by Ava Alise
The room falls into a hush as everyone watches with excitement as Rick, the groom, and the officiate take their positions at the front.
My eyes fall to Kelsa's face. She gives me a short glance and a smirk just as she has been this whole time. I fucking hate that she will barely look at me.
The service starts and we watch as the largest wedding party I've ever seen walk down the aisle and into place preceding the bride's arrival. At least fifteen women dressed in gold flowing gowns stand in a long line to the right of the groom holding purple and gold bouquets. The groomsmen, dressed in matching black tuxedos with gold vests, stand to his left.
Kelsa is tense as she watches and I can't help but touch her, ease her frustration in some way. My fingers find her wrist and slide down to her hand. She remains stiff momentarily, but I can feel her body shift as she releases a deep breath and slowly laces her fingers between mine. A brief sense of relief rolls through my body.
Maybe we will be ok, just maybe.
But then, it's like the world wants to remind me of my reality, because the baby being held by the lady sitting next to me begins to cry. My hand tightens on Kelsa's and she keeps her gaze forward, watching two young men roll a long runner down the aisle in preparation for the bride. The woman beside me does her best to soothe the baby, bouncing and shushing him until he eventually falls silent again. I wonder what Kelsa will say once she learns the truth. My fucking, possibly deal breaking, truth. I wonder if she’s falling in love with me, I wonder if this will make her stop. I watch her as my thoughts overflow and I'm filled with a fucked up sense of dread and longing that I can't describe. I have no choice but to talk to her, put all this shit on the table and see where we go. It hurts too much not to know. At least if she knows everything she can process it all and decide from there. Right? I suck in a deep breath, continue to hold her hand, and watch as Mila makes her way toward her groom. Ooohs and Ahhs echo through the room as cameras seem to flash from every direction. Her hair hangs in long curly tendrils and her white dress flows in waves behind her. She looks like she's floating.
Pure elation lights up Rick's face as Mila receives a kiss from her father and takes her place next to him.
After the bride has been kissed and the rice has been thrown, we watch as Mila and Rick make their way back down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. Costello. The bridal party follows behind, but before the guests begin to leave, Mila’s mother takes her place at the front of the room. She announces that the wedding party will be going to take pictures and will be joining us all very soon. Holding a hand out, she gestures to the wall behind her as she continues to address the crowd. The walls are hung with a decorative purple and gold fabric, but as she speaks the lights dim and the fabric covering the wall behind her falls, revealing another room. Gasps echo from every direction as we all look into the reception hall. It's huge, with at least fifty expertly decorated tables all adorned with large gold and purple centerpieces. The lighting is low, with lit candles on every table, and a dance floor in front of the long table where I’m assuming the bridal party will sit.
“So beautiful,” Kelsa breathes.
It is. I can't deny. Weddings aren't really my thing, but whoever designed this one did an amazing job. The eyes of every woman within ten feet of me are lit with awe as we gaze into the room before us.
Slowly, we all make our way to the reception hall. Kelsa, Renee, Cameron, and I are all seated at a table together with another couple. They are an older couple, and if I remember correctly from their greeting, they are friends of Rick's family.
Kelsa stands to remove the thin jacket she had been wearing during the ceremony, revealing the same sexy black dress she had shown Mila when we were all at lunch a few weeks ago.
“That's the dress,” I say to her in a hushed tone as she slides back into her seat.
“Yeah.” She blushes, no doubt remembering the conversation we had about it last week as well as the dirty sex that immediately followed.
“You still like it?” she asks.
My eyes trail down her body…well, the parts I can see anyway. I don’t need to see it all to appreciate how amazing she looks in it. My gaze lingers on the backless portion of the dress and how it’s cut low, stopping just above the sexiest ass in the room.
It takes effort to tear my eyes away, but I have to remind myself that not only are we in public, we are also currently being eyed by her brother.
“More than you need to know right now.”
She gives a small smirk. This space is home for us, trading dirty talk until we end up driving each other crazy, and more recently, fucking like horny teenagers. Her lack of response reminds me that all isn't right with us and I hate it. I have never had a woman affect me the way she does. I mean, flirting is flirting, sex is sex, but with Kelsa, I’m insatiable. I am falling way too hard for her and it's killing me that it could end as fast as it started. If it was something one of us did to cause this strain, then it would be understandable. The shit that's rocking us now is about everyone but us, Harold Tanner’s blackmail, our jobs at Edging Direct Global Marketing, Tara… Liam. It’s frustrating.
The reception moves on smoothly, the wedding party returns, and we all applaud as the new couple takes their seats in the middle of the bridal table. Conversations are light, food is served, and everyone seems to be having a good time. I, on the other hand, am only focused on one thing. Kelsa. She’s quiet, and tension lives between us, even though we've done a great job of acting “normal” since we've been here. I know this isn't the place or time to talk about our shit, but it's taking everything in me not to carry her out of here.
Shortly after Mila and Rick have their first dance, most of the room, including Cameron and Renee, head to the dance floor. I don't feel like dancing, and it appears Kels doesn't either. As the celebrations distance themselves from us, it awards us some alone time. I came here with the full intention of giving us time to figure our shit out, but after I saw that uncertainty in her eyes, I knew we would be finding some sort of neutral ground before the day was over.
She smiles as she watches Mila and Rick dance among the crowd of guests. Cameron and Renee seem really into each other. He holds her close as they dance, and based on the look she's giving him, it's obvious she's into him. I can't help but wonder if they are already sleeping together. Sure as hell seems like it, but I think Kelsa would have mentioned it as much as she talks about them.
“Dance with me, gorgeous,” I finally ask.
Her eyes drag slowly to mine and I prepare for her to make an excuse and shut me down. “Someone will see.” Or “I need more time.”
Instead she holds my gaze longer than she has all day.
I may as well be holding my fucking breath because it just became that much harder to breathe. Something in her eyes softens. She drops the napkin she had been holding and says “yes.”
Moments later, we are melting into the crowd in a seductive slow dance. She's still pretty quiet, but whatever it was that was stopping her from looking at me is gone. Once we locked eyes at the table, her gaze didn’t falter. Fear and uncertainty are still at home inside her, but so is something else.
Is it hope?
I hope like fuck it is.
The smooth melody of the music plays through the ballroom and, even though we are on a crowded dance floor, she is all I see.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“For what?”
“For everything. I hate where we are right now.”
“It isn't your fault,” she says, looking away from me for the first time since we started dancing.
“I know. But I want us to be ok. I know we have a lot to talk about, but I hate the idea that this could end.”
Her gaze drops to my chest and she holds it there for a while. My heart is racing again. I have no idea what she's thinking… what she will say. My worry makes my words spill from me.
“This shit is a lot and we have a lot of obstacles to face, but… I've never felt th
is certain of my feelings for anyone. If you feel the same, I think it's worth a try.”
I want to tell her about Tara and the ultrasound, but this moment seems wrong for it. Hell, if she's unwilling to work through the other stuff then she sure as hell will run away from that.
My mouth goes all but dry as I watch her search my face. She moves her hands from my shoulders and slides her arms around my neck causing me to lean into her.
“I want to try,” she finally says, and I swear to God I almost kiss her.
A chime from my phone sounds as I’m opening my car door. It was about 2:50pm when I said goodbye to Kelsa in the ballroom. I didn’t want to leave her, but this conversation with Tara needs to happen, and soon. I still fully intend to lay everything out for Kelsa, but I need to get all the information first.
“Hello?” I answer without looking at the caller’s name. I already know it’s her.
“I’m headed to your apartment,” Tara says, voice laced with annoyance.
Great… this ought to be fun.
“Are you already home or should I just use the spare key?”
“Let yourself in, Tara, I’m on the way.”
Without another word, she ends the call.
I let out a groan of frustration as I stick the key in the ignition and start the car. Tara is pissed about Kelsa and I understand, but fuck if I feel like dealing with her attitude. I still can’t believe this shit is happening… well, might be happening. August thirteenth marked the third anniversary of my brother, Drew’s, death. Tara’s family and mine meet for dinner most Wednesday evenings, but since the anniversary fell on Saturday, we met then instead. I had been having a pretty fucked up week. I was just getting over the flu, Mr. Martin had just announced the merger, and it wasn’t looking like many of us would be keeping our jobs. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was frustrated, sad and running on about sixty-percent mental clarity. The dinner for my brother went as it normally does. We shared stories and celebrated his life. Afterward, Tara invited me out for drinks. She had just broken up with Aaron, a guy she was dating, and was still pretty upset about it.
We were drunk.
We were grieving
We weren’t thinking clearly.
We ended up back at my place. Somehow a hug goodbye between two lifelong friends ended with a kiss. A kiss that was clouded in pain, drenched in alcohol, and things quickly got out of hand. After that night, we avoided each other. It was pretty hard though, with how close our families are, so eventually we had no choice but to talk. We agreed it was a mistake, one that we would keep between us, and hopefully forget ever happened. Fortunately, the amount of alcohol we consumed helped with forgetting what happened and made moving on a tad easier… that is until she knocked on my door yesterday evening. She’s almost four months pregnant and she has no idea if the baby belongs to me or her ex.
A lovely fucked up way to learn that you may be a father.
Really, fuck my life.
Pulling up to my place, I park my car in its usual spot and head inside. Tara is sitting on the couch when I walk into my living room. She’s leaning back with her feet propped up on the coffee table while petting my dog, Lucy. Lucy’s ears perk to attention when she hears me come through the door. She lets out an excited whine as she meets me in the doorway. I reach down and pet her, but my gaze falls back to Tara who is already shooting me daggers.
“Hey,” I say, ignoring the look in her eyes. I pull my coat off, hang it on the rack, and drop my keys and phone on the side table.
“Please tell me you aren’t seeing her anymore, Drex. Tell me you’ve ended it,” she bellows. I can hear her approaching quickly, but I don’t turn around right away.
“No.” I sigh, running a hand down my face. “Of course I didn’t end it,” I say, turning to her. “There’s a lot you don’t understand about what happened that night, Tara.”
“Understand?” She scoffs. “I know all I need to know about her. There is nothing more I need to understand.”
“That’s just it. You don’t know everything.” I walk away from the coat rack and toward her. It’s at that point I notice that Tara has a hand placed on her lower back and I wonder if it’s because she’s in pain. “Just sit down.” I gesture to the sofa.
She’s fuming, but makes her way back to the couch and slowly sits in the spot she was just in.
With just as much venom, but a lot less enthusiasm, she starts up again. “Drex, what you don’t realize about Kelsa is—”
“Look.” I cut her off. “I know we have a lot to figure out. The Kelsa and Liam thing is just one. I know how my parents and your mother will react, but I’m sure once they meet her, they will begin to see things a little differently.
“What about Liam, huh? How do you think he’d feel? Someone that drove him to suicide, really?”
I wipe my hands up and over my head as I let out a frustrated huff. “I don't think—”
“No! I don’t want that bitch near me or this baby!”
My chest tightens at the mention of the baby.
I’m no longer looking at her face, but her stomach. The way she’s sitting highlights the roundness of her belly, of her baby… which could be my baby.
I begin to hear my heart beating through my ears, causing Tara’s words to sound like whispers.
“Tar…” I choke, she’s still talking as I clear my throat. “Tara,” I say, cutting her off. “I don’t want to argue about Kelsa anymore. Let’s talk about what’s happening… the baby.”
Her face softens as embarrassment takes over.
She doesn't speak right away and I hold her gaze. It’s her turn to choke on words.
“I don't know. The conception date is still too close.”
Since I first opened the ultrasound I have looked at it no less than twenty times.
Estimated Date of Conception: August 14th
That's the day after that… night.
The night the condom broke.
This kid could totally be mine.
Tara sighs. “I was hoping the date would have shown a week before because that would rule you out, but these estimates could be up to seven days off. I could have already been pregnant by Aaron and didn't know it.” She drops her gaze to the floor. “I'm sorry, Drex.”
The air leaves my lungs and I just stare at her as I try to force my brain to form a coherent thought, just one.
She brings a hand to her belly and rubs it gently. “I have an appointment next week. I'll request a paternity test, but I'll need you to come with me.”
I nod. “The ultrasound you gave me dates to almost two months ago. Why did you wait to tell me?” I ask.
“I was hoping that somehow they would measure the baby’s size and realize the date was wrong. But mostly, I was scared.”
I get it. I totally fucking get it.
“You know I'll be there, Tara, especially if that's my kid.”
“Our mothers will lose their shit,” she says. “But it can't be any worse than when they find out you’re dating that horrible woman.”
I sigh audibly. “I'm not doing this with you,” I say in a stern tone as I stand from the couch.
She pulls her feet from the coffee table and sits forward.
“I still can't believe you are considering bringing that—”
“Enough! Tara. What I decide to do with Kelsa is between me and Kelsa! You have no fucking opinion in the matter.”
Her mouth falls open and her face turns sour.
Before she can speak, I continue. “Now, do you need me to help you to your car?” I don't know if it's a dick move to ask the woman who may be carrying your child to leave, but my patience has completely run dry.
“No. I don't.”
She snatches her coat from the rack, grabs her purse, and walks out the front door.
Kelsa
Weddings. A day dedicated to displayed love and heavy promises. Words like “forever,” “soul mate,” and “for better or for worse” float around t
he room like they are trivial. How can anyone promise something so strong, and so final? Plot twists are a thing of life and you never know where you will land. I've never been against the idea of love and marriage, I totally get it. If there was ever a need for a poster couple to show the world what true love is, my parents, Myra and Chet Preston, would be in every advertisement. There is no doubt in my mind that true and uncomplicated love can exist between two people, but no one tells you what it takes to get there. Everyone makes it look so easy and it's hard to know which obstacles are worth the fight and which are red flags that are telling you to run like hell.
I'm sure there were red flags with William, even before he started acting like a psycho. Back when the dates were simple moments at a coffee shop or dinners at a restaurant. Maybe he was crazy then too, maybe I wasn't paying attention. The truth of the matter is the entire relationship with him was neglected. We were both so busy with our lives and maybe I couldn't see the signs because we weren't together enough for me to see them. The little bit of time we dated before it started feeling like less of a choice and more of an obligation, was stale. That’s why I have no idea how or when he supposedly fell in love with me. But I don’t know, maybe that in itself was the biggest red flag of all.
Cameron, Renee, and I left Mila's wedding not long after Drex. Renee started grilling me on why I was acting so weird with him and I took that moment to fill her in on how we are facing the cutting block at work for breaking company policy. We got into this long talk about love and marriage. Which, of course, wasn't surprising.
“You need to stop trying to control everything, Kels, love isn't something you can turn on and off or analyze,” she said.
I just smiled and told her she was right, which surprised the hell out of her. I can't say that I understand why I'm not running like hell right now. Everything about this situation has said run. The entire time I spent with Drex at Mila's wedding I kept asking myself why I couldn't just walk away, chalk it up to an amazing fling that's run its course and be logical. It wasn't until I watched Mila and Rick have their first dance that I got my answer. They seemed so happy and so in love. The way they looked at each other, touched each other, made it clear as to why they would take such a risk. One look at them and it was easy to see that any amount of hurdles they would have to jump over or barriers they would have to break through was worth it to them.
