Sacred Hart

by A. M. Johnson

  “So you think… you think you love this guy?”

  “He’s all I’ve ever wanted for myself. He’s chivalry and tender kisses. He’s the kind of guy that would go to hell and back for me. He’d freeze in the snow if it gave me warmth. He’d drown before he let Beth and me sink. He’s the one, Laurie… I know it… I freaking feel it, right here.” I brought my hand to my heart.

  Her smile spread gradually as she listened to me talk like a lunatic in love. “He’s the one… I kind of hate you right now.”

  We both laughed.

  “You ‘Girl Scout promised’ you wouldn’t meddle, remember?”

  She shook her head. “It’s Scout’s Honor… but… you’re right, I’ll stay out of it. I trust you, Mags. I always have. I just want to meet him.”

  “You will.” I shut the dishwasher and wiped my hands on the red dish towel that was sitting on the counter.

  She exhaled. “I might ask Tate out. What do you think?” She took a long sip from her mug.

  “I think he’d say yes. I mean look at you.” I waved my hand up and down, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Maggie, I mean… is it too forward?”

  “When have you ever been anything but forward?”

  She smirked. “You’re right.”

  She pulled her phone from her pocket, and her fingers moved swiftly across the screen.

  “You're texting him right now?” I asked with an incredulous tone.

  She nodded and raised her eyebrow. “I sure am.” When she finished, she placed her phone in her pocket and grabbed her keys from the counter. “I gotta go. I work tonight. So next weekend, you’re headed to Rialto?”

  I walked her to the front door. “I hope so. You’ll be okay to watch Beth one of the nights? I hate making Cornelia watch her all the time.”

  “Of course, but you know Cornelia’s going to be pissed, right? She’s like Bee’s surrogate grandmother.” She laughed and I frowned.

  “Well, I’ll tell her you’re willing to split it up if she wants.”

  “Just keep me posted.” She opened the door.

  “I just hope he can get the time off. I really need this. I think we both need a break from reality.” I held the door open, and she kissed me on the cheek.

  “You deserve the world… just be careful. He’s got a lot of baggage.”

  “I’m good at heavy lifting.”

  She snorted. “Love you, Mags.”

  “Love you, too,” I said as she walked through the door. “Tell Tate I said hi, and don’t be a whore.”

  She swayed her hips with a touch of theatrics as she walked to the car. I giggled as I shut the front door and leaned against the cool wood as I closed my eyes. Ryan and I had enough baggage to sink the small vessel we were navigating together, but I hadn’t been over exaggerating when I’d said he was the “One”. The trust he gave me by sharing his past with me, with Beth… that was proof enough for me. But the hope in his eyes, the pure heartfelt emotion that lit his dark irises when he looked at me, when he looked at Beth… that hope… it had etched its way into my heart and sealed my fate.

  I hadn’t really known the meaning of the word cherish until I met Ryan… but its definition was in every touch we shared, each breath he gave me, and every minute we’d spent together. I opened my eyes and looked at my empty house. I could almost see the future, taste it; these walls could be filled with so much love… so much life. He wanted to be a man for me… and I wanted… more than anything, to be a family for him.

  Maggie’s hand was laced with mine as we pulled off the road, and my intake of breath made her giggle. My truck rolled to a stop, and I let it idle as the smell of the ocean filled my lungs. The sky was overcast and the cold air whipped into the cab through the open window. The sound of crashing waves echoed in my ears, and I’d never felt so fucking blessed. Tall rocks, faded driftwood, and a forest of pine surrounded us. But the sea… I felt lost in it, and my eyes carried along the line of the horizon as the sun began to set. We would have missed it if we’d waited for Collin to show, but I’d done everything I needed to get him through the weekend, and Tony promised me he would be all right.

  “This place.” I turned my head and watched as Maggie’s lips curled up at the corners.

  “It’s gorgeous.” She unbuckled her seatbelt with her free hand and snuggled next to me, bringing her lips to my neck as we both took in the scenery.

  I’d only known Florida beaches. The white sand and palm trees were never my thing, but this place, I could come here every day. The power of the ocean could be seen for miles as it ate the coast, ripped the trees to logs, and carved sculptures out of stone. Nature lived and breathed here, and I wanted to be part of it, to disperse myself into that salted air and to feel the ice of the water on my feet.

  “Are you ready?” I asked, unable to hide the excitement in my voice.

  Maggie’s smile glittered in her eyes. The gray of the ocean reflected within her irises as she nodded her head.

  It was freezing as we hiked down to the beach, but we’d had a bit of luck — it wasn’t raining. The sun hung low in the sky as we made our way down the shore. Maggie held my left hand and our shoes dangled from the other. The damp sand felt good under my feet regardless of the temperature. The beach was littered with driftwood, and it became hard to navigate.

  “Let’s just sit for a minute, then we’ll head back. We can come again tomorrow, too. I just wanted to see the sun set.” Maggie eyed the water with wistful eyes. Her cheeks were bitten pink by the wind, her hair tangled and tumbled in blonde waves over her shoulders. She was stunning. “I want to make some time and bring Beth here someday.”

  “You should,” I said as I sat on a log and dropped our shoes. I positioned Maggie on my lap and wrapped her up in my embrace.

  “I haven’t been here since my parents died. It was one of our favorite places to go when I was a kid.” She leaned back, and I placed my chin on the top of her head.

  The sky was a bruised purple. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

  She sat up and turned her body so she could look at me. Her lips gently pressed against mine and, as she pulled away, the crease between her brows deepened. “It wasn’t until I met you that I had the urge to come back here. You had so much time taken from you, and I have this constant niggle in my chest… like a clock ticking, and it’s a reminder that I want to show you everything you deserve to see. Ryan, I want to share with you all the things I love.”

  I squeezed her tight gathering her warmth and mine together as one. I wanted to tell her I loved her, that having her in my life was more than I could have ever hoped for, and being here with her, just her, was one of the most special moments of my lifetime. Instead, I kissed her. I let my lips find hers, and with a slow progression, our tongues met. Her sweet taste always made me want more, always set my muscles on fire with need. It was impossible, but as my eyes opened and our lips parted, I watched her soul surface in the dusky blue of her eyes.

  “Ryan, when I said I was falling for you I lied.” Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she chewed at her bottom lip. My stomach fell, and I started to pull away. She grasped my face with her palms, and the ice of her skin sent goose bumps down my neck and arms. “It’s more… Ryan. I’ve fallen…” a lone tear escaped and trickled down her cheek, “…I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  All the insecurity I had, I let it fall away as I leaned in, leaving just a few inches between us. I wanted to see those eyes, those honest eyes that were giving me everything. “I had nothing left… nothing to give or gain when I stepped off that Greyhound last summer. You see me in shades of color, when all I saw was black. You make my life feel so damn right. Everything, Maggie, you make it good and pure and simple.”

  I closed the space between us and rested my forehead against hers. The warm breath of her mouth pulled me in, almost making it impossible to say what I needed to say. I cradled her head in my hands. She needed to know how much her love meant to me. The ti
p of my nose grazed hers, and my lips brushed against her mouth as I spoke, “Loving you has been the only light I’ve had since Belle.”

  A small sob broke from her mouth. My lips moved gently with hers, and I could taste the salt of her tears as I soothed her cry.

  I leaned back and my hand warmed her cold cheeks as our eyes locked. “Maggie, you and Beth… you’re my… my family. I’d been afraid to say it out loud, afraid to make it real, because that one thought, it always haunted me. I couldn’t leave Birdie behind. But I know better now. She just fits… you’ve taken us both into your heart, and I see it, Maggie. I see it in your eyes, and I love you for it… I love you for letting me be broken, and I love you even more for wanting what’s left of me.”

  She exhaled a shaky breath and brought her hand to my chest, resting it on my life line. “I’ve got all the best pieces right here.” She pressed her palm into my chest and, as she kissed me, my heart began to sprint.

  Under her touch I was rendered silent. The blood in my veins rushed through my system as she deepened our kiss. It could have been ten below freezing, and the sky could have gone pitch black for all I cared. This moment with her… it was priceless.

  Maggie was breathless as her lips left mine, and she gave me a crooked smile before she spoke. “We should get back to the lodge.”

  That smile was a teasing hint, and my body responded as I stood. My heart rate was too fast, and that familiar spin of dizziness almost sent me off my axis. She grabbed my hand and steadied me without even knowing it. “Sounds like a good plan. Let’s get you warm.”

  We moved quickly to the truck, only stopping once to wipe the sand from our feet and to put on our shoes. Even though my socks had been in my pocket, they were still cold. The heater of the truck stifled the cab, but we needed it. Maggie opted out of her seat belt and was burrowed up next to me. It made me anxious, so I might have driven like a grandpa the whole way back to the lodge.

  We were staying at a place called Manitou Lodge. It was a large, log cabin style inn with a few rooms inside the main building, but she’d booked one of the separate cottages they had so we would have even more privacy. By the time we got back and walked into our rustic themed cabin, I was more than ready for the privacy it provided. The cottage was small, but I liked it. The pine paneled walls and quilt on the bed made it feel like a home away from home. We dropped our bags, and I grinned as Maggie bit her lip. Her mouth split into a cute smile as she scanned the bed. She was nervous, and it made me internally beam. We’d been together enough that I knew her body, how it worked, and all her triggers. But, it was only Maggie that made each time feel like something new.

  I held her hand and moved us toward the bed. “So should I make love to you here, or should I fuck you in the shower first?” I chuckled as her eyes widened and she gasped. She attempted to smack my shoulder, but I pulled her to my chest before she had the chance. My grin was fully amplified as the color in her cheeks turned crimson.

  “Ryan,” she chided playfully and hid her face in my shirt. I brought my finger to her chin and lifted her eyes back to mine. They were filled with embarrassment and innocence, making me immediately regret what I’d said.

  “I was just trying to break the ice.” My smile was apologetic.

  Her gaze was hooded as she dragged her fingertip across my lower lip. “I think I like the shower option,” she whispered and dropped her eyes to my mouth.

  Her hand shook as she raised it to my shoulder, and as she stood on her tiptoes, my fingers found purchase on the curve of her hip. Her kiss promised sex and was full of honey and desire. I couldn’t wait to have her — pliant, undone, and melded against me. I groaned as her teeth nipped my lip and our tongues found a rhythm that tensed every muscle in my stomach.

  We didn’t make it to the shower; we hardly made it to the bed. Maggie wanted me — all the fragmented parts of my heart were hers. We trusted each other, she loved me, and as our last article of clothing hit the floor, I slipped inside her with one push. She raked her fingernails down my back, and her eyes opened as I repeated the motion. It was a slow draw; I never wanted to move too fast with Maggie. I liked the pressure she created, the way she watched our bodies connect, the feel of her body taking me in — it was unreal.

  Her mouth on mine, my hand on hers, each movement — measured.

  She was almost there; the edge crept closer with each flawless beat of her pulse. Her eyes never left mine, the build became too much, and she gave herself over to me… to us. We found relief within each other, and I rested my ear against her breast so I could hear the thunder of her heart. Her fingers ran through my hair as I trailed kisses down to her stomach. My arms wrapped around her hips, my cheek to her belly, and I held her… I held her as sleep began to darken the corners of my vision.

  “I love you, Ryan,” she whispered as her fingers threaded through my hair.

  The scent of her skin brought me peace, and I let the cotton feeling fill my head as I drifted. “I love you, too, Maggie.”

  The room was pitch black and, for a split second, I wasn’t sure where I was. My stomach rumbled, and Ryan’s deep breathing brought me back to reality. His arms were still wrapped around me, his head on my stomach just as we had been when we fell asleep. The red digital display from the bedside clock read just five minutes past ten. We hadn’t slept long, but we’d definitely missed dinner at the lodge. My eyes began to adjust to the moonlight that filtered through the window, and Ryan’s broad shoulders were illuminated by the light. I twirled a lock of his hair in my fingers as I thought about the past few months. We’d spiraled and burned so freaking bright, like earlier, and right now… the heavy weight of his body resting on mine… it couldn’t get any better.

  My fingertips left his mane of thick, dark blond hair and trailed a path along his neck, exploring every centimeter of his skin on the way down to his shoulder. He inhaled deeply and turned his head so his nose was almost buried in my belly button. His beard was bristly against my skin, but the light touch of his breath tickled, and both of the sensations together made me squirm with a giggle.

  “Mmm,” he grumbled and nipped at my belly.

  Without meaning to, I squeaked and his low laughter vibrated in his chest, making me wriggle under his tight hold even more.

  “You’re so ticklish.” His voice was still gruff with sleep, and as his lips left kisses lower and lower, my body flushed with heat.

  My hands tangled in his hair as I tried to keep still. Goose bumps erupted under his touch, and a shiver threatened to wrack through me as his mouth moved slowly across my skin. My stomach, of course, chose that second to growl. His lips paused on my hip bone and he chuckled. He lifted his head and raised himself over me. He pressed against me, his arousal very apparent as he spoke, “You need to eat. This can wait,” he said as he pushed his hips against mine again.

  “I think dinner is irrelevant at the moment.”

  My smile was teasing as it stretched across my lips, and Ryan reacted immediately. Our mouths crashed together, and every hierarchy of need went out the window except for him. The real truth of Ryan and how his body was meant for mine was all that mattered. In this room, in our own private cosmos, the world and all its necessities could wait.

  The world had to wait thirteen and a half hours to be exact. To say I was ravenous would be an understatement, but it was worth it. Ryan’s smile alone was gold as it reflected back at me from the glass. If I was being honest as I observed myself in the mirror as well, the grin on my face, it rivaled any of my previous goofy smiles, and if I was playing the goofy smile game right now, I’d be the winner no doubt. The thought brought me back to Beth, and even though I was here, loving every second of Ryan, I missed my daughter. Ryan pulled on his hooded sweatshirt and gripped my shoulders in his hands, working the sore muscles with his fingers.

  He leaned down and kissed the top of my head before meeting my gaze in the glass. “Are you okay?” His smile fell just enough I noticed, and his brows cr
eased.

  “Just missing Beth.” As soon as I uttered the words, I’d wished them unsaid. I’d been away from her for less than twenty-four hours, and Ryan… he’d never see Belle again. The guilt twisted through me as I tried to speak. “I mean, I’m—”

  His smile wrinkled around his eyes, and he turned my body so I was facing him. His sure finger lifted my chin. “Don’t,” he whispered and placed a tender kiss on my forehead as he held his palm at the nape of my neck.

  “Never be sorry for missing your daughter.” His lips dusted against my skin, and as he pulled away, he dropped his hand and tangled his fingers with mine. “I miss my daughter, Maggie, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to miss Beth.”

  “I know. I just don’t ever want to—”

  “Egg shells are meant to be broken. I like that you think of Belle.” He gave me a crooked smile, and the weight on my shoulders lifted. “You never need to worry. Always say what you mean, Maggie, and I’ll be fine. It may sting, it may bring up shit… but I’ll have to learn to deal with it the best I can, because I want this… you, me, Beth and Belle… I want it to work.”

  I nodded and squeezed his hand. “Okay.”

  He inclined toward me and kissed me once on the lips.

  “Let’s get some food before we both pass out.” His smile revealed his dimple and it sent the butterflies flapping in my empty belly. A slight wave of nausea caused my jaw to clench, and I stumbled as we walked to the door.

  “I think I could eat a cow or the whole freaking barn for that matter.” I grimaced as I found my footing.

  Ryan’s laugh was full as he opened the door for me. “Now that I’ve got to see.”

  We’d stuffed our faces with pancakes, bacon, and I think I might have even eaten Ryan’s left over hash browns. The clouds had rolled in by the time we’d gotten to the beach, and we’d been hiking for about twenty minutes before we found a premade fire pit. The driftwood had been almost reduced to ash, but we gathered enough of our own to make a new fire. A huge boulder sat just off the coast and jutted up from the sea breaking the horizon with its stark beauty. The tree line hovered behind us as I watched Ryan set up the logs.