I sank back in my chair. All three of us grew quiet.
Parvaneh went inside to bring more tea. Saiid used the opportunity to put his hand over mine, which had remained on the table, and said, ‘I must talk to you before I leave; but alone. Meet me for lunch tomorrow at the restaurant we went to last week. I will be there at one. You must come.’
I knew what he wanted to say. All the love we had felt for each other so many years ago had reawakened in us. Nervous and filled with apprehension, I walked into the restaurant. He was sitting at a small table at the far end of the room, gazing out of the window. After the usual greetings, we ordered lunch. We were both quiet and deep in thought. We couldn’t finish our lunch.
Finally, he lit a cigarette and said, ‘Massoum, by now you must know that you were the only true love of my life. Destiny put many obstacles in our way and we both suffered deeply. But perhaps destiny wants to make up for it all and show us its other face. I am going to America to finally settle things with Nazy. Two years ago, I told her that she would either have to come to Iran and live with me or we would have to get a divorce. But neither one of us did anything about it. Now, she has opened a restaurant and it seems to be doing well. She says it is to our benefit to live there. Regardless, we finally have to decide what we want to do. I am tired of this uncertain and unsettled life. If I am sure of you and know that you will marry me, many things will become clear for me and I can comfortably decide and firmly follow through with it… Well, what do you think? Will you marry me?’
Although I had expected this, and from the first day I saw him again, I somehow knew he would one day ask this question, still, my heart sank and I couldn’t speak. Even in my thoughts, I didn’t know what answer I should give him.
‘I don’t know.’
‘How could you not know? After thirty-something years you still cannot make a decision for yourself?’
‘Saiid, my children… what will I do about my children?’
‘Children? What children? They have all grown up and gone off to live their own lives. They don’t need you any more.’
‘But they are very sensitive about me; I’m afraid this would upset them. Their mother, at this age—’
‘For the love of God, let us for once in our lives think only about ourselves,’ he said. ‘After all, we have a share in this life, too. Don’t we?’
‘I have to talk to them.’
‘All right, talk to them, but let me know as soon as you can. I am leaving a week from Saturday and I can’t delay the trip any more; especially because I have to stop in Germany for a business meeting.’
I went straight to Parvaneh’s house and told her everything. She jumped up and screamed, ‘You traitors! You finally did it. You finally said what you had to say without me there. I waited more than thirty years to see your reaction the minute he proposed to you, but you betrayed me!’
‘But, Parvaneh—’
‘It doesn’t matter, I will forgive you. But for the love of God, get married in the next few days, before I leave. I must be there. This has been one of my greatest dreams.’
‘Please, Parvaneh, stop it!’ I cried. ‘Get married? At my age? What would my children say?’
‘What would they want to say? You gave them your youth, you did everything for them. Now you have to think about yourself. You have the right to have someone in your life to grow old with. I think they would actually be happy for you.’
‘You don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I am afraid they would be embarrassed in front of their spouses. I have to think about their honour and reputation, too.’
‘Enough!’ she shouted. ‘Enough with all your talk about honour and reputation. I am sick of it! First you were worried about your father’s honour, then your brothers’ honour, then your husband’s, and now your kids’… I swear if you say it one more time, I will throw myself out of this window.’
‘Huh? Which window? Your house has only one floor.’
‘Did you expect me to leap off the Eiffel Tower for the sake of Your Excellency’s concerns over honour? Besides, you will not be doing anything dishonourable. Many people marry several times. Give yourself the chance to at least spend the rest of your life in peace and happiness. After all, you are a human being, too, and have some rights in this life.’
I spent the entire night thinking about how I should tell my children. I tried to imagine how each of them would react and what they would say in the best and worst case scenarios. I felt like the teenage girl who stands in front of her parents, stomps her feet and says, Yes, I want him; I want to marry him. Several times, I decided to give up on the idea entirely, to close my eyes to Saiid and to live my life as I had lived it before. But his kind and gentle face, my fear of loneliness, and the honesty of an old love that had stayed alive in our hearts stopped me. Turning away from him would be difficult. I tossed and turned all night, but it was useless.
Parvaneh called early in the morning.
‘Well, did you tell them?’
‘No! When did you expect me to tell them? In the middle of the night? Besides, I still don’t know how.’
‘Come on! It’s not as if they are strangers. You are always talking to your children. Don’t tell me you don’t know how to tell them something this simple.’
‘Simple? What is simple about it?’
‘Tell Shirin first. She is a woman and she would understand better. She doesn’t have that silly red-blooded zealousness that men have when it comes to their mummies.’
‘I can’t! It is so difficult.’
‘Do you want me to tell her?’
‘You? No! I have to find the nerve to do it myself or give it up altogether.’
‘Give what up? Have you lost your mind? After all these years you have found your love and now you want to give him up? And over nothing and for no good reason? In fact, why don’t I come over and we can tell her together. It’s easier that way. Two against one… we can deal with her better. We will even hit her if we have to. I’ll be there around noon.’
After lunch, Shirin got dressed and said, ‘I have to go see my friend Shahnaz for little while. I will be back soon.’
‘But my dear Shirin, I came to see you,’ Parvaneh said. ‘Where are you going?’
‘I am sorry, Auntie, I have to. It’s for an assignment we have for the summer term. If I finish it in time, next term will be my last at the university… I will be back by the time you two wake up from your afternoon nap.’
‘It’s not proper for you to leave when your Aunt Parvaneh has come to see you,’ I said. ‘She is only here for a few more days.’
‘Auntie isn’t a stranger,’ Shirin said. ‘And I wouldn’t go if I really didn’t have to. Take a quick nap and brew some tea. On my way back, I will buy the cake Auntie likes and we can sit out on the balcony and have tea and cake.’
Parvaneh and I lay down on my bed.
‘Your story is just like a movie,’ she said.
‘Yes, an Indian movie.’
‘What’s wrong with Indian movies? Indians are people, too, and things happen to them.’
‘Yes, strange things. Things that are highly unlikely in real life.’
‘It’s not as if movies made in other countries are any less strange or more likely to happen in real life. What is that big American guy’s name?… Arnold. He single-handedly destroys an entire army. Or the other one who drops six hundred people with a karate kick, jumps out of a plane and on to a train, and then leaps on to a car and flies into a ship and en route clobbers three hundred people without so much as a scratch on him…’
‘What’s your point?’
‘My point is that God, or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, has offered you a beautiful chance. It would be very ungrateful of you if you don’t make the best of it.’
We were sitting out on the balcony when Shirin arrived with the cake.
‘Oh, it has got so hot again,’ she panted. ‘Let me go change.’
I looked desperately
at Parvaneh, but she motioned to me to stay calm and sit tight. A few minutes later, Shirin joined us. I poured some tea for her and she started chatting with us. Parvaneh waited for the right opportunity and then she said, ‘My dear, how would you like to go to a wedding?’
‘Wonderful!’ Shirin exclaimed. ‘I am dying to go to a decent wedding; one of those with plenty of music and dancing, not like the ones at Uncle Mahmoud’s and Uncle Ali’s homes. But who is getting married? Are the bride and groom gorgeous? I hate ugly brides and grooms. Are they cool?’
‘My dear, talk properly,’ I said. ‘What does “cool” mean?’
‘Cool means hip and trendy. It’s a great word. You just don’t like it because it’s an expression young people use.’ Then she turned to Parvaneh and said, ‘Thank God Mum didn’t end up being our Persian literature professor; otherwise, we would have to talk with highbrow pomposity.’
‘See what a sharp tongue she has?’ I said to Parvaneh. ‘You so much as say one word, she will come back with ten.’
‘Oh, stop arguing over nonsense,’ Parvaneh said. ‘I’m late, I have to get going.’
‘But Auntie, I just got here!’
‘It’s your own fault,’ Parvaneh said. ‘I told you not to go.’
‘But you didn’t say whose wedding it is.’
‘Whose wedding would you like it to be?’
Shirin leaned back, savoured her tea and said, ‘I don’t know.’
‘Well, what if it’s your mother’s wedding?’
Shirin spat out her tea and keeled over laughing. Parvaneh and I looked at each other and tried to smile. There was no end to Shirin’s laughter. It was as if she had heard the funniest joke.
‘What is the matter with you?’ Parvaneh chided. ‘It’s not funny!’
‘Yes, it is, Auntie. Picture Mum in a wedding dress and a veil walking into a marriage ceremony with a hunchbacked old man with a cane! I guess I would have to hold the bride’s train! Imagine the tottering groom trying to put a ring on the bride’s wrinkled finger with his shaky hands. Just picture it! Isn’t it hilarious?’
Humiliated and angry, I looked down and wrung my hands.
‘That’s enough!’ Parvaneh snapped angrily. ‘You talk as if your mother is a hundred years old. You young people have become so rude and inconsiderate. And don’t worry, the groom is not tottery at all. As a matter of fact, he is far more handsome than your Faramarz.’
Shirin gaped at us and said, ‘Well, don’t be so insulted! I saw the scene in a movie. Now, what exactly did you mean?’
‘I meant if your mother decides to get married, there are some very eligible men she could choose from.’
‘For the love of God, Auntie, stop it. My mother is a lady. She has two daughters-in-law, two grandchildren and soon she will be giving away her beloved and only daughter.’ Then she turned to me and said, ‘By the way, Mum, Faramarz said my Canadian residency is almost ready. He will probably come to Iran during his holidays in January so that we can have our wedding celebration and leave together.’
This was about my daughter’s wedding; I had to show some interest. But all I managed to do was shake my head and say, ‘We will talk about it later.’
‘What is it, Mum? Are you upset because I said you are old? I’m sorry. It’s all Auntie’s fault. She just says things that make me laugh.’
‘Why does it make you laugh?’ Parvaneh snapped. ‘In the West people get married even in their eighties and no one laughs. As a matter of fact, their children and grandchildren are happy for them and celebrate. And your mother is still a young woman.’
‘Auntie, you have lived there for too long. You’ve become completely Westernised. Things are different here. I for one would be embarrassed. Besides, my mother is not lacking anything in her life to want to get married.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course! She has a lovely home, she has her work, she goes on trips and holidays, Massoud has gone to a lot of trouble to make sure she receives her pension, and both her sons provide for her in every way. Besides, after I get married, she is going to come to Canada to help me take care of my children.’
‘What an honour!’ Parvaneh said indignantly.
I couldn’t listen to them argue any more. I got up, gathered the dishes and went back inside. I saw Parvaneh talking fast and Shirin glowering at her. Then Parvaneh picked up her handbag and came inside. As she was putting on her manteau and headscarf, she whispered, ‘I told her our needs in life are not limited to material things, that we have emotional and sentimental needs, too. I told her the gentleman who has visited us here a few times is the one who has proposed marriage to you.’
Shirin was sitting there with her elbows on the table, holding her head in her hands. When Parvaneh left, I went back out on the balcony. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Mum, tell me Parvaneh was lying. Tell me it isn’t true.’
‘What isn’t true? The fact that Saiid has asked me to marry him? Yes, it is true. But I still haven’t given him an answer.’
She sighed with relief and said, ‘Oh, the way Aunt Parvaneh said it, I thought it was a done deal. But you won’t do it, will you?’
‘I don’t know. I might.’
‘Mum, think about us! You know how much respect Faramarz has for you. He always talks about what a moral, decent and selfless lady you are. He says you are the kind of mother before whom one should kneel. How am I supposed to tell him that my mother is hankering for a husband? If you do this, you will shatter the image we have had of you and have worshipped all these years.’
‘I am not planning to commit a crime or a sin for any of you to question my character,’ I said firmly.
She got up, shoved her chair aside and ran to her room. A few minutes later, the beeps on the telephone indicated that she was dialling a number. I was sure she was calling Massoud, and I said to myself, The storm has started.
An hour later, Massoud walked in looking distraught. I was sitting out on the balcony and pretended I was busy reading the newspaper. Shirin was talking to him rapidly, but in a low voice. After a while, Massoud joined me outside. He was frowning.
‘Well, hello!’ I said. ‘Nice of you to come for a visit.’
‘Sorry, Mum, I have been so busy with work that I can’t tell night from day any more.’
‘Why, my dear? Why do you get yourself all tangled up in useless administrative work? Weren’t you supposed to start your own firm and pursue your art and architecture? Your personality is not suited to this job at all. You look a lot older and I haven’t heard you laugh in such a long time.’
‘I’m too deep into it. And Atefeh’s father says it is our devout duty to help.’
‘To help whom?’ I asked. ‘The people? Do you think you would be helping society any less if you worked in your own field? As a matter of fact, you had absolutely no experience in management for them to offer and for you to accept this position.’
‘Let it go for now,’ he said impatiently. ‘What is all this nonsense I hear from Shirin?’
‘Shirin says a lot of nonsense, which one are you referring to?’
Just then Shirin walked out with the tea tray and sat down next to Massoud. It was as if she wanted to clearly delineate the two fronts. ‘Mum!’ she griped. ‘He is talking about some man proposing marriage to you.’
They both stifled their laughter and gave each other a sideways glance. I was furious, but I tried not to lose my temper or my self-confidence.
‘After your father’s death, a number of men proposed to me.’
‘I know about all of them,’ Massoud said. ‘Some of them were stubborn beyond belief. You were a beautiful and complete woman. Did you think I didn’t notice their eager looks and the way they pursued you? Like all other children in the same situation, I used to have nightmares about you marrying a stranger. You don’t know how many nights I lay in bed and imagined Mr Zargar’s murder. The only thing that kept me calm was my trust in you. I knew you would never leav
e us to follow your heart. I knew you were the best and the most sacrificing mother in the world and that you would never exchange us for anything and would always choose us over everything. I don’t understand what has happened now and how this man has affected you so much that you have forgotten all about us.’
‘I never have and I never will forget you,’ I said. ‘And you are a grown man, so stop talking like a boy with an Oedipus complex. As long as you were young and needed me, it was my duty to dedicate my life to you. I don’t know to what extent that was the right thing to do, but I knew that young boys like you and Siamak wouldn’t easily accept the presence of a stepfather, even if he was a great guide for you and helped me through the difficulties of life. At the time, the only thing that mattered to me was your comfort and happiness. But now, the situation is very different. You have all grown up, I have done my duty to the best of my ability and you no longer need me. Don’t you think that I finally have the right to think about my own life, to make decisions for my own future and to do what makes me happy? In fact, it would be easier for you, too. You will not have to deal with the problems of an ageing, lonely mother who will naturally become more demanding and testy as time wears on.’
The Book of Fate Page 51
