by Shelia Grace
“There’s a party later tonight.”
I couldn’t tell if he was just conferring general information or inviting me, but I shook my head anyway.
“I don’t think I’m up for it.”
“Come on.”
“Really, I’m still kind of messed up from the accident.”
“What accident?”
I blinked. Wow. To my embarrassment, Mom had made a big deal about my accident during dinner, but obviously Josh Wilt had been on his iPhone the entire time.
“Some asshole ran a red and hit me before the break,” I shrugged. “Fractured two ribs.”
I stopped talking. I didn’t even know why I was bothering telling this guy anything. He didn’t give a shit. Kinda of like Ryan. Then I frowned. Ryan didn’t deserve to be compared to this jerk. He might have taken off, but Ryan wasn’t a total dick.
“What’d they give you for it?”
“Give me for it?”
“Painkillers,” he said like I was stupid.
“I don’t know. It made me throw up the first time I took it, though.”
“You have any you can spare?”
I looked at him blankly and then tried to hide my disgust.
“Sorry.”
Hearing the front door of our house open, I started walking. Creepy fucking neighbor guy. And he was applying to law schools? Scary thought. Mom smiled, the worry lines on her forehead disappearing when she saw me.
“You want some chocolate tart?”
I nodded and followed her into the kitchen. We sat up talking, and for a while it felt like old times … until Mom started checking her Facebook updates. I kissed her on the cheek and went back to my room to finish my book. By the time I turned off the light and crawled back into bed, I felt the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes, and I knew I was going to dream about him. I knew I was going to wake up craving to see Ryan Bennett’s face. And as hard as I tried, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to forget about him.
The rest of the week passed by quickly, and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or panicked by the thought of going back to school. I tried to keep busy. I ran a few back-to-school errands—including an ill-advised purchase at the mall. I checked to make sure I was registered for classes. Then I drove out to the coast again, but I hit a gnarly traffic jam thanks to the nicer weather. After that, I decided that hanging out in the back yard was a better option. I wasn’t looking for a tan, just some warm weather.
Toward the end of the week I started getting more and more neurotic and clingy. I went to the grocery store with Mom; I drove Stephie to her ballet lesson; I hung out in Stephen’s office asking him tech questions. Finally I realized that I was afraid to go back to school. I didn’t want to face the way things had ended with Ryan. I didn’t want to face the fact that I had closed my eyes that day in the hospital and then he had just disappeared from my life forever.
On Friday morning, I tried to go out for a run. With everyone else gone, Mom couldn’t cluck at me and tell me to take it easy. Plus, I was looking forward to staying in the shower as long as I wanted since this was the most privacy I would have for the next two and a half months.
When I got outside, the sky was a crisp, sharp blue, and it was hot. Still, it felt weird to be in a sleeveless shirt, particularly after the past two months of wearing jackets and jeans at school. I jogged slowly, relieved that my ribs didn’t ache as much as at the beginning of the break. After a few minutes, I realized that the cheerful, bright weather was making me feel worse, and what I really wanted to wallow in rainy weather.
The neighborhood was empty, like everyone except me had better things to be doing. I managed to jog a few more blocks before developing a searing stitch in my side. Slowing to a walk, I headed back to the house and let myself in through the back gate. Walking around the patio, I realized I hadn’t been in my parents’ pool once since they had moved in. The water was crystal clear and blue, and for a second I thought about just stripping out of my clothes and jumping in. But I just knew that the second I got naked, someone would come home. Worse, that someone could end up being Stephen. Awkward.
Going over to the sliding door, I frowned when I saw it was ajar. I was positive that I had closed it. Sliding it all the way open, I stepped inside and looked around. The door to Stephen’s office was open, which was weird, because he always shut and locked it.
“Stephen? Mom?”
I heard a rustling sound and started walking toward the office just as Josh Wilt stepped out holding Stephen’s brand new laptop, Mom’s jewelry box, and a duffle bag loaded with other stuff. He smirked at me, and I froze. Oh shit. He was a fucking junky. That was why he had been asking about my pain meds the other night.
Turning, I ran for the sliding door, but my foot caught on the area rug, and I fell forward, jarring my arm. Before I could get up, my crazy asshole of a neighbor grabbed me around the waist and hauled me across the room, tossing me onto the sectional. He was on me in an instant, squeezing my ribs so hard that I screamed.
“Does this hurt, Alexis?”
“Fuck you!” I hissed.
My eyes widened as he took out a small knife and ran it down the center of my chest, bringing his face up near my ear. Hearing the motor on the garage door, I struggled, and he pressed down on my chest, leveraging himself off the couch.
“Careful. Tell anyone I was here, and I’ll come back and we can continue this conversation. Maybe later tonight,” he smiled.
He calmly picked up Stephen’s laptop and Mom’s jewelry box and shoved them into the duffle bag as he walked out, looking over his shoulder at me before the door to the laundry room opened. I watched as he jumped the fence back onto his property. Then, wiping away my tears, I lifted myself very carefully off the couch.
“Alex, honey?”
“Yeah, Mom.”
She came into the kitchen with a bunch of grocery bags, and I heard Stephie bounding up the stairs.
“Oh! Alexis, what happened to you?”
“I went for a run. … I think I hurt my ribs.”
“Baby, I told you not to do that!”
“I know,” I smiled. “I’m going to take a shower, okay?”
I stopped before I made it to the stairs.
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t leave Stephie in the house by herself, do you?”
“No, why?”
I shook my head like it was nothing. I’d let Mom find the missing stuff and call the police. What else could I do? Tell her about the sociopath neighbor whose father was a big-time lawyer? I walked upstairs to the guest bathroom and locked the door after me. Turning on the water, I stripped off my clothes. Then I brought up the loudest song I had on my iPhone. As soon I stepped under the water, I let a sob escape. Then I sank down on the floor of the shower and cried until I couldn’t breathe.
The past three weeks had been the worst in my life. And I was about to do something that would make things even worse.
Chapter 26
Ryan
I had been working since five o’clock in the morning, fueled only by coffee and rage, when my cell buzzed at the perfect moment—right as I was about to throw my fucking laptop out the window. My dog, who had already decided my mood wasn’t worth dealing with, had sought refuge in the bedroom.
Grabbing the phone from the table, I groaned, expecting it to be another text from McDevitt—more fucking pictures from the collection of strip clubs we had patronized in Vegas. Another blurry set of tits maybe? Looking down, I felt my hand freeze on the phone. The text was from Alex—the first since I had walked out of her hospital room, leaving her bruised and sedated.
Since that moment, I had sworn to myself a hundred fucking times that I had done the right thing—that I had been protecting her from my bullshit. But eventually I had had to face the fact that I had done it more for me than for her. I had walked away because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.
As a result, I had abandoned her
when she needed me most.
Opening the text, I braced myself for a lengthy diatribe crucifying me for being a jackass. Instead, my gut clenched as I read Alex’s brief, terrified accounting of the neighbors’ kid who had broken in and stolen a bunch of stuff. When I got to the part about the pocketknife and him threatening her, I stopped reading and called her cell phone. It rang a few times before she picked up.
“Mom, it’s Rachel. I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back in a few minutes, ’kay?” I heard her say.
I cracked my knuckles and listened to the sound of a door closing.
“Ryan?”
She started crying, really sobbing, and I ground my teeth together.
“Give me your parents’ address. I’ll be there by tonight.”
She was silent for a second. Then she started rattling off an address.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled miserably. “I know you probably didn’t want to hear from me, but I just didn’t know who else to tell.”
“Alex, when are you supposed to fly back to school?”
“Monday. It’s just … I’m afraid to go to sleep,” she hiccupped. “He said he would—”
“Is your ticket refundable?”
She paused.
“I think so. Why?”
“Just tell your parents that you’re getting a ride back to school from a friend. Can you do that?”
I listened to her breathing.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Do it. I’ll be there by tonight.”
I ended the call and stalked into the bedroom, picking up a duffle bag, a ski mask, a baseball bat, a stack of shirts, boxers, socks, and another pair of jeans. When I got to the kitchen, I packed food, water, a bed, and dishes for Finn before retrieving the dog harness for the backseat. Then I threw a couple of sports drinks and a box of energy bars in the bag and locked up the house.
This was my karmic bitch slap for walking out of the hospital and abandoning Alex. I had been waiting for it. I just hadn’t expected it to be this bad.
I put Finn in the car and headed toward the freeway. If I pushed it the entire way down I-5, I could get there in five and a half hours. But I didn’t want any speeding tickets or proof that I had been in Southern California. I also had to let Finn out every couple of hours. So, if I got lucky, I would hit Irvine in a little under seven hours.
As I drove, I promised myself that I would watch her house, and that was it. But I knew if I saw the guy who had laid a hand on Alex, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I would make him regret his entire fucking existence. Then again, I would always hate myself more. On some level, I realized that even if I hadn’t walked out of the hospital that day, Alex still would have gone to visit her parents, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be feeling like such a dickhead right now. More importantly, I would have had slightly more legitimacy when I fucking obliterated this asshole.
When I got to the interstate, I pushed the boundaries of the speed limit, keeping an eye out for the spots where I knew the CHP would be hiding. Luckily for me, there was always some jackass going faster than I was. I stopped three times for Finn and pissed once, eating nothing but energy bars. Hitting traffic north of Irvine, I nearly lost it. Five hours on the freeway only to get stuck in fucking L.A. traffic. No wonder Southern Californians drove like they were living in some post-apocalyptic hell. If I had to sit in traffic like this on a daily basis, I would be out of my fucking mind, too.
I finally exited the freeway, and within ten minutes I was sitting one block over from Alex’s street, studying the Spanish style homes. When Finn started whining, I got out and put on his leash. Locking the car, I walked around the block and stopped across the street from the address Alex had given me. After a good look at the houses on either side of hers—with a good guess as to which house her degenerate neighbor lived in—I walked back to the car.
Sitting in the driver’s seat, I stared down at the phone. I was so close to seeing her again. I cracked my knuckles. How many times had I dreamed of holding her in my arms? And now that she was within reach, I was hesitating. Because I didn’t deserve to see her again. Exhaling, I texted her that I was one block down and then stepped out of the car and leaned against the door. Less than two minutes later, I saw her. She was running full speed toward my car. I stood up and caught her before she ran into me, and she immediately buried her face against my chest. But when I wrapped my arms around her, she winced.
“Did he hurt you?”
Stepping back, she pulled up her shirt and I saw the faint outline of fingers etched in her pale skin along her ribcage. When she started crying, I forgot about everything else. My only plan was to destroy this asshole.
“Shh,” I whispered.
I held her for several seconds before drawing back and looking down at her tear-stained face.
“Alex, which house does he live in?”
She shook her head, her eyes wide.
“You’re not going over there! He’ll know I told someone!”
“No. I just need to know which house to keep an eye on so you can get some sleep tonight.”
She nodded and shuddered.
“And you’re ready to leave tomorrow morning?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think Stephen was relieved to get a refund on the ticket. Mom wasn’t happy that I was leaving early, but I just told her that Rachel was going to pick me up on her way back to school.”
I nodded.
“Good.”
Alex bit her lip, and I realized she hadn’t thought about the part where she would have to drive back to school—with me.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have texted you. I’m probably ruining the rest of your spring break.”
I grabbed her hands gently.
“Doctoral candidates don’t get a spring break, and I would’ve been angry if you hadn’t texted me.”
“You wouldn’t have known that anything happened,” she whispered.
It felt like she had kicked me in the gut. Her tone wasn’t reproachful, just matter-of-fact. As she stared up at me, her eyes red-rimmed, the irises a vivid green, I wanted to reach out and hold her … kiss her.
“It’ll be okay.”
I wiped her cheeks and felt like an asshole. Hadn’t I hurt her worse than her deranged neighbor had? Who the fuck was I to tell her it would be okay?
“Go back to the house and text me when you’re going to sleep. And be ready to leave by five tomorrow.”
She nodded.
“I can bring you something to eat …”
I thought about the energy bars in the car and nodded. When Finn whined at the window, Alex turned. Seeing him, she yelped.
“Oh my god! Finn!”
She wrenched open the door.
When my dog leaped out of the car and planted his nose firmly between her legs, I said a small prayer to come back as a German Shepherd in my next life.
“I’ve missed you so much!” she said, burying her face in his fur.
She looked up at me.
“I’ll be back.”
I watched as she hurried down the street. Finn started to chase after her, but I whistled and he trotted back, looking at me like I had kicked him. Taking the tennis ball from the backseat, I looked around for cars and then launched it into the cul-de-sac across the way.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I was disturbingly happy to be here. It was worth it to see Alex again, and to know that she didn’t hate me, even if I hated myself for what I had done. Looking down the street, I saw her walking from the other direction holding a reusable grocery bag. She made a face.
“That asshole was out front waxing his Mustang, so I went the other way.”
I felt my jaw clench. At least I knew which house was his. I had seen the Mustang when I had walked by Alex’s house earlier.
“What does he look like?”
“Brown hair, smirking ass face, about a half a foot shorter than you.”
She opened up the
bag and brought out an unopened box of dog cookies.
“They were Marty’s, but they’re still good.”
She opened the box, and Finn sat down in front of her. When she gave him a cookie, I decided I should just let her have Finn since he was officially her dog now. Next she began pulling out an assortment of food. Chips, bottled water, a sandwich wrapped in cellophane, fruit, and what looked like a giant brownie.
“I made the brownies last night.”
She smiled. I wanted to reach out and pull her to me, but first I had to apologize.
“Alex, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I hurt you, which I promised I wouldn’t do.”
She shook her head, her smile wavering.
“Maybe we’re just better off as friends. Although I think I’m getting a better deal than you, since you drove all the way down here. I mean, I don’t know if anyone else could have or would have dropped everything …”
She started crying again, and I swore softly under my breath. I had been so afraid of losing her that I had fucking hurt her. Not to mention that I had walked away from the one person who made me happy. That made me an asshole and a fucking idiot. Pulling her into my arms, I drew her closer and tilted her chin so that she was looking at me.
“I’m sorry … for everything.”
She nodded and then pulled away.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks, Ryan. For coming down here.”
With another small smile, she began walking back toward her house. When Finn started following her again, I snapped my fingers and opened the back door, securing him in the harness before getting in the driver’s seat and heading back toward the grocery store I had passed on the way in. Thanks to Daylight Saving Time, the sun was just going down by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Opening the windows for Finn, I got out and walked through the parking lot.
In the store, I cruised the aisles for duct tape, vinyl gloves, a pair of scissors, W-D 40, and several bottles of hard alcohol. When I got to the register, the cashier gave me a look like she thought I was some kind of sex offender. I smiled.
Nope, I’m just here to torture one.
I drove back to Alex’s street and then circled back around to park on a different street than earlier. Getting out, I fed Finn again and left a bowl of water on the curb. Then I opened the bag Alex had brought me earlier and ate everything. It was the best food I had tasted in more than a week, particularly since I had gone from canned soup to Vegas buffets to energy bars.
