by Shelia Grace
In the bathroom, standing over the trashcan, I saw a small amount of blood on the condom and my fingers. I washed off and walked back into the room where I found Alex on her side, watching me. My stomach tightened.
“Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head before pausing.
“Well, it hurt, but only for a few seconds. That was …” She blushed. “Wow.”
Walking over to the bed, I lay down beside her and drew her against me.
“I was wondering, though …”
She stopped and blushed an even deeper red. Smiling, I waited.
“Do we need to wait before we do that again?”
My cock, which had been at half-mast, pulsed instantly.
“You bled a little. You might be sensitive,” I said carefully.
“But can you?” she asked. “Guys need, um, time to recover, right?”
I was already grabbing a condom and the lubricant. I shifted her onto her back and came over her, watching as her lips parted. Taking her hands, I brought them over her head as I slipped slowly into her pussy.
Chapter 29
Alex
It was strange to wake up in the middle of the night in Ryan’s arms and realize that I wasn’t a virgin. Tonight had definitely been impulsive, but I didn’t regret it. Even though I didn’t have much experience, I still couldn’t imagine sex getting any better than that.
But that was the problem. What would happen tomorrow? Or the next day? Or at the end of the year—when he was done with graduate school and I still had three years left of school?
When this ended, would I be doomed to compare every guy I met to Ryan?
I looked at his face. He was gorgeous. But that wasn’t all. He was generous, smart, gentle, funny—and at least somewhat emotionally unavailable. Frowning, I wondered how long it would take for that to really start to hurt. Careful not to disturb him, I rolled away and got up, looking around for the black silk pajamas. When I had packed them, I had thought that they might come in handy someday, just not today. Slipping them on, I whispered for Finn to get down when he jumped up to follow me. Then I walked quietly across the room and opened the door to the balcony before closing it behind me.
Outside, it was chilly, but nowhere near as cold as I had been expecting. It was like spring had come overnight. But even though I could smell the ocean and hear the waves, a part of me still felt like the whole night had been a dream, invented by my brain as a way of holding onto Ryan. I used to have dreams like this all the time. Well, not like this, but wistful ones where my father would show up and take me to the beach or Disneyland—or just show up when he said he would.
Suddenly a wave of dread hit me. Was that why I was so freaking obsessed with Ryan knowing that I loved him? Did I think it would change anything? And did I think him loving me back would prove something? Fix something? Fix me? How fucking pathetic. Even worse, when we got back to school, would he just disappear now that we’d had sex?
Fuck! I had never wanted to be like Brit, sleeping with guys just for the hell of it. Maybe some people could handle it, but I knew myself better than that. Eventually it would eat away at me. I jumped when a pair of warm arms slipped around my waist. Then I stiffened.
“What are you doing out here?” Ryan asked sleepily.
I shrugged.
“Thinking.”
He ran his hands along my arms.
“Do you regret tonight?” he asked carefully.
I flinched. I had asked him almost the exact same thing at his house the morning after he first brought me there. Shaking my head, I turned and reached to touch his cheek.
“No. Tonight was—”
“Was? It isn’t over yet.”
Ryan pulled me to him, and I shivered against the heat of his chest. When he bent down and lifted me, I locked my arms around his neck, wishing I could stop time. For a day, a week, a month—and just live in this moment.
He carried me into the room and laid me down on the bed. Then he just watched me for several seconds. When I reached for him, he finally bent down, lifting my top and pulling it over my head before pulling the shorts down. He kissed my ribs, then my breasts. The touch of his tongue caused a shockwave of desire to course all the way down between my legs. He stopped and looked up at me.
“Alex …”
The way he said my name increased the pleasure of his touch, and I squirmed beneath him. When he rolled away, I frowned.
“I want you to touch yourself for me,” he said quietly.
I wasn’t sure I had heard him right over the pounding of my pulse. My breathing hitched, and I shook my head, embarrassed.
“I’ve never … I don’t know how.”
I felt his breath at my neck.
“It’s time to learn. Think about how I touch you.”
I nodded and closed my eyes, trailing my fingers down between my thighs. Of course, I knew what my clitoris was—I had been through Sex Ed twice. Then again, even if I hadn’t known before, I definitely knew now, thanks to Ryan. Before tonight, though, touching myself had never even been a consideration. Through senior year of high school, I had shared a room with Stephie—and there had been no fucking way I had been about to start experimenting in the dorms with any chance Brit would walk in.
Touching myself tentatively, I frowned. It didn’t have the same effect as when Ryan did it. Trying to remember how his fingers had felt, I quickened the pace until I felt the first shudder of real pleasure. My lips parted, and I stroked in little circles until Ryan gripped my wrist. Opening my eyes, I looked up and saw him watching me with a hungry expression.
“You’re so beautiful … and I may have overestimated my control.” His tone was humorous, but the way he was looking at me wasn’t. “I need you. Now.”
I looked down and saw he was already wearing a condom as he knelt between my legs. I held my breath as he pressed against me and then moaned when he pushed all the way inside. Wrapping my legs around him, I felt my hips begin to rock desperately against him, seeking the same pleasure that had been building.
“Slowly,” he whispered.
His eyes never leaving mine, he began moving me in a steady rhythm as he leaned down and kissed me, his tongue easing in and out of my mouth until I couldn’t take it. I was about to cry out in frustration when he shifted angles again, bringing the most sensitive part of me against him. Pulling back, he watched me, the blue of his eyes nearly black as he began moving faster.
“Oh … god. Ryan!”
Feeling my body explode with pleasure, I wrapped my arms around him as he lifted me into his lap. With his hands on my hips, he drew me down until he was deep inside me. I couldn’t hold out any longer. I came again, harder this time, and Ryan groaned. Slowing, he reached out and touched my cheek, his eyes burning into mine.
“Alex … I love you.”
I felt the shudder of his release, and staring into his eyes, I knew that whatever happened I would remember this moment for the rest of my life. We stayed very still, watching each other as our breathing slowed. Finally Ryan lowered me to the bed, kissing me gently before getting up.
When he walked into the bathroom, it took a few seconds to realize that I was crying. It had never even occurred to me that hearing him say those words could scare me worse than anything else. I had said the same thing to him without fear, but hearing him say I love you? It instantly conjured every fear and insecurity I had ever had.
Had he only said it because of the sex? Or had he felt like he had to say it because I had? And what would happen in a few hours, when it was daytime again? Would he still feel the same way?
Ryan got back into bed and pulled me against him. Then he looked down and frowned when he saw me crying like a crazy person.
“Alex? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head and wiped at my face. How could I explain my bizarre paranoia—my fear of the morning?
“It’s stupid,” I muttered.
He grabbed my chin gently and tilted my face to
ward him.
“Tell me.”
“I’m afraid things will be different tomorrow,” I whispered.
“They will be.”
I laughed hoarsely.
“Oh, great. Thanks for making me feel better.”
Ryan laughed. Then his expression changed.
“Alex, I’ve been so afraid all these years of getting too attached to anyone that I never thought I was missing anything … until I met you.”
Looking at him speechlessly, I willed myself not to think about the future, because I knew it would destroy this moment in time, and I would never get it back. I reached out and held him, feeling my eyes drifting closed as he stroked my arm.
The sound of waves woke me out of a deep sleep. I rolled over sleepily and saw Finn staring at me. Turning to the other side of the bed, I flinched. Ryan was gone. Shit. How long had I been asleep? When was checkout? Sitting up, I saw the door to the balcony was open, but Ryan wasn’t there, either. He wasn’t anywhere. I started looking around for my pajamas before deciding that I needed a shower. Stepping out of bed, I scratched Finn’s neck for a minute and looked around. Finally, I saw it. A piece of paper that must have slipped off the nightstand. Leaning down, I picked it up.
Getting breakfast. Back soon. Don’t rush. We’re booked for another night.
R
My pulse raced as I stared down at the paper. Another night? I bit my lip and tried not to get too excited. I was supposed to be at the dorms by now. Of course, classes didn’t actually start until Wednesday, but how hard was it going to be to go back to reality after this?
Oh, yeah. Fucking impossible.
Grabbing my toiletry bag and some clothes, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I found a washcloth and stepped under the water, shivering under the heat. It felt like I was melting. Taking the soap, I lathered up the washcloth and started to scrub myself. When I touched between my legs, I was tender, but not too bad. It just made me think of last night—how careful Ryan had been. Then I froze as I remembered the condoms … the bottle of lubricant on the nightstand. Had he been planning this?
Thinking it through, I shook my head. I was the one who had texted him. I was the one who had told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted him. Neither of us had planned last night, but both of us had wanted it. I let the water beat down on me for another minute before turning it off. Opening the shower door, I was looking around for a towel when the bathroom door began to open. I smiled, thinking it was Finn being nosy. Then I saw Ryan. He was completely naked—and very hard. He walked toward me, picking up a towel on his way. I swallowed, about to make a smart comment about the state of his arousal. But I couldn’t find my voice.
Fuck, he was absolutely awesome looking, and I loved everything about him. The way he looked down at me with simultaneous hunger and tenderness. The way he said my name. The way he looked while he was sleeping. The way he made me laugh. He stopped in front of me and began drying me with the towel.
“You’re not going to shower?” I asked.
I said this even though it was obvious that he had already showered before leaving the hotel room. His hair was still damp.
“No.”
I swallowed. For once, I had woken up and reality was better than my dreams. Ryan bent down and kissed me, and I reached out and spread my hands over the muscles in his chest—like I was making sure he wouldn’t disappear. Then he scooped me into his arms, and we were on the bed in seconds. Our kisses were slow and sweet at first. But each touch made me greedy for more, and the feel of Ryan’s tongue slipping between my lips just reminded me how good last night had been. He rolled onto his side until we were facing each other, and I let my fingers stroke the length of him.
“Are you sore?” he whispered.
“A little.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“Hell no,” I smiled.
He kissed me gently.
“I’ll be careful.”
He bent down, and his lips touched my throat, then my collarbone. I let my fingers trail over him as his mouth lingered at the tops of my breasts. Then I gripped the shaft of his penis in my hand, and he groaned.
His fingers slid down the center of my chest to my navel, lower, and when his hand slipped between my legs, the pleasure was immediate. I whimpered, and he stroked me until I couldn’t think straight. I released him, and before I knew what was happening, he had rolled onto his back and was pulling me on top of him. Looking down at him, I watched as he rolled on a condom.
He lifted my hips, and I felt him shift, pressing against me. Slowly he pulled me down until he was all the way inside me. He began guiding my hips up and down, and when I shuddered, he started moving faster. Lifting me again, he laid me back on the bed before coming over me. Then he reached down and touched my bottom lip with his thumb.
“I can’t get enough of you.”
My head fell back on the pillow, and I cried out as he plunged into me again. His thrusts were slow and deliberate, his blue eyes watching me so intensely that my cheeks flushed. The pleasure built again, but every time I got close, Ryan slowed.
“Please,” I begged.
I craved the release he could bring me, but this feeling—of being trapped at the very edge—was amazing and frustrating at the same time. When Ryan showed no sign that he was going to stop torturing me, I grabbed his face in my hands and drew him down to me, biting his bottom lip roughly. Growling, he took my hands one at a time and brought them above my head. Then he began moving faster and didn’t slow as the first wave of pleasure gripped me.
Chapter 30
Ryan
I needed to get the out of this hotel room, or I would never leave. I would just stay in bed and fuck Alex until we were both too tired to move. She was a drug, and I was a goddamned addict. By the time I finally dragged her out of bed and got dressed, the fog surrounding the coast had begun to lift.
“I can’t believe you booked another night,” Alex said as we walked out of the room.
I handed her the spare keycard.
“Disappointed?” I asked dryly.
“Fuck no.”
She clapped a hand over her mouth and looked around.
“Oops. I mean, it’s going to be seriously disappointing to go back to sleeping in the dorm with Brit.”
I felt my smile fade. In the midst of my sex-fueled haze, I had forgotten about taking Alex back to Mercer. Because, somewhere in the back of my mind, I had assumed that she would come back to the house with me, and we would stay in bed, leaving only for food and showers. Even more than that, I wanted to wake up next to her in the mornings. When we got to the beach, I let Finn off the leash to chase the seagulls. Alex grinned and took off her shoes.
“God, I loved coming to the beach when I was a kid,” she said, looking out at the water. “When I went to my dad’s during summer breaks, I would spend every second in the water. He’d bring picnics—cold chicken from the deli counter, fruit, chips, an entire bag of cookies—and then he’d just sit there all day and read while I was in the water. I loved summers. Those days just seemed endless.”
“It sounds like you have good memories of him.”
Alex turned back to me, squinting in the sunshine.
“I do. It makes it harder, though. You know? It’s like he’s two different people in my memory. I want to be mad at him for taking off, but I miss the good parts, too. Are you close with your dad?”
I laughed. Richard Bennett wasn’t a close type of guy. He put on a good show at public functions, but where family was concerned, he just wasn’t there. Part of me believed that he had lost the ability to connect with people after Reece died. And looking at Alex, I realized that I had, too. Until her.
“My father is a less is more—or less is better—type of guy when it comes to family.”
“What about your sister? I liked her a lot. You two seemed close.”
I nodded and started walking.
“Unlike the rest of us, Becca somehow
escaped the Bennett family curse and went on to become a warm, if profane, human being.”
Alex dropped her shoes in the stand and spun around to face me with a horrified look on her features.
“Wait. You mean … I’ve been having sex with an alien for the past … um, fifteen hours or so?”
Lifting her into my arms, I swung her around before starting to jog down the beach with her cradled against me. Finn barked and nipped at my heels.
“Oh … my … god … put … me … down!” Alex shrieked.
I stopped, but didn’t set her down.
“Ryan Bennett! You nearly had croissant and orange juice all over your shirt.”
I smiled.
“Well, I’m on my last shirt, so it’s a good thing you didn’t throw up, or I’d be driving home naked tomorrow.”
“Wait, really? Well, then keep going, and I’ll see what I can do.”
I laughed and set her down on the sand. We kept walking, and I looked back at her tiny footprints next to mine.
“What are you taking this term?” I asked.
“Eighteenth Century Lit, French 23 C, Intro to Psych, and Intro to Lit Theory.”
“No Calculus, then?”
Alex laughed.
“Never again.”
“Psych?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
She shrugged.
“It’s weird. I loved my English classes in high school, but so far in college they’ve been pretty freaking boring. Except the Creative Writing class last term. Plus, in high school, my English teachers all loved me. Not so much now. Maybe it’s shallow of me, but it kind of sucks not being the teacher’s pet. If Psych is interesting, I might switch majors. Besides, the TAs in my English classes are nowhere near as hot as the Calculus TAs. I guess all the hot guys go into math. Too bad I suck at it.”
She laughed, and then her smile began to fade.
“When are you done with your program?”
