Hold On to Me

by Victoria Purman

  ‘I know you are.’

  ‘Was she good to you, your auntie?’

  Stella let a smile curve her lips. ‘She was eccentric and wonderful and she loved me. I’d finally found someone who did.’

  Their plates of food arrived but neither felt hungry any more. Luca called the waiter back and asked him to pack it up for takeaway.

  Stella continued. ‘I got to go to school instead of staying home to look after my parents. Auntie Karen saved my life. When she died of cancer, she left me a little money and I’d saved some myself, so I went someplace nobody knew me.’

  ‘Sydney, right?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Stella stopped there. She felt exhausted and sick. That was enough for one day. Her story was enough for any person to digest, much less one who cared for her as much as Luca did. He knew the bare bones of what had happened with Sully, anyway.

  Their food arrived, packed up in takeaway containers. Luca stood, grabbed the bottle of wine and said, ‘Let’s go.’

  Luca was silent on the walk back to his house, which was just twenty minutes away from the restaurant, and Stella didn’t mind. She felt talked out. When he opened the door and ushered her inside, it was twilight, the evening birdsong from the square gentle in the city hustle and bustle. They went directly upstairs and he led her to the bed. He opened the French doors to let the cool breeze in and they climbed on top of the sheets. Fully clothed, Luca wrapped Stella in his arms so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. She rested her head against him, felt his pounding heartbeat against her cheek, so steady and true.

  ‘You take it all for granted when you come from a family like mine,’ he finally said, whispering the words into her hair. ‘If there’s such a thing as too much love, that’s what I had. My parents, two sisters, my nonna and nonno, when he was alive. Aunties and uncles and cousins and second cousins. So many I sometimes forget who’s who. That’s what I had growing up. That’s what I’ve still got now.’

  ‘You’re lucky.’

  ‘I never thought about it that way until today.’ He let go of her and sat on the edge of the bed. When he stood up and kicked off his shoes, undid the buttons on his shirt, unzipped his jeans and his jocks, Stella realised he wanted to comfort her the only way he knew how.

  And when she too was naked, she took him in her arms and accepted the solace of his beautiful body on hers, the consolation of his lips and the support of his heart. They made love in the twilight with a tenderness they hadn’t shown each other before. It wasn’t just fun. They weren’t giving in to a fierce physical lust. This was something else. Something Stella didn’t dare put a name to.

  Because she knew that calling it love and then losing it would break her for good.

  Stella woke the next morning to takeaway coffee and muffins on a tray next to the bed. The delicious aromas helped her wake up and she sat up, still feeling tired, wrung out, cautious. She pulled the sheet up for warmth—she could smell rain outside and the air was cool.

  At least she hoped that was what was giving her the chills.

  That morning, things between her and Luca were in a very different place. They’d jumped some kind of hurdle into a future together. The thought that she’d opened herself up to a man after so many years was still slightly terrifying.

  She reached for the coffee and sipped it. A strong double espresso. The apple muffin was warm and she ate it ravenously.

  There was a thudding on the stairs and then Luca was in the doorway. Wet hair, a sheen of moisture on his chest, a towel wrapped around his hips. When he met her eyes, there was a sheen of moisture there too.

  ‘Morning. I see you noticed the coffee.’

  ‘It’s just what I needed. Thank you, Morelli Constructions.’

  ‘You’re welcome, Boss. You like the breakfast?’

  ‘I could have got something on the way home. Although it’s not half bad.’

  Luca walked to her and sat on the edge of the bed. He gazed at her as if he were taking in every detail of her face, and when he met her eyes they stared at each other for the longest while. When she smiled at him and sighed, he kissed her. He tasted like toothpaste and she was sure she tasted like morning breath and coffee but it didn’t seem to put him off: he let his mouth linger on hers.

  ‘I wish you didn’t have to leave,’ he said, resting his forehead on hers.

  She shrugged her shoulders, pulled another piece from the muffin and popped it in her mouth. ‘It’s Monday morning. I need to open the shop at ten o’clock.’ She checked the time on his watch. ‘Which gives me two hours to get home and change.’

  ‘My bed will feel empty without you in it.’

  Her heart picked up a beat. Should she say it? Did she need to? ‘Well, don’t go finding someone else to fill my spot.’

  He stiffened. ‘You really think I’d do that? Now?’

  ‘I don’t know. Would you?’

  He leant over, lifted the cup from her hands and set it on the bedside table next to the half-eaten muffin. Then he moved closer, running a finger along the edge of the sheet covering her breasts as he brought his lips close to her mouth. The sheet fell away and he cupped her in the palm of his hand, running his thumb back and forth over her nipple. It ached and tensed into a hard bud.

  ‘The only woman I want in my bed is you, Stella. For now and …’ He caught himself and rubbed a palm against his jaw. Then he stood, flicked off his towel and began drying himself.

  Stella laid her head back on the pillow, threw an arm above her head and watched.

  He grinned at her and she basked in the easy familiarity of the moment.

  ‘I’ll come down Friday night as soon as I can. I’ll be there for dinner and we’ll have the whole weekend together.’ It wasn’t a question.

  ‘Are you sure? Don’t you have work to do on this place?’

  Luca stopped drying himself and dropped the towel to the floor. ‘I’m coming on Friday.’

  ‘Luca …’

  He climbed onto the bed, planted a hand on the pillow on either side of her head and looked down at her. ‘I’m coming on Friday. Unless you don’t want me.’ His gentle smile was a tease and then his eyes darkened and that smile disappeared. ‘Tell me you don’t want me, Stella.’

  She knew what he was asking. He was asking her to say it out loud, to admit what they had. To give in to it, to really open her heart to him. So she decided to say it, to give him the words he wanted to hear, even if the tiniest doubt, those dark voices from her past, still nagged at her.

  She looped her arms around his neck and pulled him onto her. His weight, or maybe it was her fear, squeezed the air from her lungs. ‘I do want you, Luca.’

  And she was so scared that she didn’t just mean for that moment. She felt herself fighting with the part of her that meant forever.

  ‘You got me,’ he said.

  CHAPTER

  33

  Luca was lucky to have survived most of the week with all his fingers intact. He’d been seriously distracted and a seriously distracted man with a nail gun was not a good look. As he drove off the main road and turned the corner into Anna’s street in the city’s north-eastern suburbs, he stifled a yawn. He felt bone-tired. He’d finished the small job building the pool deck, and had spent the rest of the time tearing out his old kitchen and laundry, hoping the physical labour would stop him thinking about Stella.

  Only one more day, and he would see her again.

  He’d been thinking, over and over, about what she’d told him of her life. And every time he thought about her parents, two kids with messed-up lives, from the sounds of things, the anger rose in his throat. How could that happen these days? Why wasn’t there more help for them so their child hadn’t had to suffer? Of course he knew it went on, he wasn’t naïve, but he’d never been exposed to it this closely, this personally, before. Not in his family, not in his world.

  How the hell had she survived it to become the woman she was today? His admiration for her had only grown. He’d wanted he
r before, even loved her, but the way he felt about her was different now. Deeper. Real. His instincts had cranked up a thousand notches and he felt a steely desire to protect her. The idea that she’d been treated so badly … well, it tore at him.

  He locked his HiLux and walked across the lawn to see Anna already at the front door with Francesca in her arms. And the sight of that beautiful little girl, giggling and shooting him a beaming smile, had him fighting a rush of emotion all over again. How could people hurt their own children?

  How could anyone hurt Stella?

  ‘Hey, Uncle Luca. You’re late.’

  Luca shook his head cynically at his sister. ‘You’re turning into Mum, you know that?’ He held out his hands. ‘Hey, bella. Come to Uncle Luca.’ Francesca went willingly into his arms with an excited little kick against his stomach. When he’d engulfed his niece in a hug, his strong arms around her chubby little body, she snuggled into him. He stilled, his heart suddenly pounding, and he waited a moment to see if it was going to burst in his chest. This little one would know love in her life: there was no doubt about that.

  What had life been for Stella when she was this young? Who’d held her when she was scared? Who’d lifted her into their arms when she was crying and upset? Who’d tucked her into bed with a lullaby and a kiss?

  When he closed his eyes, he saw Stella’s face. She’d been still asleep next to him in her bed, one bright morning. Her pale face was bare of make-up, her eyelids fluttered shut, her breathing soft. He’d watched her as she’d slept, not wanting that moment to end, yet wishing she’d wake so they could talk and laugh and make love again.

  Because that’s all he wanted to do now. Be with Stella Ryan. Love her in the way she deserved to be loved, to make up for all those who hadn’t loved her.

  ‘Luca?’ Anna searched his face.

  ‘What?’

  She lifted her chin. ‘You look tired. You’ve got bags under your eyes. You looking after yourself?’

  He shook his head. ‘I was right. You are turning into Mum.’

  ‘Hey, watch what you’re saying there, bella. I have stilettos and I’m not afraid to use them. Follow me. Joe’s doing a lamb shoulder in the kettle barbeque and if you listen to him, he’s the first man in the history of the world to cook a meal over a flame.’

  A few minutes later, the table was laden with way too much food and Francesca was safely strapped into her highchair and tucking into her own dinner of pasta and diced lamb. Luca was sucking on a beer and Joe and Anna were sharing a bottle of red.

  Luca leant back in his chair. ‘That was good, Joe.’

  ‘Thanks, mate,’ Joe replied with a grin. ‘It’s pretty damn hard to compete with your sister on the cooking front but, you know, I like to give it a red hot go.’

  Luca smiled half-heartedly, his mind somewhere else, on someone else.

  When Francesca rubbed her eyes, spreading mashed food over her face, Stella stood and manoeuvred her daughter out of the highchair. ‘I’m going to put this bambino to bed.’

  Joe got to his feet. ‘I’ll take her.’

  ‘Now that is why I love you.’ Anna tilted her head up for a kiss.

  ‘Night, little bella.’ Luca stood and gave the baby a kiss on her cheek. She yawned and Joe took her inside.

  The Morelli siblings sat in silence for a moment, listening to the gully breezes sweep through the tall trees in the backyard.

  ‘Can I ask you something, Anna?’

  ‘Of course.’

  Luca paused, wondering where to start. ‘Have you ever thought of bringing someone else in to your practice? Another doctor, maybe?’

  Anna looked at him with a curious expression. ‘Yeah, I have actually. Since Francesca was born, I’ve been tossing up whether to work fewer hours. I’m just not sure about sharing the practice, though. It could get messy and whoever it is would have to have Grace’s approval.’ She picked out a piece of feta cheese from the salad bowl and nibbled it. ‘Why do you ask?’

  Luca crossed his arms over his chest. ‘I’m thinking about going into partnership with someone.’

  ‘You mean Morelli Constructions wouldn’t just be Morelli Constructions any more?’

  Luca waited. ‘What do you think about … Morelli Ryan Constructions. Although she’d probably want Ryan Morelli. Whatever. I don’t care which order the names come in.’

  ‘You and Stella are going into business together?’ Anna almost spluttered out the words.

  ‘Maybe. What’s wrong with that?’ Luca straightened his shoulders.

  ‘Nothing. It’s just a surprise, that’s all.’

  Luca tried to judge his sister’s reaction. He’d been hoping for her normal, over-the-top emotion and excitement, but he wasn’t seeing it. In fact, she was acting in the exact opposite way. She took in a deep breath, as if she was preparing to tell him some bad news. He’d been hoping for a cheer squad.

  ‘With her ideas and business skills and my muscle, I reckon it could work,’ he explained.

  ‘Have you put this to Stella, like officially?’

  ‘No, not yet. I’ve been going over and over it in my head. I’m going to talk to her about it this weekend. I’m heading down tomorrow night.’

  ‘So are we.’ Anna found the gold medallion on the chain around her neck and twisted it around and around in her fingers. That was not a good sign. It was what she did when she was thinking or panicking or about to unleash.

  ‘You don’t think it’s a good idea.’

  She shook her head and thought for a moment. ‘It’s not that necessarily, Luca; it’s just that this is a big step. Mixing business with pleasure can be risky. Remember when Uncle Rocco hired his son to be his apprentice plumber? They nearly killed each other.’

  Luca chuckled. ‘Uncle Rocco’s mad.’

  ‘And so is Rocco Jnr. They deserved each other,’ Anna added with a dismissive wave of her hand. ‘But my point, Luca, is that if things don’t work out in the bedroom, it’ll affect the business. And, you know, it goes the other way too. If things don’t work out with the business, there’ll be no more bedroom. You get my meaning? What if you have to choose between the two? Could you do it?’

  ‘That won’t happen.’

  ‘Because …?’ Anna raised her eyebrows.

  Luca finished his beer. ‘Because this is the real deal with Stella. I’m in deep with her.’

  She leant in. ‘How deep?’

  ‘Deep. Like the rest of my life deep. Like you and Joe deep.’

  ‘Oh, Luca.’ Anna began to cry, fat tears welling in her big brown eyes.

  Luca shook his head. ‘You’re a big sook.’

  ‘Of course I’m a big sook. I never thought I’d see the day.’ She reached over and slipped her arms around his waist, lavishing a bear hug on him. ‘I’m thrilled for you. She’s amazing and I’m not just saying that because of her shop. But what happened to taking it slow?’

  ‘I don’t want to wait.’ Luca couldn’t tell her that Stella’s secrets had changed everything. He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t want to wait one more day to make sure Stella knew that she was loved. ‘What do you think Mum and Dad and Nonna will say about her being older than me?’

  ‘Don’t worry about them,’ she laughed as she wiped her eyes, ‘I’ve warmed them up for you. Remember what I put them through? I was cheated on, got divorced, got pregnant and had a baby. And I’m still not married to Joe and they don’t care one bit.’

  Luca raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe just a little bit.’

  Anna shrugged. ‘Yeah, maybe they do but they love me and they love Joe and their world revolves around Francesca. And that’s what comes first.’ She wiped her tears away with a napkin and sniffed. ‘They’ll love Stella. I already do.’

  ‘She’s the bravest, smartest, most incredible woman I’ve ever met.’ Luca looked up into the swaying trees and breathed in the cool breeze. It felt good to say it. It felt good to share it with his sister. But there was a limit. He would never reveal why St
ella was all that to him and more. There were things he’d never tell Joe or Anna or anyone. Stella’s secret was safe with him. It was in the most secure part of his heart. Protected by bulletproof safety glass.

  Anna patted his cheek. ‘There’s only one more thing I’ll say.’

  Luca pretended looking taken aback. ‘Only one? Who are you and what have you done with my sister?’

  ‘Is a business partnership really what you want with Stella? I think you might be hedging your bets. You’re only going halfway. If I know you, and I do, you want the ring and the family.’

  Luca didn’t respond. When they’d talked about having kids, when Stella had asked him if that was what he wanted, he’d said of course. But she’d been clear about not wanting kids. And now, knowing what he knew about her, he could guess her past was the reason.

  ‘You’ve always been that kind of guy, Luca. It’s what we do in this family. So why aren’t you making her that offer instead, huh?’

  The back door closed with a squeak and Joe re-joined them.

  ‘Why do you two look so serious? Have we run out of wine?’ Joe sat down on the long bench seat next to Anna and slipped an arm behind her.

  ‘She asleep?’ Anna asked.

  Joe placed the baby monitor on the table by the bottle of red. ‘Like a baby. Like the most beautiful baby in the world.’ They exchanged loving glances, the way new parents do, glances that said, Aren’t we lucky? Aren’t we blessed?

  Anna was right. This was what Luca wanted with Stella. This was the kind of future he wanted. A loving family. Children, yeah, he wanted kids. And a safe haven for them all. Would Stella change her mind? Was it fair to ask her to? He didn’t have a clue. But he knew one thing for sure: he loved her. And because he loved her, maybe his future would look different from the picture he’d always imagined.

  ‘This suits you two,’ he said. ‘You’re good at it.’

  Anna’s eyes shone with tears once again. ‘It took us a long time to get here, Luca. Sometimes things are complicated. But it’s worth it.’

  ‘Damn right,’ Joe added. ‘Listen to your sister and your brother-in-law.’