by Sienna Parks
It’s been such a privilege for me to witness her transformation these past months. She hasn’t self-harmed again, although, I know the temptation is still there on the bad days. The difference now, is that she comes and talks to me when she feels the urge to hurt herself, and we work through it together. She’s been wrapped up in a cocoon of self-loathing and fear for so long. It’s hard to break free of that, but, seeing her emerge as a happy, healthy, strong woman, has been such an honor.
As a submissive, she’s wonderful. Knowing her better, knowing what fuels her, what has shaped her into the person I fell in love with, has really deepened our relationship. I’m better able to anticipate her needs, knowing what her triggers are. She’s more trusting of my decisions, and I’m learning to trust her again. There had been so many lies between us, so much deception. It’s taken me a long time to get over that, and take her at her word. Trust is a gift, and when it’s lost, it’s difficult to regain. I have to give her credit where it’s due, though; she’s never questioned me, or been bitter when I’ve struggled to trust her. I think she understands what she put me through, and she knows that it took a lot for me, as a Master, to move past some of the things she’s done.
The incident with Liam, which still makes me feel sick to my stomach, should have been the end of our relationship. I don’t know another Master that would forgive such a transgression, but, in the end, it was my decision to stay and fight for her, for us. I can’t hold her mistake against her for the rest of her life, so I guess, it’s not just her that’s been on a journey of self-discovery.
I’ve spent so much of my relationship with Vittoria, questioning myself, my decisions, and my place as her Master. Control has always defined me, and the loss of it threw me into a spiral of doubt. It’s taken me a while to realize that loving her isn’t a weakness. It’s a strength. She challenges me in ways that no one else ever has, forcing me outside of my comfort zone - which is exactly where I’m going to be this time next week.
Next Saturday is Vittoria’s birthday, and I have a few surprises up my sleeve for her. We’ve been living together at my apartment since she got out of rehab, but it was never a conscious decision, it was more necessity than anything else, and that’s not really the way I wanted to begin our life together. I’ve been looking at apartments with my realtor over the past few weeks, and I’ve narrowed it down to three that I think Vittoria will love. I’m going to take her to see them when we get back from L.A. and whichever one she chooses, will be our first real home together. It’s been hard keeping it a secret, but it’s a huge step for us, and I want it to be perfect.
I’ve been talking to Xander about one of my plans for the last few weeks, and he’s been a huge help getting it all set up. I’ve been looking for a space for Vittoria. Somewhere to call her own, somewhere to find her passion for dance again. I don’t know what she wants to do, but she would make an amazing teacher, or choreographer. I wanted a blank canvas for her to explore her options, and Xander had just the place. He recently bought a building on the Upper East Side, which has a great space on the first floor. Perfect for a dance studio. Hardwood floors, wide open and spacious. I’ve had mirrors installed along one wall, and ballet barres fitted. I got Carter to organize a top-of-the-line sound system through his club contacts, and I hooked it up with a new iPod fully loaded with music from every ballet I’ve ever heard of, and all the contemporary bands and artists she likes. I even added in a sneak peek of the new Flaming Embers album, which I know she’ll get a kick out of.
My last surprise for her will be asking her to wear my collar. For a Master to collar his submissive, is tantamount to marriage. It’s a big deal, and I know Vittoria will appreciate the significance of it for us. I didn’t want to go with the cliché of an actual collar. She has the most stunning neck, and I like it naked, and open to the caress of my lips. Plus, I don’t need for everyone to see it. It’s for Vittoria and me. No one else. I decided on understated elegance; a perfect match for my stunning submissive. I had a set of custom-made platinum bracelets made for her. Each is padlocked, and they can be connected to restrain her at any time. She won’t be able to take them off without the key, which I will keep possession of. To anyone else, they will look like delicate, beautiful, intricately designed bracelets. Only we will know their true meaning. I’m having the inside of each bracelet engraved. The first one will read:
To my darling Nyx, you are mine.
The second bracelet reading:
And I am yours. Always, Master Fitzgerald
They should be ready when we get back to New York next week, and I’m planning to give them to her on her birthday. I think she’ll love them, and I can’t wait to see what they look like on her dainty little wrists. I also plan on testing them out at her birthday party, seeing how well they work when they’re joined together, restraining her. It makes me hard just thinking about it.
Vittoria appears in the doorway looking breathtaking in a simple fitted white T-shirt and jeans. The picture of subtle sophistication. “What are you thinking about? You have that look in your eye.”
“And what look would that be?”
She slinks toward me, mischief in her eyes. “The one that says you’re thinking very naughty… very dirty things about me.”
“You know me too well, Nyx. Clearly, I need a better poker face.”
She makes herself comfortable in my lap, wriggling around, well aware of what she’s doing to me. “I like that I know when your filthy mind is at work. It’ll make it all the sweeter on our flight today. Especially, as I’m not wearing any underwear. Something to think about.”
She moves to stand up, but I pull her back down against me. “You realize that I didn’t give you permission to go out in public without any panties on? That means I’ll have to punish you.” Her breath hitches and I know she’s aroused at the idea. “So, now I have a dilemma. Do I bend you over my desk right now, and spank your naked little ass, and enjoy the fact that you won’t be sitting comfortably on our flight? Or, do I leave you sans panties, and let you travel with the anticipation of how I’m going to tie you up and punish you in our hotel room in L.A? Decisions, decisions.” She’s squirming now, and I know exactly what she wants, and I’m more than happy to oblige. “L.A. it is. Just know, that whatever your dirty little mind can come up with today, it’s going to pale in comparison to what I’m actually going to do to you tonight. Now go and grab your bag. We need to get going.”
She has a smug grin on her face, getting exactly what she wants. She loves the anticipation; the sweet torture of it all. It makes the final release all the more intense. She stands to leave, but I hold her in place. “Stand still.” I dip my hand down the front of her jeans, feeling her smooth, soft, warm skin; pushing my fingers against her folds. “You’re wet, Nyx. Why are you so wet?”
I remove my hand, leaving her wanting more, when she pulls my fingers up and into her mouth, tasting her own arousal. “Mmmm. Because everything about you turns me on, Master Fitzgerald. Your body, your face, your voice, the way you smell, the way you make me come, and the way you punish me in such… delicious ways.”
I slap her on the ass and send her on her way, looking forward to five days of sun, sex, and sounds. If everything goes well with the band we’re going to see, they’ll be the support act for Flaming Embers’ next tour.
Before we leave, I make a point of going to the playroom, and packing a little something extra for our trip. After all, I have a punishment to administer tonight. This is going to be an unforgettable trip!
“They totally killed it! That was amazing. You have to sign them.”
“They were pretty great, and they’re keen to work with me, so it could be a good fit all round. But, before I do anything, I want to go and hang out backstage with them, get a feel for their dynamic, and their lead singer, Josh. They’ll be going on tour with Campbell and the boys next year if this works out, and I want to make sure that there won’t be a clash of personalities.”
&n
bsp; “Then let’s go and meet them!” She’s almost giddy with excitement tonight, her earlier exhaustion from our afternoon… activities, a distant memory.
As soon as Josh sees us, he excuses himself from the throng of women that surround him, wannabe groupies of a potential rock star in the making. He extends his hand to me. “You must be Logan Fitzgerald. We’re psyched that you’re here. Thanks for giving us a chance. And who is your beautiful guest?” I squeeze his hand a little harder than necessary, letting him know that she’s off limits.
“This is my girlfriend, Vittoria. I’m aware that she’s beautiful; I don’t need or want your comments on the subject.” I can see she’s amused by me; trying not to all-out laugh at me right now, but she knows that I would most definitely punish her for it, and not in a fun way.
She holds out her hand, and when he takes it, she diffuses the tension in seconds. “Hi, Josh. I’m Vittoria. Logan’s girlfriend, possession, and sex slave. Pleased to meet you. You guys were awesome tonight, really amazing.” He starts laughing, and misses her nudging me in the ribs. She was dangerously close to the truth and if anyone else had said it, it would have made the situation awkward, but not her. She has this way about her that people respond to. An air of innocence and a warmth of personality that is so endearing, and impossible to ignore. Everyone loves her, and it pisses me off, and it makes me so damn proud. I want her all to myself, and I can’t fault people for finding her as magnetic as I do, but I still want to throat punch any man that looks at her.
“Thanks. I was feeling the pressure with this guy in crowd, possibly deciding my future.”
I bring his focus back to me, and away from Vittoria. “Well, let’s go and talk somewhere a little quieter. Dinner?”
“Sounds perfect. Can you give us half an hour to pack up and get our stuff back to my apartment? I don’t want to leave it here.”
“Sure. We can wait.”
“Cool.”
He disappears to find the rest of the band and I take the opportunity to sneak us into a quiet room backstage. There’s a few couches and a guitar in the corner, which she spies immediately. “Will you play something for me?” She picks up the guitar and brings it over to me, thrusting it into my hand. “Please? Campbell told me you have the best voice he’s ever heard, and that you’re a great player, too.”
“I’m not the player I used to be. My hand doesn’t move the same way on the strings anymore.”
“I’m not going to be judging you on technique, Logan. I just find it weird that I’ve never heard you play or sing a single note. It’s been such a huge part of your life, of your story. I want to hear you.”
I take the guitar, and sit down on the closest couch. The feel of the wood and strings, so familiar to me. It’s comforting, and a little sad. I decide to play the song I wrote for her when I was on tour with the boys, but I don’t tell her that. The room seems eerily quiet as I begin to sing, strumming my fingers over the strings, and losing myself in the lyrics. They seem even more poignant to me after everything we’ve been through since I wrote it. Almost like a premonition of what was to come. I forgot how caught up I could get, everything around me fading away, leaving just me and the guitar, and the music. I really miss it, and as the song comes to an end, I feel bereaved. To have lost my chance, before it began. I feel Vittoria’s loss all over again. Devastated for her; remembering the way she used to command the stage, taking the music and the audience with her on an enchanting adventure.
I set the guitar down, and turn to see tears streaming down her sweet face. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“That was… God, Logan, your voice is stunning; and the emotion you put into it… it was like listening to your soul. You’re so talented. I can’t believe you never told me.”
“What would I say? I never tell anyone about it. It’s in the past, and it was over before it started. I told you what happened. It is what it is.”
“I was so wrapped up in my own heartbreak at the time, I never fully appreciated what you’ve been through. Logan, I rarely see anyone who feels music the way I do, who channels it through their own body. You do that! You understand it in ways that no one else can. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you to go through losing that alone. I had you, and it still almost broke me. You’re an amazing man.”
“I had no choice. My mom didn’t want to know. She thought I ruined her life. So, I got on with it, not because I’m some remarkable guy, but because I just had to. There was no other option for me.”
“Is that why things are still bad between you and your mom?”
“Yeah. She never once saw it from my point of view. That I lost everything trying to defend her. All she saw was me getting in the way of what she thought her life should be. I was an inconvenience to her, and I still am.”
“Have you ever told her how you feel?”
“No. It wouldn’t do any good. She’s intrinsically selfish, she always has been. She’s incapable of seeing anything from someone else’s perspective; how her actions might affect them. Her number one priority is herself, and that’s never going to change.”
“But, maybe it would help you? Let you get it off your chest?”
“Let’s not waste our night talking about my mom.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
I pull her into my arms, seeking comfort in her warm embrace. “It is. Please change the subject.”
She starts stroking my hair, twisting it in her fingers. “I loved the song you were singing. So haunting. Who’s it by? I don’t think I’ve heard it before.”
“I wrote it… for you.” She stops dead, her body frozen for a moment, before she pulls me in, her lips finding mine in a fierce and passionate kiss.
“I love you so much, Logan Fitzgerald. What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“You’re… you. You’re mine. You’re everything.”
She quickly straddles me, her legs coiling around my waist as she deepens our kiss, desperate for more, and I’m about to oblige her, when there’s a knock at the open door. Josh is standing waiting, with his eyes cast to the floor. “We’re good to go when you are.”
I’m beginning to dislike this guy already. First he hits on my girl, and then he cock blocks me. He’s lucky I’m a professional, and that I believe I can help his band to take it to the next level.
I pull Vittoria close, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “We’ll continue this later.”
“Yes, Master Fitzgerald.” Fuck, it’s hot when she calls me that in public, even if it’s in whispers, and it makes me want her even more than I already do.
All through dinner, all I can think about is her; I can’t concentrate on the meeting, or the band. My mind replays those three simple words, over and over again, ‘Yes, Master Fitzgerald,’ and it has me straining against my jeans. Her blatant public submission is such a turn-on. I’m really looking forward to hearing her say those words to me while she’s wearing my bracelets.
I can’t wait to get her back to New York. To our future.
I never thought I would feel this way again. I never thought I would be truly happy and content. It’s been nine months since I left rehab, and true to his word, as always, Logan has been by my side, loving me, and saving me from myself. The day after we made love in the playroom, he arranged an appointment for me with one of the best therapists in New York, and I’ve been seeing her twice a week ever since.
Within two sessions, I was diagnosed with depression brought on by PTSD, and I’ve been learning how to read my moods, and to recognize when I’m going through a rough patch. My triggers and my coping mechanisms. Ballet has been my way of coping with everything since I was ten years old, and it worked to an extent, but I never really dealt with the root of the problem.
I feel like I’ve been reborn these past months. Like I can look at the world through fresh eyes, and see my life for what it is. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn close, and who can ask for more than that? Logan
has been so attentive, loving, and commanding. Anticipating my needs, and acting only in my best interests at all times. He’s never selfish, and is always so understanding and patient with me. I couldn’t want for a better Master, lover, and friend. He’s the whole package, and I wake up every morning wondering how I’m lucky enough to be loved by such an amazing man.
We’re in L.A. this week. Logan’s meeting with a new band, and he didn’t want to leave me behind. It’s still a sore point for him that I lied to him when we were apart before. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t trust me; I’ve done my best to earn back his trust in the past few months. I think he’s just worried about me more than anything. It’s been hard on him, and I’ve hurt him in ways I can’t even begin to fathom, but he has been so gracious and loving. I would do anything he asked of me, and coming here wasn’t exactly a chore. I want to be here with him, and we’ve been having the most amazing time together.
Last night I heard him play the guitar, and sing for the first time. I knew he had aspirations that were dashed when he was a teenager, but I never grasped the gravity of his loss until now. His voice is phenomenal, and the touch he has when he plays, is so natural, so effortless. There are technically brilliant dancers, or musicians, but you can always tell the truly gifted artist. They have an edge that you can’t teach, that you can never replicate. I had it, and so does Logan. I’m sad for the eighteen-year-old boy who never got to live out his dream, the one he was born for. It puts my own story in perspective. I thought my life was over because my career ended prematurely, but watching him last night, I realized how lucky I’ve been. I got to live what I love. I got to know what it felt like to do everything I dreamed of since I was a kid. No one can ever take that away from me.
I’m in awe of Logan. He found a way to harness what he loves, and carve a successful career for himself. He gives me hope for the future. I want that - to find a way to marry my love for dance, with a fruitful career and a future I can be excited about. Don’t get me wrong, life is great right now, but I can’t live off of Logan forever, it’s not who I am. I can’t define myself by my relationship with him. I’m his submissive, and I love it, I love him, but I want to find a new identity for myself, something that’s just for me. I want to be a person he can be proud of.
