by Dale Mayer
“You’re Hawk, right?”
A grin flashed and Hawk nodded his head. “That I am. Chase says there’s food here.” His gaze wandered the kitchen, landed on the table, and he headed right for it. “Good. I’m starved.”
“There’s lots.” Vanessa waved at the table in front of her. “Help yourself.”
Hawk laughed. “You have to be careful who you say that to in our group. I eat a normal amount, but some of the men eat a lot.”
“Swede?” She hazarded a guess. “That’s to be expected. Look at the size of the man.”
At that Hawk snickered. “Size has nothing to do with it. Markus’s sweetheart is smaller than you, and she can match Swede bite for bite.” He shook his head. “It’s great to see.” He lifted the lasagna to his mouth and said, “This smells incredible.”
There was little chitchat for a minute or two as Markus cleaned up then he nodded to Vanessa. “I’m going to relieve Shadow. Hawk will stay here.”
And he walked out into the night.
She expected the door to slam behind him. Instead it closed with barely a whisper of a sound. “How do you guys always walk so quietly?”
“We learned. It’s too dangerous for us otherwise.”
She studied his face, looking for the truth. And realized he was serious. She hadn’t considered how their training impacted everything they did. With these men there would never be any separation between work and home life. They would always be alert. Always be aware. How did they handle it? Or maybe they were just a breed of super strong men that could handle all the strife and war in the world and not be affected.
“They’d have to be affected by the training in some way, it would be impossible not to be,” she whispered under her breath.
“Absolutely we’re affected,” Hawk said. “We all have to deal with death and destruction and the political motivations that tear the world apart in our own way. It’s not easy but it’s doable. It’s why having a relationship that keeps us grounded is so important.”
Not realizing he’d heard her comments she was startled at Hawk’s answer. She studied that strong high face and said, “I thought relationships in the military were brutal.”
He nodded. “The statistics would make it look that way.”
“But not for you?” She motioned to the three men outside. “Not for the others?”
A small smile played at the corner of Hawk’s mouth. “For some reason in this last year many of us have found partners we never thought to have,” Hawk said. “Before that we believed it wasn’t fair to have a partnership given our dangerous work.”
He shrugged and leaned back, looking at his fork still full resting on the edge of the plate. “I think the truth is having these special people in our lives is the main reason for bringing us home. It makes us more careful. We take less risks so when the job is over we can come home to those we love.”
Her heart warmed. She loved to think of these men having loving women standing behind them. They would have to be strong and capable to handle the stress, the fear of losing their men on a mission. But life was like that. You could lose anybody at any time – being in the military had nothing to do with it.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said. “Being loved makes everyone’s life much brighter and happier.”
He nodded, searching her face. “Are you married? In a happy relationship?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t been so blessed.” She dropped her gaze to the table and then for some reason blurted out, “I was engaged but things were ugly fast and he ran home to Russia.”
“Good. Especially if he’s long gone. But not if he hurt you in the process.”
She glanced up. Hawk was a nice man. He seemed to care about people. In fact, all of the men Chase had introduced her to had been super nice. Maybe she’d been looking in all the wrong places all these years. “He did, but I have recovered. Thanks.”
“Have you?” The intensity in his eyes deepened. “It’s not that I doubt you, I just know how difficult it can be for some women to move on.”
She dropped her gaze to the table. “And maybe I’m fooling myself,” she admitted, finding it hard to look away. “I can’t say I’ve put it to the test. I know after the intruder in my apartment I don’t want to go back to that place again.”
“Did you live there with your ex?”
She shook her head. “No, I ran with a few personal belongings and never went back.”
He opened his mouth to say something again, but the door opened and Shadow entered. From the doorway his attention seemed to encompass everything, see everything, know everything. It was incredibly unnerving. This was a man who saw all the details, analyzing and processing them before anybody else even understood there were details.
She offered him a bright smile. “Hello, Shadow.”
He raised one eyebrow at her and closed the door quietly behind him. He crossed the floor and sat down at the table. In a soft voice he said, “Hello and thank you for the food.”
In an equally soft voice she said, “You’re welcome.”
Both men turned their attention back to the meal, and she was left watching them inhale in a very controlled way. She wasn’t sure what to do but figured maybe if she left them alone they would relax. She stood up and walked over to the coffee pot to pour herself a cup. “I’m going upstairs to lie down.”
Carrying it carefully, she walked out of the room with both men calling, “Good night.”
It felt odd to not have Chase there. She’d only known him for a few days and already he’d worked his way into her life to the point she felt bereft when he wasn’t around. That wasn’t good.
She didn’t want that because when she lost it, it was going to hurt so much.
Although she no longer loved her ex, her love had died with the first blow, it had been the loss of the dreams, the hopes, the planning for their future that had devastated her.
For a while she’d been lost. Her future a blank. Since then she’d been coasting.
Maybe it was time to change that.
For the last many months she’d been afraid there was something wrong with her. So many women went through so much worse and they managed to recover. Had she just not had enough time? Or had she not seen another man who made her blood heat and her heart jump?
Well that had certainly changed. Chase had woken her body up to what it had been missing this last year.
She’d never dated military men. Now as she turned back to look at the two men eating, she realized they were beyond tempting.
“Are you two married?” she asked from the doorway.
Both men stopped and looked at her. She caught Hawk as he was trying to hide a grin. But Shadow never cracked a smile. In a deep slow voice he said, “Not yet. Soon.”
She switched her gaze to Hawk and waited for his answer.
In a cheerful voice he said, “Not yet but I hope to be soon.”
Hawk and Shadow exchanged big grins, and she remembered some of the conversation where Chase had told her about his friends and teammates being in strong relationships.
“You think it’s safe to marry military men?” She knew they had to have some idea why her questions, but neither teased or mocked her.
Hawk nodded slowly. “Yes, but we also know every day we have with these beautiful people are days we would never have been given if we hadn’t opened our hearts to the possibility. And it’s so worth it.”
Something settled inside. She glanced over at Shadow to see if there was anything he wanted to add. He was studying her with a quiet intensity.
“The path not traveled is the path one regrets the most. Our job in this life is to make the most of every moment, not to fill them full of regrets.”
Startled, she nodded then escaped to her room. But his words wouldn’t be silent. She had spent the last part of the year hiding. With good reason. But the hiding itself had become comfortable. Venturing back out into the world of relationships was something she hadn’
t been ready to do – and she should. Shadow was right. This was not how she wanted her life to be. Yes, she’d been hurt. But she wasn’t weak. She’d actually taken self-defense classes as part of her recovery, if for no other reason than to give her a measure of control over an area of her life that had become wildly out of control.
In her room she unpacked the bits and pieces she’d brought then opted for a quick shower before brushing her teeth and got into pajamas.
Turning her attention to the bed she sighed. She hadn’t remade it after her nap and the indentations from Chase were still visible.
She wished he was beside her now. She walked to the window and stared out into the darkness. It was a gorgeous house with a beautiful backyard fully fenced in with a lovely sandbox in the back corner.
It was definitely a family home. She’d like to see something like this down the road for herself. Maybe one day.
She turned off the light and crawled into bed.
*
Chase walked into the kitchen after Hawk replaced him outside. Shadow was polishing off his plate. There was no sign of Vanessa.
“Vanessa’s gone up to bed,” Shadow said.
Chase nodded. He was disappointed but she needed a good night’s sleep. He was a little surprised she’d gone alone. Then again maybe she was comfortable with everyone here.
He hoped so. He cleared off the table and set about washing up the few dishes.
“She’s interested. Don’t be too long making up your mind.”
Chase froze. He knew Shadow wasn’t interested in Vanessa for himself. He was madly in love with his beautiful Arianna.
“I’m interested,” he admitted. “She’s very special, I just don’t know if she’s the one.”
“There’s no way to tell yet. You have to walk down that path to find out…”
“It’s crappy timing. I want more but…” Chase said, hating the situation he was in, “I won’t be responsible for her getting hurt. She’s been through enough.”
Shadow stood up. “Don’t be a fool. She’s already involved. Regardless of timing she needs to know her feelings are returned.” He turned to the door and opened it. “Don’t lose this chance. As I know – it doesn’t come around very often.”
Shadow walked out into the night.
Chapter 16
She woke with a start, her skin clammy, her body chilled. She’d thrown off her covers while sleeping.
She bolted upright and stared around the empty room. That didn’t help calm her pounding heart. Slipping out of the bed, she crept over to the window.
There, she stared out wondering if the men were still on guard duty. Of course they were. That was who they were. She trusted them, they weren’t her ex and shouldn’t be compared to him.
She slipped over to the door and pressed her ear against it. Silence.
It was hard to hear anything over the blood pounding in her veins. She opened the door and peered out into the dark hallway. There were no lights on downstairs. Across the hallway was Brett’s bedroom where Chase said he would be staying.
She chewed on her bottom lip and wondered. Should she check to make sure he was there? She’d feel better if she knew for sure. As she stood worrying as to what to do she heard a noise in Brett’s bedroom.
She gasped and slid back into her room, closing the door most of the way. Immediately she felt foolish. It was likely Chase, but her subconscious said, What if it wasn’t?
The bedroom door opened. Then Chase said, “Vanessa, are you okay?”
Releasing a shuddering breath she opened the door wider. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
But for all her best efforts, her voice trembled.
Chase walked across the hallway and gathered her up into his arms.
She burrowed close. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I woke up to something wrong but I couldn’t tell what. The house was dark and quiet.”
“And you are seeing bogeymen around every corner?”
She nodded then pulled back enough so she could see him. “Instinctive reaction.”
“And certainly understandable.” He gently rubbed her back then slid his hands up to cup her face. “Are you going to be okay now?”
Hell no. But she kept that to herself. Bravely she nodded and said, “I’ll be fine.”
She stepped out of his arms and back into her bedroom. She went to close the door but he stood in the way, his arms crossed over his chest. “You could sleep with a light on?”
She shook her head. “No. In some stupid way that seems to be giving into the weakness.”
“Being strong is one thing. Being foolish is another,” he said gently. “If having a light on helps you get a good night’s sleep then it’s worth everything.”
She nodded. “Maybe. I’ll see,” she said with a brighter smile than she’d managed so far. “Now that I know you are there I’ll be okay.”
He stood undecided in the doorway. She turned the lamp to its lowest setting. “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
She waited until Chase stepped back out. She listened for his footsteps as he crossed the hallway, but she didn’t hear his bedroom door close. Maybe he’d left it open in case she needed him. He was that kind of a guy.
Determined not to be foolish again tonight she closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.
Her last thought as she dropped back under was why had she woken up in the first place?
*
Chase did a quick search of the house for his own peace of mind. He knew the men were still on watch. He checked the time and realized he’d been asleep only two hours. He didn’t know what had woken her, but given her history it could be anything. After returning to the upstairs bedroom, he stopped outside her door and listened. Her light was still on. That might help.
Nice that she’d fallen asleep. He, on the other hand, was wide awake. He grabbed up his laptop, got comfortable on the bed and went to work. He couldn’t stop the feeling there might be something he’d missed. Not that there was anything to find. He’d been through the documents several times. But he’d do it once again just in case.
The DA knew exactly where Gregory was. And now they had six of the gang members in jail. He had to wait until Gregory’s trial was completed to get past this. Even then he wasn’t saying the gang would let it go. And with that thought he frowned and wondered what would happen if the DA was taken out of the equation.
Then he shook his head. The DA dealt with many cases and some would be much more dangerous than this one. Surely? The text came in from Hawk outside. Get some sleep.
“I wish,” he said to the empty room. He responded with, She woke up from a nightmare, now I can’t get back to sleep.
There’s a perfect answer for that.
She’s not ready.
Yes she is. She’s also pacing her bedroom.
She should be sleeping.
She’s not.
Dammit. Chase got up, walked over to her bedroom and knocked. Vanessa opened the door almost immediately. “Do you want me to sleep beside you?”
He could see warring of emotions on her face. The need to say yes and the need to be independent at the same time. He reached out and gently rubbed her shoulders. “There are times to be strong. And there are times when you don’t have to be.”
Relief washed over her face and she said in a small voice, “Yes please.”
He nudged her back inside the bedroom and closed the door behind them. She got into bed and he did the same on his side.
In a gravelly voice he said, “Turn out the light.”
Almost instantly the room was plunged into darkness. He slid deeper into the bed, wrapped his arms around her and tucked her up against him then whispered, “Now sleep.”
“If only it were that easy,” she mumbled.
He understood. He had more than a few memories that ate at him. “There’s nothing you can do but rest right now. Everything will look better in the morning.”
She closed her eyes and whispered, “T
hanks.”
He dropped a kiss on the top of her head.
“You’re good people.” But her voice was getting sleepy, her words slower, soft. He gave her a gentle hug and said, “So are you.”
Chapter 17
When she woke a second time it was to a sense of peace and contentment, with loving arms wrapped around her. There was no startled awakening. There was no concern as to who held her. There was no fear it was her ex. Instead, she knew instinctively it was Chase.
How lovely was that? He was also a gentleman even when sharing her bed. She had more than half the bed, then again she was draped over him.
She wanted to smile.
She wanted to laugh. She just wanted to let the sense of freedom inside of her out.
She also knew she didn’t dare push whatever this was she had with Chase.
It would never have happened without the danger, but at the same time it had happened. And she didn’t want to lose this delicate start to a lovely relationship. She just didn’t know how he felt about it.
On the other hand there was a hell of a good way to find out. Snug in her position with her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her, she realized it had to be early morning. The room had lightened and she could hear birds outside, but it wasn’t bright daylight. So he’d gotten a few hours’ sleep. She chewed on her bottom lip and wondered if she was making more of this than she should?
He was a good man and she didn’t want to be rebuffed. That humiliation would be a little too much. Neither did she want to put him in a position where his body overruled his mind. She wanted him to walk into the relationship with his eyes open, not just because his body made a decision without asking him.
She stretched her arms across his chest and down his belly in a casual movement as if asleep. And felt the tensing of his abs beneath her fingertips.
So maybe he was awake.
She propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at him. His eyes flew open and those baby blues smiled at her.
“Good morning,” he said in a deep morning soaked voice.
A voice that hit the depths of her stomach then sank lower. She smiled at him. “Good morning and thank you for a good night’s sleep.”
