‘I’m begging you, please stop. I swear on the Quran, there is nothing going on between us.’
We were near her house when I finally broke down and started to cry. My tears brought her back to her senses and like water snuffed out the flames of her anger. In a gentler voice, she said, ‘Now why are you crying? And out on the street! I’m just upset because I don’t understand why you kept it from me. I tell you everything.’
I swore that I had always been her best friend and that I never had and never would keep secrets from her.
Together, Parvaneh and I experienced all the stages of love. She was as excited as I was and kept asking, ‘What do you feel now?’ As soon as she saw me deep in thought, she would say, ‘Tell me, what you are thinking about?’ And I would talk about my fantasies, my anxieties, my excitement, my worries about the future and the fear of being forced to marry someone else. She would close her eyes and say, ‘Oh, how poetic! So this is what falling in love is like. But I’m not as sensitive and emotional as you. Some of the things people in love do and say make me laugh. And I never blush. So how will I know when I’m in love?’
The beautiful and vibrant autumn days passed as quickly as the autumn winds. Saiid and I had still not exchanged a single word. But now, each time Parvaneh and I walked past the pharmacy, he would quietly murmur a hello and my heart would plunge in my chest like a ripe fruit dropping into a basket.
Every day, Parvaneh unearthed some new information about Saiid. I knew he was from Rezaieh, and his mother and sisters still lived there; he was from a well-respected family; his last name was Zareii; his father had passed away a few years ago; he was in the third year at university studying pharmacology; he was very smart and studious; and Dr Ataii trusted him implicitly and was pleased with his work. Every piece of information was a stamp of approval on my pure and innocent love. I felt as though I had known him all my life and that I would spend the rest of my existence with him alone.
Once or twice a week, Parvaneh would find some excuse to take me to the pharmacy. We would secretly exchange glances. His hands would shake and my cheeks would turn bright red. Parvaneh carefully monitored our every action. Once she said, ‘I always wondered what eye-gazing was. Now I know!’
‘Parvaneh! What sort of talk is that?’
‘What? Am I lying?’
In the mornings, I took particular care doing my hair and I put on my headscarf in a way that my bangs would remain tidy and my long hair could be seen from the back. I tried desperately to put in a few ringlets, but my hair just wouldn’t curl. And then one day Parvaneh said, ‘You idiot! Your hair is beautiful. Straight hair is the latest fashion. Haven’t you heard, the girls at school actually iron their hair to make it straight.’
I regularly washed and ironed my school uniform. I begged Mother to buy more fabric and have a seamstress make a new one for me – what Mother herself sewed was always dowdy and drab. The only thing I had learned in my sewing classes was to find fault with Mother’s sewing. Mrs Parvin made a stylish uniform for me and I secretly asked her to shorten the skirt a little. Still, I had the longest uniform in school. I saved my money and Parvaneh and I went shopping. I bought a forest-green silk headscarf. Parvaneh said, ‘It really suits you. It makes your eyes look greener.’
We had a cold winter that year. The snow on the streets had yet to melt when it would snow again. In the mornings, there was ice everywhere and we had to take care crossing the street. Every day someone would slip and fall and that day it was my turn. I was near Parvaneh’s house when I lost my footing on a patch of ice and fell down hard. I tried to get up, but my ankle hurt terribly. The moment I put my foot on the ground, pain shot all the way up to my waist and I fell back down. Just then, Parvaneh walked out of her house and Ali who was on his way to school also showed up. They helped me get up and walked me back home. Mother bandaged my ankle, but by late afternoon both the pain and the swelling had got much worse. When the men returned home, they each offered an opinion. Ahmad said, ‘Forget it… there’s nothing wrong with her. If she had stayed home like a decent girl and hadn’t gone out in this blistering cold, this wouldn’t have happened.’ And he went off to drink.
Father said, ‘Let’s take her to the hospital.’
‘Wait,’ Mahmoud said, ‘Mr Esmaiil is good at binding broken bones. He lives right at the turn of Shemiran. I’ll go bring him. If he says she has broken her leg, then we’ll take her to the hospital.’
Mr Esmaiil was about Father’s age and famous for splinting fractured bones. That winter, his business was booming. He examined my foot and said I hadn’t broken any bones and that it was only a sprain. He put my foot in warm water and started to massage it. He kept talking to me and just as I was about to say something he suddenly twisted my foot. I screamed in pain and fainted. When I came to, he was rubbing my ankle with a concoction of egg yolk, turmeric and a thousand different oils. Then he bandaged it and cautioned me not to walk on it for two weeks.
What a catastrophe. I wept and said, ‘But I have to go to school. The second term exams are starting soon.’ I knew the exams were a month and a half away and that my tears were flowing for an entirely different reason.
For a few days I really couldn’t move. I was sprawled out under the korsi, thinking about Saiid. In the mornings, when everyone was at school, I would fold my hands under my head and, with the feeble winter sun shining on my face, I would drown in my sweet fantasies and travel to the town of my dreams, to the blissful days of the future and to a life with Saiid…
The only bother in the morning was Mrs Parvin who would find any and all excuses to visit Mother. I really didn’t like her and as soon as I heard her voice, I would pretend to be asleep. I don’t know why Mother, who went on and on about faith and decency, had become friends with a woman who the entire neighbourhood knew didn’t quite walk the straight and narrow, and she hadn’t caught on that Mrs Parvin’s pandering was all because of Ahmad.
In the afternoon when Faati and Ali came back from school, the calm and quiet of the house would vanish. Ali could single-handedly wreak hell and havoc in an entire neighbourhood. He had become disobedient and cheeky. He was trying to follow in Ahmad’s footsteps and was almost as harsh with me as Ahmad was, especially now that I wasn’t going to school. Mother was taking care of me and Father was showing concern, which made Ali jealous. He acted as if I had cheated him out of his rights. He would leap over the korsi, harass Faati and make her scream, he would kick my books aside and intentionally or accidently hit my injured ankle and make me shriek in pain. One day, with much begging and crying, I managed to convince Mother to move my bedding upstairs to the living room so that I would be safe from Ali and could study a little.
‘Why do you want to go up and down these stairs?’ she argued. ‘And it’s cold upstairs, the large heater is broken.’
‘The small heater is enough for me.’
In the end, she gave in and I moved upstairs. I was finally at peace. I studied, I daydreamed, I wrote in my poetry scrapbook, I went on long journeys in my fantasies, I wrote Saiid’s name here and there in my notebook in the script I had invented. I found the root of his name in Arabic and I listed its inflectional paradigms – Sa’ad, Saiid, Sa’adat – and I used them in all the examples I had to provide in my homework.
One day Parvaneh came to visit me. While Mother was there, we talked about school and the exams that were due to start on 5 March, but as soon as she left, Parvaneh said, ‘You have no idea what has been going on.’
I knew she had news of Saiid. I leaped halfway up and said, ‘Tell me, please, how is he? Quick, tell me before someone walks in.’
‘Lately, he’s been Haji Worrywart. Every day, I saw him standing on the pharmacy steps, peering around, and as soon as he realised I was alone, his face would sag, and looking grief-stricken he would go back inside. Today he showed some courage and came forward. At first he turned red and white a few times, then stammered a hello and finally he said, “Your friend hasn’
t been going to school for a few days. I’m very worried. Is she well?” I was wicked. I played dumb and said, “Which friend are you referring to?” He looked at me with surprise and said, “The young lady who is always with you. Her house is on Golshan Street.” So he even knows where you live! He’s a sly one. He has probably followed us. I said, “Oh, you mean Massoumeh Sadeghi. The poor thing fell and sprained her ankle and she can’t go to school for two weeks.” He turned pale, said it was terrible, then just turned his back to me and walked away. I wanted to call to him and tell him he was very rude, but he had barely taken two steps when he realised how impolite he had been. He turned around and said, “Please tell her I said hello.” Then he said goodbye like a normal human being and left.’
My heart and my voice were trembling. ‘Oh my God!’ I said, panicked. ‘You told him my name?’
‘Don’t be a ninny,’ Parvaneh said, ‘It’s no big deal. To begin with, he already knew it, or at least he knew your last name. You can be sure he has even researched your ancestry. He’s so in love. I think one of these days he’s going to come and ask for your hand.’
I was delirious. I was so giddy that when Mother walked in with a tray of tea, she looked at me with surprise and said, ‘What’s going on? You’re so chipper!’
‘No!’ I stammered. ‘There’s nothing going on.’
Parvaneh quickly jumped in and said, ‘You see, today they returned our exam papers and Massoumeh got the highest grades.’ And then she winked at me.
‘What’s the use, my girl? These things are not practical for a girl,’ Mother said. ‘She’s wasting her time. Pretty soon she’ll have to go to her husband’s house and wash nappies.’
‘No, Mother. I’m not going to a husband’s house any time soon. For now, I have to get my school diploma.’
Parvaneh mischievously said, ‘Yes, and then she’ll become Mrs Doctor.’
I glowered at her.
‘Oh really?’ Mother quipped. ‘She’s going to continue studying? The more she goes to school the cheekier she gets. It’s all her father’s fault for doting on her, as if she’s so special.’
And still grumbling, Mother walked out and Parvaneh and I burst out laughing.
‘Thank God Mother didn’t catch on, otherwise she would have said, since when do you become a doctor with a diploma in literature?’
Parvaneh, wiping away the tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks, said, ‘My silly girl, I didn’t say you are going to be a doctor, I said you will be the missus of a Mr Doctor.’
In those bright and blissful days, there was no need for a rational reason to laugh. I was so happy that I completely forgot the pain in my ankle. After Parvaneh left, I fell back on my pillow and thought to myself, He is worried, he misses me, I am so content. That day, even Ahmad’s shouts as he scolded Mother for Parvaneh’s visit didn’t bother me. I knew Ali, the spy, had given him a full report, but I didn’t care.
Every morning I woke up and while hopping on one leg I tidied up the room. Then, with one hand on the railing and the other holding Grandmother’s cane, I slowly climbed down the stairs, washed my hands and face and ate breakfast. And again I laboured back up the stairs. Mother relentlessly complained that I was going to catch pneumonia or fall head first down the stairs, but who was listening? I made do with the small paraffin heater. I wouldn’t exchange my privacy for the world and felt so warm inside that I didn’t sense the cold at all.
Two days later, Parvaneh came to see me again. I heard her at the front door and quickly made my way to the window. Mother greeted her coldly, but Parvaneh ignored her tone and said, ‘I have brought the exams schedule for Massoumeh.’ And then she darted up the stairs, ran in, closed the door behind her and stood leaning against the door, gasping for air. Her face was flushed. I didn’t know whether it was from the cold or from excitement. Without taking my eyes off her, I went back to bed. I didn’t have the nerve to ask any questions.
Finally, she said, ‘You’re a clever one: lying here in bed and getting wretched me into trouble.’
‘What happened?’
‘Let me catch my breath. I ran like a madman all the way from the pharmacy.’
‘Why? What’s going on? Tell me!’
‘I was walking with Maryam. When we reached the pharmacy, Saiid was standing at the door. He started nodding and gesturing with his head. And you know how sly Maryam is. She said, “Mr Handsome is motioning to you.” I said, “No. What would he want with me?” I ignored him and kept walking. But he ran after us and said, “Excuse me, Miss Ahmadi, would you please come inside for a minute, I need to speak with you.” Your Haji Worrywart was as red as a beet. I was terribly nervous and didn’t know what to do with that nosy Maryam. I said, “Oh yes, I forgot to pick up my father’s medications. Are they ready?” But the idiot just stood there and stared at me. I didn’t wait for him to answer. I quickly apologised to Maryam and told her that I had forgotten about my father’s medications. I said goodbye and told her I would see her in school tomorrow. But little Miss Nosy wasn’t about to give up on such an opportunity. She said she wasn’t in a hurry and would come with me.
‘The more I said it wasn’t necessary the more suspicious she got. Then she said she had forgotten that she, too, had to buy a few things from the pharmacy and walked in with me. Fortunately, Haji Worrywart got wise to the situation. He put a box of medicine and an envelope in a bag, said he had included the prescription and that I should make sure to give it to my father. I quickly stuffed it in my schoolbag. I was afraid Maryam would snatch it from me. I swear, I wouldn’t put it past her. You know what a snoop and a snitch she is. Especially now that everyone in school is talking about Saiid. Half the girls who walk this way think he stands outside to see them. Now wait and see what stories they’ll make up about me tomorrow. Anyway, Maryam was still in the pharmacy, buying toothpaste, when I hurried out and ran over here.’
‘That’s awful!’ I said. ‘Now she’s going to be even more suspicious.’
‘Come on! She already knows something is going on, with that stupid Saiid putting the so-called prescription in a sealed envelope! Have you ever seen a pharmacist put a prescription in an envelope? And Maryam is no idiot. She was devouring the envelope with her eyes. That’s why I got scared and ran off.’
For a few seconds, I lay there as still as a corpse. Everything was muddled in my head. But then I suddenly remembered the envelope and leaped up.
‘Give me the letter!’ I said. ‘But first, check behind the door and make sure no one is there, then close it tight.’
My hands were shaking as I took the envelope from her. There was nothing written on it. I didn’t have the nerve to open it. What could he have written? Other than mumbling a hello, we had never spoken to each other. Parvaneh was as excited as I was. Just then, Mother walked in. I quickly slipped the envelope under the quilt and we both sat up straight and looked at her in silence.
‘What’s going on?’ Mother asked, suspicious.
‘Nothing!’ I stammered.
But Mother’s gaze was full of doubt. Once again Parvaneh jumped to my rescue.
‘It’s nothing,’ she said. ‘Your daughter is very sensitive. She just blows everything out of proportion.’ Then she turned to me and said, ‘So what if you didn’t get a good grade in English. The hell with it. Your mother isn’t like mine. She won’t chide you for no good reason.’ And looking at Mother, she said, ‘Isn’t that right, Mrs Sadeghi? Are you going to scold her?’
Mother looked at Parvaneh with surprise, curled the corners of her lips, and said, ‘What can I say! So what if your grade isn’t good. Actually, it would be better if you failed altogether. That way, you’ll go back to the sewing classes, which are far more essential.’ Then she put the tea tray in front of Parvaneh and walked out.
We looked at each other in silence for a few minutes and then burst out laughing. Parvaneh said, ‘Girl, why are you so dense? The way you acted, anyone would know you’re up to no good. Be careful or we�
�ll be found out.’
I felt nauseous with excitement and anxiety. I carefully opened the white envelope, trying not to damage it in any way. My heartbeats sounded like a sledgehammer pounding on an anvil.
‘Oh, come on!’ Parvaneh said impatiently. ‘Hurry up!’
I unfolded the letter. Lines in beautiful penmanship danced before my eyes. I was dizzy. We quickly read the letter, which was no more than a few sentences. Then we looked at each other and in unison asked, ‘Did you read it? What did it say?’ We read it again, this time more calmly. It started with this verse:
May your body never need the touch of a doctor,
May your delicate being never be harmed.
And then, greetings and inquiries about my health and wishes for a speedy recovery.
How polite, how beautiful. I could tell from his handwriting and composition that he was well read. Parvaneh didn’t stay long because she hadn’t told her mother she was coming to see me. I wasn’t paying much attention to her anyway. I was in another world. I couldn’t feel my physical presence. I was all spirit, flying in the air. I could even see myself lying there in bed with my eyes open, a big smile on my lips, pressing the letter to my chest. For the very first time, I regretted having often wished that I had died instead of Zari. How pleasant life was. I wanted to embrace the entire universe and kiss it.
The Book of Fate Page 4
