Sacred Hart

by A. M. Johnson

  “Make it to-go.” He dropped his hand from mine and ruffled it through his hair. “You have an early day tomorrow.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. “I really do.” I frowned.

  He laughed, and the tone of it filled my sad little house with something I’d once dared to hope for, something I didn’t expect to ever have again — another piece of the puzzle — a second half. “You have off the next few days, though?” I nodded as he followed me to the kitchen. “You and Beth spend some time together, and then I’ll see you on Sunday?”

  He leaned against the breakfast bar as I wrapped the pie in plastic wrap. “I’d like to see you before then. Maybe go see a movie with Beth.”

  “A movie?”

  “Yes. You know… at the theater in town?” I handed him the whole pie and the crease between his brows deepened.

  He glanced down at the pastry in his hand. “I don’t need a whole pie, Maggie.”

  I ignored the statement and smirked. “Movie night with the girls… sound good?”

  He shook his head with a short laugh. “It sounds great.”

  We headed to the front door in a comfortable silence, and with each step closer, my chest filled with anxiety. I didn’t want him to leave. “I’ll see you Thursday. Let’s catch whatever’s playing at six?”

  “I’ll see if Frank can cover for me.” He held up the pie. “Thanks for this.”

  I opened the door a crack and reached up on my tiptoes kissing him softly on his mouth. The hair of his beard bristled against my lips and sent a pleasant jolt down my spine. “Thank you for showing up.”

  He watched me for a moment and placed a flyaway hair behind my ear. “Thanks for letting me in.”

  He brought his lips to my forehead one more time before he turned, opened the door, and left me standing in the entryway dazed. I watched as his truck pulled away, and the further it moved down the street, the more anxious I became. The adrenaline spiked through my body, and I felt the urge to run. Run… as fast as my legs would carry me. Run… the word whispered in my subconscious. I slammed my door, and moved through my house like a giant gust of wind.

  I couldn’t let him go home alone. Not after tonight. Not after everything he’d shared. I was such an idiot, and I internally scolded myself as I grabbed my purse and keys off the counter.

  The light from Ryan’s window cast funny shadows on the ground as I approached his porch. My stomach was in my throat as I knocked on the door. I hadn’t really thought this through. I would’ve called him, but he didn’t have a cell phone, and I assumed he’d have gone straight home. The heavy sound of his foot fall became more distinct as he neared the other side of the door.

  The lock made a quiet click as it slid open, and my heart took flight as the heavy wooden door opened. Ryan greeted me with a confused smile. “Maggie?”

  “I… I wasn’t ready to say goodbye,” I stuttered as the truth escaped my lips.

  He stepped closer, his broad shoulders filling the doorway, and framed my face with his palms. The heat of his hands felt good against my chilled skin. “I didn’t want to leave.”

  Our lips met with a hungry crash and my hands ran through his hair, gripping tightly as I held on for dear life, because there was no way I was going to survive this kiss. His groan vibrated in his chest and set every pore in my skin ablaze as he nipped my bottom lip. His hands fell to my waist, and the force of his fingertips set off a chain reaction of heat starting in my chest. The flames burned all the way down to my belly, and a surge of need pooled between my legs. He savored me; his tongue dipped and danced with mine. Each hurried breath and each delicious taste I received was a gift.

  His powerful arms lifted me, and my legs wrapped around his waist. He kicked the door shut, and our lips never parted as he walked to the bedroom. It was like his switch had flipped, and the easy control, that balance he mastered every day, it began to crumble. My fingers ran down the back of his neck and he shuddered. A low sound rumbled in his throat as my back hit the wall, and his name whispered from my parted lips.

  Ryan’s hands had found their way under the hem of my T-shirt, and his fingers held my hips with a hot grip as he caught his breath. He rested his forehead against mine, and it was then I realized he was shaking.

  “You’re trembling.” I brought my hands to his shoulders.

  His chest moved rapidly with each breath he took, and his pupils were fully dilated as he searched my expression. “I don’t want to mess this up.” He swallowed nervously, and I brought my hands to his face.

  He let his gaze fall to my mouth, and I leaned in teasing his lips with mine. “You won’t,” I whispered against his mouth.

  He kissed me one more time with a slow, languid pull of his lips. He ran his hands down my thighs and clenched his jaw. “What about work? You have to—”

  “I called in sick on my way over. I’m all yours.” My teeth raked across my bottom lip, and he swallowed again.

  “All mine.”

  I nodded. My skin was sensitive, my face was flush, and my body was desperate for his. “Yes.”

  He held me securely, and my arms wrapped around his neck as he moved us to his bed. His stare pinned me in place as he sat me down on the mattress. He stood in front of me, and I pulled myself into a kneeling position. My hands rested on his chest. The beat of his heart was the one constant in this whirlwind, and it soothed me. He was wearing his jeans and the white undershirt he had on earlier. The red and black checked flannel he wore was still unbuttoned, and I slid my hands under the material, easing it off his shoulders. It fell to the floor, and the muscle in Ryan’s arms flexed as I drew a line along his skin down to his hands.

  “Maggie.” My name pleaded from his lips as I brought his hands to the hem of my shirt giving him permission. He lifted the fabric over my head, and my hair cascaded down my back and covered my bra. Ryan moved my hair over my shoulder with the back of his hand, and I shivered as his fingertips trailed down each arm. I could feel his feather light touch along the curve of my hip, and the pulse of desire became almost too much to bear.

  He lifted his hand and brushed his thumb along my lips. “I’ve been in the dark for so long I almost forgot, Maggie.”

  He held my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Forgot?” I whispered.

  “How to see it. I almost lost its meaning.” He pressed his lips between my confused brows. “Beauty… Maggie. You. You’re better than perfect… you’re the fucking definition.”

  She was all forms of flawless; her gasp slipped easily across my lips as I captured it, and our mouths moved together too fast. I was breathless. It was like I’d never done this before. My hands shook as I removed her bra, and as I pulled away to look at her, I was speechless. Maggie’s eyes locked with mine and I took my time. I let myself slowly see her. I didn’t want to miss an inch. I’d been starving, I was desiccated, and she was the precious drop of water, that life changing oasis I’d been lost without.

  “Ryan?” Her lips parted as she lifted the hem of my undershirt. I helped her remove it, and when her small hot hands found their favorite spot on my chest, I almost groaned. Her fingers moved in a direct line down my stomach to my belt, and the muscles tightened.

  “Wait.” I grabbed her hands.

  The rise and fall of my chest was heavy as she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth. She dropped my gaze, and I worried I’d made her insecure. I raised her chin with my finger. “I’m nervous… nervous as hell. I’m so out of my league, and I feel like I’m starting from scratch. You have to let me pace this…” She leaned her face into my hand as I inhaled a deep breath, and her scent filled my lungs. A calm settled over me, and I brought my lips to her cheek. They brushed against her as I spoke, “I could have only dreamed of you, Maggie… and been a happy man.”

  Her eyes glittered as she searched mine. “That’s all I want, Ryan. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I’m happy with you.”

  The corners of her mou
th lifted, and a dimple formed in her cheek. “Then that’s all that matters.” She kissed a line along my jaw, down my neck, and then back to my lips. Her fingers tangled in my hair as I intensified our kiss.

  My hands trailed down along her rib cage, and I felt her shiver as I pulled away from her mouth. The wood cracked and popped inside the fireplace, and the pale orange light of the flame created a silhouette along the line of her curves. The tiny hairs on her arms stood as I passed my fingertips over her flesh with gentle pressure. She laid herself back onto the mattress, and her hair fell in golden waves behind her. Stray pieces covered her breasts, and the soft plane of her stomach was covered in goose bumps.

  She watched me, and the longer I waited, the deeper she would blush. The expectation made something inside of me burn, my cage — it was rattled, and I wanted her to feel that pulse she’d finally given back to me. I flipped the button of her jeans, and she bit her lip as my fingers curled around the waistband. She lifted her hips enough that I was able to easily tug them down along with her underwear.

  I swallowed down all my apprehension as I took in the sight before me. Maggie was the first woman I’d seen naked in over a decade, but I never recalled anything this stunning in my whole life. She was gentle curves and the light freckles that covered the tops of her breasts made me ache to touch her — to taste her. I fumbled with my belt like a teenager and removed my own clothes.

  Maggie’s cheeks turned a vivid red as I grasped her hips, and lightly lifted her to the center of the bed. I kissed her lips once, and then her chin. I made a path down to her navel and noticed several thin scars scattered over her stomach. I began to trace them with my finger, and Maggie stopped me with her left hand.

  “Babies ruin bodies,” she whispered tightly, and when I glanced up, I noticed she had her other arm over her eyes.

  I moved her arm and made her look at me. “Ruin?” I leaned down and kissed her stomach. She shuddered as I let my lips move lower. “Maggie, we all have scars. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful. Your scars… they made a life.”

  I dusted the tip of my nose along her inner thigh, and I kissed the marks there as well. She let herself relax, and as my mouth moved against her, tasting her, she gasped my name. My control wavered on a precarious ledge as her feminine scent flooded my senses. Her fingers gripped my hair, and her body coiled tight as I brought her higher. She shuddered, and her breaths became uneven. I watched her as she fell. I watched as that painful need evaporated from her features, and her mouth opened as her full pink lips begged me to kiss them. I moved over her body again and captured her sigh with my lips.

  Her eyes found mine, and her fingertips ran down my spine as I guided our bodies together. I froze, each muscle contracted, and my jaw pulsed as I slid inside her. My forehead rested against hers as I held my weight with my forearms. It was an honor to have her like this, and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to forget what this felt like. This. Maggie.

  She brought her hands to my face. “You’re shaking again.” Her lips pressed against mine.

  “I’m overwhelmed.”

  She smiled against my mouth and dropped her hands from my face. She ran her fingers down the sides of my body and rested them on my hips. “That’s a good thing?”

  I pushed fully inside of her, filling her completely, and a soft gasp fell from her lips. “It’s a good thing.” I smiled and brought my mouth to hers.

  The movement came in time. We didn’t want to rush it. We wanted to feel each sound, discover what it was like to just be with each other. Maggie’s soft cries filled the empty air, filled each lonely moment with something bright. I rolled our bodies so that she was on top. I wanted to see the heat in her cheeks, the mess of her hair, watch her eyes as she took me in. She leaned over me, and I caught the peak of her breast in my mouth. Her hair surrounded me; the floral scent was like a curtain as she said my name with a whispered moan. She pulled away, resting her hands on my cheeks as she rocked against me. My heart beat furiously as she stole my pace, bringing me closer and closer. Her eyes shut, and her head fell back as she, too, found the boundary and crossed it.

  Everything went black for a split second; my body felt light and my heart skipped as a low growl ripped from my throat. The only thing keeping me above the surface was the feel of her skin, and the grip I held on her hips. She curled her fingers in the light patch of hair on my chest, and her legs shook on either side of me.

  “Maggie.” Her name sounded coarse as I sat up and grasped her face with my hands.

  I kissed her with rough, urgent, and insistent lips as she wrapped her arms around me, closing the space between us. Our lips tugged, bit, and tasted. She kissed me back, kissed me hard, and I felt the beat of her heart against mine. Each fought to find a rhythm, and as our breathing calmed, they found the same groove. I kissed her cheek, her jaw, and the crook of her neck. Time was just an afterthought, but the flames had fallen into embers inside the fireplace and the room was lit with a sleepy hue.

  She was still seated around me as we watched each other with shy smiles. I pushed Maggie’s hair behind her ears. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I chuckled. “I think I’m supposed to ask you that.”

  The tip of her nose grazed mine as she leaned in and kissed me with sated lips. “Oh…” She laughed quietly and crinkled her nose. “I’m perfect,” she said as she pulled away.

  She traced shapes along my chest, and I kissed her skin. I sampled her… first her shoulder, then her collar bone. She kissed my jaw, my nose, and then my forehead. I wrapped her up inside of my arms, and her arms folded around me seamlessly as well.

  “I’ve been thinking.”

  She laughed and kissed the pulse point below my ear. “Uh-oh”

  “I need you to hear me out.” I brought my lips to her ear and told her what I’d been afraid to admit to myself. The words were low as I spoke, “I came here by chance, Maggie. It was the last stop of the bus line. I got out of prison, got on a Greyhound, and found my way here. That bus… it brought me here for a reason. It brought me here for you.”

  She hugged me so tightly; being this close to someone again… it felt good. She leaned back and her watery eyes found mine. “I think it did, too.”

  “You push me, Maggie. You make sure I remember I have a future.” I laid her down on the bed and rested my body next to her. I kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes. I trailed my fingers along the curve of her breast, down past the slope of her hip, and back up again.

  “I just see you… you can’t see yourself like I do, but I’m hoping you will. I’m hoping you’ll see your reflection in my eyes and finally recognize how amazing you are.” She opened her eyes and ran her hand through my hair.

  I saw myself in the pale blue, but I didn’t see anything more than what I saw in the mirror every day. She needed to understand. “I can’t see what you do… and even though I said I would try, being with me, and maybe one day loving me, it will be a day to day battle because I’m missing a part of myself.”

  “I know.” She dropped her hand to my hip and aligned our bodies. The satin feel of her skin against mine put me at ease.

  I wanted her to fully comprehend all the dark shit I’d had in my head. “I slept in the dirt my first night in Oakville, and I thought I was going to die. I almost welcomed it, because maybe then… then I could be with Belle again. There’ve been times where taking my own life was a real option, but even though I don’t believe in God… I thought what if—”

  “What if there is a God, and he kept you from her?” She draped her arm over my waist sealing off that last bit of distance.

  I nodded. “If I had the chance to be with Belle again, I’d take it.”

  She placed the palm of her hand on my cheek, and her thumb grazed against my beard. “I think any parent would.”

  “I’d lost faith in everything… the idea a fate, all of it, it was ridiculous, it was a cruel joke… but I have no doubt… you’re lying here with m
e because someone willed it so. Maybe it’s a god, or maybe it’s Belle, or maybe… it’s just coincidence. It doesn’t matter.”

  “It doesn’t?”

  I shook my head. “All I know, Maggie… is this is the best I’ve felt in over ten fucking years, and I don’t want to let you go.”

  Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “Then don’t.”

  The heat from Ryan’s body was gone, and I rolled over to an empty bed. The sheets were still warm where he’d been sleeping, and the water pipes creaked as I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. I stretched my arms above my head and curled my toes in an attempt to loosen my sore muscles. A timid smile spread across my lips as I thought about how good it felt to let someone in again. No, not just someone… Ryan. We’d fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the night after he’d made love to me for a second time. We’d been wrapped up and tangled with one another. Normally, I needed my own space when I slept, but there was something about having him that close. His lips at my ear, his breath on my neck, and his fingers against my flesh; it was a precious thing, a tender feeling, and something deep inside my soul told me I needed to hold on tight.

  I sat up and let my eyes adjust to the lack of light. My feet hit the cold floor and I shuddered. I grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around my body as I moved to the door. The hallway was lit with a pale light, and I figured it must still be early morning. My yawn confirmed my suspicions, and I wondered if Ryan had coffee in his kitchen. I stood outside his bathroom, and the steam seeped from under the door. The heat of it felt glorious against my frozen toes. I was having a very big dilemma. Coffee or warm shower… coffee or warm shower with Ryan… I was a smart girl.

  I knocked lightly and cracked the door, peeking my head inside. “Hey, handsome, save me some hot water.”

  He chuckled from behind the curtain. The distinct smell of his soap permeated the thick humid fog. “I can’t promise you anything.”