the rec center, but until I talked to him, I knew he’d probably stick around.
“I’ll be over there in a bit.”
My father nodded. “Okay, then. See you there. Don’t miss Hunter’s song.”
“I won’t,” I said, turning to Gavin.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“Letting me stay,” he said.
“You can’t stay, Gavin.”
“You’re really going to send me home after I drove three hours to see you?”
“You said you were going to Ship Bottom—don’t act like this was some special trip just to see me.”
“Cass . . . I’d just like to talk to you. Please, there are things I need to say.”
“This better be good.”
The rec center parking lot was full. Gavin found a spot on a side street one block away. I looked at my phone. The show started at seven fifteen. It was already six thirty. If I wanted to talk to Bryan I needed to get inside and find him. Gavin, for all his there are things I need to say, had not said one word since Ocean Whispers.
He cut the engine. “What’s with the guy in the wheelchair? I had the feeling he thought he was more than your ride.”
“He’s a friend. One of the counselors.” I’ve been kissing him silly. Silly, silly, silly. Nan would be proud.
He nodded. “I think someone has a little crush.”
“Don’t talk like that. You don’t know him.”
He chuckled, but it wasn’t happy. More like an aggravated hmmph.
“Who said I was talking about him?” He turned his head and eyed me. “Have you, like, lost your mind?”
“You need to leave, Gavin,” I said, getting out of the Jeep.
I slammed the door and didn’t look back, racing toward the side entrance of the rec center, where more families were pouring in. As politely as I could, I weaved through the crowd to get to the test kitchen. Tori was there pacing around, her expression stern at first, but when she saw me, her brow creased in worry.
“What’s the matter?”
“I need to find Bryan.”
“Did you bring the cookies?”
Fuck. I’d left them with Gavin. There was no time.
“I have them, yes, but . . . I need to find Bryan, I’ll be back, okay?” I whirled out of the classroom.
“Cass—”
I ran down the hallway to the multipurpose room and poked my head in. Half of the chairs were filled already, with more people piling in. I scanned the room. The back rows were reserved for the campers, so the parents could have seats up front to watch the show. I spotted Bryan with Wade and his group and walked over. Wade saw me first and waved. Bryan’s back was to me, but when he saw Wade look beyond him, he turned his head, saw me, then turned back around.
“Bryan,” I said, his name getting swallowed up in the cacophony of voices in the multipurpose room. I walked around to face him. “Please, can we talk?” I motioned out to the hallway, where I hoped we could find a quiet corner.
“Do you mind?” Bryan asked Wade.
“No worries, I have the minions under control,” he said. The group of boys cheered. Bryan and I wandered out into the hallway and ducked around the corner for more privacy. Neither of us said anything at first. I wasn’t entirely sure where to start.
“I’m sorry, Bryan.”
“So that was Gavin.”
I nodded. “He just showed up, Bryan. No warning. Ems tried—”
“Cass, whatever. I’m your ride? Do you know how humiliated I felt back there? The one thing you’ve never done is make me feel lesser than. Even on that first day, you joked with me, looked at me, leaned in to speak to me. You know how rare that is? It’s like you didn’t treat me differently because of my chair. You saw me. Until tonight.”
“It was a shitty way to introduce you. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to say.”
“How about friend? You could have called me friend, that would have worked.”
He was right. On all counts. I didn’t want to see him through Gavin’s eyes. Didn’t want him to be under his scrutiny. He could have handled it, though. He handled it every day. Why hadn’t I just said friend?
“So are you getting back with him?”
“No.”
“Then why is he even here?” he asked.
“I don’t know, Bryan, he wants to talk. I left him out in the car.”
“Isn’t this what you wanted though? Why else would you post those pictures? It’s all a game to you.”
“Bryan, no. It’s not.”
“Just fucking go, Cassidy. Talk to him. Make up with him. We both know where this is headed. You’re leaving soon. So, now or later, it doesn’t matter, does it?”
His words pierced me. “How can you say that? You do matter to me—”
“Don’t you get it? I can’t feel like this, I can’t fill my head with all this bullshit, when none of it is real. It’s only summer. A season. And you’re gone.”
Someone cleared their throat. We turned.
Wade.
He came over to us slowly, as if he were approaching a bomb about to detonate. “Hey, Bry, I don’t mean to interrupt, but we need to get the little dudes lined up.”
“I’ll be right there,” he said. Wade went back.
“Can we hang out later, Bryan, please?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, but it felt small and silly, too-little words for too big a feeling.
He nodded, and pushed away toward the multipurpose room.
I went back to the test kitchen to face the fallout for spacing out about the sugar cookies. I cursed myself for not grabbing them before I huffed off. It was easier to be angry, to think about those things than Bryan’s words. Did he really mean what he’d said? That we were only going to last a season? I’d deluded myself that we had some sort of future, that I was more than a summer girl, but what he’d said was true. When camp was over, I’d be gone.
Tori was setting up a platter of cookies on the front island. She pushed a serving plate with a doily my way.
“Here, it’ll go quicker if we both do it,” she said. “What in the world happened to you tonight?”
“Nothing, just—”
A knock caused us both to look toward the doorway. My breath caught in my throat.
“Can I help you?” Tori asked, smiling.
“You forgot these,” Gavin said, holding up the containers of cookies.
Tori looked at me, eyes wide. I introduced her to Gavin. She grabbed a dish towel and wiped her hands.
“Do you think you guys can finish setting these up? I have to head down to the multipurpose room. Don’t want to miss the show. You’ll be there, right?”
Tori’s voice was all business. She smiled at Gavin, then widened her eyes at me once she was behind him. “Are you okay?” she mouthed.
I nodded. She left us alone.
I opened up one of the Tupperware containers and started arranging the sugar cookies on a plate. Gavin helped, the tension between us so thick it was like a third person was in the room. When we were finished, I snapped the lid back on the container.
“So this is Camp Manatee,” he said.
“Why are you really here? Just to stir up shit again? Because I’m over you, you know.”
“Cass, please.”
The anger I’d pushed aside, the hurt at being rejected, the reason I came to Crest Haven in the first place, fueled me.
“You broke my hea
rt, Gavin. You made me feel like there was something wrong with me. That I wasn’t enough. You kissed someone else. Maybe more. And now I’m supposed to drop everything because you’re here for me? I—”
“I’m not going to Penn, Cassidy.”
It wasn’t what I expected to hear. That took all the fight out of me. He kept his eyes on mine. I stepped back. Not going to Penn?
“Wait, what?”
“My father and his partners were brought up on charges of tax fraud. They were accused of laundering money for a few of their clients. I knew things weren’t good, but I didn’t know how bad they were. It still feels unreal saying it, like I’m on an episode of Law & Order or something,” he said, laughing a bit. I didn’t know what to say. Was it real? I didn’t think he’d lie about that, and there was something in his eyes, something I’d never really seen . . . defeat, resignation.
“He’s been liquidating assets—his car, I lost my phone, and I’m out of town per my mother’s orders, so they don’t repo the Jeep. She’s fighting to keep the Ship Bottom place. Did I mention they’re splitting up too? It’s a fucking mess, Cass. My old man can be an asshole, but I never knew he was this level of asshole. We were all kind of blindsided. We still have the two weeks she’d blocked out for us at Ship Bottom, and she told me to go.”
“And you’re not going to Penn?”
“I’ve deferred, but I doubt I’ll even go to Penn in the spring. I never filled out a FAFSA or whatever the fuck it was I was supposed to fill out, and I could probably kiss loans good-bye with my father’s record now. It’s embarrassing as hell and I just want to disappear, with you, like we always talked about. Forget it for a few days. I’ve missed you. So much.”
His hands were on my waist but I kept my arms folded. A barrier. I could feel myself softening at his explanation. He wasn’t going to Penn.
Bryan’s voice echoed in my head. Just fucking go. It’s only a season.
Music trailed down the hall. The showcase had started. Hunter’s group was going on fourth. I needed to be there.
The Season of You & Me Page 21
