by Shelia Grace
“Well, I did tell her that she needs to expand her horizons before she decides what mind-blowing sex means.”
He started laughing hilariously, and I cringed at the inevitable expression of horror on Alex’s face. McDevitt was trying to get a rise out of me—and it was working. I wanted to fucking kill him.
“Hand the phone back to Alex, and I won’t kick your ass the next time I see you.”
“I swear he was Dr. Jekyll a few hours ago,” Alex muttered.
“This is the real him.”
“Great,” she groaned.
“Will you call me when he drops you off?”
“Okay.”
I wanted to tell her how much I needed her right now. Then I thought about McDevitt sitting across the table from her and felt my knuckles cracking against the steering column. Throwing down the phone, I pulled out of the parking structure and started back toward the family compound. I got about halfway there when I realized that I wasn’t going to sleep tonight. More likely, I would spend the entire night worrying about my father or Alex, probably both. And by the time I pulled up in front of the cottages, I had already decided to drive back to school. Fuck it. McDevitt could have the house for the night, but I needed Alex.
Getting out I whistled for Finn, who came trotting out from the dog door in the back. As soon as I got inside, I filled up his water bowl and gave him an extra scoop of food before going into the bathroom and cleaning up. Repacking my bag, I headed outside again to throw the ball around with Finn for a few minutes before scratching his head and grabbing his dog bed from the car. I let him back into the cottage, knowing that as a Bennett Family Cellars favorite, by morning my dog would have plenty of friends—if he wasn’t glued to Massimo all day.
It was a dumb move to drive back to school only to have to turn around first thing in the morning, but I was beyond being rational. The phone buzzed when I was almost to the dorms, and hearing Alex’s voice over the speakers, I smiled.
“Ryan?”
“James dropped you off?”
“Yeah. God, he’s a pain in the ass. But I can’t complain about a free dinner.”
I laughed.
“Can I call you back?”
“Sure,” she said, sounding confused and disappointed.
I pulled up in front of Mercer and sat in the car for several minutes. I wasn’t coming back after this, and I knew it. I needed to go back home and prove to my father that I would be there when he needed me. My doctorate would have to wait, along with the rest of my life.
Right now, though, gravity was pulling me toward Alex. I got out and starting walking toward the dorm with my bag over my shoulder, feeling like a fucking serial killer as I caught up to a kid walking into Mercer. I caught the door handle right before it snapped closed and then took the stairs two at a time to the third floor. The light was off in Alex’s room. I looked around, and seconds later the bathroom door down the hall swung open. Alex stepped out, and I smiled, feeling my body lighten at the sight of her.
She was looking down at her bag as she walked down the hall. Then she glanced up and stared at me, like she thought I was a figment of her imagination. She started running and dropped her toiletry bag at my feet before jumping into my arms. I pushed her up against the door, kissing her hungrily as I reached forward and opened the door. Pulling her inside, I set her down and grabbed her bag from the hallway before locking the door and shoving the desk chair under the doorknob.
Throwing the bags in the corner, I turned around and felt my pulse spike as Alex started unbuttoning her pajama top. She walked over to the desk and turned on the lamp, and I watched as she pulled out a strip of condoms and the bottle I had left on the nightstand at the hotel. She set them on the bed.
“Smart girl.”
Then I frowned.
“But unless I lost count, we didn’t have sex that many times …”
Alex rolled her eyes and stripped off her top before shimmying out of her pajama bottoms.
“Yeah, well your friend James only blew up half of them in the hotel room.”
Tearing my shirt over my head and kicking off my shoes, I walked over to Alex and lifted her onto the bed.
“I missed you,” I whispered as she brought her hands to my face.
“It’s only been a day,” she said, running her hands along my chest.
“It was a long day.”
I kissed her softly on the lips and then pushed her back onto the bed, letting my fingers travel between her breasts, across the soft skin of her stomach, to the top of her panties, which were light pink and cotton this time—not crotchless. I didn’t give a fuck; I just wanted her naked. Slipping the panties over her hips, I dragged the pillow from the top of the bed and pushed it beneath her. Then I lifted her legs one at a time, resting them on my shoulders as I bent down and parted the lips of her pussy. When my tongue touched her, she jerked in my arms. I grazed her again, and she moaned. Looking up and watching her face, I stroked her slowly with the tip of my tongue, gripping her hips and holding her still when she arched.
“Please,” she gasped.
“Not yet.”
I gentled my touch as she squirmed against me. Then I stopped and yanked off my pants and boxers. Pulling her all the way onto the bed, I came down beside her, letting my fingers replace my tongue. I continued to stroke her, stopping just before she came. Her eyes snapped open as I lifted her to her knees, and when I tore off a condom moved behind her, she froze.
“Ryan …”
“Shh. It’s okay. I will never do anything to hurt you.”
This was a fucking lie, and I knew it. But I needed to be with her one last time. I needed her one last time. I rolled on the condom and leaned forward, one arm slipping around her, the other brushing her hair to the side so I could kiss the back of her neck. She shivered, and I lowered the hand that was around her waist to touch her. When her head fell back against my chest, I flipped open the lid on the lubricant and poured some onto my fingers before trying her pussy. Slowly, I guided her onto my cock, stroking her again until she cried out. Then I grasped her hips and pulled her all the way down until I filled her completely.
When she gasped in shock, I pulled out and tipped her forward until her hands came down on the bed. Kissing her neck and shoulders, I thrust into her again. She looked over her shoulder at me, her cheeks flushed, and I felt a rush of simultaneous satisfaction and desperation as her breathing sped up.
“Yes, Alex,” I whispered against her ear.
Her muscles tightened around me, and I rode her faster, holding her to me as I went over the edge with a growl of satisfaction. Slowly lowering her to the bed, I got up to dispose of the condom. By the time I collapsed next to her, she laughed.
“Does this mean I get to start locking Brit out?”
“I would go anywhere and do anything as long as I get to do that with you, but … my place is much more comfortable.”
I pointed toward my feet, which were dangling off of her standard-issue twin bed. She giggled before turning serious.
“Well, then we should go kick your friend James out of your house.”
Reminded of my asshole friend, I frowned.
“Was he that bad today?”
Alex bit her lip and rolled over to look up at the ceiling.
“Do you really want to know? I mean, he’s your friend, and I’m glad he gave me a ride, but he’s got zero boundaries, as my mom would say.”
What she was saying didn’t surprise me. McDevitt did what he wanted, when he wanted. I did, however, expect a certain level of decency out of him.
“What did he do?”
She sighed.
“Just remember—you asked. Let’s see. He started off by telling me that he couldn’t believe I had let you deflower me—because, according to him, you’re as big of a sociopath as he is.” My jaw clenched. “Then you heard his advice about broadening my horizons. But the best part was him sticking his tongue down my throat before telling me that you pro
bably slept with his ex-fiancée.”
She glanced over at me like she expected me to be angry—with her—and I decided that I needed to seriously rethink my decision-making paradigm.
“You must have thought I was a complete dick for sending him to get you.”
Rolling over, she rose up and put her hands on my chest.
“No. I thought your friend was being an ass, and I was worried about you. How’s your dad?” She looked down. “Unless you don’t want to tell me.”
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close.
“They diagnosed him with Stage IV lung cancer.”
Alex blinked.
“Oh my god. That’s bad, isn’t it?”
She rose up on her elbows and took my face in her hands, kissing my forehead.
“Ryan, I’m so sorry.”
Her eyes welled up, and I felt my chest begin to ache. When my eyes started to burn, I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“When are you going back?” she whispered.
“In the morning.”
She nodded and held me, stroking my hair. In that moment, lying in the most uncomfortable bed I had been in since freshman year of college, I realized there was nowhere else I would rather be.
“I’ll be here if you need me,” she said quietly.
“I’m not going anywhere yet.”
I held her closer, knowing that in a few hours I would probably never see her again. I didn’t know if that made me a saint or a complete asshole, but I had convinced myself that it would be better for Alex in the long run. Eventually her breathing evened out and slowed, but I refused to drift off. Instead I watched her as she slept. Just before dawn, I thought about waking her up and making love to her again. But I couldn’t. Because she would know I wasn’t coming back. Slipping silently out of bed, I got dressed and wrote the note on a sheet of paper from her notebook.
Then I looked back once at her sleeping form before walking out.
Chapter 33
Alex
I opened my eyes and found myself alone in bed. Again. I wasn’t surprised this time, just sad for Ryan. I wished I could do something or say something that would make things better. We both had issues with our fathers, but I couldn’t imagine that it didn’t hurt. I climbed out of bed and froze when I saw the note on my desk. Unfolding it, I bit my lip and stared down at the piece of paper.
Don’t wait for me. Live your life. Please.
I love you.
Ryan
Had he broken up with me? Was he coming back? I let out the breath I had been holding. I had been on a roller coaster ever since meeting Ryan Bennett. Now it felt like it had just come to a screeching halt. When I tried to breath in again, it was like my lungs had forgotten how.
Hearing someone in the stairwell outside my door, I looked down and realized that I had slept naked. I grabbed my pajamas and yanked them on, nauseated by the thought of Brit the Bitch getting back and finding me naked with a bunch of condoms and sex lube. Getting dressed and brushing out my hair, I took my toiletry bag and went down the hall to brush my teeth and wash my face.
It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was going to wake up any second and find myself back in the hotel room on the coast with Ryan. I hated the fact that my brain was trying to escape reality by reliving the past few days with Ryan. I had classes tomorrow, and I needed to focus on redeeming myself academically.
People broke up with their significant others all the time … and at this point, how significant could I have been to Ryan if he had broken up with me in a note? I shook my head. At least it hadn’t been a text.
On the way to the DC, I thought about stopping by Julie’s room to see if she was back yet, but there was no way I could handle her icy fucking roommate. I texted her instead. When I got back to the room after breakfast, I got my stuff together to go to the bookstore. Mom had fronted me cash for books; I just had to hope it was enough to pay off my credit card when I got the bill. Hearing my phone buzz, I thought it might be Ryan.
Just got back! Wanna help me carry shit up to my room? J
I smiled shakily at Julie’s text and walked downstairs. In the parking lot, Julie was standing in front of her hatchback, taking out two full laundry baskets. I walked over and poked her in the side.
“Damn you’re lucky you live close by—and you have a car. Half my shit’s still dirty from before break. Plus, one of the washers is broken. And someone left all their shit in the other one. Again.”
Julie looked me up and down and screamed.
“Holy … shit! You had sex, didn’t you?”
I blushed bright red.
“What are you? Psychic?”
“You did! I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it. And he broke up with me this morning.”
“Are you shitting me?”
I tried to smile, but my cheek twitched instead.
“He left a note.”
“Another note?”
I picked up one of her laundry baskets.
“Maybe I should start from the beginning.”
“Uh, yeah. The last thing I heard was he left you in the hospital, so how you got from there to fucking him to breaking up is kind of nuts.”
“I know.”
As we walked inside to the elevator, I ran her through the events of the past few days, starting with my parents’ psycho neighbor. We were sitting on her bed when I got to the part about Ryan’s note this morning.
“Wo-ow.”
“Yeah. When I woke up, I kind of guessed he would be gone, but then I saw the note … and I don’t know.”
“So … what’s wrong with his dad?”
“Lung cancer.”
Julie cringed.
“That’s really bad.”
I nodded and swallowed, remembering the tension in Ryan’s muscles as he had said the words lung cancer. I wished I could hold him—which only confused me more.
“And he was going back home?”
“Yeah.”
“What about his asshole friend?”
“James? Shit, I hope I never see him again.” I shook my head. “Enough about my twisted love life that is no more. What about you and your luvvah boy? I haven’t talked to you since you guys went into SF.”
Julie coyly turned her head to the side, and I gasped when I saw the hickey on her neck.
“You didn’t tell me Chris was a vampire!”
She giggled.
“Yeah, well I nearly fucking killed him when I saw this!”
“Hot. So, did you guys, um …”
She shook her head.
“Nope. You’re the only ho around here.”
“Thanks.”
Hearing a key in the door, I looked over at Julie, and she rolled her eyes. Getting up, I smiled at her roommate, knowing all I was going to get in return was a half-assed sneer.
“I’ll come over to your room in, like, five, and we can go over to the bookstore,” Julie said.
“Okay.”
Walking down the hall toward my room, I could already hear music thumping from behind the closed door, which meant Brit was back. I groaned. The thought of spending another term trapped in a room with her was unbearable. Putting my key in the door, I held my breath.
“Wow. I didn’t think you were gonna come back after that car smacked you,” Brit said.
I smiled blandly. My roomie would have been thrilled if I had ended up in a coma—and she had gotten the room to herself for the rest of the year.
“How was break?” I asked, collecting my stuff.
“Fucking in-sane.”
I nodded. I didn’t want details. When Julie banged on the door, I got up and grabbed my wallet.
“Going to the library?” Brit asked rolling her eyes.
I nodded. What did I care if she thought I had no life?
“I’ll be back later.”
Translation: Don’t fucking lock me out to have sex with some second-floo
r loser, you snarky bitch! When I opened the door, Julie smirked.
“You know that bitch would shit a brick if she saw who you were hooking up with, right?” she asked as soon as we got into the stairwell.
“Whatever. I can’t believe I have to spend another term living with her. You want to start looking for apartments now?”
We started walking across campus, and I felt a swell of relief that Julie still put up with me walking everywhere, considering my bike had been stolen a month after fall term began. I didn’t mind walking, though, mostly because some asshole had clipped my back tire and sent me sprawling onto the pavement only days before my bike had disappeared. The way I had figured it, it was the universe telling me I was better off staying off the bike.
And Ryan Bennett disappearing again had been the universe telling me that I should ignore the male population for the rest of my college career.
I was really starting to wonder if my third term of college was going to manage to kill me. Right now, I was walking around, talking to Julie, smiling, laughing—but inside I felt just as broken as when I had woken up in the hospital. I knew I wouldn’t trade the three nights I had spent with Ryan for anything, but what did that leave me with? A memory? An aching feeling in my chest that hurt with every breath?
When we got to the bookstore, there were about two million people swarming around, and all of the lockers were taken already. People were just dumping their bags on the floor in hopes that they would still be there when they got back. I took out my list of courses.
“I’m learning to hate bookstore season,” I muttered to Julie.
“At least you don’t have to buy the mega-Econ textbook. My dad’s going to shit when he sees his credit card bill.”
“Yeah, every time my parents get a tuition statement, my mom’s like, ‘Say thank you to Stephen!’”
“Is he that much of a dick about paying for your school?”
I shook my head.
“No, Stephen’s been really good about it, but I think my mom’s got some complex going on since my real dad is MIA. Did I tell you that she tried to sue him when I was in junior high? The court garnished his wages or something. That’s how I got braces.”
